Assisted Conception (and the bits in between) Volume 5

[Bumpless]

Thought I'd set us up a new home! kettle's on and choc tin open.

This is a lucky start to our new thread: 2 BFPs and a fantastic fertilisation rate from Dueling!

Boobs and biscuits to everyone

Wow AmberC - 9lbs - that's amazing! Well done!! I love those polo pizzas at P-Ex, healthy and tasty!

Amber, I'm so impressed with the 9lb loss!

[Waves to everyone, then retires.]

gleegeekgleek we have told DD I am having a tummy operation. I don't want to get her hopes up and I don?t want my tummy to get squashed!

Amber well done on weight loss, what is your secret except for salad pizza. We bought our DD a necklace. It is very unusual, handmade, a lovely colour and in a special box because we can't warp it (the card and gift must be unsealed as it is all anonymous). It was DH who remembered he needed to take it to the clinic with him so that is a good thing for him as I would have forgotten!

All OK, slowly getting things done that I want out of the way. Tired and stressed but listened to Zita tonight and fell asleep!

Sorry that should be donor not DD, we bought our donor a necklace.

Hi all

Only a quick one and because there have been 6 pages of new posts since I was last on I have rather a lot to catch up on!

Bumpless I hope the scan was all fine last night. It must have been a horrible scare last week when you were bleeding, but hopefully it signified nothing bad and little Mo (plus one or two?) is/are doing fine in there.

Amber your weight loss is amazing! Well done, you must be really proud of yourself.

BabyB that sounds like a tricky problem with your OH. So difficult when you know that the more you try to help/address it, the more it is going to reinforce the problem. But I would also be stressing about it. Hope your OH can find a solution that allows him to play his part just the once, and then it will be over to you and he can just play the supportive role. Can the doctors suggest anything to help - hypnotherapy perhaps?

Italian - how exciting that you are now getting so close to EC and the big moment when you step in to the limelight. You've done so well staying calm and not getting too impatient, although I imagine you've had your moments you've done incredibly well to take it in your stride. Nearly there now.

Welcome to new members GGG and MrsNorthman. Hope your stays here are short (in a nice way!)

Hope all is still well with Kiwi and that Dueling's new cargo is hunkering down for a long stay.

Waves and to everyone I've forgotten.

We were away on our weekend break in Granada - 4 days there, which was a perfect length of time. I recommend it if anyone hasn't been - the Alhambra is beautiful. We also had a few days of nice sunshine (poor husband got a very red forehead and nose, which are peeling badly now so he looks as though he has a skin disease!!)

It felt as though it helped being away and just relaxing, but then back to work yesterday and all hell broke loose. Just spent the day feeling totally out of control of my workload, with a to-do list full of things I am out of my comfort zone on (badly) and my boss is away, the team is half-strength because of Easter and obviously this week is short but with 5 days' work to fit into it, so it just feels like all the good of the weekend break has evaporated with stress. My DH was brilliant last night at reassuring me and pepping me up, but then today I'm back and it's still all here.

On the cycle front, the bleeding I was having last week lasted for 5 days, had a break of a couple of days, and now it's back again. Just don't know whether it's a period or not. I take my temperature every day and it's high so suggests I am still in the luteal phase, but it's so bloody hard to know what is going on when bleeding continuously, so I do sympathise with Idream and fear I will have the same problem when it gets to our time to start IVF.

I don't know, I just feel like I am ready to flip at the moment and either cry or hit something. I am normally quite level-headed but definitely feel out of sorts at the moment.

Cerubina - go and hit something - it might make you feel better. Having a big cry will also help - you obviously need a release. It's horrid when you come back to shit after your holiday - it makes it seem like it wasn't worth it. I always used to get that. people saved things up for my return, the Bastards. I have finally got my period today after waiting forever so I hope I don't have an ever lasting one too.

I came to check MN at 2330 last night to see if any news from Bumpless - I hope the scan was a success.

Got my app with the IVF guy tomorrow. I want to get my OH's retested now that he is off the fags and taking his vitamins. We are now thinking of trying again with my measly eggs this year and going donor next year. Maybe even trying to do medicated cycles which I think you can do without the IUI part (so just take the medication and then shag!).

Hello to everyone and hope you are putting up the the horrid weather. x

Good luck for tomorrow AmberC and well done on the weight loss.

cerubina sounds like you have a lovely break but sorry to hear about the bleeding. Why do our bodies decide not to play ball when we need them to? and what a pain about work, I hope it doesn't turn out to be too stressful.

Idream The chocolate sounds gorgeous, specially the peanut butter one. My Carrot cake was awful by the way, I love preparing food but always seem to cock it up at the baking stage.

gleegeekgleek hope you got your meds sorted.

Hi to everyone else and thanks for the support over my housework worries.

I had to have my last remaining cat put down this morning. I used to be a right old cat lady but for the first time in 17 years I am catless. Mumcat was already blind but had been pottering along ok until very recently when she started to go off her food and wallking in circles. She fell down the stairs yesterday so we decided that even if the vet coulkd medicate her to give her a few more months it was kinder to have her put to sleep as she would have ended up confined to a box by the bed and having to be carried to the litter-tray. I still feel guilty though because she was such a loving thing. ah well. Will try being catless for a while and if I don't like it we might get another.

Hello all. I'm supposed to be working [sheepish glance around] so this will be a quick one, but wanted to respond to poor Dueling and her loss of her cat...

I know how hard it is to lose a cat! It does sound like you made the right decision putting her to sleep though.

For what its worth, I lost my cat of 17 years when I was 8 months pregnant with my DD. I was devastated, but in hindsight, she was an old cat and would have HATED having a baby in the house. We waited until DD was a few months old and then got a kitten. Bad idea at the time (it was chaos) but 2 years on, they adore each other and the new cat is fantastic around children because she's grown up with one. So it may all work out for the best...

Amberc well done on the weight loss! You are amazing!

Big hugs to Cerubina - sorry to hear that work is such a stress. I agree with Dueling about hitting something. Punching a pillow works for me!

MrsNorthman I love your name - very tasty indeed. And on the topic of vampires, Penguin weren't you recommending some racy literature a few weeks ago? Remind me again where I can find it!

Italian I'm so excited for you! Are you nervous? Excited? Ready to get the damn thing over with? Any news from the donor's EC?

Right-o, I'd better get back to work as things are piling up here and I'm determined not to let them get me down...

Waves and chocolate boobs to all

thank you MM in a best case scenario maybe she is making room for my babies.

Still nothing to report on the 2WW front, no symptoms and still feeling fine.

Cerubina - I agree with AmberC and MercenaryMom, hitting something might help you feel better - may I suggest whacking a pillow with a coathanger? Sounds weird (and don't let anyone catch you doing it) but you get more leverage than with a punch and it is very satisfying (maybe don't use an expensve pillow though...).

AmberC hope your app goes well tomorrow.

DuelingFanjo, sorry to hear about your cat, that's very sad. I hope that it's not upset you too much. I understand how cats become part of the family (if we have a boy we are thinking of calling it after my mum's cat George - he's practically human!). Big furry hug for you xxxx Shame about your cake - I am also a terrible baker (but quite a good cook!).

I had my Day 21 appointment & scan this morning, which it turns out I didn't need. Y'know it's not surprising that I'm getting confused aboout all this IVF stuff as the nurses are pretty confused themselves. Most of the women at the clinic are on a long protocol, so when the nurses are giving me instructions and making appointments for me they assume that I'm on the long protocol, but I'm not - I'm on a short flare protocol. Anyway, I think I have finally finished bleeding so now I'm waiting for my period to start so that I can go in for a scan that I actually need and then start the GonalF injections.

I'm supposed to be "working from home" today (my boss lets me do thus when I have a hosp appointment as it would be barely worth travelling in by the time I've been to the hospital) and so far I've done 2 loads of washing, been to the hospital, been to Tesco, watched This Morning and (AmberC look away) had a latte and chocolate croissant - I really must go and do some work before I get too engrossed in "Loose Women"! However I'm going to keep MN minimised as I'm awaiting an update from Bumpless.

Is anyone here undergoing or thinking about having acupuncture to increase fertility?

I am a female artist making a new video work and would like to film close-ups of fertility acupuncture. Nobody's identity will be revealed in the work, which will be in a gallery exhibition from 14th April. If you are based in London and able to help me in the next week or two, I would be happy to meet with you first to discuss the project and, if you decide to go ahead, to pay for the acupuncture session in return for your support.

Please see www.leahlovett.co.uk for further examples of my work and contact details.

Many thanks.

Hi Leah - too late for me as I already had it and will again but not for at least 2 months. I hope you find someone for your project.

Idreaminchocolate - I had a latte too but just not the croissant. I could murder one of those nice almond ones with the paste inside yum yum!!

Baby Barrister - I was thinking about your OH's situation and it is possible for them to just remove his erm, necessry ingredient by surgery but I'm not sure how he would feel about that.

Bumpless? I hope no news is good news.

DF - so sorry about your cat. I am such a cat person and have two kittens at the moment and have always had cats in my life so I know how it feels. I remember one of our cats got motor neurone disease which was very rare. He was 19 or 20 years old and we had to have him put down as he was in the same situation as your cat God bless him. It was very very sad even though he was old and we all cried - even my dad. We buried him next to our previousl cat that had died a year before as they were best friends. Maybe your cat was making way for new life x

DF - sorry about your cat. Poor Mumcat - she sounds like she wasn't well and whilst I'm sure you'll miss her it sounds like it was for the best.

Amber - yes keep us posted about the appointment.

Bumpless - I do hope no news is good news.

Italian - will go with that tummy op story I think and hope he doesn't do a Spanish Inquisition on me as to why (which he probably will). Is your dd in reception too? Sounds like she is a similar age.

Person doing blood tests today at my clinic couldn't find a decent vein today - well she did but then couldn't get anything out after fiddling around for an age with the needle in my arm. [faint emoticon]. Have now run out of inner elbow options as both are messed up and bruised so I think tomorrow they will be moving elsewhere e.g. lower on my arm. Yikes.

Sick of the sight of the bloody clinic and I'm due in every day for another week.

Idream you've opened up a whole new world of taking out my frustrations on a pillow with that hanger suggestion...

Gleegeek (or should I call you 3G?) you poor thing! Your blood test story made me feel faint just reading it! Can understand why you're fed up with the clinic. Perhaps you could take a page out of Idream's book (I think it was her, or perhaps it was Dave the Lorry Driver from Slough...) and treat yourself to a bit of IVF couture? Might raise your spirits if you have some nice new clothes to show off to the nurses?

Off to make something terribly nutritious for dinner...

Glee - I always get that with the vein. I have rubbish veins (say the nurses) and they always fart around trying to find one. When I had my Egg collection, they had to reposition my anaesthetic three times before it would work and it hurt! Much sympathy!

WARNING WARNING HORMONAL HARPY ALERT

Hi ladies, sorry to keep you waiting for news! True to form I?ve managed to turn a simple positive thing into a massive emotional turmoil? The important thing is that Mo is fine, and we even saw a little heartbeat flickering away. There was also evidence that another emby had started and then stopped developing. I don?t know whether this would have happened even if we hadn?t been told about the other emby, it might have anyway, but my overwhelming response was not relief and joy for Mo, but a devastating sense of loss that it wasn?t twins. Cue floods of tears and a very bewildered DH.

Hardly slept and was up at 3 am last night sitting starkers in the kitchen drinking milk and eating the rest of the chocolate bunny (now onto the ears, you can relax Idream !) At this rate there is no chance whatsoever that I?m going to get through this with any dignity left intact.

Anyway, after a day of bursting into tears in meetings and moping about I?m getting enough of a grip to realise how lucky I am. I just kept thinking that poor little Mo will be utterly alone and isolated with no full relatives in the world, but with a twin she/he would have had a real, complete, genetic link with someone and now that?s gone forever. I couldn?t look at the scan picture without sobbing over how lonely the little sac looked. More selfishly I was also thinking that I really don?t know if I can go through this again to give him/her a sibling. All good, demented, hormonal stuff. But I'm calming down and I know how incredibly lucky I am to be here.

And just to prove I'm really over it, I've even managed to move to a new name! (This is Bumpless in new positive mode)

GGG wow, daily scans sound like a nightmare, every 3 days was bad enough! But better than OHSS, on the bright side they?re looking after you properly. Provided they leave you with bsome veins intact that is!

Italian it?s not at all surprising you?re feeling the pressure ? I was in tears every time we went to the clinic this cycle, it got to the point where the nurse would just hand me a tissue when she saw me! It?s a massive deal to do a DE cycle, even without all the drugs you have buzzing through you. FWIW I think you?re doing brilliantly. And you?re nearly there! Everything?s crossed for EC! Sorry I can?t send up a convincing prayer, but you have all my thoughts and good vibes.

I think the bad gum thing is a combo of your gums get softer during pregnancy and therefore more fragile, and if you have a gum infection it could lead to a general inflammation which could endanger the pregnancy. Not sure why I think that though, must have read it somewhere!

Cerubina what a shame your horrible week has swept away the benefits of your relaxing trip! Time to get ruthless with your to-do list sweetie, (right after you?ve hit things, love it, def do it!) you need to prioritise yourself at the moment, especially with your hormones rampaging and your cycle not stabilised yet. Has a doc given you any advice about when your body might sort itself out or what you can do to help?

Amber you?re a wonder! I?m in awe of your weight-guru status. How was the IVF appointment today?

Hugs to you ((( Dueling ))). You?re sounding very brave but it must have been awful to lose your pussycat. I have two, 14 and 16, who have been with me longer than my job, my DH and most of my friends, and the thought of anything happening to them is awful. I think you made the right decision though, however hard. How?s it going with the 2WW staying relaxed yet entertained?

Idream yay to the bleeding finally stopping! But boo to the wasted appointment ? it?s all very well them being confused but you?re the one whose day gets turned upside down (although it sounds like you?re making the best of it! )

Kiwi waves! How's it going?

Bumpless - this is pretty much what happened to me with my first fresh cycle that resulted in Ds. It is, I believe, know quite oddly as 'vanishing twin'. It was the cause of the heavy bleeding I had in the first trimester.

There was an empty second sac visible on ultrasound (unfortunately they didn't spot this until about the third scan at maybe 10 weeks so we didn't know the cause of the bleeding until then).

Everyone is different in the way they deal with this stuff but I tried to focus on my cup being half full rather than half empty. But I doubt this helps.

I think this sort of thing happens quite a lot in natural twin pregnancies but most are not aware of it as they don't get a scan so early unlike us fertility treatment folk.

Congratulations and welcome to the new Mojangles! I have to admit I was getting worried that we hadn't heard anything. I think you are bound to feel a real sense of loss for the other little emby. Quite understandable. And you are pregnant and hormonal and allowed to cry if you want to at any point!! Having said that try and focus on little Mo now who is not lonely but safe and warm inside you. Great new name too. I'm so excited for you having read so many of your posts over the last year. What a journey. Keep smiling and don't leave us, you know we like to know all about the positive stories.

This is just a quick post as it's late and I need to go to sleep. So hello to everyone else. I will check in tomorrow after I have had my first scan to see if any follicles are growing.

bumpless am so happy that you saw a heartbeat and so moved by your emotions RE the genetic link being lost between possible twins. I can totally understand why you feel this way but am also so relieved for you that you have seen your baby at the scan. Massive hugs and thinking of you and your DH and little Mo. Keep eating the chocolate and glugging the milk and take care of yourself.

Mojangles delighted that Mo is well, please don?t agonise too much over the other one. It won?t be helpful, just grieve and let it go if you can and enjoy Mo. Children don?t have to have siblings. I think they can find lots of fab things in this world without them so please be happy. I know you will be soon, Big hugs Mojangles thank for all your positive vibes.

Dueling I am sure you did the right thing about the cat. So don't worry.

Cerubina thinking of you.

Idream I hope you are feeling better now. Working from home, how do you fit all those rockets in your place!

gleegeekgleek Yes, DD is in what used to be called reception but is now called foundation. She is not as nosy as some kids and is not too worried about me but is being generally very naughty of late!

I've decided to go off radar for a few days until I know what is happening. So I will keep reading but will probably not post until I can report everything to you guys.

Just a quickie -

Italian - good luck for today - I'm thinking about you.

MoJangles - Way hay! Congratulations, am really pleased for you.

Off to trudge through the snowy tundra to the train station...................

Yay to MoJangles (love the new name, honouring your little Mo!) Very relieved on your behalf that you saw the heart beating away, which is a great and positive sign. What you say about the genetic link being lost is something I hadn't thought of before, but I can see exactly what you mean and understand why you feel sad on Mo's behalf. But as Italian says, Mo will be happy anyway and I would encourage you to put that sadness to one side, and enjoy the bright future coming your way. Much deserved!

Italian I think we all understand if you want to keep a low profile for a few days until everything is sorted. It must feel as though you are constantly being asked when everything is happening, which is the one thing you can't control at all. I don't know if you are also getting this in real life too and whether you told anyone about the treatment. Anyway, nearly there and soon all the fannying around will be forgotten. Check in when you want to and meanwhile we're all hoping the pieces click into place as soon as possible!

Idream that sounds like a right chore having gone in to the clinic unnecessarily. I hope they were suitably apologetic.

Ouch to GGG and the vein problems. Let's hope they find a good one soon so they don't leave you with heroin-style trackmarks everywhere. I don't suppose there is any useful advice for boosting vein size, you just get what you get!

Dueling I hope you are not feeling too sad about Mumcat, as everyone has said it sounds like the right decision at the right time, but I know how sad and guilty you can feel about putting down a pet. Especially when she had been part of your life such a long time! It must be a real wrench.

Best of luck to Gingerwine for the scan today. Let us know how it went.

Thanks all for the kind comments and advice to hit something (I never did actually, couldn't find any pillows at work - just annoying colleagues!) Yesterday went better than Monday and I ticked a few things off the to-do list so that helped me feel more human. I also had a massage at work (we have discounted treatments available in our building) which was helpful. However today is going to be a big push to get a couple more things done, so had better get on.

Isn't the weather vile? Good luck to any ladies who are trudging through snow (kudos to Idream for being dedicated to her rocket-building) - down here in London it's just wet, windy and chilly again, more like November than March. Doesn't bode well for the bank holidays does it!!

Waves and hugs to anyone missed, and a big box of chocs to pass round - have a couple each.

Hi everyone! Had my app today with the consultant. we have had our decision mad efor us really as there is up to 2 years waiting list for donor eggs. So we will go ahead with IVF in summer as planned and then go to donor if that does not work (will put our names down now for the waiting list). For now we are going to try naturally with Clomid and scans for help.

Italian I will miss your posts!

Bumpless - so glad Mo is well. It is a such shame about his/her twin - my sister was the same after she miscarried twins and then got pregnant again with a singleton. She was devastated but is now very happy to be carrying one healthy little boy.

Hi girls.

Amberc Hope you feel better having made a plan of action. Sounds like a sensible one too. When do you start the clomid?

Italian All the best. Hope things go well.

Duelling Sorry to hear about your cat. I love cats too. I have had to have a few put down over the years. It's horrible but I'm sure it was the best thing to do in the circumstances.

Idream How annoying about the scan. I am also on the short protocol and at the start of my cycle I had to make it very clear what protocol I was on. Fortunately it's much the same once you get started.

Hi to cerubina, gleegeekgleek, mercenarymom and everyone else too

I had my scan today and to be honest I feel a bit deflated. Right ovary - 2 follicles at about 14-15 mm and one sausage shaped one that is 10mm by 3mm. Left ovary - 1 follicle 13mm and a really tiny one that probably won't develop. I know the nurses have to manage our expectations and they are all very nice but I ended up feeling pretty rubbish as she said "So the best we can hope for is maybe 4 and of course we don't know that they will all contain eggs." I'm really down in the dumps now, full of hormones and wondering what the point is when the odds seem so stacked against us. My next scan is Friday and I'm already dreading more doom and gloom. Does anyone have any experience of sausage shaped follicles turning out ok?

Sorry to be a bit self absorbed.