Waiting to TTC part 2!

[bebejones]

Shiney new thread before we drop off the end of the last one!

No idea Bebe. It's completely unclear to me what it is that DH is planning to do during the next two years or what he's hoping to achieve, or how I will know when he's done it. Or why it is incompatible with me having a baby.

yes OH will take daddy vitamins.... my orders lol

he wants a baby as much as i do!!!! (i think )

lol nannyl you can come round here and whip mine into shape!

AC What sucky news for you. I want to say you have a naughty DH, but I think that is just because I spend to much time talking to a 2 year old. He does realise that babies normally take a bit of time to make and then needs 9 months to cook, right? Def sounds like FOF to me. I'll cross all my fingers he comes round again very soon (giggles at the idea of Nannyl setting AC's DH right).

BBJ Do you find people treat you like a complete weirdo for not drinking tea or coffee? I don't drink them either and I swear, when I tell people, it's like I've just run naked up the road or something

Think I'm going to have to resort to subterfuge(?Sp) get up DHs zinc intake as can't see him take Daddybabymaking multis. Good thing seaweed is a good source and DH is always asking me to make sushi. To bad he doesn't like oysters...
Anyone got any other food ideas for zinc?

Zinc rich foods Guess all the blokes will think this is a god excuse for beer!

AC - I have to constantly remind DH that it's not like you have a baby overnight. He keeps saying 'we can't afford it right now' or 'things are busy at work' etc etc but we have 9 whole months of sorting that out IYSWIM? When we decided to (sort of) TTC DD things were really good, but by the time she was born the recession was in full swing & our finances were dire, so it doesn't always pay to wait! Seems very odd for him to turn around and say that after he set up FF for you & had been making good noises about TTC this week. Probably FOF raising its ugly head again. Have you told him why it is important for you (as an individual) to TTC. Maybe if he hears your reasoning & thoughts behind it all & that you aren't doing it on a whim & you have thought about it etc he might be more receptive?

Nannyl - I think DH might take the vitamins but protest heavily, plus I know he'll get cross coz he will forget then I shall have to nag! It's good your OH is so willing!

Biscuits - yes people think I am very odd! I will drink coffee socially, like in restaurants after meals, but wouldn't do it out of choice. Can't stand tea at all, except ice tea! DH doesn't drink tea or coffee either. Does get a bit awkward though having to ask for water or soft drinks. People definately give me suspicious looks!

My DH swills tea and coffee like they're going out of fashion and the poor thing, he has to make it himself cause I never just happen to be boiling the jug (well on the odd occasion I'll do a herbal tea).

After reading this thread this afternoon perhaps zinc deficiency in teenage boys isn't a bad thing! (refers to BBJ's link in previous post). Guess we'll be on shellfish until I get a BFP then (hehe DH doesn't drink, so no 'brewers yeast' for him)

Biscuits, I cut out tea and coffee for about 18 months and really felt better for it, but in the end I went back to it because I couldn't put up with people's crazy reactions any more. DH's mum and grandma were by far the worst, they wore me down until in the end I decided it was easier to just have a cup of tea than to decline one!

Thanks for your support guys re DH. Am really at my wits end with this. It seems that everyone else just decides they want to have a baby, their OH says ok fine, and then off they immediately go.

To be honest I think if I turned around to DH and said I'd changed my mind about TTC he'd be thrilled. I keep expecting him to tell me lets wait, but I think he's to scared to (hehe). Men eh?
You need to get him to agree, and just do it, no faffing, no next month, just lets go right here, right now.
What do you think would happen if you had and 'accident'?

AC - what biscuits said. He seems to have these moments of agreeing then running scared again. Maybe if you waited until you were ready then just broach the idea, get him to agree & BAM! Might work? Would he be ever so cross if you had an accident?

Biscuits - actually cried laughing reading that thread, that is so funny, if a little weird!

The Wheat Bran/All Bran is a good one, bizarely Bran Flakes are my DHs favourite cereal...each to their own! Think leafy greens are quite good as well as you can absorb more zinc if you have good iron levels, on account of there being more blood cells to absorb nutrients etc. Or have I made that up?

No, I think Iron and Zinc are complimentary minerals.

Hmm am thinking there must be a connection between the soccer final and all the activity on here right now

Oh AC, sorry to hear that. How unreasonable of your DH, I can understand how cross and frustrated you must be.

It's a difficult one isn't it, because whilst obviously no-one should be forced into parenthood before they're ready, part of a supportive relationship is to try to accommodate the other person's needs as far as you can and to compromise in order to plan your life together. It seems very shortsighted of him to place his vague business plans above your definite biological imperative and the non-negotiable time factor. Does he dig his heels in or is he likely to look at things differently given a bit of time?

Maybe we need a new thread which is about the ongoing wrangles of the TTC negotiations!? I can guarantee you that you're not the only one who doesn't go forth and multiply the moment they decide they'd like to!

I know that you can be anaemic (some type of it anyway) if you are Bvit & zinc deficient at the same time, so would make sense if good iron levels can help good zinc levels. Just not very sure of the science! I had Bvit anaemia last year & had to have injections & they really hurt so that's why I have been taking all my vitamins like a good girl!

I am sat downstairs with the football on in the background...can't wait til it's all over, although DH just delighted in telling me it's the Rugby World cup again next year!!!

Quod - I don't think men 'get' the biological aspect at all. My DH certainly doesn't seem to understand my desire need to have another baby. Before DD I was probably one of the least maternal people ever & now I just adore babies, it's like someone has flicked a switch on or something & I have no idea how to turn it off! I think he can turn off his daddy switch & just doesn't understand why I can't do the same! Men & women are just programmed differently!

Bebe I think you're definitely right about men and the biological aspect - their bodies just don't tell them it's time to get breeding! Apparently that's our job.

I read somewhere recently that babies are programmed to look more like their fathers at birth as it is harder for a man to leave the child if it looks like them! Not sure how true that is but it is an interesting theory! Think with my DH he has a hunter/gather type attitude of the provider (as I am not working) so if he feels he is not in a position to 'provide' then he is not in a position to have children. Maybe that is his biological instinct?

I think an accident is definitely a bad idea and pretty underhand really, although if you mean the kind of accident where you end up pg cause your man basically has no self control, I have to say I haven't made my mind up about that one!

Bebe you're right of course. Waiting until it's the right time by my reckoning, and I've got money in the bank, is the best thing to do. I won't lose hope, it's not like I've never heard this before from DH! If only there was some way to turn the hormone switch off!

I never meant trick him & get 'accidentally' pregnant did just mean 'how would he deal/cope' with an accident like if you got carried away Think bizarely my DH would be better with that than if we planned it! He seems to do better with spontaneous coping than actual planning!

My hormone switch is now starting to disrupt my sleep coz I can't stop thinking about babies!!!!

An accident like that could easily be arranged, but DH would be furious about it, which wouldn't exactly be a good start. To my mind it's a bit off for him to be so blasé about contraception on the one hand but so adamant that having a baby would damage his career plans on the other. When I was doing my legal training I was obsessive about contraception.

Before I got PG with DS I had no thoughts of having a baby because I was not leading a baby friendly life and had only just stated going out with DH. However we were aware of the possible consiquences of our actions and when DS was the result he was both scared and thrilled.
Now he keeps saying he thinks it would be easier if it just happened again because it's to hard making the actual desicion to TTC. So I'm making the desicion for him because I can't shut my baby wantng hormones off either.
Earlier this year I had a glass of wine out at lunch and that night dreamt I was in labor and was really scared about the wine because I didn't even know I was PG! And that's not the only dream I've had too.

It is hard for them to feel ready I think because they don't actually physically have to go through it!

AC - do think it is slightly unfair for him to put all the pressure about contraception on you when it is his reasons that are forcing you to wait. When he said if you have a baby now you are on your own, he didn't mean he would leave did he? Has he said what his career plans are for the next 2 years or is it still pipe dreams? Maybe if you made firm plans about what his career plan entails & actually set things in motion it might help his focus?

Oh no not at all, he wouldn't leave me, he meant that he wanted us to wait until a time when he would be less focused on work so he could help out, rather than having to work all the time. DH's last job took him away from home quite a bit.

Well maybe try and see that as a positive that he wants to be able to be there and be involved rather than being so busy with work that he misses out IYSWIM?

My DH works ridiculously long hours, he doesn't really go away but does have to work most evenings & weekends at home. He goes to work at 6.30am and doesn't get home til 5ish most days then spends all evening doing work, not fun for him or for me with DD but needs must!

Looks like I'll be hanging about this thread for a bit longer. Apparently in these parts yu can't just have a coil whipped out. Now I have to get counciled ('So Nomorechocbiscuits, why do you want it out?' 'Er, hello, I want another baby.' 'You sure?' 'YES!'), then go to the coil clinic. How bizarre that sounds. The coil clinic. Wonder what else will come up to delay my up the duffage.

NMCB hands around large amounts of sympathy and chocolate to everyone else. It's okay there was a special on at Tesco so I got plenty.

Biscuits - that is so odd! What a very funny system, if you were stopping the pill you wouldn't have to do that!

Feeling very jittery and weird today, I think it is my blood sugar being messed about by the steroids! The chocolate will help though so I shall accept your generous offer!

Good afternoon ladies

I sure missed out on the MN chat last night! I am pretty lucky in that DH isn;t too fussed about the football and we had a relaxing evening at home. My IBS is really bad at the moment though ( I am gluten intolerent and I think some must have got past somewhere as I'm feeling rotten today and am off work)

AC - so sorry to hear that your DH has changed his plans again...... Damn men!! I can't even imagine how fed up / confused etc you must be. Massive hugs, large glasses of G&T and a family sized tub of Haagen Daas for you.

Biscuits - Just strange! The bloody NHS is a complete sodding ngihtmare! I can;t even get an appointment at my Drs. You call up when you're sick and they offer you an appointment in 3 weeks time, by whihc point you are inevitably better! Grrrrrrrrr

Bebe - sorry to hear you're not feeling well

I had a nice weekend. Spent a lot of Saturday helping a friend fo a friend with her twin boys. Was convinced DH was going to get all stressed again an accus me of thinking of nothing but babies but he was actually ok. Having not been very maternal or broody until January, he was pretty surprised to see me looking after an 8 month old and coping fine. It was lovely as I've not had a lot of time to be around babies and actually help out. I would hate being that woman who insists on trying to feed, bathe, change other people's babies with no prior knowledge.

Now about to settle down to watch a movie. Jake Gyllenhal, Yummy!!!!!

x

Biscuits that is disappointing - especially when you had got yourself all geared up for it twice over! As Bebe says, what a funny system. No doubt they have their reasons. The fact that you haven't been easily able to have it taken out would put me off having one in in the future I think.

Thanks for all your advice and sympathy about DH. I am very angry with him at the moment. It helps a lot to hear that most people have some resistance from their OH and that FOF is common. Maybe this will blow over, who knows. I'll just keep taking the folic acid.

Justshagging v jealous of your babysitting! Twins sound like hard work but they must be so adorable!