30s TTC - More Gin Than George BESH

[Scorpette]

Come on in ladies, the bar is fully stocked with Advocaat, Bailey's and novelty Xmas drinkies and the slaves are wearing Ann Summer 'Santa's Hat' posing pouches. Have also festooned the place with plenty of festive tat and lots of v un-eco and tacky Xmas lights and shit because I know we all love getting Xmassy dead early. There's a fireplace so you can send your wish list to Santa up the chimbley, platters of wooden spoons and coconuts on the mantlepiece and 'Mulled Wine' scented candles lighting up The Pit of Despair. Make yourselves at home!

gin if it is only a little bit it does sound good. thinking of you tho

gin I agree with the consensus, if it's stopping or slowing down it's a good sign. It's when you go through multiple pads in a single day that's BAD. chin up, or buried in the sand however you like

By the way - loving your stories of a few of you letting loose on the kiddies every once in a while - makes it all sane! I couldn't believe it when I yelled at the dog on Monday, so I'm sure to be in your shoes if I ever get lucky and win.

Budge up Polly, I'm on my way down to the Pit - just seen first teeniest sign of the Pink Panther

Yes, it is the perfect day for an implantation bleed DPO6/7, but I know, and you know, that it's not. Got first signs of PP on DPO 6 last month and had 24 day cycle - a just-slightly-too-short luteal phase. Used to ovulate on D12 of every period and every period was 27-28 days long then the very month we started TTC, ovulation timing and droid length went haywire. Universe is clearly taking the piss or am entering perimenopause or some shit. Am starting to believe that I look a lot younger than I really am because my face has done sort of Dorian Gray-style deal with my ovaries and whilst my face stays ever-youthful, my reproductive organs have less chance of ensprogulating than my 90 yr-old Gran's do.

Think I might have a minor luteal phase issue, which would be good, seeing as when I suggested this to my Dr a few months back, she said 'What's a luteal phase?'. I hate the world. Fuck everything and goodnight!

So, you say, please as soon as possible refer me to a gynae who knows what the fuck they're talking about, you ignorant bitch. Or the words that come OUT may be, "please may I be referred to a fertility consultant, thank you so much you lovely doctor, lovely you are".

Hmm, BTW, I think and I'm not sure that pre-menopause would create much longer cycles as you don't ov so much. I THINK.

You're presuming I can even get a Dr to see me - all of this has been over the phone, as you have to phone to explain why you want an appointment in order for them to deign to help you. And so far they just brush me off as a madwoman and refuse to see me as I have regular periods (been given this reason 3 times now - it's like they think that every menstruating woman is instantly super fertile, the twats). I can't drive, don't live in a city or anything and although there is another Dr's technically nearer, I would have to walk for bloody hours (no bus goes nr there), whereas I can get the bus easily to my current one. And the one nearby isn't taking new patients at the mo either, so am stuck. Have moaned about all this before, but it's awful. And makes me worried that they'd do fuck all if I needed some proper fertility treatment. Oh, and I can't get to the gynae unit they'd send me to unless I asked my parents to come pick me up and then drive me to somewhere a long way away and then waited round for me for hours - I've had appointments with specialists before and my Drs said they couldn't let me choose where I went - another nearby hospital oss on my bus route. And my Dad has a hospital phobia and my Mum wouldn't take me on her own as she can't sit still for more than 5 mins without going stir-crazy and requiring calming with an elephant tranquiliser shot through a blowpipe. Nightmare.

Oh well, at least I am free to lick MIL's rancid fat skank-foil to my heart's content this Xmas (not a euphemism ).

Oh Scorpette that is not what I ordered for you AT ALL. I specifically told Santa 'baybee in the tum for Scorps.' I even said please FFS.

As for your doctors, I am tempted to drive up there myself, take you to the surgery, drag the bitch over the desk by her neck and beat her with her keyboard until she refers to someone who knows what the fuck they are talking about. Or how is this for an alternative, give me the phone number and I will ring them and pretend to be you and whichever poor receptionist answers the phone may live to regret being born. Can you tell I'm on the blob?

Seriously Scorps I am so sorry about the pink panther. I had high hopes for you, you deserve your christmas baybee. Come and join me in the pit - I'm sure Igor will let you have a go on fight club brad? And I have booja booja raspberry truffles. Not that that is much compensation.... perhaps I can return the favour and beat you senseless? For your own good of course.

Scorpulika, your Pink Panther sighting has brought ne out of hiding. Say it ain't so? Ah, for fuck's sake.

Polyp, am sorry to hear you got droided.

Random acts of violence to everyone else.

Oh, gin? Your mail hates me & has rejected me twice today. But am thinking of you. Hope gusset-checking isn't getting out of hand.

Cameltoe, appreciate you delurking just for the support I think only groping you can cheer me up now - you don't mind, do you?

And Pollypocket, thanks also for your support and truffles (BTW, TYF got me some for Xmas!) Your offers of help are appreciated, but sadly, I am the person all my friends and family get to ring up for them and give hell to factotums, so if I can't get them to sort me out, I dunno who can. But you are all welcome to try and see if they'll just steal a child off a woman in the waiting room and give it to me, just to shut us all up!

No pink just now when I wiped so will go to bed now happily deluding myself it was an implantation bleed

PS, me and TYF cheered ourselves up by doing Clay Davis impressions as a reaction to the arrival of the Pink Panther. If you don't know how he is, check this out! He da man!

Sweet dreams Scorpy, I'm off to bed too. Fingers crossed it implantation and you will still win a baybee for Christmas.

Nice to see you delurking Camel!

I am absolutely loving PolPot's idea of us all impersonating each other to make "difficult" phonecalls. E.g., polly phone's scorp's doctor, scorps can phone my bank, I will phone camel's boss etc., etc.! Secret Santa meets angryladyonthephone!

Scorps I am not a gynaecologist but I do know what a luteal phase is... anyways - I iz thinking 7 days pink panther before the main event is "wrong".

camelcamelcamel Why did you leave us? What does France have that the Palace doesn't - Johnny Depp aside obv.

scorps Not at all sure why your docs receptionist wants to know what's wrong with you - very odd. Can you just call to ask for an appointment and not tell them what's wrong? I mean, I have NEVER heard of that and it is totally inappropriate.

I know you can't drive, but cannot someone drive you to another surgery if that's what it takes?

No Ski, last month I Oved on CD14, got Pink Panther on CD20, Droid arrived on CD24 (much shorter cycle than usual). 3-4 days of PP before the main event is usual for me. When Ov was late, cycle was bog standard 28 days, but it meant that luteal phase was slightly too short and am worried than now Ov is CD14/15, periods are coming earlier to again ensure that luteal phase is slightly too short

Anyway, am a bit cheerier, because have been to the loo 3 times since I wrote last night and there hasn't been the merest hint of a tint. Of course, I know there'll no doubt be some later but for now am determined to be cheerful in a 'no news is good news' kinda way. Who knew that one's own gusset could be so fascinating? Am going to wear 'best' pants in order to taunt PP - if it's up there, it won't be able to resist a pricey, lacy gusset, surely?

And carrots, it wasn't the receptionist I was talking about, it was 2 separate Drs who have dismissed my worries and said I don't need an appointment as failure to updiff when TTC at 37 is apparently no biggie

To get someone to drive me anywhere would involve me expecting my parents to give up what they're doing (they're retired and have a busy life), drive to mine then drive me to a Drs surgery, wait for me - which could be aaages, as you know how you can wait for hours sometimes - and then drive me back. And my Dad has a Dr phobia as well as a hospital one, my Mum has zero sense of direction and panics going anywhere new, even when someone else knows the way and they always go everywhere together anyway. It would be over an hour of my Dad panicking and moaning incessantly (and there is the very real risk he would come into the waiting room and loudly harass the receptionists if I have to wait - he's done it before when giving me lifts to places. CRINGE) and then my parents screaming at each other and at me (we're otherwise v functional and loving, don't worry). And TYF doesn't get home until nearly 7 and the only Drs nearby offering appointments after 6pm isn't accepting new patients at the mo. It's a cunt of a situation.

PS My parents would happily drive me anywhere, but it would turn into the nightmare I described above.

rots my GP surgery is like that - you have to tell receptionist what is wrong with you - then they book a phone call at a specific time the next day (eg. between 2 and 3 pm) - they never call until after 3pm and you are in the loo when they ring so you miss the call - then you have to phone the recptionist and start again. Last time it took nearly a week to speak to the dr to get him to make a booking in appt for me... Plus the Drs are rubbish.... I say that cos I had a good GP surgery where I lived before and this one is fucking shit.

scropy muchos comiserations but will also hope is implantation.

Hope gin is ok.

Am thinking about Gin too. Am sending you lurve, if you're lurking

Scorps Is there any chance at all you can get the initial tests done via BUPA (or the like) who will not fuck you around time-wise. You'll get a date and a time and it will be done. I know it won't be "cheap" (in Belgium it costs ~500 quid for M+F testing) but is there any inheritance or help you can get from parents?

We don't have the luxury of time on our side.

I do wonder if it's worth finding a doc in the city centre though - it must be easy enough to get a bus in to the centre and have a handful of surgeries within walking distance to the bus depo.

PS PolPot has bought drucks on interweb for possible LP defect, but still recommend a tube of Primula.

Thanks for the idea, Ski, but I am totally skint and have lots of debts, TYF has no cash to spare, and my parents are pensioners and don't have any savings or anything - and certainly not several hundred quid to spare! My bro has just bought a house, so is skint. We're middle-class but not very well-off! TYF's family are nearly millionaires but I know that if we asked them, they'd not help. They didn't become rich from actually spending anything! (They've not helped family out for other important reasons.)

There are no Drs right in the city centre and the ones that'd be fairly easy to walk to are also not taking on new patients - I have been trying to sort all this stuff out already.

Anyway, nothing can be done over Xmas, so will concentrate more on all this in N Y. Thanks y'all for worrying so much about me Big lezzy gropes under the misteltoe all round!

Fuck me scrope I hope you're diffed. This situation is doing my blood pressure no good whatsoever

If it's any help I accidentally killed a fuzzy caterpillar that was at home on my carpet last night. I sent a message to Buddha to bring it back as a scropelet. Baby Jebus is just not coming up with the shiz, it's time to switch allegiances

Scorps I absolutely refuse to give up on you. There is a medical school in your city - I know this because back in the day when I was to become a doctor I went to a conference there and when it finished I threw my bag in the boot of a car waiting outside and demanded he take me to the train station... turned out it was a man waiting for his wife and not a taxi, I digress.

Anyway, phone the medical school because they will have a surgery and you may prove an interesting "infertility" case with respect to your previous medical woes. I know dental and vet schools do "freebies" for their students to practise on - it must be the same for med schools - perhaps iggy can shed a little light?

I really think you need to push because it's not just a "I'm 37" thing, you have auto-immunity issues too.

Yeah scrope MAN UP!!

Also, put a complaint in to the Practice Manager and the PCT. It's time to stop shilly-shallying about and grab this situation by the love-sacs