30s TTC - The BESH little gin palace in mumsnet

[idealcamel]

The bar is open and the ticking clock has been muffled for the duration...Come on in!

Good Morning Ladeez...just popped in to say Hi to all of you who made me feel so welcome yesterday...and to check whether seeing you in the cold light of day would leave me feeling regret for previous indiscretions.

So, what's on the agenda for today...gin and bitterness? Is the sun over the yardarm yet?

You will have to fill me in re. licorice...what fresh hell is this...will it make our baybees all wrong?

morning chocho - yes, liquorice has been added to the very long list of things to make mothers (note: never fathers) guilty.

Oh dear, what does it do, and will it require me to create an entirely padded nursery?

cunty yes, it was like I was on the other side of the world. But I try not to drive you BESHies crazy with asking for clarification on things. I still choke myself laughing everyday, so I'm not doing too bad.

medee - I can't wait to see your glasses, are they cute or smart? That didn't sound very BESHy did it?

How about: I can't wait to cyber-stalk you on FB.

shiner you can google them both and see what I mean, but for reference Cotton is the size and shape of a sewing needle and Britton recently had a gastric bypass but I'm ignoring that for the sake of the, otherwise erudite, analogy

chocho No worries about your indescretion, I double or triple post (talking to myself) on a regular basis.

tuesday I will do that just for the extra visual. What color dress are you favoring?

hawaii and carrots. Flattery will get you everywhere! (well, into my pants at least) Loving the new gaff on FB

Wow - I actually recognize Fern Britton, didn't expect that. the other is certainly not even a needle's width, you've clearly lost your sense of distance...

Crap, TTF is home, and I have yet to stake my claim on the middle of the bed!

No, don't worry ChoCho - the licorice will mean it's just a drooling head on a cushion, so no need to splash out on padding. Clouds, silver linings, etc. ...

Ski - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I really thought this was your month. Big hug and a thwack round the head with a novelty frying pan for you... THWACK!!!

Well, I've possibly had a babyfail and TYF has had a brainfail - think I might already have ovulated insanely early (although if D1 of cycle started when the braaaahn bits started, it would be spot on time, aaargh - I'm counting D1 as day proper bleeding started). Have been having much gusset-ruining wetness - although no actual FFJ - for last few days, plus feeling horny and energetic, etc. AND had a temp dip. Now I am having much less lady-moisture and temp has risen dramatically. TYF has been scared to have non-condom sex cos of potential future repeated cock-breakage but had agreed to 'endanger' himself when ovulating. But he wouldn't do it this week (he's a very anxious, delicate flower). Just been screeching explaining that we might have missed our chance this month and he actually said 'but you can just get pregnant another day - your period isn't due for nearly 3 wks. It doesn't have to just be when you're ovulating, does it - only having a couple of days when you can get pregnant would be ridiculous'. After shouting 'BOH' at him in a Joey Deacon-stylee, I explained to him about how short the 'window' of ovulation is, esp. for BESHes (in the kind of voice people used in the 1950s for speaking to retarded children). SUUULLLK!

Of course, I might not have OVed yet and all is well, but the signs aren't good, are they? I was even getting a light cramping yesterday. POKPOK said no, but I did it after 6pm and I'd been drinking loads of water, so it was v dilute. Aaaaargh, and the madness commences.

Sorry guys. Just really wanted to drop the butter dish for birthday. For some reason, 37 scares me far more than 35. My twin Lyra will have to do it for us both if I really have missed my chance. But I prolly haven't. Okay, I deserve my title as palace menkal. I don't have to wear a jester's hat, do I?

PS TYF has offered to take me to the library to 'make it up to me'.

Morning all. Managed to avoid bumsex last night by pointing out that I have already ov'd this month so no point yet. I let him watch the new startrek movie instead and then he forgot all about bumsex.

I may have promised we can try it next month if he buys me a pair of boots from Topshop that I am currently coveting. Must get a job then I can buy my own boots.

Message for FA:

Thanks for the olive branch, but can all this be dropped now? Everyone here had totally forgotten about it, so we certainly weren't discussing you in a cruel manner. I stand by what I said, but I will clarify that I was not presuming that it was you who had reported Ski, just that you coming on here was one part of some upsetting harassment that included the reporting. None of us were bullying you or wanting to; we just protect our own here and we know that Ski had been having a bad time of it through no fault of her own. The first time any of us had heard of you was when you wrote on here, so it's ridiculous for you to think it was you we were moaning about. So please stop feeling hurt about that. And yes, this might be public, but it is also private IYKWIM because only thread members chat here, so I'm afraid that we CAN and DO moan about stuff here and so long as we don't name names, I think we are justified in saying things like 'some stupid cow on another thread is hassling me' (not an actual thing said, but an example). That is not bullying or trying to hurt someone; it's just expressing one's own hurt. If you choose to follow someone around MN and then get hurt by presuming that someone saying something innocuous about someone else annoying them is about you, then you need to have a look at your own emotions and reactions. People cannot be saintly and never upset just because you are v sensitive. We have a good saying where I grew up that I live by: 'If you can't tek it, don't mek it' (take, make) and I think everyone should heed that - including you.

Hope we can all put this behind us and if I come across you elsewhere on MN I will have no hard feelings

medee/polypoo I have found you both on fb and updates await you.

Scorpette A direct quote from jailbait "He's not doing justice for the team - it's not like "she's" (that's you) some random ."

Scorps sorry TYF was so clueless. I had to get flip chart out and draw diagrams for TG.

Know what you about getting updiffed for birthday - mine last month and I was sure that after 15 months of ttc I would be given very spesh birthday present. But no... some other fucker pushed in the queue.

Still, I hope THIS is the month then I won't have to indulge TG in his bumsex obsession.

Ski about the bastard droid. Have a dead leg on me.

yay, I have been admitted to inner sanctum! In my pic I have up-do quiff thing going on and leather jacket on.

Right, off to look at facebollocks.

And nicely put Scorps, you have a way with words.

carrots Your little man is absolutely adorable!

polly surely if you get diffed he can beg for bumsex more frequently using the ruse "I don't want to hurt the baby".

Bastard droid. Tbh I suspected it was coming after the cramps yesterday and I'd rather deal with it at the weekend than run out of the office wailing like I've done the last couple of times. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. It's definitely winky in the foofoo right? Shall I post photos?

Ski damn it... hadn't thought of that. Are you doing the bicycling legs in the air after the winky's barfed in the foo foo?

I have developed a technique this month which I can share if you like? You need the side of your bed to be between 2-3 feet from the wall.

After doing the biz you put legs up in air immediately, shuffle around (may have to get jailbait to move before he falls asleep) and what you want is your head to be hanging off the side of the bed, with bum in the middle.

THEN you hoist your arse up in the air and hold your hips under your hands. (I can only do this with head off bed, or else get dreadful neckache). Once legs are in the air, you can do some cycling. And the best bit is when you get a bit tired, you let legs point over your head towards the wall, and then you can rest your feet against the wall. It is surprisingly comfortable honest. [grink]

I am thinking of patenting (sp?) this idea if it happens to work - we should know in about 10 days.

ski at droid. Piss fuck bollocks. And it was my dearest wish that we could be in foal together, and that our little colt and filly would grow up alongside each other and fall in love, and then found a new PonyHorse dynasty. But tragically, not to be.

Yes, it's winky in foofoo, but we do need photos to verify that you have identified winky and foofoo correctly. Also, have you paid your five year membership fee of Netherlands Eventing (or whatevs it called) and purchased specialised made-to-measure saddles for each of the three disciples, plus ordered a new horsebox like this? If not, that is what you are doing wrong.

Ponymum I think it's because I haven't actually made the financial outlay for the eventing yet. I was thinking of "renting" a trailer or horsebox and clearly what I need to do is take out an expensive loan/HP contract to purchase my OWN box. I was also thinking of nipping to Milan to get some made-to-measure dressage boots which my feet will never fit in to again post bebe. Also I need new ski boots - c.f., aforementioned foot-swellage.

I'm pretty sure I'm doing foofoo and not bumsex. How can you tell?

Polly I must admit I have read encouraging things about doggy-style delivering manfat directly to the cervix - but when I demanded jailbait "perform" he got stage-fright and needed something more "traditional".

At least he didn't offer to take me to the library to cheer me up...

Ponymum cannihavethathorsebox? cannivhavethathorsebox? cannihavethathorsebox?

PS. That horsebox is more than a house I was looking at buying a couple of weeks ago!

Medee, I have seen you on FB and you look offensively young and lovely. You are clearly only 14 - how dare you infiltrate us just so you and your schoolchums can lol @ old ladies?

Ski - I have just created a crackhoar page - but it's new, so I have NO friends (art reflects reality, hang on, here's a tenner, that usually works. And some fizzy pig tails: be my fwend), and also NO pics ? No wall, no anything....so... probably not enuf info to be a FBIC (fellow of the besh inner circle). eh heh, that's quite Tolkien. Not sure. Pony cld follow this model tho?
Is there then a page just for Beshism? I quit the old FB since it became a full-time job keeping up with all my ?friends?.

PS Can just continue on here if not enough info - is fine.