30s TTC - More Gin Than George BESH

[Scorpette]

Come on in ladies, the bar is fully stocked with Advocaat, Bailey's and novelty Xmas drinkies and the slaves are wearing Ann Summer 'Santa's Hat' posing pouches. Have also festooned the place with plenty of festive tat and lots of v un-eco and tacky Xmas lights and shit because I know we all love getting Xmassy dead early. There's a fireplace so you can send your wish list to Santa up the chimbley, platters of wooden spoons and coconuts on the mantlepiece and 'Mulled Wine' scented candles lighting up The Pit of Despair. Make yourselves at home!

Dark chocolate is enough to lure me out of hiding. Just cooked with 100% cacao, which was slightly too much even for me. But new Willy's (fnar) range in Waitrose is OMG amazing.

Jealous at all the cooking action. And hungry at the though of it. I've been stuck house cleaning all day

Tomorrow I have to brave the shops - must complete Christmas shopping before I see my family next weekend. And I have to find gloves that won't get drenched playing in snow - without spending a fortune.

On the subject of chocolate, it's all good

That Cameltoe is obsessed with Willy's

scorp Continued poking after diffing makes it much more likely that the father will hang around to assist in the raising of the offspring. An insurance policy of you will.

And he's very horny (to me he is anyroad)

curly You should be able to pick up a pair of skiing gloves in T K Maxx/Millets for under 15 quid.

Thanks ski will head to TkMaxx later today! Snowman building with a four-year-old, here I come

Err, hello everyone. Skihorse tell me I need to be here. I have no idea what you are all on about but it sounds amusing.

Btw, I like gin.

Yes but what colour are your WALLS

And your secret lesbian crush (assuming you are straight - secret straight crush if not)?

And your crush of shame?

evening all

thanks for all your sympathy post-droid. Ah well, another 40-odd days await me.

Had a lovely weekend with my gfs and drank lots of wine to console myself.

My body has been fucking with me. After an unprecedented five days of bits of brown, I have a baby fail. I'm really fucked off and bloody boyfriend is in bloody mexico for bloody work.

I had that the month before last longwee, it was so annoying!

oh longwee Have you got anyonething you can kick?

Sorry for your babyfail weewee

My implantation bleeding also turned out to be not implantation at all. So day one again for me. Am trying not to think of the fact it took two years to conceive after first mc because that way lies depression.

god, this is so depressing, we need some BFPs!

Is anyone due to POAS soon? I'll not be doing anything until after Christmas. We had such a cluster of BFPs the other month, surely we're due some more?

I've started Christmas early with cranberry (minimal quantities), cointreau and raspberry absolut cocktails. Very nice would also be good as a base for adding champagne I think.

Oh that sounds gooood. I have none of those ingredients. I could rustle up a vanilla vodka martini. Except I have no vermouth. Umm, straight vodka anyone? Or a killer martini? That'd be gin and vodka, in the absence of vermouth.

Good morning, hags. weewee and loonyclaire sorry about your babyfails.

I have decided that this is definitely my month. I am dpo 11, droid due on xmas day so for sure I will be updiffed by then.

I might also (don't all faint or expel me from the thread) cut down on drinking...

weewee Do you think he'd notice if the baby was a little "darker" than might ordinarily be expected?

pandora
Questions need to be answered:

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.
   e) none, relax and "it'll just happen".

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. what colour are your walls?

7. Number of pets?

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

9. Lesbian crush?

10. What are your views on camping?

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid
    iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

Can I join you ladies? I?ve been stalking your threads for weeks! I?ve been wanting to join you but we?re not even SWI yet (getting married in May) so I thought I?d better stay lurking.

But I?ve had a ?moment? this morning which I think this may convince you that I?m eligible?..
I?m 36 1/2 , I?m taking the pill, not having any droid, not had one for years since used to have the depo injection, but first thing this morning my toothpaste smelt suspiciously strong, then suddenly over brekkie I thought I was going to throw up. I convinced myself it was nothing to do with last night?s (correct use of apostrophe I believe) game pie, skipped out of work to spend £13 to POAS! It said ?no, you stupid @rse? (at work, don?t think I can use swearwords) And I'm cutting and pasting this from Outlook so that it looks like I'm writing an e-mail!

There, am officially mad and stupid and I?d be the type to still eat stilton! Can I join??

Brassica You know you're more than welcome but in light of your first paragraph I must warn you... some of us are unmarried!

You can use swearwords at work - only reason you wouldn't be able to is if your work has put a key-logger on your keyboard in which case you're totally fucked anyway - and so are they, it's illegal I think. So relaaaax and get your swearing pants on.

Hmmmn Stilton.

Well, you know the score - answer the questions!

PS Yes, you're bonkers and broody and you've POAS when you actually know you won't be pregnant - a definite contender!

PPS Might be worth considering coming off the pill to see if you can regulate your cycle... if you've been on it for years it can fuck you totally up. Conversely you may come off it and be more fertile than a 13 year old who bunks off school. There is no way in which to know.

ski - and that I only gestated for 10 days...? Hmmm, maybe not...

Welcome brassy and pandora. Brassy you are clearly old and loopy enough - but pan we require details of your ancientness/barrenness/insanity please...

hahaha horrible blokee at work whom everyone detests has just had a phonecall from the hospital asking when he wants to go in for his vasectomy. He hasn't actually requested one... I suggested he phones his wife and asks if there's anything she wants to tell him!

weewee pffff, ask him which hole you pee out of, if he says foofoo get yourself a-shagging! I'm very sorry to hear you got droided though. That's not fair - I thought you were going to become a PESH. You had a very severe case of YBIFWY this month. Jailbait has been reading up (after it's happened ) and he read something which said that many, many people are getting the fertilisation moment, it's just that our bodies don't know what to do next... so it can take a few goes. Like you, I am absolutely positive I caught a few times this year but it just didn't work out...