Just MC'd. Starting it all again.. Come and join me for the long haul, vol 2

[thefatladyscreams]

Hardly the most original title but I didn't want to loose anyone (well that's my excuse for the lack of originality!)

Sorry that AF got you, Louise

Seems like she's arriving here to (spotting last night). That would mean she arrives on day 10 past ovulation (if I ovulated at all). Not sure what to think of that - my luteal phase was always 14-15 days, before the MC. Now, either I am simply not ovulating, or my luteal phase has shortened to 8-10 days. Either way it is very hard to conceive.

Hi all and welcome to bigmuther65 and runforthehills. Lovely to have you on board.

Not much to report here. On CD9 and the monitor still says low - but WE ARE HAVING OUR HEATING MENDED! OK not as dramatic as a BFP but it broke early last winter and we just kind of got used to being cold. We've finally had enough and the men are fitting a new boiler as we speak. So we could be in for a very toastie weekend especially as we have just fitted a woodburner . Bit of heat might help the TTC - not sure thermals and hot water bottles are that attractive!

Hope you got through the due date zayja and work has calmed down a bit. Sending you and louisesh big virtual bars of chocolate to commiserate the arrival of AF. Sending you one as well meita just in case it is AF, well you can never have too much chocolate...

meita - I can completely understand why the idea of taking on a 5 year old for example is daunting. I went from being free and single to having three very lively step children. It was a real shock, having lived on my own before, but you get used to it and then suddenly one day it felt normal. As hard as I'm TTC, I sometimes have doubts if this is what I really want. Sounds crazy I know!

Happy belated anniversary cake - think the first one is paper if I remember rightly? I hated how messed up my cycles have been but I'm learning [very slowly] to accept it - not that we get a choice. I guess post m/c I just wanted some sort of control back and nailing down my cycle was part of that. Sorry not sure what is up with yours but I'd tentatively treat the first day of the proper/longer bleed as CD1 for what it is worth.

Hope the jollster household is feeling better and you'll be out at some display tonight living up to your name!

louisesh - I have a very whimpy dog who hates fireworks (hid in the shower last year) so like you I'll be glad when tonight/this weekend is over. We ended up putting on loud music last year and DH and I danced around the house singing to distract him - not an attractive sight or sound I can promise you.

boodle if there is a rogue egg there then it's obviously meant to be! I'll be thinking of you tomorrow - pop in here and we'll all be around to give you a hug my dear.

cheepz really hoping this is the month for you. Well done for getting through SIL's news. Glad you got your peak reading - first time I used the monitor we got 18 highs in a row. Was exhausting!

welcome bigmuther65 and runforthehills.

Acronym query: CM?
Sending big hugs to everyone as its all a bit pants from the sound of it.
thefatladyscreams I am v. of your woodburner situation tho!!

Still WTF cycle the bleed I last reported lasted about an hr and not has a brownish/red slight DC so really a WTF day. But DH has been ordered to BD every other day anyway and he didn't complain so lets hope.

Another poo thing is my cousin announced her pg last night shes due about 6 weeks after what I would have been and all I could think was "what a bitch" but on reflection thats me?!

Thanks for all your welcoming messages, very much appreciated.
Waiting to see if AF arrives, if i am on a 28day cycle would be monday,but some times i am 26days so maybe the weekend.Having a few good sign painful babs,give up sleeping last night up every hour needing a wee so here hoping she does not arrive.It would be easier to deal with mc dd if i have some thing to look forward to.
Good luck to everyone at what ever stage you are at,sorry not familiar with some of your storys so far, and let hoping that we all get that BFP

Ah cake that would be... CM: CERVICAL MUCUS!!!! EWCM is egg white cervical mucus which is what we really really like....there is no dignity is TTC...mind you i find it pretty liberating to be able to speak freely about such things and will be ensuring that my daughters are fully aware that fertility and periods are not just about tampax and the pill....phew there we are, feminist rant over

i will be pleased when AF arrives this month as having some really rogue phantom symptoms such as boobs like rocks and pelvic pain....totally pyschomatic i;m sure....this is a rubbish 2WW....x

Hi thanks to all for welcome.
So my status is.. TTC#1 UCL 26-30 cycle 10 CD 30
Coming up to 1 year since MC (at 10weeks) and is playing on my mind. Alot.

tfls Hooray for the new boiler!
It is good to hear your account of going from zero to three DSS. Wow, what an achievement - I mean the "one day it just felt normal" bit. It gives me hope that I could get there as well. We had friends with their two kids (boy aged four, girl aged 2) stay over at ours for a week in spring, before I was pg. I found it such hard work. But also thoroughly enjoyable When I told my friend how in awe I was of her managing all this day in, day out - one week was plenty for me, thank you very much - she replied "Yeah but well, you grow into it, you know. You don't just suddenly have a 2- and a 4-year old all at once." But when you adopt (a sibling pair for example) that is exactly what happens! So it is sooo good to hear that you can grow into that as well... thanks!

cake, really sounds confusing... I think before you have had a proper, period-like bleed, you should still assume yourself to be in the WTF cycle. I think a day or hour of bleeding do not qualify! ;) I know it doesn't help, but here's hoping that either you get a good old regular AF (and a new cycle, new chance!) or some other clear signals sometime soon.
Regarding your cousin, we're in the same boat. I think it is ok for us to be envious - don't be too hard on yourself for feeling upset. But then, after allowing and recognising your feelings, for me it helps to remind myself of two things. The first is: It is not her fault that it is not working for me. Her happiness and my bad luck are totally unrelated. The second is, I don't know the story behind her pregnancy. Maybe she was TTC for two years? Maybe she had multiple MCs? Maybe it was an accident and she is now in turmoil, trying to get to grips with the situation, maybe it will disrupt some very cherished plans she had?
That helps me feel less and more supportive...

bigmuther Ohhh you will have to keep us up to date with any news! It all sounds very promising so far. Fingers crossed for you!

boodle I second your feminist rant! ;)
Ah, 2ww sufferings... I hope it eases up for you soon. (and still holding out some hope for that rogue egg too ;) )

runfor ouch. I can imagine that to be VERY painful. I can just imagine the year you have gone through... After the initial shock of the MC you think "Need to take advantage of increased fertility after MCs and get pg quickly again". Then you think "want to be pg before Christmas/Birthday/another spurious date". Then you think "want to be pg before when due date was." And then you reach the point where your MC was a year ago and you're still not pg. Really really tough. Sending big hugs and lots of commiseration your way. Would love to be able to do something for you.

As for me, the spotting has not yet transformed into AF. I have never before had spotting that didn't turn into immediate AF... Could it be implantation bleed?! Dare I hope? I really don't want to go and get all excited - temp is quite low which would indicate AFs imminent arrival, so really no point in getting excited, is there? IS there?!?

Thursday's list:

Apples TTC#3 UCL 28 cycle 1 CD44
Meita TTC#1 UCL 30-45 cycle 2 CD38
Barrenbrook TTC#1 UCL 28 cycle 6 CD35
RunForTheHills TTC#1 UCL 26-30 cycle 10 CD 30
boodleboot TTC#3 UCL28 cycle 1 CD22
Cheepz TTC#2 UCL 28 cycle 3 CD19
Tigerbear TTC#1 UCL28 cycle 1 CD?+11
CakeandFineWine TTC#2 UCL31 cycle 1 CD9?
Jollster TTC#2 Cycle 2 (after MMC Aug) UCL 26-33?! CD9
TFLS TTC#1 UCL 28 cycle 4 CD9
Tigger15 TTC#2 UCL31 cycle 5 CD8
Zayja TTC#1 UCL 24-27 cycle 7 CD3
Louisesh TTC#1 UCL33 cycle 2 CD2

WTTC
LeeWT
Justbeenforapromenade

MIA (stopped at CD60)
em22 TTC#? UCL 28 cycle 3 CD60
trixel TTC#3 UCL 28-35 cycle 7 CD60

GRADUATES
amyboo
totally
Stressy BFP 22nd August
becky78 BFP 4th September
LittleOneMum BFP 7th September
VivCliquot BFP 10th September
Waitingisntfun BFP 19th September
Chamois BFP 7th October
MrsRigby BFP 11th October

Well meita, I try my best to NOT get excited when I spot even though I'm constantly wondering "could this be?" ... But what I'll say to you is go ahead and dare think it, that's kinda the fun of it all, although 2WW can sometimes be hell! [sayonethinganddotheotheremoticon]

Welcome to bigmutha and RFTH, glad to have you ladies around. I'm crossing my fingers for you big - and you too boodle! Sorry you're in that awful feeling ttc rut RFTH. I'm also ttc #1 and just passed my due date last week. It's been OK, but had a HELL of a time b4 it for some reason. Probably hormones

On a positive note, I've booked an acupuncture appt. for Tues. and also booked an appt. with a fertility specialist for Dec. (my cousin went to him and has triplets after IVF and a colleague went to him as well and has 2 dd's now). Damn it, I'm doing something about it!!!

lol about the thermals TFLS. Do you think crotchless thermals might be effective ?

Well ladies, I'll leave on this note - BFP! BFP! BFP! (chanting as I walk away) Isn't it time for another?!

meita you are so on top of your game with the list. bravo.

cake, bigmuther and runfor let me add welcome, seems like you have all had the same sort of difficult time as the rest of us and whatever you are feeling someone here has felt it and had a good old moan about it so feel free to vent at will.

apples and barrenbrook news please - apples you surely can't be gunning to beat your 60 day cycle - surely

tfls thanks for crossed fingers. I have a feeling ..... am trying to keep moderate about it but tingly boobs, mild nausea, cramps and twinges, get tired quickly, lots of trips to loo, hormones are definitely not normal....... but that being said it has been a very stressful 2 weeks at work so it could all be adrenaline, anxiety and wishful thinking. we will see in 9 days - as boodle says 'damn this 2ww'. It would be pretty cool though if 1st month on the CBFM and we got lucky! I checked back to when DS was concieved as I was using Mymonthlycycles.com and it was CD15 - i put a little smiley face there to indicate we had a bd as at the time I was just tryign to get to grips with my cycle, not trying actively to concieve - life was simpler then - looks like CD15 is the day - was 3 years ago, still seems to be now on the monitor. Would explain why we have always been a little too early or a little too late.

Am still going to stick to my guns and not test until CD29 earliest. Once we are at CD29 thats the longest cycle of any I have recorded.

I hate this!!!

Hi this might be a bit of a ramble feeling quite emotional today
I am feeling very low think maybe pmt normally before my period i can get a bit like you want to bite somones head off,but today feel like bursting into tears.Never really experiance this feeling before,just like if someone was to say are you ok i would break down,actully having to take some quite big breaths writing this.

I am having some quite bad stomach cramps today exactly like when i am on a period,but no bleeding.Read up on implantation pain but this feels more like period pain.Period not due to at least sunday.
Some days i really feel positive, but really have a feeling af is going to arrive soon.Think i put to much hope into this month.Have a very empty feeling if anyone can understand that. I have 2 lovely ds's and now i should be greatful but you can,t help how you feel
Any way going to go and try and relax
Sorry for the ramble but i did warn you

Zayja, I hope the acupuncture is good - and btw I have met a number of people who booked appointments at fertility clinics and got BFPs days or even hours before attending them... It's like the preseed, sometimes it works even if still in the box!

cheepz I'm telling you, I have had a good feeling for you since about your CD14... I hope the 2ww is kind to you.

I'm putting myself to the bottom of the list as bleeding has resumed and increased a bit. Still a bit odd, not my "standard" AF feeling, but as it was not a standard cycle (either anovulatory or too short luteal phase), I suppose that is to be expected. So here we go for cycle three!

Friday's list:

Apples TTC#3 UCL 28 cycle 1 CD45
Barrenbrook TTC#1 UCL 28 cycle 6 CD36
RunForTheHills TTC#1 UCL 26-30 cycle 10 CD 31
boodleboot TTC#3 UCL28 cycle 1 CD23
Cheepz TTC#2 UCL 28 cycle 3 CD20
Tigerbear TTC#1 UCL28 cycle 1 CD?+12
CakeandFineWine TTC#2 UCL31 cycle 1 CD10?
Jollster TTC#2 Cycle 2 (after MMC Aug) UCL 26-33?! CD10
TFLS TTC#1 UCL 28 cycle 4 CD10
Tigger15 TTC#2 UCL31 cycle 5 CD9
Zayja TTC#1 UCL 24-27 cycle 7 CD4
Louisesh TTC#1 UCL33 cycle 2 CD3
Meita TTC#1 UCL 30-45 cycle 3 CD2

WTTC
LeeWT
Justbeenforapromenade

MIA (stopped at CD60)
em22 TTC#? UCL 28 cycle 3 CD60
trixel TTC#3 UCL 28-35 cycle 7 CD60

GRADUATES
amyboo
totally
Stressy BFP 22nd August
becky78 BFP 4th September
LittleOneMum BFP 7th September
VivCliquot BFP 10th September
Waitingisntfun BFP 19th September
Chamois BFP 7th October
MrsRigby BFP 11th October

bigmuther postings crossed, just want to say "chin up" only three more days and you will be all excited because AF will be overdue...

boodle thinking of you especially today.

hmm - have no symptoms at all today - no cramps, no nausea, boobs are not tingling, no heartburn, grrrr

come on body - whats the deal here?!?!?!?!?!?

bigmuther chin up lady, its such a downer when you just constantly want it to happen and you try and hope and then it doesn't happen and all of a sudden you are back to square one ... if not pg this month i will definitely be having a gripe and some low moments because its star6ting all over again each time

meita thanks - will take your feeling and add it to mine and hope for the best

now then - what the devil has happened to mrsr?

well, its been a pretty day for us today. i took kids to school this morning then took myself off to startbucks for a large gingerbread latte and finished the rest of a beautiful book i was reading. Felt very emotional and sad but confronted it by going into mothercare and looked at the little clothes. Didn't buy anything obviously, but felt kinda soothed....life really does go on i guess...lots of new mothers and little babies but i didn't feel felt a mixture of and and perhaps just a little bit ....

Dh and I went to Aylesford Friary this PM. Its a place that we often visit and of special spiritual comfort to us. Its a beautiful monastery and where we went to almost on autopilot that dreadful day in April where the much anticipated 12 wk scan revealed our MMC. The scan that ended our hopes and dreams for the baby we thought was perfectly fine.... We lit a candle for our baby, said some prayers then sobbed in eachothers arms. I love my DH you know, i know i moan about him on here sometimes but thank God for him today. He was wonderful with me. I realise now just how much losing the baby affected him after all.

Feel peaceful now. Still sad but more like a healing scar rather than a gaping wound

Bye bye my darling baby...i wish we'd known you longer.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

boodleGlad you have found some peace today, not easy when mother nature keeps kicking you in the teeth.Massive hug to you.
your post made me have a good cry which is just what i needed,my mc dd is next week,really playing on my mind.xxxxx

Oh boodle that is such a beautiful post, I have tears welling up. I guess your sense of loss is a reflection of just how much love you had (and still have) for your little one. I'm glad you found somewhere so appropriate and marked the day in the right way for you and DH.

bigmuther - hope you're having a better time today. Ramble away! You will find you are in very good company on this thread and I prommise that I can outramble you easily! I sometimes struggle to explain to DH just how much I get from you guys who know exactly the roller coaster of emotions that TTC after a m/c involves.

cheepz - are you resisting still or are the testing sticks calling out to you in their evil way? Stay strong - you can resist their force!

meita sorry it sounds like AF. I had a really weird AF this time as I had 2-3 days of light spotting beforehand which I've never had before. I'm still amazed at just how much effect the m/c is having on my cycles now. Maybe it is still the disruptive effect with you?

cakeandfinewine - well done for dealing with your cousin's news. And don't beat yourself up - it is entirely natural to think that. It's just your own sense of loss working its way through. [Wish I didn't think of lovely slice of lemon drizzle cake and glass of dry white wine every time I type your name!]

zayja PMSL at your crotchless thermals! Daren't tell DH as he'll probably love the idea!

The boiler got switched on for the first time today, we're toastie hot and the weekend (and preseed) beckons! Mind you, DH commented that once we've paid for the heating we won't be able to afford anything but to stay in bed!

boodle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

tfls f*cking sticks are calling - and I am still 8 yes 8 days from AF due and 9 from when I would normally allow a test - but have such a feeling this month the tempation is strong... but the force is stronger in me (so far anyway!!) by 6 days I will need additional force from you lot.

bigmuther - I guess next week is one of those milestones we just have to get through. In some strange way, I found boodle's description reassuring. We can get through this, sad as it is. xxx

cheepz - I found reading the packet instructions helpful as it reminded me of how useless it was to test too early. Even at 4 days early I think there was quite a low chance of an accurate result (sorry, too lazy to go upstairs and check the instructions on that Clearblue digital that I just happen to have in the drawer ). It helped me put if off a bit longer. They are the devil's work at times aren't they!

i feel sick ... hurrah

go go cheepz go!

sorry have been reading but not posting...

boodleboot your post made me well up... really touching.

cheepz... sounds promising.

No real news from here. Am guessing on ovulation at the mo, so have started the programme of activity without being too obvious about it. Or DP will go all odd I'm sure..! If I don't get a BFP this year, I will start some assisted planning in January. I originally said I wanted to be pg by Christmas, and fell first month in June. Always felt it was too good to be true

I know that's not very long in typical TTC terms, but at my ancient age I can't afford to wait around...

Will pop back in soon. Hope all well with everyone.

cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepzie - come on now, give us the lift we need....BFP BFP BFP BFP.

mutha - i was dreading mine too but it was ok......really it was. Sad but ok. i'll be praying for you.

i have strange rumbly grumbling pains at the mo that feel like a bit AF-y but she is not due til at least wednesday....i will be interested to see what date my AF arrives on to see if my cycle is back after the EP or if still a little skewy. Ordering a BBT from amazon today as have decided to start charting temps.....its not as hard as i thought it was looking at the examples in toni weschlers book....and a better indicator of early pregnancy than testing....not to mention MILES cheaper....

zayja - on the topic of acupuncture i had one session in and fell pregnant next cycle, ended in the EP sadly but was amazed that it happened so quickly after the first session....go for it.

hugs to everyone else

x

Hi everyone,

Haven't posted for a bit, as we relocated from Clapham to, er, France a week ago. Only just got the internet going. Moving two children, a demented MIL and dh was a bit tiring.. Dh completely useless at practical stuff. Tends to start making "urgent" phone calls and backs slowly away from anything that has to be done.

So, on CD14 after AF on pre-mmc schedule of 27/8 days.

Have done the business. Dh retired to take on fluids.

Waiting to start now..

Morning

Swings and roundabouts here - one minute feel all the things that would indicate a BIO (bean in oven!) next minute feel absolutely normal and not like have BIO at all.... sigh, am exhausted with the rollercoaster - have managed not to POAS partly because its still only CD 23! and partly because I kind of don't want to know - once I know, if I am, theres a whole new set of things to worry about.

That being said had grim migraine yesterday which is typical of normal cycle as get hormone headaches in the last week of my cycle all the time, and no more feeling sick (poo) or needing to wee alot, or any real cramping although still the odd twinge. Also no boobs action for last few days, tingling or firmness.

So confused, don't know what to think. I will be monster dissappointed this month if AF arrives - since this is the most optimistic I have felt about a cycle since MC. At least next month we are on holiday so there will be ample opps for bd in the window whilst relaxed and getting some sunshine if things don't go my way. Gulp. Onwards with the 2ww.

apples dh retired to take on fluids - love it! France sounds exciting - my folks live there and they love it, dh and I have talked about it alot but not brave enough! More power to you.

jollster hope you feeling ok - its a real challenge sometimes not to feel really disillusioned by it all - I also have milestones and each time we miss one and I am still not pg again its disappointing, but then i make a new milestone and move on - so we have Christmas too, if not it will then be before DS is 3 (June) then before I am 38 (August) and so on! Sometimes its the only way to keep trucking.

boodle good to hear you seeming more back on form - especially since you have had such a difficult week xx

Monday's list:

Barrenbrook TTC#1 UCL 28 cycle 6 CD39
RunForTheHills TTC#1 UCL 26-30 cycle 10 CD 34
boodleboot TTC#3 UCL28 cycle 1 CD27
Cheepz TTC#2 UCL 28 cycle 3 CD23
Tigerbear TTC#1 UCL28 cycle 1 CD15?
Apples TTC#3 UCL 28 cycle 2 CD14
CakeandFineWine TTC#2 UCL31 cycle 1 CD13?
Jollster TTC#2 Cycle 2 UCL 26-33?! CD13
TFLS TTC#1 UCL 28 cycle 4 CD13
Tigger15 TTC#2 UCL31 cycle 5 CD12
Zayja TTC#1 UCL 24-27 cycle 7 CD7
Louisesh TTC#1 UCL33 cycle 2 CD6
Meita TTC#1 UCL 30-45 cycle 3 CD5

WTTC
LeeWT
Justbeenforapromenade

MIA (stopped at CD60)
em22 TTC#? UCL 28 cycle 3 CD60
trixel TTC#3 UCL 28-35 cycle 7 CD60

GRADUATES
amyboo
totally
Stressy BFP 22nd August
becky78 BFP 4th September
LittleOneMum BFP 7th September
VivCliquot BFP 10th September
Waitingisntfun BFP 19th September
Chamois BFP 7th October
MrsRigby BFP 11th October