30s TTC - We BESH you a Merry Jizzmas and a droid-free new year!

[CurlyCasper]

Come in, come in. The wine is mulling, the bird is stuffed and cooked. We have a huge table at which to enjoy our festive feast, and the rippling Ricky Whittle is the centrepiece, draped in berries to be removed by whatever method you choose.

A bottle of Gin and an elf-man in a box awaits each and every one of you. Just make your wish and when you undo the bow he will appear.

There's a nativity tableau in the corner, for praying to the baybee Jebus and, most importantly of all, Santa has been asked to deliver the gift of exceptional fertility, so that each and every BESH can enter the new year with a baybeeee in their tum tum.

Oh, and I've let a few cats in to aid with the 2WOOFL menkulness.

Now, let's get together and get the tree up!

Dear God. That's probably more than I ever needed to know about BUMSEX. Although have been very amused by the discussion.

Suspect you raucous lot have scared off the newbs with your filth, mind you.

Surely not - they must realise we are all about the gin/violence/lesbot action/bumsex? We are Barren Evil Selfish Hags after all. Oh and of course there is the TTC....

Glad we have provided entertainment Cameltoe.

Doubt it - I imagine if they have read through the threads already they are secret lovers of a stroll down the bourneville boulevard...

Is anyone else heartily sick of that Portland Hospital advert?

I hate this waiting period. Waiting for my period to come. I'd symptom spot but there are no symptoms to spot. I have spent the evening looking at the local cat rescue site, I may just get kittens instead.

It's bloody freezing as well! The cats have decided snow is evil and are spending all day under the radiator. Wish I could do that.

Gah! Sam Taylor Wood is making me and Ski look like rank amateurs!

Must try harder at the cradle-snatching..... (19!!!!! I knew he was younger, but he's less than half her age )

Morning fudgepackers!

Yes Polly am pleased at the level of BUMSEX info/ chat

Fudgepackers????? PMSL!

(My bum hurts too much for this conversation. And no, I've not been having bumsex, just constipated...)

i just sat down with a nice cup of tea and a slice of Christmas cake to see what's been going on in here.

I'd like to put on an innocent face and use this smiley but i can't. I (among friends) spent the summer perfecting the rules of porn bingo. However due to alcohol consumption the rules have largely been forgotten.

My boss has just bought me a chunky kitkat

caspar I recommend poppers, but you may have to check with the midwife if they cross the placenta

WOOHOO! Have got Dr's appointment and D21 blood tests booked for next Wednesday! Cue patronising crap about 'just relaxing' and not indulging in BUMSEX

WooHoo!!!!!!!!!!! did you sock it to the receptionist concerned?

excellent news scorps! Another woooo hooo from this end

hurrah scorps!!!!

Yay for scropy

Yay! Well done, scorps.

Am "working" from home. But there is no snow, and I feel like a fraud...

Yay Scorps! About time too!

Bumsex tales - er, thanks for sharing all that ladies!

Camelobrooch don't feel like a fraud - as someone in work not looking forward to the "same number of people stuffed onto fewer trains" commute I salute you for staying home and being one less body I have to push out of the way deal with on my way home tonight.

ps Muser - saw your post then forgot to reply. I'm a couple of days away from druid (if he wafts by at the right time and doesn't wait for 42 days...) I have zero real symptoms, only the ones I got last month (sore norks, spots, heaviness indicating imminent arrival). I also have fake symptoms I have all the time (clumsy, weep at anything, tired all the time). It's a total arse. You get to the stage where you want the druid to arrive just so you can get on with the next month, you're so sure you are alone in your skin.

It all sucks. But at least we're in it together It's warm in the Palace at least - I lit a fire made of all the baby announcements I've received.

Polly my fudgey friend - I cannot believe for one second that you and I are the only bumlove explorers! They're all lying. Or virgins.

or have piles

or constipated

or both

Well, obviously I'm a virgin as I'm not married to TYF.
Trufax: my Mum is a retired counsellor and she once dealt with a young born-again Christian couple who were very upset over a year of babyfail. Upon delicate probing (not like that) into their sex life she found out that they were so sheltered that the only thing they knew about sex was the euphemism 'sleeping together'. And so naive that that's all they were doing - they genuinely thought that just by being in a bed together, ver laydee would get preggo*. Another reason to be a filthy Atheist slaaaaaaaaaaag

I don't like want teh BUMSEX. Apart from Mr Midnight Anal-Intruder, all my boyfriends have thought the idea vile too. It doesn't make me weird to not want a cock up me ringpiece. I like tofu, but I don't expect everyone else to like it.

Yes, tofu. Deal with it!

Yep, reet chuffed about the Dr's appointment - the receptionist was new and just booked me in without making me speak to a Dr first, bwahahaha. And by sheer luck, the Dr she's booked me into is a fellow BESH and well-known for being v helpful with all fings baybee- and TTc-related.

Am OVing but feel all depressed 'n' shit because I just 'know' my gusset will be wondering if it's ever seen a panther that pink in less than a fortnight's time

*After having the basics explained to them, they went on to have several kids in quick succession. Go MamanDeScorp!

Aw, VAG that's such a sad image, being alone in your skin. Would you know, do you think, if you weren't?

I am putting my silver-plated cocktail glass (NB tankard for triple G&Ts) behind the BESH bar, as the chances of me getting diffed by the ZIta approved methods have now officially shrunk to zero. There will be no nightly gourmet sex for me, as from today, MrFig is working away during the week, leaving me 120 miles away with only a huge pile of baby congratulation cards to send to other people. Can we please restructure the Baybee Allocation system so that those who don't already have one, and who have been waiting for more than two years, go to the top of the list, pls? Reading about Sam TW is just rubbing it in, frankly.

(but then she's probably getting hourly doses of super-prime swimmers in all manner of odd positions, so not entirely surprising)

Oh that is crap news Figgy. Have this pint of gin and a chinese burn.

Scorpy well done on the doc's appt - great news.

I am have been raging for the last 4 hours at the incompetency of my doctors.... Can I just say... FUCKING USELESS CUNTS. Not only to I have to come to terms with the fact that my twat of a doctor told me blood tests in June indicated I was ovulating (I was not). Just before christmas the FC asked me to repeat those blood tests in prep for receiving the Holy Grail in Feb (otherwise known as Clomid). So I dutifully turn up at the doc's, give the woman the form from the FC stating exactly what they want. And the dumb bloody phlebotomist (sp?) doesn't understand the forms, checks with the dumbarse GP, stabs me 4 times to get a vein. THen she only goes and sends the bloods to the FC - she was supposed to send the bloods to the lab, and send the results to the FC. Now my blood samples are floating around in the NHS internal mail system and I have to start from scratch, which will delay me getting my sticky mitts on the drugs by another month. ARGGGHHHHHHH.

As if all this infertility shit wasn't stressful enough, I now have to put up with fucking incompetents.
I know I only got on the wagon a day or two ago but I am desperate to drink myself into oblivion tonight.

Rant over... as you were slaaags. (Except Scorps of course, cos she is a virgin)