Disco Quim? Well, we could do with a laugh after the earlier drama but it may well be one of those 'you had to be there' things...
Okay, back in 1998, I was at a wedding near Bath and in a freakish coincidence, met my Best Friend there (who was living in Brighton). I then spent the next day at his Mum's house, which was an hour away. I say house but mean mansion - his Mum is 107th in line to the throne or summat. Anyway, I say this to emphasise how ridiculously posh and aristocratic his Mum is. She has that sort of accent so posh that you can barely understand her. And she's v stiff-upper-lip and religious, too. Anyway, over lunch, apropos of nothing, she asked us if we'd like to hear the hilarious thing that had happened to her at the Drs the day before. We said yes, expecting it to be some dry tale to laugh at politely. She then said that she'd been busy all day, looking after a friend who'd broken her leg. Whilst there, she was looking in her diary and suddenly realised that she had a smear test appointment in less than an hour's time. She was worried as had not had time for a shower that morning and was hot and sweaty, etc., and worried that she might be a bit whiffy down below (she didn't have time to go home and wash and the friend had a very old house where you couldn't just jump in a shower, etc.). In a panic, she went to the friend's bathroom and dabbed herself with wet loo roll. Still paranoid she stank, she saw a bottle of body spray and gave her bits a quick squirt. Then she relaxed and went to the Drs and when she was all spread-eagled waiting for the speculum, the male Dr looked down, laughed and said 'There was no need to go to so much trouble'! She looked down and saw that her 'area' was covered in glitter! Apparently the body spray had actually been glitter spray belonging to the friend's teenage daughter!
My friend's Mum isn't the sort given to telling or even knowing about Urban Myths, but even if she was, the way she told it was so hilarious as to be unforgettable; she was really graphic and matter-of fact, such as 'And then I looked down and my entire vulva was coated in glitter - can you imagine my embarrassment and confusion? I was also worried that some glitter would get inside my vagina and cause infection'. HOW inappropriate for a sedate family lunch with your grown childen plus guests? So we nicknamed her ladybits the 'Disco Quim' from then on. We even wrote a performance poetry piece about it in her honour
I hope I have a groovy Disco Quim when I'm older