30s TTC - We BESH you a Merry Jizzmas and a droid-free new year!

[CurlyCasper]

Come in, come in. The wine is mulling, the bird is stuffed and cooked. We have a huge table at which to enjoy our festive feast, and the rippling Ricky Whittle is the centrepiece, draped in berries to be removed by whatever method you choose.

A bottle of Gin and an elf-man in a box awaits each and every one of you. Just make your wish and when you undo the bow he will appear.

There's a nativity tableau in the corner, for praying to the baybee Jebus and, most importantly of all, Santa has been asked to deliver the gift of exceptional fertility, so that each and every BESH can enter the new year with a baybeeee in their tum tum.

Oh, and I've let a few cats in to aid with the 2WOOFL menkulness.

Now, let's get together and get the tree up!

Why can't I have a baybeeeee? It's been 6 months now (with a mc in between). I know it won't sound like long to the rest of you but it feels like bloody ages.

Bessie, I feel your pain (and my non-existent imaginary thrush) As I said last night to the very long-suffering TYF, all I've dreamed about since I was a little girl was to be a Mum, so I've actually been waiting to updiff for 30 years, not several long months!

I think maybe the worst bit is the lack of control, ultimately there's nothing you can do; you can't train, work harder etc, just have to accept it. I'm finding that pretty tough. I also keep thinking that I would be just about to find out if mc baby was a boy or a girl, would be 5 months' gone now.

scorps Thrush you don't feel is good, believe me! I was under treatment for ages. Conditions are right in my body to farm the stuff. If you had it bad, you'd bloody well know about it! (tho 'tis true. Once, they found nought visible on initial swab, then results came back that I had "extensive growth". Nice!

And, m'dear, yes i does likes my gift. In the interests of honesty, I will tell you that I have slipped it onto a gold chain, as I tend not to wear silver. Now, why would I even bother doing that if i planned to ditch the thing in a drawer and never dare cast mine eye upon it again? BTW, fingers not fat cause of diffment, just lack of hard drugs . whadayamean you don't want a finger necklace?

Chin up and think of the rock bessie, Let it give you strength.

Caspy - GAH! I was going to get it on a gold chain, as I always have gold, but I thought that as a redhead you might play it safe and wear silver (other ginger pals always wear silver, so was swayed). Good for you! I always do gold as my colouring would suggest silver and I like to have a 'wrong' element to every outfit.

Christ, I am boring/bored au'jourd hui. Must go to shops as clearly haven't put on enough fucking weight already since Xmas

Can't wait for swabbing. Especially as, if there is summat untoward, I am allergic to antibiotics.

I think silver looks cold on me and adds to my "washed out" look, prefer the injection of colour and warmth from gold. Glad you're not offended! And anyway, if it had been gold, we'd have got the exact same gift!

sure they'll sort out your STDs scorps

currently stranded in a cold village hall (until 7.30pm) with just 15 mins remaining power on my laptop. How will I survive? (surrounded by old busy bodies) ooh, someone just walking in with a very young baybee in a car seat, maybe I can find a way to amuse myself...

Why are you stranded there Caspar? What are you up to?

I'm working - but with no work to do, so just sitting in a corner really. there's something on and I might be needed, so have to be here just in case - boring situation that if explained fully would reveal my true identity. mmmwwahhhh haaa haa haaaaaaaa

(can you tell I'm bored already?) at least I have a PDA if laptop dies, but it doesn't always let me MN.

Wow, work keeps me away from here for 48 hours and look what happens! Big hoorays to VAG and Bessie (but grrrr to droid)

Boss asked me yesterday what my expectations and hopes were for the year and the only thing I could think of was 'maternity leave'. Which wouldn't have been a very helpful thing to say.....

Hi Ocarina. I find myself mostly planning to be on maternity leave later in the year as well. Did you come up with something in the end?

I have proper droid pains now and I had a pmt strop at dp yesterday morning so babyfail is inevitable for me

Wotchoo talkin' 'bout, Casper? I douse my hoohaa in WKD every Saturday night after shagging randoms, so I can't have any STDs. I've heard it's much more effective than Mad Dog 20/20.

I just realised that I might've hit the GP Jackpot - it's only just occurred to me that she took me completely seriously, and launched straight into booking preliminary testing, with no chitchat about 'letting nature take its course' or which hole to use.

Because you need to get the spermz up the bumhole so you can do a poo under the gooseberry bush so the stork can smell it and know where to leave the baybee, as any fule kno.

Although it won't be her doing the swabbing - will be useless old lady Dr who hadn't heard of a luteal phase and once ripped my vein by sneezing when taking my blood And felt free to tell me that my stretch marks were 'the worst' she'd ever seen, including her patients who'd had loads of kids, when giving me a smear Grrrrrr.

See, I'm minging already, childbirth can't do much to make me grosser, unless my face falls off as a freak reaction to gas & air or summat.

Can that happen? [worried]

vag go and poas again

Ok - as an engagement pressie for Bessie I did what she said, with a CB this time. And apparently I am.

(Actually rushed in a panic to loo when felt droidness in gusset - turned out to be just goo, but by then had bag with me).

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for makign a fuss of me today. I'm so nervous that the bunch of cells (BOC) won't stay put because of what some of you have been through - and given that, it's doubly kind of you all to be so supportive.

Group hug violence, anyone? xx

Hi VAG,

Me again - while it is quiet, just nipped in to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

Thanks honeybunny - I am sure I will be thrilled too when it sinks in/I stop with The Fear etc! Argh!

Off home to lie about. Chat tomorrow kids

Ah VAG you old spunk receptacle, c'mere

Scorps I had thrush almost continually for a year during the time I was seeing my ex - think he kept giving it back to me - but entertainingly, I was allergic to the fungus so I used to get what I can only describe as sores like little papercuts on my flappies. Going for a wee was no picnic, believe me.

Not that I'm trying to frit thee, just saying if you're owt like me you'd know, honest.

Fanks cunty

Really going home this time...

VAG WOOOHOOOOOOOOO

AMAZING NEWS

glad I bullied you into it convinced you

MORE NAKED DANCING!!!!!!!
And I am lining up tequila slammers on the bar!

Wooooooooooooooo etc.

Also honeypetal if you're still around,thanks v much for posting when I was in hospital. Was really sweet of you...

Feel free to join the naked dancing and binge drinking!

By the way Health Police I am not ttc at the moment as I am broken. I can therefore drink with merry abandon. So fuck off

Thanks(?) Cunty, but I am hoping that seeing as I feel shipshape and itch/soreness free in my tunnel of love, that that particular swab will come back negative. Also, only had smear in June, so you'd think the nurse would've seen soreness up there and mentioned it. They'll probably just discover that I'm a hermaphrodite or something minor like that. Is good that Drs check for the most basic & smallscale issues before shovelling Clomid down yer neck with a 'never mind, dear' and a pitying, knowing, sorrowful tight smile.

See you tomorrow, MamaVAG!

Evening all

VAG really delighted to hear your news, mega congratulations.

And woohoo for getting engaged, Bessie!

I'm afraid I am going to put a downer on the party as pre-doid spotting has arrived, exactly like last month. Currently have a CBFM in my Amazon basket, just about to press Buy.

VAG bloody hell well done. I bet you are floating on ickle beshie cloud nine right now. Am made up for you. Big kiss with tongues.

VAGy fab fab news, i iz thrilled.

Bessie congrats on the large rock

ooh what a day??

VAG well done missus - i am absolutely over the bloody moon for you

and a massive congrats to bessie too.

get yourself down to Tiffanys if you can. they serve up free champers while your browsing for your rock. even if (like us) your're only pretending and actually en route to cheaper shop down the road