30s TTC - We BESH you a Merry Jizzmas and a droid-free new year!

[CurlyCasper]

Come in, come in. The wine is mulling, the bird is stuffed and cooked. We have a huge table at which to enjoy our festive feast, and the rippling Ricky Whittle is the centrepiece, draped in berries to be removed by whatever method you choose.

A bottle of Gin and an elf-man in a box awaits each and every one of you. Just make your wish and when you undo the bow he will appear.

There's a nativity tableau in the corner, for praying to the baybee Jebus and, most importantly of all, Santa has been asked to deliver the gift of exceptional fertility, so that each and every BESH can enter the new year with a baybeeee in their tum tum.

Oh, and I've let a few cats in to aid with the 2WOOFL menkulness.

Now, let's get together and get the tree up!

mm, not sure if I want to go read that thread.

Fanks everyone, you're all lovely. Thanks for your offer Gin, if I think of any questions I'll CAT you tonight. To be honest though, I don't really want to think about the actual procedure, ignorance is bliss and all that.

VAG sorry to pile on the pressure, Gin and Cunty are right, reclaim the wee, just make sure you come back and tell us the result straightaway!

Have already drunk half a bottle of Malbec and daughter not yet in bed . Am determined to be positive about this year though. My bottle of wine is called 'Otra Vida' (another life) which I am taking as a good sign of things to come and even better we had an offer accepted on a house today after many months of looking and failing to get the houses we wanted. Hurrah!

I'm relishing in the freedom of being able to drink again and so have lined up all your favourite cocktails on the bar, help yourselves BESHies...

I wasn';t sure what ERPC stood for (though could guess what it meant) and having Googled really wish I hadn't - surely they could have come up with a less horrible term.

Thinking of you, Twinkle, and hurrah for the house!

Thanks Camel and Lorry for the tip - TG has now booked the afternoon off and will taking me to hospital. God knows we will do with Boo for the afternoon.... local mate is buggering off to Egypt on Monday for a week. Selfish caaahhh.

And on that note I WANT A HOLIDAY!

Yay for the house Twinkle, thinking of you for tomorrow, hope it goes as well as such a thing can.

Oooh, holiday, where should we go? - surely we should be able to sail a gin palace somewhere warm for a bit....

twink I moved house in September and got knocked up the following month. Change of scenery, new king size bed I reckon.

twink are you still around?

Chin up twinkles - try and think of it as a "spring clean". Good luck today I hope everything goes OK.

As for house-moving whilst knocked up - it looks like our very first shag in our new place did the job. Bish Bosh! It was either that one or the very last one in the old place which was on the dismantled bed, i.e., mattress!

Ocarina I am very envious of your ski holiday. We wanted to get away to Austria for a week this month but I just couldn't risk booking anything due to my sickness... and it's turned out it wasn't an unfounded fear. On to 2011 then!

Oh and just in case anyone hasn't read that thread - the reason us BESHes can't get pregnant is because we're all fat, ignorant smack whores. In fact, a few have been kind enough to try and educate us about ovulation. Bless. Is it just me or does it seem to anyone else that those who "trick" men in to fatherhood get pregnant simply by looking at a cock? Those of us who discuss our plans with our partners and ride them raw have to really work at it? I suppose the upside is that we will be able to tell our children that they really were wanted, more than they'll ever know... unless they search Google-cache obv.

Ooh a BESH holiday, how lovely - shall we get the Palace towed to Thailand?

Good news about the house Twinkie, glad at least something's working for you to keep your spirits up. Wine also good, obv. Why do people say it's a depressant?

Thanks for all the wee-words, ladies - I was thinking about this and I think I am clinging to the possibility right now, and don't want to face the negative that I am expecting. To distract myself last night I bought a Humax freeview machine so I can record even more crap to watch while knitting - result!

I know I should stay away from the other thread, but I am really no good at resisting....

Beach bar cocktails and sandy toes all round! Chin chin!

VAG - just please please please POAFS! I think your self-control is remarkable btw, but I must admit I was kind of hoping to log on this morning and see that you'd manned-up.

Ski I have Reclaimed The Wee! My body seems to react over the smallest thing so I just can't really believe that something is really happening without me even having an inkling. And I'd rather enjoy the possibility without it being dashed again for now. TSF is very negative too - "well we didn't do it enough" etc (though to be fair that is his answer to everything...and besides it only takes one).

Perhaps I will Wee this evening.

Oooh VAG how exciting.... are you still planning to POAS tomorrow?

Oh yes please - lets drag the palace somewhere hot, I am so desperate for some sun, I will even take virtual sun. I started looking at cheap hols to egypt last night but then got depressed - the only holiday we can afford at the mo is a free one, so shut laptop in a strop.

Grrr... just had a call from the fertility clinic to say I may not be able to have HSG done next Thurs, as results from swabs may not be back in time. Just when I'd got myself geared up for it as well.

VAG No, I totally understand. I thought I was and then my symptoms all disappeared and of course I'd had so many crashing disappointments in months previous I was scared to test. I decided to go for morning wee in the end, the morning after I got those funny cramps and as I've said before I felt vindicated which is perhaps odd, but like you, really scared because I just couldn't face another empty window.

Polly That's utter shit that is. I too want a hot holiday, I want to lie on a tropical beach with cocktails and watch tanned, lithe young men frolic in the surf. Alas, apparently you can't do this for 300 euros per person in January. Pffff. Also, all the "cheap" places are not places I'd want to be if I needed a hospital... I was looking at Greece in May but I think I may be too late to fly - it'll only take one jobsworth at the airport to fuck you over. It may well be Centreparks in NL. Tsssssk! Or France, anyone been to Wissant? It's just an hour or two south of Calais and has beautiful beaches... but then there's the whole speaking French for a week thing.

I'm almost tempted to POAS in order to bring on the droid - a negative AND a longer, probably anovulatory cycle would really drive me to drink. Even more than usual.

Luckily I am banking up episodes of House on my Humax to watch medicinally.....

Is it very tragic to be getting so excited about a hard drive?

VAG not sad at all - you should see the bank of technology that TG has now instead of just a tv and dvd player - I don't even know how to work half the stuff. The one thing that does annoy me is that he won't get rid of the ginormous old tv, even though we now have a projector on the wall (another bloody remote for me to learn how to use). The tv is now little more than an enormous ornament that shows up the dust. Mmm I love House too :-)

Yes Ski it is shite - I decided that having the HSG hanging over me like some black cloud was not helping my already precarious mental health, and I did indeed feel a bit better for having an appt. Its not like I'm looking forward to it, just looking forward to getting it out of the way.

Some of those people on that 'other thread' make me and in equal measures. Why are the majority of the people posting on there the ones that looked at a photo of cock and got pregnant? Where are the others like us, because they are the more unusual ones, surely?

That does not read right - they meaning the ones who looked at photo of cock and got diffed are the unusual ones.

Polly We've had at least 2 BESHies who've been trying for over 4 years. There must be others surely - we can't be the only infertile bunch on the internet! I'd hate for people our age to read that thread and be thinking what we (all) did 18 months ago - you know, the "ooh I'll just stop using condoms and I'll be pregnant by the end of the month".

VAG Do you have any real reason to think you've not OV'd given that your last 4 cycles have been good and regular? Or are you just on a boat on The Nile somewhere?

Oh yes - Cho was one of them wasn't she.... And were is ChoCho - are you lurking me dear? Come back to us.... we miss your sharp tongue and sarcastic wit.

The "about a week" poster really got my goat - but she did follow it up with some further explanation, so I am quite glad I didn't get medieval on her ass.

Re: OV'ing - who knows, it's got to be a possibility for me, hasn't it? And I don't know for sure that I am OVing in my new, improved "normal" cycles. If I go back to DR she'll ask why TSF hasn't done his wanktest yet. Basically it's all his fault.

Shall we have a round of gin with umbrellas in?

VAG You'd better pop an olive in mine, I'm trying to do my 5-a-day.

Polly Yes, chocho for one, hawaiiancuntshine for two - perhaps there were others too?

More than the "you're clearly all fat alcoholic smokers" jibe - the thing which really "grips my shit" as they say in the north - is the insinuation that we don't know we ovulate. That our internal workings and/or vaginas are a total mystery to us. Or that you need a winky. And I'm sorry... but it does come across as gloating...

VAG There's no reason why you couldn't be... Cossie and I were both on the same river.

When I say "you need a winky" obviously I don't mean that we, as BESHes, require an anatomy containing both uterus and winky. Although that might explain sum fings.

I don't think anyone on that thread said anything awful. They were just talking about their experiences, most of which were lucky and resulted in a speedy updiff. We can't expect everyone posting to be walking on eggshells in case we barren hags get upset. Some people obviously do just conceive straight away in their 30s, lucky them (even if we are all very , I know I am).

Hi Polly,

Yes, I am lurking today...sorry I have been out of the palace for a long time - I decided to leave the interwebs alone for Christmas, and have been busy since coming back to work. Also, I have not been having any treatment over Xmas, and I've had a couple of EDDs to dwell on, so thought it was best to avoid the gin palace for a while as it's easy to get sucked in and start obsessing...So I have been standing outside the palace door with my fingers in my ears going "la, la la...I don't care" for a while!

I have not read back over the thread, so chinese burns all round - any new updiffs whilst I have been away? I should probably stalk the PESH thread to catch up.

For me it's my final round of IUI this month, then onto IVF - not looking forward to that! The boyf is taking me to Rome for Valentines though, so even if we end up having a baybee that's been created by a mad scientist in a test tube , we cant pretend it was done in the 'when a man and a woman love each other very much' method!

...that reminds me...there is a comedian who said that whenever he has sex with his missus during a thunderstorm, he always pretends to himself that they are creating the Anti-Christ!