Continuing conceptions and follicling ahead of Feisty, Fabulous Forty somethings

[rowingboat]

Hello world!

hippy XP. What a lovely man you have.

What you describe about the "what's still to come" is what scared me most about natural MC. On reflection it was really ok, but that sense of "how bad will this get" was scary at the time. But needn't have worried. We are very strong, us women you know

Thanks jolly - yeah my DH will do - i guess until Simon Baker comes a callin'.

I just don't know what to do about going out and stuff. I popped to Tescos yesterday with my 7 year old cos I figured, 'I'd go there if I had a heavy period.'

Work have been fine. I chose to tell my supervisor and she said to do whatever I choose. So i dont have to go to work but on the flip side it could take ages to build into something big and I could be off for days with what amounts to no more than a heavy AF.

Once the bleeding starts (as mine did yesterday) how long before it's over??? Or is that like asking how long is a piece of string?? hairy for example would have to answer that the bleeding goes on forever - poor old thing.

Simon Baker, eh? Just had to google him .... his children have interesting middle names...?

FWIW the bulk of my bleeding was over in half a day, then just like a mediumish period for 5 days. But as you say a piece of string really.

What do you think of him jolly - Would you kick him out of bed for eating crisps??

Thanks for your support and for the info jolly.

I'll take it one day at a time and see what happens re: the bleeding.

oh hippy really sorry to hear your news. for me the bleeding, once it was "proper" only went on for a day, and then it was over. don't stay at home if it gets really heavy though - I did and stayed too long.

liah really sad to hear your news too. I hadn't realised that fertility dropped so much at our age, but the dr whereas very blunt about it when I went to see her after my mc. It's a f*cker isn't it? I hate mother nature too at times.

I was at my dd's dance rehearsal today too - it's lovely isn't it? I have forced my dds persevere with their dancing (for their old mum), but they both really love it now. Not sure dd3 can do it - she has her mother's build unfortunately!

jolls sorry about spotting for you - this seems so common for all of us. I never used to have it, but happens every month now. I was thinking about trying progesterone too but not sure really.

italian glad you spoke to your dh - sorry I joined this thread later, but how far along the adoption process are you? i know it isn't comparable, but my dh is very simliar to yours. Every so often, I think I have got through to him, but I haven't managed it yet.

Hello to everyone else too, hope you are all bumbling along nicely.

I may seem late catching up, but that's because you do all your chatting while I'm asleep at the bottom of the world!

Hippy, I'm so sorry this is happening again.It's awful. Big hugs to you.

Lia, crap news for you too. It is hard to come to terms with the idea that our fertility drops away so much at our age, especially when overall, we feel much the same. I still believe it is just a matter of time, but I know it is hard to wait.

It is true, that no matter how many DC you have, if you don't feel the family is complete then that longing for another is genuine. I don't know what I would have done if my last DS didn't come when he did. I was pretty focused on getting pregnant and I think I might have gone a bit nutty if he hadn't come. This time I don't feel as frantic, at least not yet, that might yet come as time passes.
Mother Nature does suck when it comes to ttc over 40!

hippy how are you today? Not sure where I know him from as haven't watched the Mentalist, but have to say he does have a very sexy quality... and I don't tend to find many men sexy (more men than women though I should add ). Great taste you have. Hope you had a restful night. Big seaside smacker x

Oh Hippy I am so,so sorry for you You must feel absolutely distraught. Hope you got some rest last night. How is the bleeding this morning?
I agree too with the thread comments about the feeling that the family isn;t complete. I know, with 4 already, it would seem odd for some people that we even want another(and I think years ago I would have thought that too). I have been very, very lucky in that all 4 were conceived very quickly - dd1, dd2 and ds first month, dd3 5 mths but fully expecting any future LOs to take a lot longer.Like GumI think my last baby was the one I felt I 'needed' and would potentially have got very stressed about (partly to do with having had mmc previously), and pretty chilled about the next (if it happens). Only 4th mth in though,so early days.
Italian Totally agree with your reasoning on gender front (same as my sister, she has one boy and would prefer to adopt a boy for the same sort of reasons). I think the Care Council line relates to the(obvious) fact that you couldn't choose biologically,so why should adoption be different?But then it is different, with adoptive children having (in most cases) some sort of problems/background issues, so why make things harder? But then, I suppose you do need to play the game. There were 2 on the panel that turned down my sister's application due to gender pref, so as you say, maybe better to keep it quiet!
Poor dd1 is poorly today, and on the day of her much anticipated school trip .I feel so sorry for her ( me too; I've had to cancel my brace 'adjustment' appointment!!)

Lia - just in case you are still reading. Here are a few encouraging websites: Firstly some personal stories of women with fsh levels higher than yours concieving naturally : a blog of many and babycenter stories. Next here are a couple of websites that are more medically based and say thatFSH test cannot predict all by itself a woman's fertility and As you get deeper into the menopausal transition, not only is the follicle releasing less estrogen, it's also skimping on progesterone, which normally soars in the second half of your cycle. With only moderate amounts of estrogen stimulating the uterus, and no progesterone, there's less uterine lining to shed, and you do so earlier in your cycle. Consequently, your cycles may shorten to 24 to 27 days instead of 28 to 31, and your periods might be heavier or lighter than they used to be but you can still get pregnant... women do get caught out in the perimenopause thinking that they can't get pregnant anymore and they do. Really it comes down to, do you want to prevent pregnancy to stop the heartache of the what-if's and may-be's.

Is the pain of keeping trying and not being successful immediately stronger than the pain of not having another child.

For me the pain of not having another child is higher than the pain of recurrent miscarriages and knowing that it is all down to my last rotten eggs being thrown out at this stage. With my first children it took months and months to get pregnant. I am now getting pregnant every month that I try, I am clearly in the situation of having multiple eggs with genetic issues. But I am not strong enough yet to stop. I keep hoping that maybe there is one good egg left in me yet.

I hope you don't mind me posting all this? If you are ready to stop, then just tell us how we can help support you in this decision.

hippy- thinking of you. just to let you know that all my early pregnancy losses have been no worse than a heavy period and no longer. I have even had them lighter than a period and no pain!. I am sorry to say you just have to wait an see and be kind to yourself. I hope that it is not too bad for you.

Went to see my lovely GP. She looked so sad for me - bless her.

She agrees that it doesn't look very good but said there was a slight posibility it could still be ok. I said that I found it easier to think of it as all over, rather than cling to some hope (that's just how I'm dealing with it).

She has signed me off with a 'threatened' miscarriage. Because so far the amount of bleeding that I've had doesn't seem enough to have lost it and I still have preg symptoms. I had my bloods taken today and will have them done again on Thursday to confirm that they are dropping.

If I haven't lost the pregnancy by next Monday I will go for the scan as planned and then back to the GP the next day to discuss.

She said I could have my FSH levels checked once this is all over.

Thank you rainbow for your comment. I am hoping that when it all kicks off I will be able to deal with it. I remember before I had children due to my endo I had the most horrendous period pains - can't be worse than that - surely (hopeful face).

Hi Hippy, you sound so brave, bless you.I think I would probably be thinking along the same lines as you if I'm honest, but I'm sure your GP has seen many varied cases,so a glimmer of hope perhaps?
Rainbow How are things with you? Some really interesting links there,thank-you.My cycles have shortened from 29/30 days to 26 for the last 32 months. Just seems odd that it's happened bang on the end of my 30s/beginning of 40s- too much of a coincidence surely?
Hope everyone else is ok x

Hippy so sorry for you. Really was hoping this time would be it.

Thinking of you.

Meant for the 'last 3-4 months!!'

Hugs from me too Hippy, you sound so calm about it all, I eally hope you are being properly taken care of in rl. Your DH does sound like a lovely man.

About the FSH levels, they can really go up and down in a big way, the levels don't change fast but you can have very high readings and then a few months later be back to a 'normal' level for a while.

There's a few things that can provoke high levels and including very high levels of cortisol (stress hormone) and insulin resistance (they sometimes go together and mean your hormone profile will all be up the spout)

I had a reading two years ago that should have meant I was post-menopausal, followed by two completely normal hormone profiles.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that a high FSH level doesn't mean a huge amount by itself.

Hippy so sorry and sad for you that this has happened again. You poor love.

Lia really horrid news to receive - stats all seem so stark and cold. I would however look further into it before giving up all hope.

My understanding is that AMH is a more reliable test for egg reserve and egg quality than FSH. This is rather unfortunate for me as my FSH level (8.1) is actually pretty good for a 45 year old but my AMH (0.7 - barely detectable, I think) is really low. My understanding is that an AMH of 1 or above is really what's needed.

Big hugs to both.

Ok,

You ladies are so so lovely, thanks for your support.

hippy I hope things are not too bad for you and that you are being well looked after. (((())))

So, I'm not giving in that easily. Have my scan tomorrow and have rescheduled cons to discuss next move so in the meantime, am gonna go all out to get duffed.

Do you think it's worth getting a fertility monitor or such like?

Have stocked up on vits, vit b, etc etc and will start dh on vit c again.

I'm not ready to admit defeat yet and my/ desire for that one more addition to our clan is still more than the alternative. I can't give up without a proper fight.

Liah I have used a clear blue fertility monitor for the first time this month. It did show my surge takes place a few days before my temp rise. This could mean (according to That Book whose name I can't remember) that ov for me takes place before the temp rise and the temp rise is slightly slow in appearing.

That Book doesn't recommend the fertility monitors though as it is possible to have a surge without ovulating, so I think it is good to have both.

Good luck with your appointment

(still no af for me, but did a test this morning and bfn so who knows?)

Hippy I hope things aren't too bad for you x

thanks for that polly I'm thinking that surely if you have a surge and the monitor recognises it, you have sex, and ov doesn't happen then you haven't lost anything, however if you do ov then you're in with a chance right?

Bugger to stupid BFN, hopefully it's just a shy one.

I feel so ill today, have got a bit of a tummy bug, was throwing up at 4.30 this morning, had to get my friend to take kids to school, haven't felt too bad since about 9am but tummy starting to gurgle again now. Ugh there's a sickness bug going around near us, can't have dc's catching it, they have their show on Sunday.

Have good day all. x

Definitely losing it. Passing small clots today and cramping - but not too bad yet.

Also peed on a devil stick and it is now saying 1 - 2 weeks since conception so i know hormone levels are dropping. Had my blood taken yesterday and will go again on thursday - to make it official.

I will still go for the scheduled scan next Monday just to check that all is clear in there.

Have been reading up on FSh and AMH tests. DH says he thinks a test that can tell you how many eggs you have left is not indicative of the actual quality. I said surely not many eggs = rubbish eggs - but he says that could be wrong.

He doesn't want to decide whether to try again based on FSH levels. Not sure he will trust AMH levels either (especially when he find out not available on NHS!).

I've been thinking a lot these last couple of days about NOT trying again and I think I would be ok about it. But on the other hand this MC is having sooooo much less impact on the family than my MMC- providing it doesn't get horrendously painful or something like that, I think i could risk it again.

Everyone in RL is saying how different I am this time but I have to say my MMC hit me like a truck, I had only ever experienced healthy pregs before and i had already imagined our little one in our family and told the boys. I was devastated last time but this time I kinda knew as soon as I started spotting and then when they could only see the sac - I just didn't allow myself to get attached. I feel now like I'm having a failed pregnancy rather than losing a baby - does that make sense???

I do still feel very sad and am looking at ladies with babies and feeling but I know it will not knock me for 6 like last time.

Would you risk it again without any blood tests or would you do the tests if you were me???

Also, - nutty confession here - I have a bit of a thing about doing things in 3's and as soon as I knew i was preg this time I thought, "Oh I hope i don't lose this one cos I'll have to have another go for definite then to try 3rd time lucky."
Should this woman be in charge of kids you ask .

I do keep thinking of my old mate alba who had a MMC followed by a CP and is now doing so well - could that be this old Hippy too????

alba & jolly did you have your FSH levels checked. Did you consider 2 mc's in a row to just be bad luck??

God, I really don't wanna be back in this position in another 4 months but also feel i should try again cos it's not been too hard to get preg!

jolly Last night I saw Brighton pier on a programme we recorded (3 men in another boat) and kept thinking, "I wonder if that's me old mucker Jolly in the background?"

Hippy such mixed emotions reading your post (so sad and also so admiring of your bravery). Sorry it now looks like a MC, I had hoped that the bleeding would subside. Think your plan of action makes total sense.

As for how you are feeling this time compared to your first loss.... that sounds a bit like me. First time was such a shock. I think thereafter you will always be more prepared.

I'm a big believer in 3rd time lucky! Big sunny wave from the coast today x

Hi everyone else... must start supper.

sorry XP Hippy (was slow and distracted typing as applying salt to a grease stain on the kitchen table and answering DS needs!!).

No tests here yet. Apart from my progesterone check which came back ok (even though am supplementing with cream).

I DID choose to think 2 MMCs bad luck. However I do also remember noticing a stats chart at the EPU last time which said that at my age (42) after 2 MCs the chances of a successful pg next time was 52%. So slightly better than half... that's a BIT gloomy!

Hippy so sorry its looking like an MC. I do understand the way you're feeling, and hopefully it won't get any worse than it is now. Awful rotten luck. That's the way I've chosen to think about my losses this year now, though having got to 12 weeks it's possibly easier to think that - though paranoid about my odds for nuchal scan on Friday, but doing my very best to remember that the chances of all well are way bigger than the chances of any problems. Sadly at our age I think we do have to go through a lot more to get to our babies at the end of it all, and I'm hoping for you, if you do decide to keep trying, that it will indeed be third time lucky (and same for Jolls, and me if I'm honest, still in the first trimester worries for a little longer)

As for tests, if you remember, I insisted on as many as I could get (included FSH and LH, but bizarrely though progesterone wasn't one of them). All came back just fine, but I think at the time I just wanted to know where I stood, and to find out if there was anything I could do to improve my chances. I think finding out there was nothing else I could do did help my confidence and reduce my stress levels... and I'm now just taking loads of horribly expensive Zita vitamins, and fish oils, and extra folic acid just for good measure and trying to take it as easy as possible, so I feel like I've done everything I can.

Hang in there and for now, I just hope the next few days get easier.

Lia, I'm in awe of your strength and determination, and really hope you're feeling better soon

Rainbow hope your bean's still a sticky one

Big waves to all -- now, I think I may have used up the last post, so who's starting the new thread??

new thread here

click away my friends