Feisty & Fabulous at 40+ more adventures of TTC

[gonepearshaped]

Actually now I feel guilty using up the last post of the thread - hope this will do as a continuation

italian not long to go now - fingers very definiely crossed for you - but not legs - haha.

What I posted is basically what my GP said to me when I asked her if I had let the little one down. She agreed that if it had been related to my short luteal phase or a thin lining then I would have started bleeding earlier and lost the pregnancy naturally. She agreed that my body semed to be sustaining the pregnancy and the fault/problem was with that embryo not me.

So, you ask, why do you need to read it on the internet??? Because I'M MAD. It really doesn't matter how much my DH, my sister, my GP or anyone say that to me - I will still google it - arrgghhh.

Maybe if I just ask the consultant on Friday........ See, I can't be re-assured!!

Must go to bed - just seen the bloody time!

Hippy I know you want to get to the bottom of why you lost your little one but I think you should try, if you can, to think of it as something that could not be avoided. Whatever happened or why it happened, it could not be avoided (that seems to be the conclusion) and so there is no need to blame yourself or your little one. Please try and concentrate on the next one if you would like to try again. And no more beating yourself up....and stay off this here interweb thingy, unless it's to contact us and let us know how you are.

Alba and hippy, I think the progesterone is helpful. Obviously it'll be in vain if there's a problem with the baby but regarding the lpd and spotting in early pregnancy, it can help. I spotted with DS1 and DS3 but nothing here so far. I asked the doc and she says it's something to do with the ovaries having a greater influence over the pg at this point, and the placenta takes over at 8 weeks. Assume it's something to do with progesterone production being easier by the placenta or only needed until the placenta is formed? Sorry, I am totally ignorant on that one but think I'll do more asking around. I have found a really good doc here in Bahrain who is a specialist in pregnancy diagnostics that I'll use for NT and triple test, so will ask her too.

The other thing my doc says is that it can't harm so it's something you can try with hope but not expectation I think. Having said that, I believe my mc in December was because of a problem with the baby but also believe there's no reason why I wouldn't have both "problems" iyswim. The mc was bad luck, but I can do something about the lpd/spotting issue.

Hope that helps!

Am now about to eat my third mini pain au chocolat. I am going to be huuuuuuge. I hope.

And I also agree with Italian hippy, no more beating yourself up. It's nothing you did or didn't do, you'll never know for sure what the issue was. But I know you're doing this for the sake of your future lo and making sure it'll be the best start for him or her. Just make sure it's making you feel better/in control and not worse.

Morning Just popping in to thanks for the welcomes and it's nice to hear that everyone is moving forward with their respective plans.
As said, we have lo's out there waiting to come to us and those that we might have thought were destined for us, just weren't that time.... so here's to focussing energy on those to come.
(((((hugs)))) to anyone feeling the need - it is Monday morning afterall and we all wax and wane with our emotions!!

Hi everyone

Welcome Laurasmiles - lovely to have you on board. I'm still chortling at rowing's swingometer!

ILGH - great scan result! . Horribly sick is good IYKWIM. Hope the RL stress has gone.

Gum - life chez gumblossom sounds just a little bit too exciting!

Alba - thanks for the ressurance. Of course, I still stupidly google and read all the miscarriage threads on here. [TFLS slaps her forehead and admits she will never learn!]

Italian - I love your church's thoughtfullness.

Hippy - the letter sounds good. At least it gives you a reason not to pay until he responds and gives him the grief of trying to justify his advice. To echo the others - please don't beat yourself up. But I do wonder if that's part of the grieving process. I spent weeks after my m/c researching things and objectively I knew there was nothing I could have done. But emotionally it took a while later for that to truly sink in. I found a real sense of peace when that happened. xxx

Scan is due a week today - seems like an eternity.

But hey there was sunshine today!

thefatladyscreams yes indeed sun, a lot of it . I know for Gumblossom and ILGH the sunshine is not a rarity but for us it certainly is!

Yes, church was nice but I know some people without kids who stay away on Mothering Sunday because they just find it so hard.

Well today was an odd day, between waiting for my friend to go into labour so I can look after her two kids until her relies arrive to take over and a colleague coming into baby dangle at work (actually a lovely lady who met and married her hubby after 40 and so I felt really happy for her) - it's been a weird day.

We are building up womb lining, scanning in about a week and then about one more week to go. So close now. I am finally beginning to feel excited.

Hippy how's it going today?

Alba How are you?

ILGH is it dh/dp's work that has a taken you to the sunny place where you live? Just curious.

mjinhiding I hope you will get over these horrid comments from people you know or from anyone else for that matter. What you decide to do is totally up to the two of you, you and your dh.

I am 45 and we are attempting a baby (a sibling for our 5 year old dd). We have not got eggs, actually not had any I think for several years after many failed attempts at IUI and one attempted IVF so we are just about to attempt IVF with donor eggs. I know I have sometimes wondered if I will have the energy for a baby but at the end of the day I feel sure I will! If this baby is a reality - I'll be 63 when they become an adult. A few years ago this would have meant I was past my pension age but the reality now is that I am unlikely to be pensioning then! I'll still be working I expect! I hope I will fit and healthy but I can't guarantee that, anymore than I could have done, 5 years ago when my dd was born or almost 20 years ago when I first felt sure I wanted a child!

I guess what I am saying is that age is not what it used to be, we all live longer, work longer and are healthier than past generations (as long as we look after ourselves) and we have no guarantees about how we will be for the future.

I think the important thing is to be sure that this is right for you. If you have the time and energy for your existing kids and responsibilities (bearing in mind we all need more energy anyway!) and you can manage financially (and you both feel happy with this route) then I would just present a united and happy front to the rest of the world.

I am guessing that those who make snide comments are the kind who might make snide comments about almost anything that others decide to do! Or perhaps they're slightly jealous that you have a second chance of happiness with our new partner and your new family.

As long as you have time for the rest of the family, for each other and a little time for yourself I expect you will be able to cope well. But really only you know that. I think you need to blot out those negative external voices and talk to your DH and once you have made your decision and feel happy with it to go for your dreams. A loving, kind family if far more important that the age of your parents!

mjinhiding - a long post but I felt you needed it.

I had a go at being a doula for 5 minutes this morning! Before you get excited let me explain.

My 6 year old was having trouble getting his poo out. He was hollering and saying how much it hurt. I coached him through it saying, "Push now,no not in your throat in your bottom." Then I followed up with, "That's it, you can do it."

He asked if I could get it out for him and I said, "The only person who can do this is you, come on now push."

Then great joy - a huge look of relief on his face and a plop - sorry TMI!

Anyway, I used all the phrases I've learnt from TV and apart from knowing it was hurting his bum I enjoyed it cos I got to pretend to be a MW.

Gave him loads of grapes tonight so hopefully no labour tomorrow morning.

mjinhiding I think if anyone said anything to me when my last baby was just 7 weeks it would have made me feel vulnerable!! I was all over the place hormonally etc etc....

Italian... is so right. Please don't let them put you off. But know that you can't change people's opinions and let them live. Just lead your life and be pelased that you have those choices ahead of you and all the excitements to come. I know I find it difficult sharing my choice to try and am keeping my cards fairly close to my chest so I do understand that dealing with other people's reactions can be warinng and also cast doubt on your plans - but come here and find like minded people instead!!

Hippychick lmao! We have had so many of these moments with DS!! he used to insist on hlding on to his 'pooh' as if they were the crown jewels and he was guarding them with his life. MY dp used to undertake mammoth coaching sessions with him, out of desparation. If in doubt....prunes

mjinhiding I agree. Sod em! Let other people get on with their life and let them have their opinions. You know what's best for you and yours.

I over heard 2 mums in the playgound a few months ago saying that they'd love to have more kids but they were over 30 now - so they were too old!!! I immediately thought, "Oh bugger, I'm defo too old then." But then i realised that was just their opinion and it only applied to them.

My own mother has dropped huge hints that SHE doesn't think I should TTC again having recently miscarried. She thinks I should make the most of the two beautiful DS's I have. As soon as my period has come and gone my DH and I are going to start trying with great gusto - so as you can see I chose not to listen to her hints.

You seem like a very happy family and great parents - what more can your little ones (and bigger ones) ask for.

mjinhiding I can really relate to how you feel. I've got 5 kids and had my last at the ripe old age of 41( and I hope to have another and I'm 43 now). I have heard so much negative stuff that I've grown a pretty thick skin and choose to ignore it all, because my children are lovely, balanced and will contribute greatly to our society. I know I'll be old when they become adults, but I don't think it matters at all as long as I have the energy and love required to get them there.

I have many days where I feel tired and stressed with my toddler, but honestly it is no different to when I had babies in my 20's and 30's.

It sounds to me like you have a wonderful loving family environment, so don't let anyone put you off.

Italian it is getting so close, I'm really excited for you!

Oh, and guess what?No sunshine today!Overcast and showers!I don't mind a bit, I'm ready for some cooler weather - it's better for cuddling!

Hi everyone:

Thought I'd do my last post at age 45! When I went in for my last injectible monitoring session at the clinic I had the mean doctor who insisted on saying, "Chances of implantation at age 46 are only 4%!" I said,"But I'm still 45 for a few more weeks!!" He said, "same thing". He certainly doesn't have to worry about giving any false hope!

Kiwi How are you doing? I think we will both find out how our procedures worked this weekend ahead (the end of our 2 week wait). Try to just let DH's ICSI complaints roll off you--I think it is just the stress of assisted reproduction. Glad you are still keeping an eye out for your Dr. Jekyl/Mr Hyde boss!

Rowing Do you know if your transfer will be proceeding in March? If I recall you had to do some scans first.

Hippy Please don't blame yourself for the miscarriage. It's true the odds are against us because of the DNA in our eggs I'm told. But it's definitely not impossible--especially at 43. Did you get a reply from your letter to the consultant?

ILGH Congratulations on the scan and seeing the heartbeat so early. Great news!!

TFLS One more week until your 13 weeks scan I believe. The waiting is soooooo hard.
I had no symptoms for any of my pregnancies so try not to worry.

Gum TTC#6 - I forgot! Good for you

Italiangreyhound Did you say you had no eggs at 45? How do you know? Was it only when you got to the IVF you found out your follicles were empty? Did your progesterone level still rise, suggesting you were ovulating? Maybe my follicles are empty too! But I have consistently shown Day 21 progesterone levels indicating ovulation occurred.

2 weeks until your DE IVF--how exciting

MjnHiding Welcome! Wouldn't you only be 60 when your youngest was 20? That's not so bad--as long as they don't wait until they're over 40 to have kids

LauraSmiles Welcome! Hope your stay is short and sweet. BTW I was almost 42 when I had my now 4 year old son...natural conception. I know what you mean about a m/c strengthening your desire to have another baby. That was the case for me since my m/c about a year ago.

PROGESTERONE I saw some questions about it. I have been told you definitely don't want to take it until you are sure conception did or should have occurred (i.e. in the latter part of your cycle)--otherwise it could prevent ovulation. I understand it is more important for IVF with own egg because the aspiration of the egg from the follicle removes some of the natural progesterone along with the egg. My friend doing a donor egg IVF cycle also took progesterone. I am taking it just with my IUI to maximize my odds (maybe get to 5% ) I take 2 @ 100mg vaginal suppositories at bed time.

My mom seems to be doing a bit better now. She recognizes most people and makes sense about 35% of the time. She hasn't walked or been continent in a month (since the stroke/seizures). She had her feeding tube removed and can eat baby food type stuff which she doesn't want to eat much of . I decided to take a month or two off work to spend more time with her and support my dad. Knowing I don't have to go to work has removed a lot of the stress.

Saw a newborn at my doctor's office today. Can't believe how tiny and perfect they are.

Here's the roll call again. If the newbies could copy and add their info., that would be great. Apologizing in advance for any info. I may have gotten wrong for the "oldbies"

Hopeful45 Age-45 - TTC#4 -DD(10);DD(6);DS(4)
Jollster Age-41 -TTC #2 DS(2)
HippyChick Age- 43 -TTC #3?
Frosticle Age 45 - TTC#2 DD (4)
Gumblossom Age 43 - TTC #6 DS(18)DS(16) DD(12)DD(9)DS(1)
Tetleytea Age 42 - TTC#2 DD (3.5)
RowingBoat Age 43 (nearly wrote 53) TTC#2 going for FET March?
ILoveGH Age 40 - TTC#4 DSx3
TheFatLadyScreams Age 41 - 11 weeks PG #1
KiwiKat Age 44 - TTC#2 DS (3.7) IVF - Mar-10
Italiangreyhound Age 44 - TTC#2- DE IVF-Mar-10 - DD(5)
Woodelf still 46 TTC#2 DS(3) - natural conc.
Dechen age 45 TTC#3, DS 12 AID with Clomid), DD 9 (AID without Clomid)
Praggy Age 45 - TTC#1 after 3 m/c (natural conceptions)
Alfiemac Age 43 - TTC#3 DS's (3.8) - ICSI
SilverStuddedBlue 45 - TTC#2 DD (5)

Hopeful45 Age-45 - TTC#4 -DD(10);DD(6);DS(4)
Jollster Age-41 -TTC #2 DS(2)
HippyChick Age- 43 -TTC #3?
Frosticle Age 45 - TTC#2 DD (4)
Gumblossom Age 43 - TTC #6 DS(18)DS(16) DD(12)DD(9)DS(1)
Tetleytea Age 42 - TTC#2 DD (3.5)
RowingBoat Age 43 (nearly wrote 53) TTC#2 going for FET March?
ILoveGH Age 40 - TTC#4 DSx3
TheFatLadyScreams Age 41 - 11 weeks PG #1
KiwiKat Age 44 - TTC#2 DS (3.7) IVF - Mar-10
Italiangreyhound Age 44 - TTC#2- DE IVF-Mar-10 - DD(5)
Woodelf still 46 TTC#2 DS(3) - natural conc.
Dechen age 45 TTC#3, DS 12 AID with Clomid), DD 9 (AID without Clomid)
Praggy Age 45 - TTC#1 after 3 m/c (natural conceptions)
Alfiemac Age 43 - TTC#3 DS's (3.8) - ICSI
SilverStuddedBlue 45 - TTC#2 DD (5)
Laurasmiles - TTC#3 DS(5) DD(3) (natural)

Hi all,

Italian that is great news that you are so close to your transfer. How is the lining coming along?

Hopeful the odds aren't the best for AC at our age, but it is an average, so you may well have higher odds as an individual couple. Keep living up to your name though fingers crossed.

Mjn I'm sorry to hear you have had some negative input. Older parents have really come in for a kicking recently even though there are lots of positives from being a bit more mature, people would rather focus on the age. I don't know how on earth those people you overheard thought you would be 70 when your LO was 20, if you are trying at 40, where did the other ten years go??
If you can offer a loving home to a child then why shouldn't you go for it. I think it is an incentive to maintain good health, knowing you will have to care for them for 18 years or more. The whole age thing is daft, it's not as if you have to pick them up after they are ten.
On the other hand, I hope my LO has children when he is younger so I can actually still play with them a bit.

Gum how are you feeling now? Have you been getting out since your sister left, you sounded quite down last week?
Is the bush fire situation under control in your area, that must be scary. I don't think I would sleep properly, just in case. What am I saying I don't sleep properly anyway.
How is Charlie?

Hippy you are great. I'm glad to hear you are going to be straight back to business. I would be investigating all avenues just like you. I understand you want to ensure you have the best chances next time, but, from experience, I know that you can be completely overwhelmed with information and it can be quite stressful so don't forget to be happy and relaxed.
It really is a bit of a numbers game as you get a bit older, I think we have to be extra tough to keep going, but you sound really positive, and I'm sure you will hit the jackpot soon.

Laura how is the swingometer looking this month, are you feeling committed to the idea of another baby yet?

TFLS I'm so glad you are still here, we would miss you if you disappeared off to another thread.
I didn't know I was pg with my LO and didn't really have that much in the way of noticable symptoms until week 8 or 9 and even then it was only a bit of nausea, which was quite fleeting.
It must be so exciting to be doing this for the first time.

I'm supposed to be going for a scan next Friday which is supposedly CD3, but I'm really not sure if AF will appear on time after the irregular bleed in the middle of the month.
If there is no sign I think the doctor may want me to have a medicated transfer, which means about 8 weeks of the pill or something. We are talking about possibly June as a date then. Talk about dragging it out.
Oh well, can't do much about it.
I have been doing a walk every morning for the past couple of weeks so am feeling a bit fitter, but still a great big chub after the months of ill health and over-eating. Still I'll get there.
No word about the ENT appointment, but not surprised, it is the NHS.

mjinhiding I have a confession to make. I feel bad - it's like admitting to being a member of an extreme right wing political party or being a huge fan of the crankies!!

The truth is - i was one of those people who thought women should stop having kids after 40. I had mine at 33 and 36 and thought I was all done. I dronned on to my friend in RL about how it wasn't a good idea to have kids well in to your 40's.

When i think back, God I was so callus, "If they haven't had all the kids they wanted by then they will just have to learn to deal with it, it's just too risky." Then suddenly I hit about 42 and decided that there was another little person out there with our name on 'it'. And at nearly 43 I had my coil removed.

How hypercritical am I!!!! No, don't answer that.

What I'm trying to say, without making you all hate me is this, it's so easy to make judgements on other people situations and so incredibly different when that situation eventually applies to you.

Perhaps all these people that are making comments about us older mums will feel differently when they're looking at 40 from the other side. In some cases perhaps not.

I was wrong to say what I did about over 40's mums and, even though I have recently had a MC (one of the very reasons I was bloody well against it!), I am still hoping to become a mum again at the age of 43 (in fact I'd be 44 by the time he/she arrived.)

Let them have their thoughts, they might well end up swallowing humble pie like I have had to. Yum yum - pie anyone????

Rowingboat funnily enough we suddenly had a panic after we'd opened the floodgates and started trying. I think it suddenly hit us - how cosy life is with 2 dc's who are growing up and out of the baby phase. I know it sounds daft and very illogical....but I think it's just last minute jitters about the reality - which is far from the dream of three all lined up on the sofa sharing a book -altogether now aaah!

Btw, I'd love to comment on people's updates but I feel very unintelligent and ill informed on this thread because of the territory. I'm rooting for you all but will need to pick up a bit more of an undestanding of the various processes several of you are facing at the moment, before I can add anything meaningful. I'm not ignoring you honestly.

Laura don't worry about feeling a bit in the dark about the processes and jargon. I think I found posting anywhere on Mumsnet quite scary to begin with, there were so many acronyms and unfamiliar terms. Don't worry about asking us.
I know assisted conception such as IVF is very confusing, it has taken me two goes to understand it a bit and there is still loads I don't know.
Nice image of the three children on the sofa reading. I like it, no fighting or shouting about not wanting 'this' book or any of those other images which come to my mind when I think about another one.

Hippy I found it difficult to believe I would ever be forty, let alone imagine what it could be like, let alone consider that I would still be able to walk without assistance. It takes everyone by surprise - life!

It's true, life does take you by surprise! I never thought I'd be an "older" mum, as I started having kids at 24, and thought I'd be well and truly finished by 40, but things change. Around the age of 38, I started thinking about more children.It seemed so illogical, but things happened...my BIL died from an agressive form of motor neurons diesease and I really started to think about what was important to me and felt I should have another child.I don't why exactly, but it felt so important that I wasn't going to let anything stop me.It was a weird time.

Since having a baby at a later stage of my life I have learnt that I am a much better parent at this age.I am much more patient,easy going and don't let anyone else's opinions worry me.Actually it is quite liberating! When I talked to one of my G.P's about falling pregnant again at age 41, she actually said,"If you hadn't had children previously, I wouldn't be encouraging you - first time parents at your age don't cope". I couldn't believe she could be so narrow minded! But it is like Hippy said, until you are in that position, it is easy to be sure about your opinions.

I also think that having a late baby has meant that my DH and I are very careful with our health and committed to taking care of ourselves cos we plan to be around for a long time!

Having said that, people also die young (as in the case of my BIL) and leave their kids, so I don't see it as an "age" issue...

Okay, I'll step off the podium now!

Rowing, thanks for asking after me. Thankfully the fire is now out, but it is a very real concern in Australia, it gets so dry and Eucalypts are notoriously volotile because of the oils.

Charlie is great, but having the odd tantrum!It's very funny, so hard to keep a straight face when it happens. Sometimes he does frustrate me, but mostly I am smitten!

I talked to my sister yesterday, and it seems she is actually quite miserable in the city and may be returning.I hope so, mainly because I think it is important for her to see her children more often.She's all over the place with her emotions, I hope she settles soon.It is a difficult situation and it doesn't help that our parents are extremely unsupportive...but that's another story!!
I have to run, got to get DD to the bus stop.
Take care everyone.

Gumblossom Thanks for asking, yes, so close. Glad you talked to your sister. Hope she will be back soon. I am sure if you are being supportive it will help to make up for parents and maybe if she feels she doesn?t have to ?prove anything? or stay away because she has brunt her bridges etc, she will be more included to come back at a good time. Sorry to mention burnt bridges does not sound sympathetic in light of those terrible fires but you know what I mean.

Hopeful Very hopeful for you. Your doc sounds a bit blunt for my liking! But I guess s/he feels the need to be straight forward.

Glad your Mom is better. You are coping with a lot. Who needs work as well!

When I say I have no eggs I am exaggerating or eggzagerating! By that I meant we have had numerous attempts with fertility drugs to stimulate my ovaries and in many cases no eggs appeared. We did have a go with Menopur about 2 years ago ? actually it might even have been two and a half years ago so I was 42 and a half, and we got a couple of eggs but they did not work. This is ME NOT YOU, Hopeful. We have only got pregnant naturally once and that ended in mmc and our one pregnancy was with IUI six years ago so it looks like my fertility was never great and has gone downhill. But that is not really because I am 45 (think of Mrs Blair ? married to former UK Prime minister who had a baby at 45) it is just me.

I never charted and I never took temperatures and I did not do ovulation sticks much. I just had lots of sx (ha ha, get me!) and I had lots of drgs (I sound like a rock star) but still no more babies since I was 39.

But as I say, it is not just about age so please do not let this discourage you other feisty forty somethings!

Hi Laurasmiles how?s it going?

Rowing well done on the walking, you are an inspiration. What do you mean about walking unaided, have you had an operation or something I have missed?

hippychick66 yes, please, I?ve have a bit of pie ? oh no I?m meant to be healthy eating, just a Ryvita of ?we all say the wrong thing sometimes?. It takes courage to admit you were in the wrong at one time and it is easy to judge other people?s motives. I watch so many programmes about people with kids/meet people in real life with three or four kids and think how unfair they have so many kids etc.....then I find out they are battling an illness, their hubby has a major problem etc etc and I realise that we can?t judge others or think how easy and nice their lives seem because we just don?t know.

Lining will be checked in a few days so no news yet.

I have bitten the bullet and amended my age to 45, I am 45 and proud! I have also amended month of treatment to April. This may be an exaggeration, it may happen before but I think it is looking likely for April so if I say April and it happens sooner I will be happy rather than the other way round!

Hopeful45 Age-45 - TTC#4 -DD(10);DD(6);DS(4)
Jollster Age-41 -TTC #2 DS(2)
HippyChick Age- 43 -TTC #3?
Frosticle Age 45 - TTC#2 DD (4)
Gumblossom Age 43 - TTC #6 DS(18)DS(16) DD(12)DD(9)DS(1)
Tetleytea Age 42 - TTC#2 DD (3.5)
RowingBoat Age 43 (nearly wrote 53) TTC#2 going for FET March?
ILoveGH Age 40 - TTC#4 DSx3
TheFatLadyScreams Age 41 - 11 weeks PG #1
KiwiKat Age 44 - TTC#2 DS (3.7) IVF - Mar-10
Italiangreyhound Age 45 - TTC#2- DE IVF-April-10 - DD(5)
Woodelf still 46 TTC#2 DS(3) - natural conc.
Dechen age 45 TTC#3, DS 12 AID with Clomid), DD 9 (AID without Clomid)
Praggy Age 45 - TTC#1 after 3 m/c (natural conceptions)
Alfiemac Age 43 - TTC#3 DS's (3.8) - ICSI
SilverStuddedBlue 45 - TTC#2 DD (5)
Laurasmiles - TTC#3 DS(5) DD(3) (natural)

Hi all,
sorry had to say I don't use any walking aids Italian, it was just my take on being 40 or over back in my twenties. I think I thought I would be in a bathchair or something.
Happy Birthday - did I miss that?

Gum glad to hear the fires have settled. It is hard to keep a straight face when they are cross isn't it!
Agree the doctor saying older parents don't cope was a bit unthinking. Since there are more and more these days I can't say I have noticed a spate of first-time older parents lying on the floor in Asda wailing. Must be holding it together until they get home!

I moved to Progenova twice a day, we are hotting up!

Well it's official, I'm on the wagon good and proper, no sweets and no booze! I went back to Weight Watchers and I am so taking it seriously. My inspiration, an episode of Rikki Lake where people made ill through liposuction talked about their surgery gone wrong. No, I've not have liposuction, I guess it just gave me the kick up the Patootie that I needed!