Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

30s TTC The Loch BESH Monsters

1000 replies

CurlyCasper · 22/10/2009 12:50

Welcome along women of a certain age. The new palace has a post modern water feature, spouting forth gin from a serious of suspicious looking humps...

OP posts:
extremesitting · 29/10/2009 16:29

Oh no, you sound like you will fit in very well!

My name is extreme I like to sit around in my fag ash covered dressing gown, sans knickers, all day (recession bit hard, but attempting to muddle through with occasional badly paid freelance work). I have been TTC for a million years. I am also prone to exaggeration, drama queen tendencies and general hormone related meltdowns.

Apologies for the unusual quietness of the other wonderful ladies... our resident loon Scorpette is celebrating her birthday today, as is the lovely lyra

Don't be lulled into a false sense of security... I occasionally go for a wee and find that 6 pages have past while I was away. V. annoying as it takes me a few hours to catch up.

This thread is like crack. You have been warned

extremesitting · 29/10/2009 16:30

My dressing gown is red. Its lovely

extremesitting · 29/10/2009 16:31

it's

(very picky folk on this thread!)

extremesitting · 29/10/2009 17:04

I done scared everyone away!

HawaiianCuntShine · 29/10/2009 17:27

Charlie, may I have a margarita with a babydust rim, please?

Cheers to Lyra and Scorpy my two favorite laydeez BESHies with burfdays today!!!

HawaiianCuntShine · 29/10/2009 17:36

Oh - dildocam yesterday went well, and booked in for last scan Monday (same day mum and aunty arrive with poochy-poo). Having a hard time feeling anymore than "meh"... but a babypass will fix that right up! (yeah, right)

Cunty glad you are still hanging ten on that peestick, ride the wave, sista!

Casper I often double check posts for fear of outing someone - then even had paranoid fits over ... nevermind, I don't want to give interlopers any good ideas.

Camel, scorpy will be glad to have you by her side, then she can feed her competitive nature by trying to outdo your menkal-ness, not to worry!

LOL at all of the POAS results - esp FFS Lady,...

CUNextTuesday · 29/10/2009 18:44

I have a supplementary question bilgeberry. What would your peestick say if you invented it?

iggypiggy · 29/10/2009 20:06

allo chaps

cho am sad - I sniggered at 'on the rag' reminds me of school...

and talking of random sniggering - I also chuckled at babydust rim - until i realised that this was not vield referemce to arsehole licking

I'm missing the word BUMSEX in our thread

cunty am pleased for the non-vom... My mum says she never felt vom and she has three of us... am sure after babyfail everything about being updiffed again is fucking frightening tho.

Welcome to bloob

givecarrotsachance · 29/10/2009 20:27

casper was going to apologise for the chinese burn but, frankly, you deserved it coz you're sooo pretty.

bloobs welcome m'dear. I'm a fellow mother (of a 5yr old boy) and there are a couple more of us. Please feel free to vent your aggression in here. Except - Little Miss Sunshine? What are you thinking? I sat through that whole crappy film thinking it was going to get better and it just didn't. A one-joke film alright. Although I must confess that the joke was very funny.

Loving the POAS message. I'm thinking, (in a Mr T voice) - "MISSED! Fool". Coz I can never actually get it on the stick, just all over my hand (yuck).

cunty toddler tantrums are hilarious. C'mon, you're grown up and more intelligent than they are. You can out-smart them every time. It's great fun.

givecarrotsachance · 29/10/2009 20:34

Oh and day 14 today, think I ov'd (I'm so bloody average) but will find out tomorrow when temping. So possibly tomorrow will be officially barking woofling.

givecarrotsachance · 29/10/2009 20:38

Oh and cunty I had a grand total of two incidents of MS with DS, neither of which ended in actual vom, and both of which lasted less than 5 minutes. And clearly he worked just fine.

idealcamel · 29/10/2009 22:03

Yo, bibblebobble! Welcome to the crack.

BESHies. I am reading a book that in all seriousness claims that in 'an experiment' cats were fed food & water that had been microwaved and starved to death in a month. Even though said moggies had plenty of food & water. LOON! Thank fuck, otherwise I might have had to take the fertility diet shite seriously. I thought it was just going to be sensible low gi, organic, quit booze, not something that claims that women lower their fertility by sitting in front of computers. I am very relieved. Bring me some low carb vodka immediately.

I may continue to update with equally WTF claims from the world of Bad Science. Ignore me, I'll be in the dark corner with Ben Goldacre and a bottle of tequila.

HawaiianCuntShine · 29/10/2009 22:22

Curly did you see the "discussions of the day" in top right corner??? I think they are following you, or at least your dreams!

iggy you dirty, dirty gurl!

HawaiianCuntShine · 29/10/2009 22:23

PS - welcome blooby! You're buying this round...

Scorpette · 29/10/2009 22:37

Greetings NewbyBlooby! Your answers sound BESHtastic and you are most welcome here.

Apparently I am the resident loon, as mah bitch extreme done said. This is nonsense - all I do is attribute every tiny physical sensation after ovulation to pregnancy, worry that doing normal stuff will stop it sticking and draw the second line on my pregnancy tests with red biro. As if that would make you a loon! At least I don't imagine I'm updiffed BEFORE ovulation, like some menkuls round here

Well, my birthday was a bit rubbish. We just seemed to not be able to find owt interesting to do and then TYF ate a dodgy sarnie and went to bed at 9pm so have been snivelling in self-pity here on the sofa And if that wasn't shit enough, a few hours ago I started getting a weird breast pain that has signalled a week's countdown to the droid in the past It's like a lump develops to the side of my left nork which disappears completely by D3 of droid. I mean, it's possible that if droid hormones stimulate it then pg ones could, but am feeling unlucky. Does the fact that it's a lump (even if it disappears) sound bad and should I see my Dr?

Have also developed a weird patch of skin below my throat that goes itchmental if I wear jewellery against it and TYF bought the most beautiful hand crafted locket and I had to take it off after an hour cos it was agony. Waaaah!

On upside, got into size 10 dress AND I told the cashier it was my birthday and he gave me 10% off, so it was a great birthday! (so fickle!)

Sorry for the moan. Had to get that off my chest. I want TYF here next to me and a baybee in my tumtum

Bizarrely, I just read the Dr Zhai article in the Observer woman then it was linked to on here. V interesting stuff - I think I know where we'll be going en masse for the first Gin Palace day out

Camel, I eat a low-carb diet anyway and eat an alkaline one for SWIing and it has really improved my FFJ and other ov signs and re-regulated my ov times, so I say go for it. We can sit together in Menkulist's Corner munching our sunflower seeds half-heartedly and wittering about breast pain

Extreme - my dressing gown is hooded and v fluffy and is white with purple stars. More stylish than it sounds.

I'm 37! What bastard thought that would be a good idea? My poor, crumbling eggs!

ginhag · 29/10/2009 22:59

Hey scorp. was about to crash out but saw your message..

Sorry your birthday was a bit crap.happens more in yer 30's I think . mine was rubbish this year.

I prob wouldn't worry too much about lump. One of the things docs check is if it goes away after droid. Apparently such disappearing lumpiness is normal. I know this cos I had to wait a whole fucking week recently as went to docs with breast lump on day droid arrived,they are not allowed to refer you til lump hasn't disappeared after next period...

But if you're not sure check with doc as I am in no way a medical practioner!

Here,I've made you this lovely dairy free,booze free smoothieand have put umbrellas and sparklers in it and everyfink. Also,have this karate chop to the arm to take your mind off things

Scorpette · 29/10/2009 23:05

Cheers gin, the advice and support we get in this place is priceless. If I could move my arms I would punch you back

I want to be a Mum on my next birthday!

PollyPoo · 30/10/2009 00:13

Scorps you MUST be diffed this month. I will not allow otherise - we need some more good news and Cunty needs a diffed mate. So there. Sorry your birthday has turned out a bit shit at the end, but even more proof that you surely deserve a bfp?

I've just finished work, I am knackered and my feet are on fire. But on the plus side, I may lose some weight... cloud and silver lining and all that

Where is Ski? I'm missing her.

Iggy I also larfed at rimming and rags, so juvenile but I can't help it. Also, I haven't mentioned bumsex in a while but we did it last night, so feel I should point it out. Anyway, FFJ started today (only on day 8) so will be concentrating solely to minky-sex for the next week.

PollyPoo · 30/10/2009 00:16

Oh yes, and I also have nightmares that I will reveal a RL name on MN. >

CUNextTuesday · 30/10/2009 09:03

Yes yes I need a diff-mate that's what I need! I don't want to be the only one

Everyone else who's diffed has Gone Off Somewhere Else. I won't desert you. For one thing I would miss scorp's capers too much

longwee · 30/10/2009 09:14

Ha - you say that now cunty but in a couple of weeks you'll be off with your new bessie mates on the July Bus comparing nausea and bumps and cute little bootees - and us barren lot will be nowt but a tragic memory....

CUNextTuesday · 30/10/2009 09:23

Nooooooooooo wee I won't I is loyal and that janowotahmsayinanthatinnit. I loves you guys.

skihorse · 30/10/2009 09:23

I is back!

We got moved in to the new place and I'm really happy with it - got more unpacking to do but it's mostly done. jailbait keeps saying things like "but what are you going to do with that box of handbags/shoes?". Do? Does one have to do something with handbags/shoes?

I've read pages and pages and pages of hilarious stuff but noticed that nobody answered Frodo's questions miles back. She said "which day do you start 2WOOFLing?" - and obviously the answer is CD3 - you may still be droiding but it's not too early to start imagining symptoms!

Well I had loads of FFJ at the weekend/monday and yet my estimated OV would've been yesterday-sat and nothing. Still, we've managed to get sex in - can't guarantee any enjoyment but need's must et al.

Have any of the loons POAS this morning?

Happy Birthday to lyra and Scorps you ancient old things.

PollyPoo · 30/10/2009 09:37

Yay, welcome back Ski! > Have a large G&T on me.

Scorpette · 30/10/2009 09:41

Ski! Welcome back! We've been missing you. Have you unpacked your giant timetable of our menstrual cycles yet?

I forgot to take my folic acid last night - you know that if I am updiffed then I will spend 9 months worrying that I've bought the baybee a one-way ticket to Encephalitis City (or worse). I've taken one this morning and will take another later as per usual - is this a good or bad idea? Ah well, it's done.

I fucking do hope I is difficated. But lumpy side-breast pain starting up and now down-below activity are making me pessimistic. At DPO 9, is it a baybee scampering in the grass of my Wimbledon Common or merely preparations happening for the latest monthly episode of Metal Mickey? Or is it just me bowels playing up after a day of birthday pigging-out yesterday?

One of the evil lump-spots is now so big that I suspect I am carrying a baybee on my chin and not in my womb.

I would love to be Cunty's diff mate (or anyone's, for that matter) but I have a 'feeling' that that prized position is going to extreme. If it could be the three of us, that'd be perfick.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread