30s TTC - More Gin Than George BESH

[Scorpette]

Come on in ladies, the bar is fully stocked with Advocaat, Bailey's and novelty Xmas drinkies and the slaves are wearing Ann Summer 'Santa's Hat' posing pouches. Have also festooned the place with plenty of festive tat and lots of v un-eco and tacky Xmas lights and shit because I know we all love getting Xmassy dead early. There's a fireplace so you can send your wish list to Santa up the chimbley, platters of wooden spoons and coconuts on the mantlepiece and 'Mulled Wine' scented candles lighting up The Pit of Despair. Make yourselves at home!

Welcome looney I fink we have chatted before on babyfail freds...

dunno where the quiz is.. poo is usually good at finding it... hangon

Yes I am indeed ancient (37) and barren (ttc 2 years, two mc, one at beginning, one a few weeks ago) and proud owner of a funny shaped womb apparently.

At the moment waiting for 1st droid post mc and the loon in me could not resist insisting that DP 'do me' when I saw FFJ so may lunacy may well deepen in the next week or so.

here you go looney

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. what colour are your walls?

7. Number of pets?

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

9. Lesbian crush?

10. What are your views on camping?

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid
    iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

is it a heart-shaped womb, Claire? I forget the technical term, but someone I know has it and has two kids.

Bugger arse fucksticks. I think I have babyfail. Appear to be getting the same brown spotting I got last month. Lasted a whole week before droid arrived and drove me crazy. Am sulking now. Stupid boobs making me hope.

(((Muser)))

Well opinion is divided on whether it is heart shaped (as in my womb is much prettier than yours, it also has pictures of fairies on it) or partially divided with a septum.

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes') Yes

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar? Cougarish tendencies, he's 36 bless him.

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

You take the pill, use condoms, have sex once, take the MAP and hey presto it happens, right?

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

POAS, and stop starting fucking threads entitled 'am I pregnant' why the fuck they think a bunch of people on teh internet are gonna tell I don't know. I realise BESHies would never start such foolish threads I just felt the need to rant about that.

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

b

6. what colour are your walls?

deep golden cream accented with pale gold

7. Number of pets

3 mogs, one of whom has weed on the doormat, when I find out which one I'll be down to two

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

Jason from Take That

9. Lesbian crush?

Catherine Zeta Jones

10. What are your views on camping?

meh we have to go once a year DP insists for a car thing and its hell

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on? i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it. ii) Over 100 quid iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

I think my current stock levels are probably worth £100 - I have 5 clearblue digitals lined up and ready to go plus cheapies and that's before we consider my OPK stash I hide them from DP

Hi claire

I was thinking, how funny it would be if one really were called Claire and got friendly with a bloke called Mr de Lune. Would it be enough to put off marrying him? But obviously this is something that our new laydee has thought about - just not me before. Sorry.

VAG Very amusing cat anecdote but I think you were mean not to stroke it. Least you could have done given that it's not likely to have understood the apology

I'll also not be the first to wonder at the irony of a heart-shaped womble not being a baybee-loving womble.

muser

Fantastic answers Claire - I particularly like your new method of dropping the butter dish, we've not discussed that one before - well only in jest after an appointment with the (in)fertility clinic.

muser So sorry.

VAG Cats follow diffed people!

Hi Claire! Sorry to hear about your recent MC .

And sorry to hear of all the recent babyfails. What a miserable week its been. Have a poke in the eye from me to cheer you all up!

Oh yes claire I also meant to say what ski said about the diffing method. Veerrry interesting strategy . It's gotta work! . (Actually there is someone on the ante-natal thread who got diffed after one time only, MAP, and I think (but not sure) she mentioned a condom too, presumably a split). So definately a good idea.

Hi Claire - welcome! Loved your answers too so as long as you get the next round you're in!

Muser

Might a cat be a good and recyclable alternative to the CBD....? And before anyone says anything, I do realise you don't need to wee on it!

Claire In response to your why the fucking fuckety fuck would you ask random strangers on the interweb whether you're diffed or not - I agree - how the fuck should we know and in 99.99% of cases it's a simple YBIFWY, however these lot all claim to have known about me...

Oh don't get me wrong I have no problem with people obsessing about symptoms on threads like this it's the threads that are entitled 'am I pregnant' and they're 3 days late blah blah blah and you just think oh just go POAS ffs

I know what you mean... "It's my first month TTC, am I pregnant" - why isn't there a Joey Deacon emoticon?

Or 'it's my second month ttc so I know how it feels to be trying a long time and I'm really desperate for this month to be my month'

Well it is my 2nd month ttc, and I don't have a buggery clue how it feels to be measuring in years. I'm sad enough this month as I've definitely missed the boat for my sister still being in the country for baby arrival. She'll be the other side of the Atlantic. Moop.

Muser Oh give it another 6 months and see how menkul you feel then. Everything is hunkdory fine with TTC until you experience your first babyfail and then your mental health rapidly deteriorates and you start asking Scorps for voodoo doll tip's.

Deliberate apostrophe error and implication of menkulness in Scorp's* direction to try and draw her back out of her hole. I need more stories about "ewwww, you can't ask a random to wear a condom?" because that still makes me lulz.

I'm very sorry about your babyfail Muser I think the menkulness comes in fits and starts actually, fades in and out. It has to really you can't be menkul all the time after all.

It must get horrific month after month. I can still sit there and say "well of course, most people take 6 months anyway, and August isn't the best time to have a baby, and I'm only 30". Painfully aware that's not the same for everyone. My aunt was old when she started and she lost baby after baby. It was heartbreaking to watch, god only knows what it was like to be her.

Which is why I count my blessings! One two three. And of course it's all because I cancelled my wine box order this month. If I had got the 12 bottles of Christmas wine I'd have been duffed before you could say "red or white".

eggsackly - you want a Sept baby anway

In my more menkul times I got an online/email thing 'wah when will I have a baybee' reading done and she said it would be May (conceive in, find out in, or have in, covering a lot of bases there). I recently contacted her again to say oi where is my baybee and she said she'd made a mistake and it would be December. So I figure I can relax until March and start being mental again then.

Ahh but she say which YEAR?

The August/ September thing is less an issue in Scotland - in my case I would rather a March baby than a Feb baby. But I'd be happy for an August baby, if it works this month. I have had no symptoms since the twinging went away, not a one. I did manage to avoid buying any tests in Sainsbury's this afternoon, so no early peeing.

Muser, I was going to sympathise... but then I saw you saying how you are only 30 and are glad you aren't starting TTC 'old'. I'm 37 and do not need to be reminded by other BESHes about the shiteness of TTC when you're old and how many more years of fertility others have compared to me.

If people keep being accidentally (but highly) insensitive than I'm going to become a professional flamenco dancer, what with all this flouncing it's causing me to do