30s TTC - More Gin Than George BESH

[Scorpette]

Come on in ladies, the bar is fully stocked with Advocaat, Bailey's and novelty Xmas drinkies and the slaves are wearing Ann Summer 'Santa's Hat' posing pouches. Have also festooned the place with plenty of festive tat and lots of v un-eco and tacky Xmas lights and shit because I know we all love getting Xmassy dead early. There's a fireplace so you can send your wish list to Santa up the chimbley, platters of wooden spoons and coconuts on the mantlepiece and 'Mulled Wine' scented candles lighting up The Pit of Despair. Make yourselves at home!

Don't worry, am going to indulge in the luxury of lying to myself that it's an implantation bleed, for the next 24 hours

Hah, what if it is an implantation bleed?

Then I'll be the happiest fucker alive!

But don't get my hopes up

I was standing naked in the bathroom this morning, waiting for the shower to heat up, wondering if the veins on my belly were always there, or a sign of an increased blood flow. Mental.

Morning.

It's lovely in the menkul corner Medee. We have extra gin. I was laying in bed last night, roasting hot and pissing the cat off as it wanted to lay by me but it felt like a small firey furnace so I kicked it off. And all I could think was "hmm, I wonder if this is a symptom". Although I'm fairly sure the roasting hotness has been going on for a few weeks.

muser Kicking the cat is a symptom?

extra cat love is a symptom...

Kicking the cat could be a symptom! Normally I am a slave to that cat as it's so stand offish and I want it to love me. Not a great list of symptoms though is it? A bit hot, mean to cat, sore boobs.

scorpalina I iz hoping that it is implatation bleed or somesuch similar.

Have been pondering how i would christmas up the gary - am thinking tinsel not easy - so perhaps a sprig of holly?

Well I've got some lovely eco-friendly red and green garlands made from sustainably harvested palm leaves, fairly traded?

I've got a sore arm and the bikes fell over in the wind last night - is it a symptom? [desperate to fit in emoticon]

Gin up!

A friend's cat ate tinsel once. It gradually worked it's way through the digestive system, inch by inch making its exit. That is how you festive up the gary. Just don't pull the end...

"Christmas up her gary"? That iggy is simply obsessed with bumsex! Personally I find spunky-tinsel hanging out of the bumhole really declasse... but what can you do? iggy's got her heart set on it!

Iggy can keep away from my gary with her tinsel and holly. Just because she can fit a whole festive wreath up hers. Dirty Girl. And Iggs, that misteltoe pinned to the front of your knickers isn't going to fool ANYONE

Arrgh, I've just had a flashback to a dreadful Sky One show I saw years ago about a swinger's club where an old woman with massive saggy tits hung some baubles from her nipple piercings for Xmas (and also put some lit cake candles in them later). Now that's WRONG.

VAG, that's clearly a symptom. I've decided that every-fucking-thing should be a symptom, seeing as most of us keep getting proper updiff symptoms every month and yet the droid still arrives over and over again. I know the identical-symptom-thing is to do with progesterone but that doesn't make it fair

Can you tell I'm feeling bitter today? Been crying, all feels so hopeless, hate the world (not you lot).

Scorps That just made me want to cover my boobs with my hands.

Have you considered pretending the droid is not there? No mooncup, no tampons... just dribble as you go and if anyone says anything play dumb and say "wha? I have no idea what you're talking about".

I've been crying too my angel. This morning I cried because I nearly fell over coming out of the shower and I've got no balance. Last night I cried because foofoo still won't fit. I cried because I saw pictures of baybeees getting ready to come out of foofoo (engaged ?). I cried because jailbait took big dog out on his own. I cried at Will & Grace. You get the picture?

Yeah, but you're crying cos of babybee hormones. I'm crying cos of lack of baybee and resulting hormones. Therefore, I 'win'!

Your foofoo won't 'fit'? Fit what? Cinderella's glass slipper?

ski has realised baby's head and foo foo not similarly proportioned!

Midwife sniggered when I raised my concerns. i.e., wailed and pointed to the life-size plastic baybee in her office...

Actually, as a little head's up to all of you. I've not taken things so well this week and have been panicking and crying all the time. Jailbait has suggested that because it took so long for us to conceive I was concentrating on the BFP rather than the reality... and now it's happening. There is no more "oh well, let's see what happens in 4 weeks" - it's really fucking happening. I can't put it off for a month when I've got a deadline at work (yes, I now have a huge project) - no more jokes. This is it and it's totally fucking overwhelming.

The little scare I had yesterday did that for me. serious shit-a-brick stuff. Too much reality. whaaaaaadayamean babies aren't the same size as the jelly ones?

Anyway, anyone else up for the BESH and dogs love-in on my sofa this weekend? You must bring biscwits and ice cream. And be prepared to POAS on demand (that goes for the dogs too).

Curly, that's pretty much my weekend plans actually although I was hoping to get out and see if I can get Secret Santa's up - that jar of mud isn't going to fill itself!

Am going to go off for a while. Talking about fears of reality of baybees is too much for me when am struggling not to fall into serious depression over babyfail. Sorry. Not telling anyone off, just can't deal (or be very sympathetic).

PS NO FUCKING MUD!

Aw bless. That is exactly how I would be.

I have not been crying today. I feel so normal and balanced I cannot have ovulated this month. I sometimes wish I did reach the madness of the BESHes but I don't seem to. I feel very resigned to it not happening. Very sad, but resigned at the same time.

And as for symptoms, my boobs are now an E cup when this time last year they were a B cup. Feckin' nature playing tricks. (Also perhaps linked to actually getting frontage measured properly). Arm still sore and I have a bit of toothache now. And I'm hungry. Definitely symptoms.

I feel like doing some naked dancing. Has anyone got anything I can dance about? pref a line.