30s TTC The Loch BESH Monsters

[CurlyCasper]

Welcome along women of a certain age. The new palace has a post modern water feature, spouting forth gin from a serious of suspicious looking humps...

Was thinking about the early POASing thing so thought I would do some research amongst the experienced.... here

Will report back with the findings comrades

There is another thread about the acupuncture and chinese herbs lady

acupuncture for barren evil selfish hags

And CUNextTuesday it's different when it's your own child. They're not so annoying

Hiya and a HAPPY BURPDAY to Scorp and Lyra !!! Hope you are both having a smashing day!

I signed in speshly to see how the random POAS day was going... am glad I didn't buy any on t'interweb this month or I would have done weewees on one just to be in the gang (which would be utterly ridiculous as I am only about 5dpo). Have already hunted online for signs of updiffment since 3dpo as have had funny tummy cramps for two days along with various other invented symptoms (I was totally convinced I had implantation bleed yesterday, but potentially just scratched my flower)

I think my sticks should read "Hows about you save yourself some time love and just put me straight in that secret drawer where the three hundred other BFN's are gathering dust", but I suspect the wee stick would have to be more like a metre rule...

Today I like brackets (...)

Thanks for going on the POAS facts mission weewee. It's like you've infiltrated the ranks of the diffed by smiling nicely and batting your eyelids. And you've managed it without sounding too tragic - nice work!

Just remembered that I woke this morning from a dream where one of the Facecrack Beshies quite unintentionally/accidentally used my RL name on MN, several times in one post. I was in a blind panic and searching all over this website for an option to contact MNHQ and get it removed, but I could not find the right link. Bizarre.

Alright people, I've finally cracked (up). Please may I have Scorpette's resident mentalist hat?

I have bought the Fertility Diet book. I'm probably going to quit caffeine, alcohol and eat brazil nuts and sunflower seeds until I go bang (have already started this stage of the programme). Lots of nice people have recommended low carb for fertility purposes, so I'm going to do that, too.

Please don't shout at me for being mental. Am feeling very, very, very, very bleurgh today and like I will never get pregnant and at least I can control what I eat, even if I can't control whether or not the baby Jeebus puts a babeeeeeeee in my tumtum. (C) Scorpette

I know what you mean Casper - a few times I've posted a message and then thought - shit did I use MN name or RL name? Also when posting on FB site am terrified of somehow linking it to someone's profile page and getting my head kicked in.

Happy Birthday Scorp and Lyra

Casper What a weird Facecrack dream. Mind you being 'outed' really scares me which is why I stay away from it.

weewee we wouldn't kick your head in. Heavens no! That would leave marks for other people to see...

Hellooooo? Can I come in please? (nervous knock)

Not sure I'm in the right place...

Why are the alarms going off??

... oh it's OK everyone you can come out, it's not a trick or treater it's fresh meat

Welcome bloobs. You have to pass the initiation questions which I don't have to hand. Also you have to select a drink from bartender Charlie Brooker which we will then join you in downing.

I'll have a mojito please

Sorry, that should be to be seasonally accurate and all that jazz.

So...

What are these initiation questions then?

Do I have to reveal all my deepest darkest secrets? And what are all these acronyms?

[mojito-fueled bravery kicking in there]

Welcome Bloobie !

I have cleverly cut and paste the initiation questions for you below 'cause i is well clever on pooters and all that....

What colour are your walls?
Do you have any cats?
Do you like gin?
Other drink of choice?
Cradle snatcher or Pensioner-lover?
Secret crush of shame?
Lesbian crush of shame (or straight if you're a lezzer)?
Are you a Daily Maul journalist?

Which hole is best for baby making?

1. Foo Foo
2. Mr Hanky's house
3. Hole? I just pray to the baby Jebus.
4. All of the above

More questions will follow, however these will at least guarantee second interview..

Additional Qs:

Do you know what you are letting yourself in for?

(i.e have you stalked read the 30s TTC/BESH threads?)

What do you do with baby dust?
a) sprinkle it
b) shove it up your fanjo
c) snort it
d) something more inventive that we've yet to hear you describe?

Okay...[slugs mojito]

What colour are your walls? Yellow Drab by Fired Earth
Do you have any cats? One and she's a big fat scaredy cat
Do you like gin? does a bear poop in the pooper?
Other drink of choice? any lurid cocktail
Cradle snatcher or Pensioner-lover? neither
Secret crush of shame? Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall
Lesbian crush of shame (or straight if you're a lezzer)? Zoe Lucker
Are you a Daily Maul journalist? Nooooooo!

Which hole is best for baby making?

1. Foo Foo
2. Mr Hanky's house
3. Hole? I just pray to the baby Jebus.
4. All of the abov

erm...Foo foo???

Additional Qs:

Have skim read this thread, thought it sounded a hoot and decided to jump in without bothering too much about lurking

As for baby dust...I'm more worried about reports of sticking spoons up my fango! or did I skim-read that bit of the thread too quickly?

OOOh.. you can be MY friend if you do Fired Earth! I don't suppose you own a dressing gown ...

bloob welcome. I see you has already been blessed by da baybee jesus. what kind of manchild do you already own?

Prolly best not to read TOO much, else you would be so scared you would run a mile! The spoon thang is just the tip o' the iceberg round these parts!

How long have you been SWI (shagging with intent) AND on a one to ten rating, exactly how mental have you become...

and do you have previous proof of fully functioning lady parts or are you concerned that you are , in fact, a Barren Evil Selfish Hag (BESH) ?

X posts... I see you have proof of breeding... fear not, you are not alone. We have a few on here with children they can see with their eyes, some have very ickle small ones that they have yet to see with their eyes... and then there are those of us who have no proof of anything, but do our very best to believe we have hit the jackpot for approximately half the month/ year/ decade....

You are most welcome. Let me fetch you a little something from the bar [wanders off to order a round of hendricks with cucumber]

Yes I do indeed already have a manchild of the male variety. He's 3 going on 13. I hope that doesn't exclude me?

I've been SWI for months and months. DH on the other hand, only decided to join in this week

By that I mean I've been desperate to start SWI for a looooooong time. But only managed to wear down my dearest darling (long sufferin) hubbie last weekend. He's been a bit reluctant to procreate further. Gets a bit stressed bout money and such and wanted to make sure we both had stable, paying jobs before we extended the family.

Glad I know what SWI means now . And I think DH probably calls me a BESH in his head for a good part of the month (or at least secretly hopes the B part is true, to save his sanity!). Have a tendency to be a tad hormonal a times. Drama queen type tendency.

Anything else you wanna know?

extreme - I have a waffle type dressing gown and a 'robe' - hubbie pinched it from our hotel in a fit of romantic gesturing when we were on honeymoon we're not usually inclined to half inch stuff, honest.

we is proper and pays our way.

would lurrve big fluffy grey one though. not white mind, too inclined to turn yellow (in a bad way) in my experience

Loads, but there's time yet. Pull up a bar stool, get a round in and make yourself at home. And don't forget to snare a new man slave for the palace

My wrists are still smarting from that Chinese burn I got earlier...