30s TTC - More Gin Than George BESH

[Scorpette]

Come on in ladies, the bar is fully stocked with Advocaat, Bailey's and novelty Xmas drinkies and the slaves are wearing Ann Summer 'Santa's Hat' posing pouches. Have also festooned the place with plenty of festive tat and lots of v un-eco and tacky Xmas lights and shit because I know we all love getting Xmassy dead early. There's a fireplace so you can send your wish list to Santa up the chimbley, platters of wooden spoons and coconuts on the mantlepiece and 'Mulled Wine' scented candles lighting up The Pit of Despair. Make yourselves at home!

VAG you is menkul - that is surely crush of shame

Eric Morecambe is my crush-of-shame, actually.

I went to Kingston this morning at 9.15 and I was home at 11.15 having purchased all my xmas presents and all the wrapping shiz. Bow down before me.

And, AND, that was after spending 15 minutes puking up pure stomach acid this moring which, let me tell you, is Not Pleasant.

I get the Dr Cox thing - he ain't a looker but his personality is perversely sexy. Plus his name sounds rude, hur hur, fnarr fnarr, snurk! (I read an article about him and he is a sweetie in RL - raises $100000s for Down's charities as has Down's son.)

My friend-boss has a massive crush on Brian Blessed. I have to listen to her perving about him regularly. It's wrong.

I too have asked Santy for a baybee in my tumtum. Seeing as 'Day of Agony' (main period pain day) is due on 25th itself, this request will test his generosity to the limit. Am hoping irony of Xmas Day being only day of year I drink alcofrol and eat crap will guarantee he obeys (yes, I am going to be one of those neurotic bints who panics about everything when pg).

I'll bow down before you, Cunty, but if you start to say "whilst you're down there", I'm getting up sharpish

PS Going mental in Poundland does not equate to be a genius Xmas shopper. Just saying, like...

I nearly spent a lonely xmas in Kingston back in 94 (?). I was strolling down the high street and I realised the B'Issue bloke had more money than me and Bentalls and John Lewis were mocking me. On Xmas eve my bf's mum drove 70 miles to pick me up and take me home with her and she'd bought me loads of stuff. Shame her son was a giant cock.

Brian Blessed? Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

On the subject of pressies, if anyone wants to tell me what they have got their fellow BESH for the secret santa, it might (just might) help me feel a wee bit less left out of the whole thing

Won't tell, HONEST

What literally a giant cock? Special!

I went to Bentalls and I spent 275 notes on Hombre in the gentlemens' outfitters department. It's amazing how much gaudy xmas jumpers and socks cost these days

Lo BESHies, how is everyone?

I have broken my self imposed exile of depression to impart the news of my appointment yesterday...

Basically, they are not sure I am ovulating, despite getting positives on OPK's, as my hormone levels are too high (FSH and LH) and too low (Progesterone). If only my darling GP had picked up on that in June when original tests done.... THE BITCH!!

Anyway, long and the short is that I'm having an HSG in the new year, more bloods done, TG has to knock one out into a pot, and then I will win 6 months of Clomid, starting from Feb.

Was feeling vey positive yesterday, but feeling a bit flat today. Still, at least something is happening now.

Weewee how is the bleeding/non bleeding going? I really hope its an implantation bleed, crossing everything.

I too was also worried about low progesterone and have just ordered myself some cream, as well as taking agnus castus and vitamin B6. Surely if I spend enough money, at some point, I will win a baby? Isn't it like the lottery?

Cunty I would bow down before you but do not really want vom in my hair, thanks all the same.

• appalling apostrophe error just noted

pol would avoid your hair and aim for the back of your neck if that's ok. Besides it's after 10.30 so you're quite safe.

Polyp Good to have you back, was wondering how you were. Bollocksisation about the ov prob & hormones shiz, what a load of wank. Having it seen to in the new year is good though - not far off... How's you feeling about it?

Polly Polly You won Clomid - livin' the dream sistah! So glad you're back! I am very happy to hear though that finally you've got something positive happening in that direction, how thrilled is TG about the pot-filling exercise?

Thanks Cunty... I think

'lo Wee, fank you. Anyone on here tried Clomid? I did a quick search of MN last night and found lots to be positive about, but that feeling has somewhat deserted me today.

I think part of me is keen to just get on with it now, but on the other hand, its kind of nice to have a couple of months break from ttc, as that is what we were planning anyway. I have a couple of tests to get out of the way at the doc's (more bloods and swabs) then I will just try and concentrate on vodka Christmas.

Hi again all.

I kinda get the Dr Cox thing but feel his teeth are a little too luminous. I know white teeth is something to strive for but his are positively glowing! I rather like the dark Latin look myself, like Enrique what's-his-face from Without a Trace (that is my TV programme choice of shame)...here he is , bet he's a twat though.

I am now DPO4 and failing to remain calm and serene. We have for some reason only managed to have sex 3 times this cycle. 3 TIMES!!! That's pretty poor by anyone's standards and only one of those times could have led to updiffedness I think. At least that sort of means we SFF twice! Still this hasn't stopped me from already buying a pregnancy test for next week. I really do despair of myself sometimes.

Polly good news things are happening but that's pretty shit that it might have been picked up 6 months ago

Polly Clomid is AWECELLENT - you could be the UK's very own Octomom! The more you take the more baybees you win! (Side effects: it makes you menkul apparently.)

Hehe, fanku Ski, missed you too. In fact, missed you all, but was just TOOO mental last month, hence having a break until the new year.

TG has come around to the idea of wanking in a pot, as he finally did the home sperm test which gave very good results. Which he waved in my face as soon as I got in from work one night in a 'ner ner ner neeerrr ner' fashion.... grrr. Actually he wasn't that bad - but you could see the relief on his face that it probably wasn't him with the problem. Obviously that threw me back into a pit of depression for a few days. But I is back now!

Home testing kit? Polly and now Please for the science bit?

PolPot - good news about getting the ball properly rolling and winning the Clomid but about stoopid Dr not picking it up all those months ago.

Can't help now worrying that I'm not ovulating, despite positive POKS, temp shifts, FFJ-agogo and so on. God, it's all so bloody complicated, innit?!

Seeing as we all know about my shit Drs, can peeps tell me what tests I should be expecting/demanding when I finally get them to see me? Cheers.

hello BESHes

scorps, the day 3 and day 21 tests are generally the ones they start off with - these will check your hormone levels to see whats going on.

If you keep getting no job from your docs, I'd change practices if I were you.

Ski'orse wot is the 'science'? I does not do that.... I am more the kind of person who prays to the fairies/crystals/powers that be/acupuncturist to get wot I want. Here is link to the test... hopefully that will explain the science for you...

www.accessdiagnostics.co.uk/acatalog/FertilityScore.html

Aksherly the test gives you two goes, and TG only used one... anyone else want to one? Nice little free christmas present for TYF ?!

Darling Scorpy can you no change drs? Yours do sound even worse than mine. You need to get bloods done on day 2 or 3 or 4 of your cycle to check hormone levels like FSH and LH. Optimum levels for FSH are 6-9 and LH should be a bit lower.. My June results were 28 and 23, FFS.

Then 7 days before droid is due you need to get more bloods taken for progesterone testing - this should show if you have ovulated. Apparently, a score of over 30 is good and the higher the better. Mine was 23 in June.... and no fucker told me. In fact, when I rang for the results I spoke to different doctor who got very flustered and didn't seem to know why I was ringing. He said my progesterone was 'slightly raised'. On pressing, he told me that would indicate that I had ovulated. Stoopid fucker... won't be making any more appointments with him.

Ooh and hello Twinkle - don't worry about not doing it enough this month - we conceived DD when we only shagged once in a whole month . Shame my ovaries have since died eh?!

'ello Poos, sorry about the ovaryFAIL but well done on scoring some top class drugs to sort!

'ello Cossy

Yo, Polly. Sorry to have scareded you - the test was very painful, but was over quite quickly. Bit like losing one's virginity. If one were to do so with a speculum and some dye being injected, rather than a winky.

Sorry about the hormone levels, my love. Still, Clomid is (apparently) magic.

Hello everyone else! Am still lurking, but am stumbling rapidly into horrible depression, so won't be posting much for a bit.