Waiting to TTC part 2!

[bebejones]

Shiney new thread before we drop off the end of the last one!

What have they done? I have to say being a landlord doesn't seem to be all it's cracked up to be. My friend's always having problems with her tenants not looking after the place and causing neighbours to complain. Then again, as a tenant I'm not entirely thrilled with my landlord (has refused for two years to replace three broken wall heaters, hence the flat is freezing).

I didn't realise the charting was to do with your treatment, sorry. So do you know now when it will all start? I'm sorry you've got all this hanging over you when all you really want is a baby. Don't forget you can vent on here as much as you want/need to x

AC - It's very very long winded to explain, but in a nutshell they have completely trashed the place which is going to cost thousands to repair & have complained to enviromental health who are now saying we have to rehouse them even though they gave us notice they were leaving. The state of the place is their fault!!

Don't want to drag you all down so won't bore you all with it!

I was sort of half heartedly charting anyway just for 'something to do'. But keeping track of things when I start medication is going to really help plus also it's good preparation! Have to start drugs asap, not sure when, but will be stopping at the end of Sept so can TTC end Dec.

You have to rehouse them? Do they mean let them move back in? I thought it was the tenants who decided they wanted to move out in the first place? So what happens now? Will you have to go to court to get them out? What about your new tenant? Nightmare!

Strayed off the straight and narrow path this morning and read one of the other Conception threads (I know, I know) it was a BFP announcement from someone who had been TTC since December 08. So lovely to read someone's good news - even if it was another horror story about TTC for months and months!

I will not panic.

I will not panic.

hi again all, sorry things have been pretty hectic lately, sorry i havent been on.

bebe that sounds like a nightmare, i hope things settle down for you

Amanda dont panic, that never helps, just dont think about it!

Im still struggling in my own little world to hold off TTC so tempted to just see what happens! must hold strong

AC - Don't panic, It is the minority that have to TTC for over 12months. I'm sure a positive mental attitude to it all can help.

Re tenants, council have deemed property uninhabitable (due to damage done by tenants) and are saying the tenants have requested councils help with emergency rehousing for which we are liable for the costs of such! Really not sure where we stand as they had given notice already before this happened. We have now passed it all on to our solicitor. I'm just going to try & not get involved! New tenant wants to move in as he is going to do the work on property that was needed but is now a bit surprised (as are we) at the amount that needs doing due to all the damage! Nightmare!

Ok, so enough of me boring you all!

Matumble - I'm always convinced that if we TTC early just incase it takes forever I will end up PG straight away & not be ready for it!!

thats my worry bebe, it wouldnt be the end of the world but im not sure im quite ready, plus falling pregnant now would mean i would have to have baby in the town we currently live in and im less than convinced that their homebirth policies will be great, need to look into it.

amanda do not worry about birth, there is this thing amongs some women to compete over who had the worst labour. its hard work but your body wil get on and do it and you will be fine, i really recomend looking into hypnobirthing if you havent already, google mary mongan or look for the book on amazon, there are courses which are brilliant but the book explains the theory behind it really well

IKWYM I saw this really nasty argument go off on AIBU once when a woman who had broken her back in two places said that she had found that experience more painful than labour, and from the reactions she got from some people you'd have thought she had murdered their first born child! The women who objected were absolutely enraged by the suggestion that anything at all could be worse than what they had been through in labour, it was quite shocking to read.

I think the homebirth policy of the particular town you live in must only be a consideration for someone like you who moves around a lot, because it's not really feasible for most people to do anything about their local health policies. Are you likely to be living somewhere else by the end of the summer then?

I will definitely look into hypnobirthing, in fact I've been thinking about taking up yoga or pilates now, even though I'm - wait for it.... eight months off!!! My mum used hypnobirthing when she had me and she swears by it. She said she was in such a deep state of relaxation the doctor thought she was too exhausted to push and wanted to get out his forceps! She had me in 7 hours and my sister in 4.

Bebe oh god how expensive awful having to involve solicitors it must be a real nightmare. Roll on next year, eh!

I bought a hypno birthing book and CD but only managed to listen to it once before DS made an appearance a month early! I would def give it another go in another pregnancy.
I have to say (maybe I was just really really lucky) but I was surprised by how manageable the pain of labour was. I didn't have an epidural until the very last minute and then only cos it was a ventouse delivery (DS was badly positioned) and, yes, it hurt but just when I thought I couldn't cope with a contraction any more, the pain would begin to subside. The way I was lucky was that it was a very fast labour.

So, are we all still waiting? My broodiness has eased off a lot for now. Planning on ditching the condoms come the summer but need to wait to hear about a poss op my mum might have so that I don't end up due when she's laid up in hospital as she'll need my help then and for a bit after. Quite looking forward to enjoy a Spanish summer without atrocious MS.

Sorting out DS nursery application next week for September entry! Exciting!

Sorry to hear about your tennant stresses bebejones what's the next step?

that does sound pretty nasty amanda.

No we wont be away by the end of summer but we could be away as soon as next may which fits in with ttc at the end of summer, the worry though is out of the frying pan into the fire, we are out in the middle of nowhere here, the local maternity unit has just been shut and the nearest is an hour away on horrible roads, not a journey i will be doing in labour and to be honest if i did the midwives would turn me away when i got there if i went in time to give birth.

hypnobirthing is fab and a combination of that and slightly bizarre labours has meant that i have had 2 out of 3 midwives not believe i was in labour pretty much till baby was crowning, with dd2 she could see the head before she believed me and with dd3 i had maybe 3 more contractions and she was out, my labours last maybe 5 hours but for the first 3 or 4 there are no obvious signs that im not just having very strong braxton hicks, i dont dilate, nothing seems to happen, then bang it all goes from 0 to a 100 very quickly and baby arrives added to the calm hypnobirthig approach and the midwives reactions are entertaining!

Pipoca, i have been strung up before for saying this but i really dont think you were lucky, i think your body behaved how it should, if it was the mongan method you read the bit in the front about fight or flight makes perfect sense to me, right from being little we are told labour will be the most painful day of our lives which is scary, then in the run up we get all the war stories from those who want to tell the worst story, when the time comes stress and fear are pretty high so the body goes into fight or flight taking blood from muscles and sending them to the ones needed to run, the womb is just another muscle and like any other when its blood flow is restricted it hurts, not that labour doesnt hurt at all but i really think the reason so many women have war stories is because so many women have told them war stories! Thats not to say that a birth with complications wont be hard having had pre-eclampsia twice i get that but in a normal uncomplicated birth fear can play a huge part. steps down off soapbox and hides

still waiting here but soooo broody, I do Avon and delivered to a lady just home with her 3 day old, I WANT ONE!!

hope your mums op goes well and comes round quickly, hope its nothing too serious, my dd2 starts nursery sometime between now and september, really looking froward to it, the things they come home with are amazing, my dd1 is in reception now and i love watching her and listening to the new things she is picking up!

lol Matumble you're brave saying that! I've witnessed the wrath of the mom mob and it's not pretty, so if we see a load of flaming torches and pitch forks coming over the hill, I'm probably going to leg it and leave you here!

Pipoca I''ll make a note to crack on with it in the first trimester! In fact, I may get on with it now and then do something moderately painful, like getting my back broken in two places, to see how well I can cope with moderate pain, before risking childbirth!

I hope your mum's ok. I don't know about the rest of you though, but it's starting to seem like no matter when you plan ttc for, something will come along to stop you, whether it's a sick relative, work issues, problems with other DCs, money problems, etc. Even if you manage to find a window of opportunity where there's nothing going down, and you manage to get pregnant within it, no doubt there'll be something else that comes along within the next nine months which, if you'd known about it at the time, would have put you off trying!

Matumble where is it that you live again? It sounds like you're describing somewhere in the middle of the outback! I have visions of you labouring in the back of a jeep bumping along a track with some zebras grazing alongside!

What you said about the midwives reminded me of what my mum's doctor apparently said just shortly before I was delivered: "this woman's not in labour, we'll induce her in the morning." It's all very well hoping my labours will be like that - but all my friends who've recently had babies, barr one, have had a nightmare of a time, each producing a baby of monolithic proportions. My DH is 6'4" and was such a huge baby himself that he had to be deliver early by CS.

I think the key with all of this is to worry about it if/when it happens, youre right no matter how much you plan we just cant be psychic so its probably best not to stress. on paper dd3 looked like a nightmare idea but then we fell pregnant and she is amazing!

hoping i wont attract the wrath of the mummy mob as we are a fairly little thread amongst hundreds.have been shouted at in real life for suggesting it but have converted a friend or two along the way as well! In fairness i have probably met as many mums who agree as disagree. wow i sound like im on a mission, im not honestly as long as my girls believe me when the time comes i will be happy.

we aren't quite that remote, sorry i have probably given a bad impression but we live in whitby, nearest mat unit is in scarborough an hour away across the moors and neither of us drive!

Well in fairness to the mob I reckon I'd be pretty cheesed off if I went through hours of gut wrenching agony, third degree tears, massive blood loss, emergency surgery etc and then someone said it was all my own fault for not relaxing enough/having a bad attitude!

Hello all! Well flat is sorted, council firmly on our side & problem is mostly sorted, just got to get rid of these tenants!

FWIW I planned to have a water birth at midwife unit with DD. I did not want an epidural at all. Was very prepared & calm before birth & ended up having a 64 hour labour in a tonne of pain even though nothing was happening. Got sent home from MW unit twice & was booked in for an induction to 'speed things up'. I went in in the middle of the night, exhausted. Had an epidural, not really for the pain but because I was so exhausted the MW's at the big hospital were worried I wouldn't cope with pushing. As it turns out I had DD with the help of forceps & only when she was pulled out did they realise she was back to back, hence the very long labour. There was nothing I could have done to prevent that at all as no one had even realised she was back to back. I was really very calm, went in with an open mind & didn't swear once (very unlike me ) but sometimes I just think there are things that you just cannot be 100% prepared for.

1st timers don't let that scare you, it sounds worse written down than it actually was, and in fact I think I actually had a fairly positive birth experience & it was nowhere near as bad as I had prepared myself for it to be (pain wise)...and I want to do it again!

I totally agree with Matumble that in a birth that goes normally then relaxation and confidence can really really help. I used to work with a girl who is pregnant with her first and is apparently really scared of labour. I would say to her; believe you can do it, trust your body, relax and go with the flow and you might well surprise yourself.
BUT....there are plenty of births where it does all go wrong, not for lack of prep or confidence, just it doesn't go to plan.
For instance, I did the hypnobirthing thing. (Well, I read the book..yes it was the Mongan one) and listened to the tape, but only once) and I would say I felt calm and prepared and all that. But DS came a month early, posterior and very fast and then proceeded to become distressed as he was badly positioned and had to be helped out by a ventouse. I suppose you could argue that he was posterior cos I didn't sit on my birth ball ever enough, or get on all fours for optimal foetal positioning but I think that goes down the route of maybe beginning to blame me, which is, I think the implication that some women read from being told you just need to relax etc. I'm not saying you are implying that, just that I can see how the pitchforks might begin to come out.
I think you prepare all you can and then you go with the flow cos, yes it's what we are designed for but some babies have other plans, like being posterior, transverse, early etc. If you've done the hypnobirthing then I think it's a fabulous help in either a normal birth or a more stressful one.

Pipoca - x posts but I agree with you & you put what I was trying to say in a much better way than I did!!

That sounds more hopeful bebe. How do you get rid of them tho, do you have to have them evicted or something?

They gave notice a few weeks ago but didn't sign the letter so not legally binding. They then pulled this stunt to get the council to rehouse them & the council are refusing...they do not know this yet!! So we are a bit worried that they might try & stay! We can evict them as they have broken so many conditions of their tenancy agreement but that could take ages! Fingers crossed they just leave though! And in any case at least we aren't going to have a massive fine from the council!

All gone quiet on here!

Been sorting through photos of DD today to go into albums. Made me all nostalgic (even though she isn't yet 2) they just grow too fast Want another one now!! [stamping feet emoticon]

hi im still here
i know what you mean my dd1 is going to be 7 in a week and dd2 is 3 in 5 weeks
im getting so broody over everything lately like my grandma has a farm and one of her sheeps has rejected her lamb and i bottle feed it i went all mushy eyed over it

There's almost an argument for going ahead right away so as not to be in the perverse situation of wishing away precious time with your other DC!

Sorry i went on holiday!

Im not remotely saying that things only go wrong with lack of preperation and i apologise if it came across that way, i know from first hand experience thats not the case, eldest i had pre eclampsia with, an episiotomy and chord was round her neck tightly. second pre eclampsia again and a tear, third no pre eclampsia but a tear im only just recently recovered from at 9 months post birth. I know that no amount of prep can fix something that isnt run of the mill normal birth, though it can help sort things out afterwards in my experience, but i genuinly dont feel scaring others (and i have some pretty impressive horror stories) will help them. I dont for a second think that as individual women we should be blamed or feel guilty for a labour not going to plan but i do feel that sometimes society has a part to play in what happens to that individual.

so possibly i have dug my hole further or maybe i have explained better but i will be back for a proper catchup later

No I don't think so, it's a controversial opinion, but there's probably some truth in it, in at least a certain proportion of cases. If you really feel that that's the best way to help people you care about prepare for labour, particularly your DD, you're not going to let yourself be put off by the sensitivities of those who've had a bad time in labour themselves, it's a bit of a catch 22 situation. For my part, I hope you're right!

How is everyone on this beautiful sunny morning? It seems a shame to go into work. Makes me think I should change my plans and aim for a summer baby lol.

Hello!
Can I join you please?

I'm also WTT (obviously) although not for as long as some of you! I don't know how you do it.

So, a bit about my situaion.
I've been with my DH for 12 years, married for 6 months and have wanted a baby for pretty much all that time. However I wanted to wait until we were married to start trying. It took a long time to DH to propose and he is the one delaying the TTC so that we can have time for the 2 of us (we only moved in together when we got married).
At the moment the agreed start date is July, meaning according to my cycles I have 3 to go.

I am literally counting the days and am really trying to take on board DH reasons for waiting, although it's really frustrating and I get rather irritated by it all.

Any ideas on how to make the time move quicker?

Welcome to the thread! No idea how to make the time go more quickly I'm afraid, nor any suggestions about how to treat your DH's Fear of Fatherhood. It made mr feel a lot better to find out that it is normal for men to be ambivalent about having a baby and not just my DH. I started off believing I'd never have one and that I'd end up lonely and mad pushing one of those very lifelike baby dolls round an American park!

But he's making more positive noises and I'm just trying to focus on keeping December fixed in mind as the date to start TTC, having presented a very good case financially and taking into account all the other factors. Also, trying to get him to realise that having a baby is something that cool and crazy young men of his age can and do do.

I didn't want to say this on the thread you started but if you possibly can, stay out of threads on the conception forum. You will convince yourself you are infertile/will take five years to conceive, and then you will feel worse and will do your DH's head in more! All other forums and threads seem to be ok! Some even put mr off a bit, which makes waiting easier.

After 12 and a half years together I'm not surprised you're chomping at the bit! You've been a family of two forever!

Thank you

Do you have friends your age with children?
My DH definately need the reassaurance of other people in a similar situation having kids.
Having our friends get married was definately a factor in helping him getting round to propose!

What is he like when you talk about having children? Does he try and re-direct any conversation on to something else?

I am trying really hard to read too many other threads, you're right there are some very worrying stories out there.

I like the way you put that we'd been a family of two forever, that is so true!
Although it has increased by a little bit - DH thought getting a kitten a couple of months ago would help me not be as broody and give me a distraction.. how wrong he was.