30s TTC - The BESH little gin palace in mumsnet

[idealcamel]

The bar is open and the ticking clock has been muffled for the duration...Come on in!

Tee hee! "where the ponieez roam free". Obviously we have lulled you into a false sense of security. Do none of you suspect the next stage of the evil ponieez master plan? Look here, and be afraid!

Ponymum That's bloody brilliant - I've just sent it off to all my horsey pals.

Scorpette Your suggestion on how to approach the end of your cycle had me in tears. I looked at another site this morning and nearly choked on fucking babydust.

hawaiian What's the frozen cod for? Can cunty or casper explain this toy? Is it something to do with bumsex?

I am still totally in awe that two of our BESHs are meeting for real tonight - talk about coincidence of coincidence. Here we are - spread out over at least 3 countries and those two find themselves at the same bar. I mean of all the bars in all the world... can't wait for fb pics!

Btw, jailbait and I were looking at cunty's fb photos earlier and he commented too that me and her could be twinz!

I'm glad you're laughing, ski - the endorphins will make the kidney-punches less agonising

There better be some fucking FB pics. Pigsy, are you going to re-friend us on FB again, or wot, ya big beardy loon?

Jealous of a BESH meet-up, however incidental, but am worried that if a large group of us, or indeed, all of us met up, that it might herald the coming of the apocalypse.

PS Am scared of the BESH twins. It's like summat out of a Korean horror film, but much, much scarier...

Oh yeh and iggy's "I haven't got a beard" was very Lady Macbeth I thought. I hope poor Casper doesn't get stubble rash.

Oh yes, speaking of beards and such - I told jailbait last night that I probably had PCOS because I'd diagnosed myself on the internet and I'm not diffed. He asked what the symptoms were and I said BEARD! He rolled his eyes at me and said I don't have a beard. "I've spent all week working in an old folks home, I know what a lady beard looks like." hummph.

haha re: the group meet up Scorps The earth would topple on its axis and anyone carrying a Y-chromosome would be rendered sterile via funky cosmic forces.

scorps that kidney punch image also had me in pleats. Your mastery of the english language makes me think you and me could be best mates. You can have 2 bezzies for the price of 1 cos me an ski is twinz n shiz innit. My tits is smaller tho. An I don't ride hosses I ride motorbikes.

I also can't believe people are doin your actual meeting up. Hope they post of summat during the night, gotta know how things are going. An image of them have a huge girlie fight in the car park with hair pulling and face scratching after being in the running for the same award has been entertaining me for some time....

frozen cod you say?

Can't tell you what you use it for. Got to ask scorpy's permission first

I give my permission.

While I can't say what Cunty and Curly use the frozen cod for... I can only say that I use it for slapping myself in the back of the head (hold by the floppy tail that tends to thaw out first - then swing either leftways or rightways based on your preference) then wham! Rights me back up, gives me some pain so I stop fretting about medical terms unknown that might be my condition and reason for non-stick foo foo [sob] 3.5 hours and counting til doc appt...

COD, PLEASE!

Can't wait to hear how the face to face meetup goes and see FB pics! (love the term facebollocks!) Speaking of which scorpy did you un-friend me or never add me? It's ok, I can handle the truth.

Now then you see, I automatically thought it was frozen cod in breadcrumbs.

Hey pollypoo welcome! I also have a DC. He's 5 (just) and we're trying for #2. So I'm presumably not as barren as some here but I am starting to think I may be. But that's fine (honestly, really, it is, no really).

Well you're a chatty lot. I leave you for just one day (went on sales calls today) and I've got about an hour of reading to get through. And violence. Cool.

ski - seriousness warning. I was never one of the "in crowd" either at school and it's a to me that at our age it's mentioned here that the catty lot at school were utter bitches, made our lives miz and we don't want to go through that here in MN. Meaning, I thought I was the only one who still felt miffed (that's British understatement) about Stuff From School. In my fecking 30s FFS.

So, as it's not just me (phew) I would like to say that it's an immense pleasure to NOT have to spend any time with those utter witches and instead spend time here with you, and the other lovely hags, and when you come across idiots in other forums, Just Walk Away (and back in here). I guess it's a bit like road rage - where being physically separate from the person you're being aggressive to means that the usual boundaries are dropped.

I would take great pleasure debating politics or whatever you want to and would never take any of your beliefs personally, or attack them personally. I would no doubt agree with you on lots of things, and disagree on others, and enjoy the whole experience. I'm not suggesting we do, just that there are people out there like me who would have that conversation in a grown up way, respectfully and with the intention of enjoying it AND having the intellectual challenge of the interaction.

OK enough of being serious. Go piss on a stick.

Meeting up girls - v excited to hear about it but a bit worried world WILL end.

hawaiian I think it's supposed to be a wet (not frozen) haddock

Cuntshine, I thought I had added you on FB. Will go and check and do it if not already done. Although - cod? It's vastly overfished. How about a nice piece of pollock.

I said POLLOCK. Sheesh, you lot.

POLLOCK

Ok, answers first for Scorpette -

1. Men - I'm a cradle snatching cougar. And proud.

2. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   c) foofoo (only use others when not doing baby sex)

3. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) DEFINITELY bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. Would probably add a bitch-slap too, just for good measure. Why should anyone else have willpower to wait when I don't?

4. Is R2D2:
   b) the source of all evil. (but also the best character in star wars)

Did I pass? Did I? Fucking hope so because I'd like to move into the palace permanently. Am narked off with judgey mnetters - I don't expect to get judged for expressing own personal opinion - piss taken, of course but not having my .... Oh d'you know what? Never mind, not even worth getting annoyed over, pass me a gin sling someone?

Ski, any tips on flouncing? Perhaps I should make dramatic exit from other groups

Oh and Ski - POAS! Do it, do it! (pinches Ski v hard on arm and twists)

Where are the lesbians? And don't step forward scorps you are a plastic lesbian and you knows it

Youse lot are hilarious. Am deffo not capable of being funny or wise tonight, so it's a good thing all of you are.

Am terrified - and strangely intrigued - by the idea of a full-on Besh meet; like a coven stylee thing? We could perform strange fertility rites. And yes, scorps, that would mean we could all look at one another's boobies.

Are the lezzers the two that are meeting tonight? How very exciting. I've only been in here a day and I'm hooked Perhaps I have found my spiritual home

Hey carrots, how long have you been ttc no2?

God no, they are not the lesbians, at least I don't think so, although I shall scrutinise the FB photos for some signs of mutual attraction...

Sorry to disappoint you PooPoo, but Curly and Piggy aren't lezzers, they're just going to get in on in our fevered imaginings.

Except Cunty has rightfully outed me as a fake and rubbish lesbo; I'm strickly dickly, as they say on Ricki Lake.

Which I have never watched.

Perfect answers, BTW. Too perfect, perhaps. I forgot the most important question of all: Are you a Daily Heil journo? (Although strictly speaking, the two are incompatible)

We do have a few lesbots, but most of them have been absent for a while Too busy living it up in Euro Jizzney, that's my suspicion (Euro Jizzney is my theme park where quality euro spunk is available to all).

Finally, on behalf of Ski and myself, may I welcome another Cougar . I have 9 yrs on my bloke (called TYF for The Young Fella) and Ski has... 23 years, I think. Or possibly 11. Same difference. What is your shameful age gap?

Oh YOUR theme park is it??!

Its hard to keep up on here... (fnar fnar). Got v confused about lezzers.

Defo not journo, of any description. Not eloquent enough - unless you count swear words. But then again eloquent/DM not go together either

Sorry to disappoint Scorps but only have 3 yrs on DH - but seeing as question was gold digger or Cougar... and DH has no money, had to go with Cougar. Prev boyf was 9 yrs junior though.

Hmmm... now I come to think of it, prev prev prev boyf was 9 years older than me. Maybe I am just not fussy? [hmmm]

Cunty I was also wondering where we lost Cockdodger... but I shall get my lezz fix, seeing my doc today. (She's Spanish lezz - woo!) Nothing good in my life happens these days without lesbians: My realtor, my doc, the best "man" at my wedding, the one who helped with the surprise bike for TTF... all lesbians. God love um!

camel I also am terrified by the idea of meeting a BESH in RL, although I'm sure I know several who would qualify. Mostly affraid my wit wouldn't perform on command! It comes and goes when it feels like it, these days.

pollock indeed although scorps you made me "think globally, whack locally" perhaps I need to start using ahi or mahi mahi, but we don't usually freeze those! Fresh ahi poke (pronounced po-kay for you non-Hawaiians) is a much more tempting use of ahi... but we all have to make sacrifices to save the globe.

Talapia is more appropriate for slapping than eating... so could be another choice substitute. Poo eating fish - yuck! (no offense Poo!)

Husband is only 8 months younger than me - do I fail?

POKE

Rich seam laydeez, rich seam

None taken Cuntshine

Am trying to imagine BESH meet - so far images that come to mind are of scary japanese style anime girlies in leather pants, with motorbikes, nork-tastic, whips, ponieez, shouting CUNT a lot (or whatever the japanese for cunt is) bringing about mass destruction/end of world etc.