30s TTC - The BESH little gin palace in mumsnet

[idealcamel]

The bar is open and the ticking clock has been muffled for the duration...Come on in!

Bessie Yes, then you get that marvellous fits at the boobs, hangs around the waist and makes you look waistless 4 stone heavier than you actually are. C.f., babydoll tops. Mama Cass tops more like.

Is anyone else WOOLFing with me?

Casper Have you OV'd yet? What has made you think you're PCOS. After what you said yesterday I'm wondering if I too am PCOS as I have a fuzzy face... but then I'm thinking how the fucking fuckety cunting fuck could it be possible that I get to 35 without a doctor ever running a test on me?

I have PCOS and an old lady beard (on my face)

I have very light fuzz, not bristles and I have a very regular short cycle. But, I find it virtually impossible to lose weight - this may or may not be Ben & Jerry's related. Anyway, I have a cunning plan - when I register with a new GP next month I shall ask them to run a blood test.

Bessie Have you decided to get back in the saddle straight away or are you going to wait a bit?

I think we are going to wait a bit. Not ages or anything but just try to take the pressure off. We have got no reason to think that fertility is a problem and I think the 2WOOFL-ing, fertility sticks etc seem if not to make me less fertile then to make me seem less fertile. So I am going to try not to PO any S for a few weeks at least...

hmm, my last post doesn't make any sense at all. must stop babbling.

Ski, I'm excited that you want to join the Cysters (just made up name for my PCOS club, I'm very proud of it ), but you can't just wander in on the strength of a slight beard and a planned blood test. To pass go with a diagnosis of PCOS you need at least 2 out of these 3:

1. Irregular periods
2. Clinical or chemical evidence of hyperandrogenism (in your case, hairy face, in my case, pizza face)
3. Ultrasound evidence of many, many cyts.

By my reckoning you have failed no.1, are grasping at straws on no.2, and a blood test ain't going to help you with no.3. So I'm not telling you the secret knock for my wing of the Palace!

That was cysts, not cyts, grrr

Lyra Well I didn't get spots until I turned 20 and I get them on the side of my chin - you know, where there will one day be grooves from my nose to jaw - which apparently are ovary related. And, and and fuzzy face yes. As far as the cysts go - when I had dildo cam she said there was a "dark area" on one of my ovaries which she thought was sign of egg release. You mean my ovaries needed to look like dalmations? I wanna be a Cyster! How many cysts do you have? It's a possibility that I had ONE in May - and you won't let me join???

I'm out of the Cysters. Got test results this morning - fibroid is tiny and would have no impact, I am ovulating and there are no cysts on my ovaries. Apparently I have way too much prolactin, but that just means I have to go back for a blood test in 6 weeks to see if that is still true. And I have proper appointment at subfertility clinic to see what's going on with my bits. To which the answer will probably be - nothing, are you doing it in the right whole? Have you tried douching your foo foo in grapefruit juice while standing on your head and singing the National Anthem backwards?

Had proper meltdown (melodramatic declarations that we will never have baybeez, tears, more melodramatic blaminess, more tears) last night. Still feeling a bit wobbly today. Someone give me a good kicking, pliz? And some hints and tips on how to stop being so fucking insane? Ta muchly.

Lyra I've just realised you called me a BEARDED-LADY with no medical reason!

hmMM, Mumset went offline during my posting. Must delete this text file from my work PC...

Ski My reasoning, however hyponchondriacal, is:

1. My periods were crazy irregular and hellishly painful before I went on the pill 13 years ago. That's how it goes unnoticed - the pill regulates everything and most women don't know they have PCOS until they try to conceive

1. Now having these long cycles and "different" periods.

1. Have piled on the weight since stopping pill.

1. My existing adult acne has turned into huge, painful chest, face, and jawline craters (sorry if that TMI is worse than the fanjo stuff)

1. I have a fuzzy face,

1. and I have rheumatoid arthritis (pre-disposed to fucked up body - also googled and found many incidences of wimminz with both)

Those 6 + Google = self diagnosis of PCOS

Either that or mental instability. Anyhoo, I think I pass 1) and 2) on lyra's list. Now to find a doc that will sort ultrasound. But perhaps some 2WOOFLING first, methinks...

camel so sorry you're feeling shitty. Chin up, girl, and get some tequila down your neck

If we're sharing our hormone madness, I have the opposite problem to the Hairy Marys, in that my pubic hair is balding, which might sound 'so what?', but thinning pubes are one of the 'top unknown signs of an early menopause'. Apparently. So that makes me worry. In fact, all my body hair is thinning, which is part of the same sign. I've never had much body hair (don't hate me!) but I'm worried about what a slow disappearing of what little there was might portend.

Poor Camel Romantic, dramatic snogs in the manner of a certain book publisher I dunno what prolactin is, really, but too much of it can't be cheering. But on the other hand, you are OVing and the cyst is no prob, so cling to that good news. At least your Dr seems on the ball - mine are reluctantly giving me a 'hormone test' on D21 of cycle and say I 'don't need to know' exactly what they're testing for .

Perhaps the clinic will give you the really hi-tech advice, like that you need to wash your foofoo occasionally and then put a winkie up there? I've heard this can help put a baybee in your tumtum, but it might be an urban myth.

Oooh beard-chat! I have one too - it isn't drawn-on-with-pencil at all in the FB pics. I reckon I'm also a Cyster - spots galore and hugely irregular cycles. (Last one was 39 days) Though I have had a blood test and it didn't show up - can I still join in? Cannot believe test was correct.

Scorps Really? I've got hardly any pubes either. So you're saying my pubes are on my face?

Further to more hormone worries - any of your laydeez with tree-trunk thighs? Well, I have read ont interweb that fat-thighs = low-progesterone = babyfail.

ski a by product of your recent face-lift no doubt

runs

PMSL cunty

Caspar and VAG, you can be Cysters. Bessie already is. Is that enough to start a coven?

Ski, with your ONE pitiful cyst, get away with you. You need ONE cyst to produce ONE egg, it's a GOOD THING, not a subfertility drama. Harumph.

You need at least 12 cysts in a single ovary to fulfil the third criteria (which are actually proper diagnostic criteria, by the way, not just made up by me!)

I have about 15 in each ovary. No-one's getting in the Cysters' wing of the palace without at least a dozen knocks on the door (dammit, gave away secret code).

It's my view that there's been far too little violence around these parts recently.

FYI Casper, a number 2 is a haircut, not a jobby from Curly Casper's home of sex!

Lyra I don't geddit - surely if you've got 12 cycts you're 12 times as fertile as us barrens?

Caspar, agree with you about pill masking everything, did with me for 13 years. Probably worth getting yourself checked out by the sounds of it. (Don't tell Scorps I said that, she will be upset that I'm taking you seriously whilst laughing at her baldy foo foo).

Sadly Ski, I'm about 12 times less fertile. The fucked up hormones cause lots of eggs to develop a bit, but none of them develop properly, form a nice follicle and then pop. They just all sit there being semi-developed - hence no ovulation

OK you lot, I've given myself a good solid kick oop t'arse and decided to be happy and positive.

I'm going to get the WII out and My Fitness Coach which I bought and never opened (on the basis that it would help me lose weight by simply being in the house). I'm also going to start slimming world which I've used before and really liked, but they changed the system while I wasn't going so I don't understand the magazines anymore.

I know that a lot of my down times are made worse by my baby weight ( I keep telling myself I'm 2 stone overweight coz it's babyweight even though my baby just turned 5) and no doubt it will help the old bod catch a newun - or if not I will just feel better about life.

I found myself getting out of breath going up stairs which I've never done before, and it feels horrid. SO.

What's this got to do with baybees? Well lots really, coz if I'm feeling better about myself and sexier, obv that leads to more fannying around, which I am led to believe is what puts a baybee opp there. And also it will help stop me getting pissed off at the world which wanting to be up-d'd simply exacerbates, n'est ce pas?

So, laydeez of the BESH room, take heart, Carrots has spoken and ye must surely follow.

Chin up, press on, press ups and duffed up. That's my motto.

And Plllleeeeze don't flame me - I'm not saying, oi you barren lot - all you need to do is shed a few pounds and you will then find yourself carrying twins.

I AM saying, I'm deciding not to be down hearted as I was this morning. And I'm trying to work out what works for me to raise the mood. And hope you find your own ways, too.

Cxxx

Fuck, I've learnt more today than I did in several years of biology at school. It's a wonder anyone ever gives birth given the number of things there are that can go wrong

My concern is that if there's anything 'wrong' with either of us we won't be able to get it diagnosed/sorted out till we're back in the UK which is another year yet. Then with all the waiting lists & shiz I'll be frickin ancient before there's even a whiff of a chance...

See, I'll see your imaginary ladypartfails and raise you 5000 miles from a fertility clinic...

(apols to those with real life PCOS or wotever - I know they're not imaginary so please don't kill me)

Lyra what's the treatment for PCOS?

longwee where actually are you?