30s TTC - More Gin Than George BESH

[Scorpette]

Come on in ladies, the bar is fully stocked with Advocaat, Bailey's and novelty Xmas drinkies and the slaves are wearing Ann Summer 'Santa's Hat' posing pouches. Have also festooned the place with plenty of festive tat and lots of v un-eco and tacky Xmas lights and shit because I know we all love getting Xmassy dead early. There's a fireplace so you can send your wish list to Santa up the chimbley, platters of wooden spoons and coconuts on the mantlepiece and 'Mulled Wine' scented candles lighting up The Pit of Despair. Make yourselves at home!

longwee Sorry, it wasn't cycle 6/12, it was month 6/12 - cycles 8 and 14 I think.

Camel sorry to hear you had a horrible time. Fingers crossed it can all get fixed up quick.

Hawaiian shiney one - hi hi, good to see you back.

Well, it's buzzing in here tonight, innit?

evening!

Aaaargh, meant yesterday to congratulate Pony on her article in the Grauniad - beautifully written and heartfelt. And I hope your friend gets good news

Right, my body is proper fucking with me. Started bleeding this morning 4 days early. I can't remember being early in the last 20 years. I want to believe it's the fabled implantation - had a big splodge then nowt really since then (which is also fucked up for me coz when I start I start) - but I feel utterly pathetic for clinging to stupid hopes. So now I'm worrying about low progesterone (short LP, v painful boobs...) and being a million miles from a fertility clinic.

longwee, Curly and carrots are both implantation bleeding experts who know everything there is to know about it.

Btw, stop poking the creepy crawlies.

longwee it could be.

I too worried (unnecessarily) about low progesterone when in actual fact there was nothing wrong with my progesterone levels, I was simply "mad". When I got my period I got a big fuck-off zit on my chin (chinny area is womble related) and progesterone poo (Scorps gets this too) - that is diarrhea [sic] the day I got my period. However, if you decided you is actually not menkul but actually suffering you can buy all this shiz on the internet - in fact, truth be told - you can buy any fecking fertility drug you like on the internet although probably best not to feck with some of them given they're quite potent. If in doubt, inject your lovely fella when he's sleeping to see if anything "weird" happens.

ski LOL. Yeah, that's right (x post). I mean, it COULD be but sort of don't know what to say in case it isn't. But it COULD be.

Cockroaches are not nice. I have to say that one of the only things I don't miss about Africa is the critters which steal everything left out - ants, monkeys, etc.

Yeah, you know what, I even went back to the last thread to check what their implantation was like . I had a big red splodge, now I just have a bit of brown, but am on hourly checks. Not sure which is worse, a) going to the loo especially to peer up your fanny, or b) telling the world what you find.....

Hello BESHies

I hope you haz all been good while I haz been away

• what's that? You didn't notice?!

Camelina that sounds like a pile of bollocks - hope is does give some answers tho.

scropyscrooge soz you iz down - would an offensive arse groping help at all?

weewee

weewee 30 minute interval inspections of your gusset are totally normal. I remember being horrified when meeting my sister on Koh Samui and her telling me she'd beaten a cockroach to death with her shoe - I'd read that when you do this you break open the lady cockroach and then spread her eggs all over your shoe and then just take them on with you.... Grooooo! Is that true weewee?

iggy has her fango crossed?

ski I said fangres not fanjo Can people not READ English?

iggy of course we missed you but now you're in the grown up non barren place we don't think you're gonna hang around with us no more

ski - I was told that about cockroach eggs and blindly believed it - but when I told boyfie and he looked at me like I was a dangerous lunatic and said it was clearly bollocks.

weewee Nooooo! How dare people dispell creepy-crawly myths with their hard facts?

Did someone mention offensive arse groping? Tuck in, Iggsy, there's (sadly) plenty to get hold off!

My crappest new post-menstrual symptom is that when my droid fucks off, he leaves me the precious gift of a mahoosive throbbing red lump somewhere in the 'hormonal area' of my face, ie sides of chin near mouth, mainly. . I always used to get a few spots at droid-end, which was annoying but no biggie, but now I'm getting these giant beezers which never require squeezing (sorry) but which leave angry red-purple scars which can't be properly covered up with make-up (and I'm v good with the old slap). Face of a teenager, ovaries of a pensioner.

I have never seen a (live) cockroach. And long may that continue Gawd, hope I haven't jinxed myself now

Hold of, arrrrgh!

weewee that is what happened here. I thought 'twas droid (even though like you I always just start). Then it stopped.
Also pink stuff (panic) last week. Seems you can get more than one impish bleed, so keep chin up and do not fear short LP or ought comme ca.

Sorry to other people feeling like arsedump. Perhaps a group widdershins rubbing session is in order? (finds excuse for mass gropage )

(I haz been away in a mental way - too many hours working on speshul person event yesterday. Is over now, thank fuckity.)

Not amused with talk of cockroaches. second such conversation I've "heard" today.

• That's what we need! A beauty room! Scorpy you need to treat yourself to a lovely facial to zap that bastard. I'd recommend a lovely lady I go to (uses very gentle stuff which may suit your sensitive skin) except she's here in Lunnontown.

Bet that Dr Cox would be good at giving massages

I iz not leaves you.

scorps why thank you

Also pondering if face like pensioner and ovaries of teenager would be better tho?

Iz you getting anywhere with you stoopid Dr scropy ?

Morning Ladeez. Droid has departed, all a bit quick really. Let us see what this month brings. I wrote this letter to Santa.

Dear Santa, I haz been veh veh good this year. Please bring me a baybee. If cannot have baybee please substitute with box full of kittons like what Mariah Carey gets. Fankoo.

Thanks for bosom smotherage iggy

saggy vaggy Is this Dr Cox of whom you speak the one from Scrubs? Coz I saw that the other day. And if it's him I Don't Get It. Please explain

PS, thanks all for the hope & encouragement re poss of implantation. Tis strangely reassuring to know I'm not the only lunatic who grasps at such straws. Has perked me right up (hoiks bosoms). Mmm, and I just had a nice pie

weeface - yes it is - he's just so mean and overbearing

Ironically this is absolutely not the sort I go for in real life. But that's what fantasies are for, n'est pas? And you have to watch more than one episode to understand the true power of Perry.