Waiting to TTC part 2!

[bebejones]

Shiney new thread before we drop off the end of the last one!

hurray!!

Thanks for new thread Bebe.

I hope you manage to persuade your DH. 2 children are lovely and as you say the medication you need is more than a good enough reason to start ttc soon.

The new thread at least means my laptop won't keep having issues trying to load the huge thread! At least until this one gets too big!

Managed to persuade DH to agree to postponing medical treatment. As long as I am feeling healthy he is happy for me not to have the drugs!Hopefully he will come back round to TTC again, I think he is just having a bit of a wobble because of the shock of it all. He was feeling a bit reluctant anyway & it pushed him over the edge. I'm sure he will come round soon enough.

I've just spent about an hour reading all forty pages of the original thread. It's nice to know I'm not the only one in this weird limbo. Hello to everyone!

Hi Amanda, Im new too. Whats your situation with ttc?! My DP is wanting to wait 'for the right time' and doesnt seem to understand how loudly my biological clock is ticking. I am still in my 20's, but he is much older and for various reasons doesnt think its right now. I came off my pill last year and we have been using condoms since... Grrr. Getting so frustrated, glad Im not alone in the waiting room

Hi Isis. I'm glad I got a reply so soon. I got the impression, reading the first thread, that it had moved quite slowly at times. Do you think your DP has sensible reasons (finances, job situation, family support, other things happening in your lives, etc) for saying this is not the right time, or is it just plain old fear of fatherhood? I'm so relieved to find that FOF is an extremely common male syndrome, and it's not just DH who has it!

In our case DH is able to hide his quite chronic FOF behind plenty of proper legitimate reasons why we can't have children yet, mainly that we have no house and no savings and we need every penny of both our salaries to cover our outgoings.

Amanda - I think my DH has the FOF...and we already have a DD! Maybe it's just fear of more than one in his case!
(Thread has moved slow at times, but has picked up lately!)

Yes I have it on good authority that secondary - and even tertiary FOF is well documented medical fact. Question is how best to treat it. Some say a good dose of pestering works wonders, but that just seems to make DH irritable, especially when woken from sleep for extra treatments...

pestering doesn't work here! Just seems to make DH cross & short tempered. I am finding quiet & forlorn dotted with a helping of wailing & tears seems to be working...or at least wearing him down!

Hi everyone, hello other new people!

The longest cycle ever (or so it feels) finally arrived today and now have period pain. But at least can start counting down a bit more, might even start some folic acid.

DS has been a right little bugger challenging today so feeling a tad less broody .

Do you mind recapping me on what your situation is, bebe? I read the original thread last night whilst watching Van Helden polish off Count Dracula and whilst I myself was polishing off half a bottle of red, but weirdly I can't remember it all...

Macaco - funny how they act up and it makes you think twice! Then they do something insanely cute & you go all gooey & want 20 more of them!

Amanda - I have MS & they have just decided it is more active than they thought & want me to start drug treatments. Treatments are a no-no with PG & I want another DC before I start any medication (My DD is nearly 18months). DH isn't keen now as he had to look after me & a 3month old & work full time when I had my first relapse. So it's a tough call really. Plus DH is self-employed & business is struggling (but slowly improving as recession eases) so he has that to worry about too! It's all a bit tricky & there are more ins & outs than that...but that is it in a nutshell! MS would not have any bearing at all on a pregnancy it is just post-natal it can have implications. But there are no certanties with it & I could be absolutely fine! Very much a 'six of one' sort of situation. DH has in the past said he wanted 5 DC! I was always more reluctant but now it is completely the other way round! It is seeming to me that DH is using my illness as an excuse now. I am the one who has to deal with it after all, & I feel that I could cope with another child. He remains to be convinced! This all after he had said at xmas that we could 100% TTC in June...we shook hands and everything!

That's awful. How long has this process of deliberation been going on?

Well, dp is financially stable, has savings etc. but has no steady job, so it is a bit tricky. He kinda works for himself, and runs a few things and property malarky, so its not really a reason for not ttc yet, the biggy really is that I was unfaithful (most stupid drunken mistake EVER) last year and this obviously cocked things up good and proper. He is sort of over it, but has obvious trust issues now which has therefore postponed any BD without condoms (also as he found out I wasnt taking my pill and trying to get pg with him) So some very stupid moves on my part, and now I have ruined it for myself doh and now he wont even discuss it properly. Dickhead I am, lol It just seems so hard with every friend around me pg, when I want it so badly. Reep what you sow eh?!

Was off my pill and not using anything for about 4months, so also its in the back of my mind too. Sorry for the rant, but seems the only place I can let it out.

Bebejones; great advice about the wailing, think i may have done too much forlorn and quietness, lol. He is also definately showing signs of FOF and think mentioning this to him may trigger a response.... Lets find out....

Oh dear a right old pickle then. I suppose you must have been really down in the dumps with everything that had been going on, it's easy to do stupid things when you're in a fragile emotional place.

If you have the treatment now, how long would it be before you could TTC?

That should say Bebe: If you have the treatment now, how long would it be before you could TTC?

If I have one of the treatments on offer (less effective one) I need to be on it at least 9-12months to see any real benefits. But I have to have 3 months without it before I can start TTC. The other, more effective treatment, they won't let me have if I want to have more children. It is so new they don't know what would happen if I had it & stopped to become PG! Trouble is I feel the best I have felt since DD was born. Have loads of energy & practically no symptoms at all! The treatments are not nice & come with a whole heap of horrid side effects which do not appeal in the slightest! On the one hand medical advice is I should start treatment asap BUT if I want another baby I should also think about that sooner rather than later! It's not really a medical reason holding me back IYSWIM. From that point of view I can have kids no problem, it's more a home situation that makes it tricky! The risk of relapse after PG is high compared to the risk when you are PG, so DH is worried how I could cope with a relapse & a newborn & a toddler. Which is valid. BUT DD could start preschool in Feb next year (I would rather wait til Sept if poss tho) & that would make things alot easier. I just think ultimately DH is using my illness as a good excuse to put off TTC!

Isis Oh dear, poor you! Lots of making up to do & rebuilding of trust then! We all make silly mistakes some times!

So the medical advice is have the baby, and then have the more effective treatment? God what an awful dilemma. I don't envy you.

That is the path that makes most sense yes! But other factors are an issue about TTC, mostly financial!

What are your plans for TTC? Have you made any decisions about when you might be able to start? Or are you hanging around waiting for your DH to give you the green light? Isn't it horrid when they are right & you don't want them to be?!

All DH can see is that it's going to cost him a lot of money, which will interfere with his social life. We could sort our finances out and be in a position to have a baby within two years if we were both willing to save and make sacrifices, but we're not.

Amanda, babies don't have to be expensive. You can get a lot of things second hand. Also kiddicare is really good for getting things cheaper. My Phil & Teds was about £150 cheaper there than it was at Mothercare.

I will warn you though that you might all bring TTC forward. I was on a waiting to ttc thread before having DS2. We were going to ttc in September and ended up getting pregnant in March. I have no willpower.

So true Kazyr! I was previously talking about ttc in sept but then had some good financial news so said OK, will stop using contraception from June/July and now here I am saying we'll stop being careful from easter .
Got horrible af cramps and loads of work so off for a ibuprofen and to try to get some work done. Have a good weekend everyone!

M

Amanda - we got given loads and loads of stuff. I would say DD cost us hardly anything for the first 6-9months. Only when she started walking & eating 'proper food' did the costs start building up a bit. But actually I hardly ever buy her clothes, she gets given so many, she has more than DH & I together. She is very little though so doesn't seem to get through them that quickly! She is 18months this week & still mostly in 9-12month clothes! We bought most of the 'big' things gradually when I was PG so it didn't actually seem like a big expense IYSWIM! As for social life, it's not the same as it was before, but it's still pretty good. Friends of ours have kids or are starting to settle & often we just go out earlier or have people round at our house. In fact often I will go out at the start of an evening with DD then leave DH to it & he comes home later. I really don't mind, and I know he would do the same if I wanted to stay out. Things are different but still pretty good, it's all about compromise really.

Who can just go from two salaries to one salary and statutory maternity pay though? I could go straight back to work and the baby could go into childcare for eleven hours a day, or we could wait and save up.