30s TTC The Loch BESH Monsters

[CurlyCasper]

Welcome along women of a certain age. The new palace has a post modern water feature, spouting forth gin from a serious of suspicious looking humps...

erm... 9 of spades. Do I win a baybee? Do I? Do I?

ski aww we're best mates now, coz we're on the same cycle

casper good about docs. Bad about house. Ours has been on the market for about 3 years and had plenty of those he likes it - she doesn't and vice versa

iggy what happened? I can Ov with ski and compete with you on the totalvetsfeesthismonth (standing at £1500 to date).

extreme jjjeeeeeezzzzzz

Have had enough of this week already. Help me, BESHies.

Bessie, if buying new clothes is a pregnancy symptom then yay! I spent all the money I have on ridiculous over-the-knee boots, some new tops and a lovely purple sweater dress over the weekend. Does this guarantee me a baby?

I am 8 DPO. Could someone knock me out until next Monday, please? Ta.

Well if booking a skiing holiday is a guarantee then buying overpriced new clothes that won't fit over a baby bump must be some sort of helping hand?

Ideal - I don't know how to help, I have the same problem as you. And I think I am a day or 2 behind you, we can sweat it out together (although it is so unlikely I am updiffed I can't help the OFL)

carrots yay! We can snigger at this lot this week and then next week they'll be laughing at us. So far we're doing really well with the sex every day lark to see if this makes a difference.

camel camel POAS,POAS!

I'm going to book my ski hol last week of december I think - trying to choose between Lake Louise, Kicking Horse and Fernie. I've done 13 weeks in LL and I've tried KH but never been to Fernie and it's an El Nino years so am a little apprehensive.

OMG... I've just suddenly realised I have been overworking my beloved. No wonder he gets more twitchy at OV time than I do. Am I to take it that no one else does three goes on OV days?! Maybe thats where I have been going wrong.... I have been doing him too many times... has no swimmers left.... SWEET JEESOOO!!!

I have been making him do bad things with me in the morning, evening and bedtime. Have to admit we have enjoyed it a bit more this time what with having Preseed to protect our delicate parts from the grind...

I am a bad wife

ski you're not wrong!! sigh I am SOOO desperate to get sticky knickers and this morning I was wondering... sticky knickers or lingering sperm?

Ski - if I POAS over a week before my period is due, I'll definitely need my red biro...

TB (The Brain aka Mr Camel) has to spunk in a pot on 8th December, so I'm hoping that we can conceive by that point and spare him the humiliation...

carrots Pfff, I've had sticky knickers since Friday (CD7) - so I'm just going with the flow, holding him down and raping him.

extremesitting real men don't complain - anyway, you're taking ALL his swimmers, none going to waste so don't worry. I'm not sure you should be enjoying it as much as you reportedly are - you are married after all.

extreme - I'm just impressed - apparently as many times as possible is a very good idea, but TB bolts (as if I were a carrier bag, horsey people) if I suggest that level of abuse of his delicate man parts.

hello you raging Nymphomaniacs

ExtremeShagger Please accept this award for most determination and fortitude. 3 times a day?! Have a gold star I now have a benchmark.

Bessie and Ideal POAS POAS POAS

Carrot I have often wondered just that - how do you tell the difference between escapee swimmers and FFJ?

It is now Day 13 in the Frantically Praying to Baybee Jebus House and I'm desperate to get home to my gorgeous fella in case I have missed my 10 minute window to fertilize. What if I'm not ov'ing? I'm obsessing now before I even start 2WOOLFing.

Frejya please get an easier name to spell lest I simply change it and call you Freda. Not that there's anything wrong with Freda, of course. Yes, I am also worrying about the same thing. Knickers now distinctly not snotty so must have been swimmers "swimming the wrong way" the little eejits.

Ski not yet at the actual raping stage as he's being pretty good at "responding" to my "forwardness", but am being pretty regimental about planning the next few days. No honest to goodness signs of an egg being produced though so far. I guess at day 11 I'm only on the edge of it being the right time.

good job I'm not in one of those jobs where you can only pee in your break or something... nope, def still no sign. Currently checking every hour, on the hour!!!

Carrots you're trying to make the goddess of fertility namechange.

That would not be a good idea.[superstitiousemoticon]

Just back from a long weekend away & spent the obligatory hour catching up with you gobby lot. Tentative punch to cunty - keep your legs crossed girl - and for extremeshagging extremestanding extremesexpest. But loadsa respec' as well girl

Right, sod the TWOOFLing symptoms, how about YBIFWY (your body is fucking with you) symptoms? I had the big eggy blob that heralds ov a week ago Sat, and soon after started on with the TWOOFLing.. However yesterday - ie 8DPO - I get another big eggy blob. Whasallthatabouttheneh? Did I imagine the first ov? Or the second? Or did I get two? Or none? When did it all get so friggin complicated?

Anyway am sticking with the TWOOFLing as boobs are even more sore and still twingling in the Wimbledon Common...

Okay...who's in charge of the red biro today? Just poased, and BastardFuckingNothing, so I aim to red biro warp reality...though it was actually a digital read out - does anyone know how to hack into a clearblue digi poas?

I need a very large gin please

Just had 2 more baybeee arrival annoucements - bringing the total for the last week to 5 babies and 2 more expected any day now... am v. miserable I should be having mine now too.

Can I have some violence to cheer me up please

Oh iggy

I've just got of the phone to a friend announcing her happy news. She is due two weeks after I would have been if I hadn't mc'd

Line up some tequilla please

Here's your triple Hendrick's, lime and ice iggy...will a kick in the fanny suffice ?

My running total since June is 1 x born last month, 2 due this month, 1 due next month, 1 due ON MY EDD in January, and another one due in March. Half of these people weren't even with their partners/husbands when I started ttc .

I'm taking the day off work tomorrow and will drink wine tonight in the finest BESH-stylie.

Hi waspy..can I proffer you a G & T as well? I think we should have paid duvet days off work when other people go round extruding nippers on OUR EDDs!

1. stuff the lot of them with their bastard (not literally) baby news. If one more friend posts a picture of her glowing face and growing bumb (in profile of course) I think I'm going to implode. Jose Cuervo's on the bar. Think we can do without the salt and lemon. And the glasses.

2. I gave up on trying to religiously FFJ spot because if you start SWI early enough and continue late enough, there is rarely an opportunity to distinguish between egg-snot and jiz-snot (and frankly I'm sick of having v wet pants as I try to hold the latter in). Why is mother nature so cruel? Why not make fertile snot pink green (struggling to find something that does not respresent droid or STD) purple so it stands out against the white stuff?

3)Three years carrots? Then I surely have no reason to complan (does not mean I won't) seeing as we only bought the house we're trying to sell four years ago.

4. Ladies, (and that very much means you iggy) we must all manipulate our doctors. When you know they're not on your side, do not go to the most experienced and treat them like the Gods they want to be. Go to the weakest. The one who while happily do your bidding if it means you will not shed any more tears on his deep pile carpet and boootiful shiny leather bag. Talk openly of your SWI and FFJ until he's scrambling to the phone to make that referral. (Never done it in TTC situation, but have enough NHS experience to know that this really works. As does lots of tears, plus an angry father, bereft at his daughter's distress, when the surgery you've booked six weeks off work for gets cancelled because there's been a snow flurry and too many old dears have gone arse-over-tit and broken sumfink). Do not try to level with your GP in intelligence. Act thick, turn on the waterworks but by all means DO NOT flirt!. Dat is da gospel according to Casp.

Phew, can you tell I've been struggling to tune in to the BESH waves today? Off home now.

This is harsh, but it's got to be done.

ROFL@ChoCho - of all the things I've ever been asked to hack - a cbd has never even been mentioned until today! I think there's a market for this though - shareware rather than freeware, non?

longwee - If YBIFWY - how about this for a symptom... it could be the start of a mucal plug.

Well, I think I know why ExtWEEme can smell summat funny - you've given yourself a fistula with all that shagging, woman! Your poor fella must've run out of actual swimmers months ago

Seriously, am quite jealous. We just do it 2-3days befoer OV and then the day of the OV. Am scared to incur the manstrual bleeding if we do it more

Hang on a minute... There, that's better.

Talking of being firm with Drs, I was supposed to have a D21 hormone test on Wednesday - can they do it? Can they fuck. 'Can't it be on, like, annuvver day?' asked the receptionist. 'Erm, no, it has to be on a specific day of my menstrual cycle' I enunciated. 'Oh'. They can only do me an 8am slot at an affiliated surgery that I can't get to on a bus (I can't drive - shut up) and can't afford a taxi to. Drs won't do bloodt tests, only nurses, so that's me fucked this month. Because at nearly 37, I have all the time in the world to wait, don't I? Absolute shower of shits.

PS extWEEme - I love crafting: can I come round yours to play? (If you wash your spunky hands first, that is)