30s TTC - More Gin Than George BESH

[Scorpette]

Come on in ladies, the bar is fully stocked with Advocaat, Bailey's and novelty Xmas drinkies and the slaves are wearing Ann Summer 'Santa's Hat' posing pouches. Have also festooned the place with plenty of festive tat and lots of v un-eco and tacky Xmas lights and shit because I know we all love getting Xmassy dead early. There's a fireplace so you can send your wish list to Santa up the chimbley, platters of wooden spoons and coconuts on the mantlepiece and 'Mulled Wine' scented candles lighting up The Pit of Despair. Make yourselves at home!

Vag do you not have a Rabbit you can play with. I'd lend you mine but, well... you know.

Oh Medee sorry to hear about bastard metal beepy thing. Let me stamp on your foot with my stompy boots on.... does that help? No? Ok, have a large gin and some choclit instead.

I'm so sorry to hear that medee, you had loads of sex and everyfink and your husband was very enthusiastic about it all. Are you sure you had your wooden spoon under your pillow? ... or were you doing "it" outside the bedroom? In which case I'm not quite sure what the Rules Of Cutlery are.

weewee any early morning news from you?

Boo hiss Medee

or incomprehensibly

can we get some more violence in here please?

I'm feeling tasty and I'll take the lot of you on

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiii-Yah!

Non?

That's remarkable self-control m'dear. Finger's crossed!

medee sorry you are evilly droided

iggy what does 'feeling tasty' mean exactly?

Can I join the implantation bleed bench please? AF due Mondayish judging by FFJ. Also have cramps. Implantation ones.

Ooh ClairetheLoon, what do you mean by "AF due Mondayish judging by FFJ"? - am also due Mondayish, wanna compare gussets? (Am hoping am due Mondayish (am pretty much the only BESH celebrating droid-arrivals) as this will mean another "normal" length cycle which I am pretending to myself may indicate I am ovulating (as opposed to 49 day shockers and no ovulation as confirmed by glamorous redhead GP).

I don't get to sit on the implantation bench, but my boobs still feel like they are filled with concrete. At this stage, I start to inch towards 2WOOFL corner after feeling smug before at my lack of 2WOOFL madness. Then I POAS, get a negative and a big gloop of Pink Panther all in the matter of an hour. POAS is the quickest way to bring the Panther on in my experience.

It's sooo quiet without Scorps

What news, longdistancewee-er?

Well this is first droid post mc so I don't have a last droid date to go on iyswim, I had ffj the weekend before last and SWI'd the Sat and Sun so I'm hoping I ov'd Sun and I'm 12dpo now.

Is 49 days longest or average? That sucks have a large red baron to console yourself.

I have worn black knickers today to keep myself and my gusset in a state of suspense and intrigue.

Black underwear?!

Red Barons rule. Cheers Loon!

49 day was longest in a year of 35-49 day cycles. However the last cycle was a healthy and normal-sounding 30 days - I'm hoping for another such as firm and undeniable evidence that I am ovulating (not proven). I credit this to the expensive vacation in Thailand last month - I clearly need to be taken there again. As it were.

claire please to see urban dictionary - meaning of tasty #5 here

I iz londoner - born an bred - maybe iz just a london word...

I am being tempted out from the Pit of Despair by VAG'S plaintive pining for me But I ain't got nowt to say or do. Except a big consoling bitchslap-with-rings to all the latest victims of the droid and a big cheering bitchslap-with-rings to Smellsofwee to say good luck with the promising symptoms and another bitchslap-with-rings to regulate VAG's cycle and a bitchslap-with-rings at that whore* Looneytunes and her slutty black nick-nacks... basically, I'm just going to bitchslap everyone whilst wearing loads of rings. It was the way the hard girls sorted people out when I was at school

Iggy, I am a Northerner (you Soft Southern Slaaaaag) and we say 'tasty' here when spoiling for a fight. Or handy. Are yeh wantin' some, bitch? I'm handy, I'm handy!

Am on CD8 so yawnamundo. No point SWI and keep sinking into tearful depressive fits where get overwhelmed with terror of childless future. It's fun funny funtime round our place, I can tell you

Highlight of my week: 'Santa's Loyal Festive Helper' advertised as assisting St. Nick turn on the local Xmas lights turned out to be Banana Man. I love randomness like that (epilogies to those who already saw this on my FB profile).

*This is pronounced 'hoo-er' where I'm from. Lovely stuff.

Pissed on another stick. It also said no.

Am due on tomorrow but reckon am 11DPO so may not actually be due till Tues. SInce red splodge have had bits of brown which I usually get a few days before droid. But am now on 4th day of brown now so if droid doesn't show up sharpish my body is definitely fucking with me. If it was implantation it doesn't really work out with my other 'symptom' of painful boobs as I had them for a good couple of weeks before splodge. Actually, The Splodge is the only 'symptom', but droid-heralding-brown and negative piss-sticks kinda point the other way, so am going back to Ignoring It for a couple more days or until proven otherwise...

Oh yeah, and I saw a cat the other night but it ignored me.

weewee Did it ignore you in an "aloofish" manner or in a "I just don't see you" - or of course the 3rd scenario: blind and deaf?

I hope everyone has nice plans for the weekend and that you're all getting your SWI in, I know it can hard-going and sometimes just not as fun as it was when it wasn't loaded... but there is no guarantee with any of us exactly when we will OV so it makes sense to do lots of it. Iggy and I both had luck when our poor men got it every night, the victims.

I got mine this morning

And last night.

Now I've made the white choc and cranberry fudge featured on the talk topics page and I made Tuscan Bean soup for lunch and although it wasn't as good as my mum's there were clean plates all round

I love cooking weekends. Feel all smug.

White chocolate mings you freak.

PS weewee Finally, 4 weeks after I'd wanted to bump in to him, I found the stables cat... he was far more interested in jailbait than me... read in to that what you will. i.e., jailbait's a big jessie!

It DOES NOT you weirdo dutch CAP. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH can I do nothing RIGHT?????

Overreact much, Cunty? I wouldn't eat a bar of white choc (if I could) but white choc as a flavour in stuff is acceptable. BTW, what did you get last night - hot foofoo action? But you don't need to now Jebus done putted a baybee in your tumtum

Ski, are you in the same dark choc camp as me - if it's not bitter enough to make you grimace and blink like someone about to have a fit then it's for wusses?

Scorpette It should be served directly from the freezer in shards so sharp it may be possible to slice your fingers on them. It should be so dark and gritty that the roof of your mouth actually feels dry, dirty and even "exfoliated" following consumption.