Just MC...Long haul, short haul, ranting, weeping, laughing all encouraged. Oldies and newbies very welcome

[liahgen66]

Ok, feel a bit scared actually starting the new thread but here we are, for however long (or short) our time here may be.

Off you go ladies. Welcome () one and all.

No? Oops I'll get me coat....

mmmmm... too busy pigging on cake....

Thanks everyone for your messages. It has been hell over the past weeks... The only way I feel that I can get through it is to think of the future and make sure that our little girl is remembered and loved. Hopefully that makes sense. I am having trouble expressing myself a lot at the moment. We were lucky that we were able to spend a lot of time with her and we can remember how beautiful she was.

buffy don't worry I know exactly what you meant! Thanks for the tip on the other thread too Viv & liahgen I will check that out too.

Bigmutha - so sorry to hear your news and that you're joining us - so difficult what you're going through - we're here for you.

Gina - what a heartbreaking time for you - sorry you are here, but welcome anyway.

Jeepers creepers - can't believe how quickly this thread moves, I go to work and come back and it's 6 pages long!
I think wibbly pig is in cahoots with iggle piggle - evil abounds.

Gi1da - speechless at the duff duffs - but will never be able to hear them again without thinking that - perhaps it should be my SWI theme tune....

sugar rush from those cakes....

What's an iggle piggle? is it one of those night gardeny things- cannot stand and have never watched!!

Hi all.
Today i looked up my blood results. They were negative for Hughes syndrome.

I am now left with no clear diagnosis, more importantly, no idea why i keep on miscarrying.

I am desperate for another baby. I am scared that i will have yet another mc, i am worried that i am no further on.

Have any of you ever had a clear and acceptable answer as to why you have miscarried?

Can you put me down on the list as cycle 1 cd2 now please?

Bigmuther so sorry to have you with us (iykwim), really hope you're able to look after yourself and your DP/H, we'll all be here to offer support as much as we can.

DS is sprouting teeth (I think) and is absolutely refusing to sleep, despite bonjela, calpol and teething powder. Stupid molars. Not exactly what we need while I'm recovering from flu - I seem to remember a time when I thought that once they started sleeping through, that was it, you got sleep again. Um, no.

Hasn't helped the SWI, although we did manage it last night and the night before, just on the off chance I OV'd late or something. Not holding my breath this month though.

Unbuffy sorry AF got you, it's crap, isn't it? And hard to cling onto positive thoughts like 'at least everything's working'

Sorry everyone, have to say those six words we all feel.

i just want my baby back.

Oh unbuffy now I'm in tears too. That's what it all comes down to isn't it. We can do everything we can to move forward but it won't stop that being true. All we can do is learn to live with it, and try to find space to enjoy the things that we do have

Oh Unbuffy. I know. Had a cry too now. It IS just horrible. But yes, Sarahmum thanks for your words. God it's just so bloody hard.

unbuffy its heart wrenchingly true, and for the first 3 months after the first mc that was all I could think about, just let me be pregnant again, it won't be the same baby, it won't be a replacement, but it will help me with the pain. Its so hard.

One of the things the doctor said to me then - which might help you now - it helped me, is that the reason why the vast majority of miscarriages occur is because of a problem that occurs right at the beginning when the egg is fertilised - there is nothing that could be done to prevent it and from that point there is nothing that can be done about it - and the body knows, and the body stops the baby from developing. Sometime sooner, sometimes later. I know there are of course other circumstances but in the majority of cases, especially with early miscarriages our babies would just not have made it.

Gi1da, don't mention EE it made me cry tonight - as have the last few posts. Cakes and cookies sound good though! Cheepz thanks for that last post, I needed that reminder and what you say is so true. And it is so bloody hard.

Can't believe how quickly the new thread has moved!

Unbuffy- getting AF brought it all back to me as well- can't help thinking I should be feeling my baby kick now. Try to look forwards and take care x

(passes round large box of Kleenex)

unbuffy what you say is so true. I keep thinking that I'm taking good steps forward but then I realise that there is still a big void I can't fill no matter how busy I try to keep myself. Had a rough day yesterday because it should have been my appointment with the midwife. If I'm honest there's still a little part of me that can't let go of the idea that I'm still pregnant and don't think I will until AF comes. I keep hoping the hospital just made a really big mistake. I imagine AF will trigger all sorts of emotions.

Morning All, am passing the croissants around and hoping the day gets better. I feel total shit today, saw my hairdresser last night for a feel good cut and colour only to find out she is expecting then logged onto facebook and a friend (who I knew was preggers in fairness) has just posted her scan pics on - I was a week behind her. I am genuinely pleased for these ladies but it just cuts through you like a knife. I would like to go back to bed and not have to work and do the school run or even go out today, just want to hide under the duvet and feel sorry for myself. Unbuffy your comment is so true this morning. The down days do get fewer and further between as time goes on but when they come those days are very dark Sorry to start the day off like that.

Morning everybody.

Feeling a leetle better today, lots of wine and a good cry last night helped, also admitting what i feel both here and (eventually) to dh. also dd being ridiculously cute this morning (making up for being a little s* yesterday afternoon?) and even let me get a little lie in!!!

Allthe8s i really hope you feel better soon. silly words i know but i do mean it, it can't last forever.

Thank you cheepz for the reminder, i know it's true and it does mostly help but... y'know. just now and again.

Best wishes to everybody, and thank you all so much for your ongoing support - without this thread i'm sure i'd be a much vaster mess
X

Thanks unbuffy glad you feel better today. Feel better myself after a cry to my mum. DD1 has just made chocolate rice crispie cakes with white buttons on top so I am passing them round as it's almost time for elevensies! We will get there in the end ladies. x

Morning everyone -- and hello to the new girls. Some very sad stories and posts since I last checked and just having (another) wee weep reading them. My thoughts are with you too.

Unbuffy, you totally summed it up in that little sentence. Like lots of you I have had a shit few days, even crying at work yesterday. Friend from work has suggested maybe i should approach the doc but I am wary of being plied with medication. DH has also expressed concern that 10 weeks on I am still very emotional and don't seem to be improving. I am surrounded by pregnant folk, have 3 friends all due within weeks of what should have been my due date and going to visit a friend's new baby at weekend. I can't stop grieving for that wonderful little person I will never get the chance to meet. So how should I feel and how should I be behaving? No idea if this is normal under the circumstances or if there is cause for concern.

All that said, i know i have had better spells since the MC, but do keep going back to feeling very low indeed. I don't think having a second WTF cycle is helping -- DH has also expressed concern about fanatical POAS!! Who can blame me when there is no ovulation or temp increase at CD36

Allthe8s - just hoping these dark days do get less frequent as time goes on.

So now I've got all that out I am determined to try and be more positive and have a better few days. Hang on in there everyone!

Mmmm elevenses with my cup of decaf tea thanks Allthe8s, maybe this day is looking up!

I'm going to have to endure a baby shower on Saturday where I am most likely going to be the only childless woman there and will have to dodge all the usual questions of whether I'm planning to have baby and when I'll get pregnant when really I want to scream it should be me right now!! On the plus side my DP has invested in nicorette patches in his endeavour to stop smoking before we commit outrselves to ttc so I am beyond happy that he is moving in the right direction!

Hi everyone, just read the posts from yesterday evening and had a little cry.

I had a bad night, very little sleep again mixed with tears means that I am again exhausted this morning and little things are too difficult to contemplate.

DP and I are going on holiday tomorrow to get some sunshine and just spend some quiet time together away from "real life".

Hi ladies

Sounds as though it's been a sad 24 hours or so. Although I'm blaming you lot for the fact that I'm now jonesing for cake!

Gina I think that's a great idea. DH and I got married one week after my termination, and I can honestly say that our honeymoon was exactly what we needed in terms of having time away, on our own, to try and get our head around what had happened.

Some of my family were worried that the intensity and 'joy' of the wedding and honeymoon would mean we couldn't grieve properly, but we were able to postpone our daughter's burial until we got home, which definitely helped too.

Right - am off to get some cake.... Love to all

xxx

Man, I just spent my lunch hour catching up on the last day or so worth of posts - an emotional rollercoaster!!

Gina and Bigmutha - just wanted to say big hugs, I'll be thinking of you guys over the next few weeks. I'm really glad you're here though, these guys have been so supportive and it really helps.

xxxxxxxxxxx

P.S. For anyone who was following my tale of woe (probably on the last thread) - I am not kidding, following mc and massive bleeding all over the place, our pipes leaked into the flat below and ruined their ceiling, washing machine broke, freezer broke and defrosted, got mice, heating broke, showers broke. Within 5 weeks - and all separate incidents!! Have had open cheque book paying for all stuff to be mended, thank god it's payday on Friday.

So today - shower man comes to fix stuff - and a mains leak means there was no water to the whole area. So couldn't check showers. This is SO TYPICAL of the last few weeks.

I have not showered, I look like a skank in work. (No one has noticed, but concerned I look skanky normally).

So, in a karma type situation, I am surely due some good luck. Just put £5 on the lottery. Plus peed on an ov stick and amazingly tells me I'm ov'ing - here comes the luck, yes, oh yes!! My word DH is not going to believe his luck tonight either!!

xxxxxxxxxx

Moo I think your feelings are normal, after losing DD2 I was up and down but at the same time I don't think it really hit me for a good 2 months......am coping better this time round but I still have some days (like today) where I just feel really low......like you I am surrounded by new babies, little bumps medium bumps and one big bump about to pop (my dearest BF who has had so much trouble ttc so I am genuinely over the moon for her and CAN"T wait to meet her little person), I am happy for all and do not begrudge anyone but some days it's just tiring keeping your face on and hiding the sadness because you can't help wishing it was you and WHY did it happen to you!

CCBloom that is great news about your DP trying to stop smoking thumbs up! I went to my BFs (mentioned above) baby shower less than a week after my erpc. Everyone knew and nobody avoided the subject although I didn't really want to talk because it was BFs day and celebration and I knew (know) my time will come round again one day but I just basically got pissed and was as merry and excited as I could be. I completely broke down the next day though, I think I just bottled it all up putting on a brave face. I think if you find it easy to talk about it and people ask tell them, I think we worry to much about other peoples embarrassment because people do not know what to say, but then you kinda have to brace yourself for the comments, because people don't know what to say!

Viv I can't think of anything better, Gina have a great time wont you and relax xx

Sorry I am gassing here but.....when BF (above) was going through her tough time I bought her a card with some words on the front, 18 months later on DD2s due date my friend gave me the same card.....I still have it up on my shelf as a reminder....its says.....

'the way I see it if you want the rainbow, somtimes you gotta put up with the rain' (Dolly Parton)

We will get our rainbows ladies - here's to a more smiley afternoon x