Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

30s TTC The Loch BESH Monsters

1000 replies

CurlyCasper · 22/10/2009 12:50

Welcome along women of a certain age. The new palace has a post modern water feature, spouting forth gin from a serious of suspicious looking humps...

OP posts:
idealcamel · 30/10/2009 09:44

Hello, skibum. Hurrah for new place! And for handbags and shoes.

Scorp, have you recovered from meh birthday?

Cunty, if you leave we will track you down. We know where you live.

idealcamel · 30/10/2009 09:49

Sorry, Scorp, x-post.

I've checked and you can't overdose on folic acid. And I suspect that missing one day won't be that much of a problem.

Wtf is an alkaline diet?

And AIBU to suspect that a book that recommends water fasting 2 or 3 times a year and colonic irrigations may not actually be the answer to my fertility problems?

Scorpette · 30/10/2009 09:59

Thanks for the reassurance, Cameltoe. I feel a bit jippy-tummy (over-ate) and knackered and really don't want to go to bastard work . Perhaps my giant lump can do most of the work (I'm not exaggerating, it really is the most remarkably massive beezer)?

I have done water fasts and colonic irrigation in the past for health reasons and I would avoid the water fasts. Mainly cos they do fuck-all ecxcept give you a flat tum for about half a day. The colonics were meh. I didn't have a massive outgoing of poo like I hoped for and it just makes you insanely hungry. I will explain the alkaline diet better later, but need to get ready for work now [reluctant face]. Or google it, helpful research queen

BTW, after the temp dip, my temp is now going higher than even previously - a 2nd temp spike? Am I allowed to feel a glimmer of hope about this?

longwee · 30/10/2009 10:03

Cripes camel sounds like you've got a proper mental on your hands there. Burn the witch

Right, I'm feeling periody and keep thinking I have come on but it's just lots of FJ gushing forth . I can't decide whether to POAS again tomorrow - I have previously only done so when I was week late and pretty convinced, so don't wanna descend into the madness of daily POASing (I'm only actually due on tomorrow) On the other hand I wanna know. Ohwaddoidoooo? Actually, I don't want advice, I want to be told that I am pregnant, will have a trouble free pregnancy, leading to a beautiful healthy baby which will grow up into a well behaved, well rounded and happy child/teenager/adult.

Is that really too much to ask?

Sigh, I was all calm about this a couple of weeks ago - wtf happened to that??

skihorse · 30/10/2009 10:27

colonic irrigations = bumsex by any other name camel.

Thank you polly - I've not yet been able to buy a new bottle of gin so this will go down nicely.

Btw, when reading all of this today, in my head I read it in your accents (those that I know anyway) - does anyone else do this? e.g., "ooo aarrr"

I bought more folic acid yesterday - I realise we're being duped here. I had a bad time 2.5 years ago where I wasn't able to eat for a couple of months - had my bloods done and my folic acid was fine. Here I am, 11 months TTC and handing money over to Boots on a monthly basis lest I get the guilts.

PollyPoo · 30/10/2009 10:37

at accents! No I don't imagine them!! (And Ski for the record I do not have an ooo-arr accent even though I kill deer and live in the back of beyond Honest!)

skihorse · 30/10/2009 10:42

Oh please, you're Kernow aren't you? . Bloody hell, what's with the silence around here? Has cunty got her face down the toilet? Are people busy sticking tea-tree-oiled-tampons up their foofoos? I expected far more WOOFLing.

extremesitting · 30/10/2009 10:50

Sorry your bday was pants Scorp We are v. happy to have you back where you belong though!

Also grateful that you think I might be the next to join cuntys gang, but I am v. much starting to doubt it now. Had two solid days of weird tummy cramps (lower right abdomen), had a day off but then yesterday and today I appear to have funny periody type pains. The drioid isn't due til this time next week, so I don't know what the foof is going on. Can't remember, but pretty sure I don't get pains a week before my R2D2.

Can anyone offer me a glimmer of hope or am I doomed to another babyfail?

PS - I wrote an essay in the pther place. It was potentially a bit long winded, hysterical and there was no conclusion. I would advise that you not bother reading it. I may be having a hormonal day!

PollyPoo · 30/10/2009 10:51

Lol, no I'm from Bath, but did live en Kernow for 5 years (am desperate to go back... sigh). Live in deepest darkest Somerset now. My family all have strong bath/bristol accents but somehow I managed to avoid it (hanging out with the posh kids at school rubbed off on me I think).

Yeah, where is everyone? Sounds like Scorps is busy at work... I've got another shift this avo, so really ought to get arse off sofa and... Hey, just had a thought - do you think hours of sitting with laptop on affects fertility? I did hear somefink about men shouldn't use laptops too much or else might fry their spunk. more shit to worry about >

extremesitting · 30/10/2009 10:52

I smell spell bad

skihorse · 30/10/2009 10:54

extreme It sounds as though you've got "Wombles". I did read your essay - all sounds very reasonable and non-ranty to me. Ye pur wee thing - now come here and get this down you.

UnderneathTheStream · 30/10/2009 10:56

Hello please may I join the party? 35 + infinity and have been trying for #1 for what seems like forever...

skihorse · 30/10/2009 10:57

Polly I've worried about the laptop thing myself and was thinking of getting one of those heat-absorbing laptop cushions or something. I fear though that this would be a bit horse-bolted because the damage to my ovaries was done during years 21-27.

skihorse · 30/10/2009 10:59

hello underneath - define "forever" - is it:

i) nearly 3 weeks now
ii) I've spent more than 100 quid on pregnancy tests
iii) I might steal a baby from a pram
iv) I would've been a teenage mum if I'd dropped the butter dish in the first month of trying
?

Other questions to follow.

But for the time being, get your chops around this raspberry mojito. Fruit is good for you, bottoms up!

UnderneathTheStream · 30/10/2009 11:03

Forever = £100 on pregnancy tests? Bah! I'm almost a wholesale purchaser!

Actually it's 8months this time around. With previous ex-h it was 5 years.... then found out that HE KNEW he couldn't have children... arseface...

iggypiggy · 30/10/2009 11:11

Yay! Ski is back

camel the book sounds proper nuts... I say burn it...

stream he sounds like a cunt

iggypiggy · 30/10/2009 11:13

oops forgot to say welcome stream scorps arse bollecks about rubbishness on brithday - but yay for nice presents

Right now extreme I has money on you being next updiffed, so don't let me down - yeah?

iggypiggy · 30/10/2009 11:14

Bollecks! NEW WERD!!!!!!!

bollocks - obv.

iggypiggy · 30/10/2009 11:14

and another thing...

scorps I has stopped taking the pesky folic acid anyway innit - prob not to panic...

PollyPoo · 30/10/2009 11:15

Mmm raspberry mojitos... yum. Welcome underneath... we have some questions for you...

  1. Do you drink gin? (hint, say yes)
  1. Are you a 'journalist' for the Daily Heil?
  1. Is there a man involved or are you a turkey baster type?
  1. Either way, who is your lesbian crush of choice?
  1. If man involved, is he (a) still at school, or (b) suffering senile dementia?
  1. Now the big test: which is the correct hole? (a) wee wee, (b) foo foo, or (c) Mr Hanky's house?
  1. What colour are you walls?
  1. Crush of shame

I expect there may be more but I can't find them.

Ponymum · 30/10/2009 11:18

Contrary to popular opinion I have not Gone Off Somewhere Else. I have been vomitting in the corner for the last 2 weeks. I know you've all heard me because because someone keeps turning the music up whenever I make the retching sound just before the barf. Will someone please hold my hair back?

scorps You are so diffed. And weewee too. I declare it.

Hello to the newbies. I am the most ancient BESH, and am now in foal. I was in denial for a while there but the non-stop vomitting finally coinvinced me to believe it. Currently terrified at what lies ahead.

CUNextTuesday · 30/10/2009 11:19

Gah! Stream welcome, and commisserations on hooking up with such a tosspiece.

Ladies I are here. Guess where I went? I went to M&S to get some BLUE CHEESE and I am going to EAT IT for LUNCH . I do this on the basis that women in France care not a jot for nonsense such as don't eat this don't eat that and they have a perfectly healthy population. And my sister is coming and I don't really want to tell her just yet so I thought I'd throw her off the scent. And if she brings a bottle of wine I'm going to have some of that too

ski good to have you back, my equine friend. I do not have my head down the toilet, I have been hanging the washing out in a small nod to the nesting instinct. I do however have a brutal headache, but even I draw the line at mainlining co-codamol at this stage - although I is only 5 weeks so I'm not sure what harm it could actually do

scorps fear not about Folic Acid - women all the over the world have no access to folic acid and their populations are booming. Can you tell I've been giving this some considerable thought??

CUNextTuesday · 30/10/2009 11:21

Oh Pony - sorry to hear you do have your head down the toilet. Meh. Can I offer you this elastic band and some hair grips for your barnet?

CUNextTuesday · 30/10/2009 11:22

Also I'm sorry for mentioning blue cheese - that can't have helped. Oh! I've done it again sorry

iggypiggy · 30/10/2009 11:27

Liking your attitude cunty - liking it muchly

pony !!! long time no see!! sorry bout the vom stylee... what a bugger.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.