Mid 30s TTC - Simply The BESH... BESHer than all the rest!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, ladies. I've had a widescreen telly installed and there's a big cupboard full of 80s teen movies if anyone's interested. New and more secure cages for our prey are being delivered soon. There's a big picture of a desert over the bar, a loudly ticking clock in the corner and bowls of raisins, currants and sultanas on every table; everything the discerning BESH could ask for...

Bessie To add to your discomfort, when husband and I were on holiday, he discovered a love of bulots. Bulots, for those who don't have weird shellfish obsessions, are something like sea snails. And sometimes when you pull them out of their shells, they leave a long, glistening, pant-snot-like trail behind them... I almost lost my lovely French lunch witnessing that.

gin I don't want to tempt fate, even in jest, by telling you that you're updiffed (thus ensuring that you're not, in crazy fate double-think way). Sorry, am being insanely superstitious. Or just insane.

scorpette My periods have been bizarrely predictable in an annoying way since coming off the pill - up to a week of braaaaaaaaaahnn stuff, followed by two days of medium bleeding, and then game over. Go directly to barren, do not pass pregnancy, do not collect baybeeeeeeeeeeee. So yours is definitely outweirding mine.

It's possible that you could be updiffed and that tests aren't picking it up yet, but TRY NOT TO SEND YOURSELF CRAZY THINKING THAT.

I am offline for merely a day and suddenly the BESHies are all lovey wuggy huggy?
Ah, what the hell?

Today is 13DPO. I. Will. Not. P. O. A. S. Until. Tomorrow.

OK, this is weird and spooky. I wrote that without even grinding my teeth, tugging my hair, or scratching the palms of my hands. i.e. I am (relatively speaking) calm and sane at the height of the 2WOOFL. Why? What could this mean? (Oh and just to let you know in advance, I think I have the same cheapo pg tests as Scorp so will prolly get the same result.)

I heart the BESHies. PP said to me the other day "So are you worried you're addicted to that yet?". Sadly, my first reaction was that I needed to get online to ask everyone's opinion as to whether or not I was addicted to getting on line to seek other people's opinions all the time.

Bulots sound revolting. Do they feel slimy in your mouth? Because proper snails are delicious when they are cooked nicely. I think the slime trail would put me off for sure.

I hope this helps Scorpette - a girl I know from another messageboard knew something was up but POAS kept saying babyfail. So she went to the docs, blood test said babyfail. By this time she was 7 weeks and knew something was up. She booked a scan at a private clinic, dildo cam said babypass.

AAAARGH, FUCKING DR! I rang the surgery at 1pm, asking why she'd not called me back. The underling said she'd get her to call. Just now, the same underling rang me and said the Dr wants me to book a hormone test for D21 of my cycle - I said that I'd spoken to the Dr about confusion over cycle dates, so without more chat with the Dr, I couldn't book that (FFS!). The women then proceeded to casually discuss my discharge, etc., with me and made it clear that the fucking Dr had told her everything we'd discussed in our quick consult And when you sit in that waiting room, you can hear every word a receptionist says. I then told her I was very annoyed that a non-medical member of staff had been told private details about me and that it was unacceptable for the Dr to have discussed them with her so the receptionist could do her job for her. I finished with a curt 'I shall expect her to ring me as soon as possible; by the end of the day at the very latest' (one advantage of AS father - excellent at dealing with factotums).

Jesus Christ, am fuming. The stupid Dr-Bitch clearly didn't listen to a word I said or dismissed me as a hysterical BESH (shaddap, you lot). If I dunno if this is a period or what, HOW can I tell which day D21 is? Have I had my period? Have I not had it? That's what I rang her about - my period not starting and the weird braaaahn bits. WTF!

Cameltoe, doesn't sound like our droids have been the same after all. I came off the pill in 1992, so I don't think it's affecting me anymore. And I've had no bleeding, except for a tiny smear yesterday. If I've had NO bleeding, I've not had a period, have I?

AND my Mum's had the audacity to go to an art class so I can't ring her up and bitch with her about the uselessness.

Pony, that last comment made me have an agonising coughing fit brought on by howling with laughter. Shall we save money and just wee in the same pot and test that? That way, if one of us is updiffed, the other can enjoy the delusion for a while

Guys, I think our love-in is entirely A Good Thing. When you meet like-minded souls, going through similar stuff, you fall in friend-love with them; it's just like the familiarity you feel when you meet Mr or Ms Right. I met TYF and my best friend on MySpace.

PS Soz for writing loads each time - am ill and v bored

Oh, apparently bulots are whelks. That was un peu mechante, using the French word to confuse me.

That's interesting, Ski. Am wondering if my cold/flu could be affecting the results? I don't think it's affecting my droid, though, as have suffered the indignity of cold + period plenty of times in the past; much worse ones than this. Yesterday, said summat about menstruation in my FB status, but that was based on the one blood smear.

Mind you, will feel absolute tit if I wake up tomorrow with proper bleeding, but 7 days of minor weirdness leading up to it? That's not normal (for me). It represents weird changes in my cycle and I'm not going to waste time seeing if it happens again and how often - I want things sorted; NOW.

scorp The BESH love-in must have gone too far if you think I am going to drop my daks and hold hands with you while we we into a little pot together. Just how close would we have to be to achieve this? (Ah, but have just remembered, I have a shewee so can aim into the pot from some distance away. Will be OK then.)

This beigey, not-really-there and not-quite-a-period thing - I am v at your GP. You are def doing the right thing by trying to sort this out. I had the same thing-ish after I came off the pill but wasn't as assertive as I am now about understanding these things so it went on forever with no solution. It was like one month I had a proper period, then the next month I had this in between thing that was beige or maybe vaguely pink for anything from 1 to 4 days. I never got to the bottom of it. My stupid (ex) GP was worse than useless, and I had no BESHies to help me. My cycle length was a bizarre lottery and I didn't have a clue about panty snot and temps. Like gin, don't know how I actually got pg in the end either.

Is there any chance you can change your GP? You need someone who has a clue on your side to help you solve this.

Strokes Scorp's hair lovingly then gives her a full-on tongue kiss. Oh whoops, have I gone too far?

Bessie Fair enough. But I could have called them Buccinum undatum. (I love Wikipedia, I do).

Scorp Useless, crappy, indiscreet fucking doctors.

However (and you're going to hate me for pointing this out) the only way of finding out what's going on with this particular cycle what you are having at the moment is to wait. Either this is all implantation, in which case waiting will lead to detectable HCG levels or it's a beepy little monster, in which case you'll bleed.

If they're going to start testing you, btw, then you need Day 2/3 and Day ? (a week before your period), not just arbitrary Day 21 bloods. Also dildocam & TYF should spunk in a pot, so they can check him.

hmmm, Buccinum undatum would definitely have confused me.

Scorpette - at least this way you get to prolong the TWOOFL...actually, that's not all that positive...

Thanks BEShies Bloody useless Dr rang me back finally, and laughed dismissively when I complained about her giving my details to the receptionist and had written notes this morning that weren't what I'd told her. She still kept on about how EVERYONE had 14 days between ovulating and the droid, no matter what, until I lied and said my cousin had had a luteal phase defect and she said she'd never heard of one [rolls eyes in despair]

Anyway, I semi-forgive her because she did say that if I'm the sort of person who gets brown/dark bits at the start of a period, this means my womb doesn't get rid of everything during a period and the next period kicks out the 'remnants'. So the womb activity of implantation could kick these out too. The worst thing is not knowing what's going on; if I bleed then fine, we start TTC all over again. If I'm updiffed then HUZZAH! My parents were (are) extremely flaky and I have 'issues' with not knowing with what's going on.

You have to get a Dr to ring you to see if they think you need a consult and you can't request a particular Dr - it's pot luck. I live in a small area and can't drive and this is an otherwise good surgery and I can walk to it.

Pony - I wasn't going to wee into the pot at the same time as you But kiss me again and I might change my mind

PS I do have other thoughts and worries outside of TTC and braaaahn bits, just in case anyone was wondering

Not surprised re: dr and luteal-phase-defect, tbh. In the course of my increasing SWI-knowledge, gleaned entirely from google, it becomes apparent that most doctors don't believe that such things exist.

And given that it tends to be an explanation for failure to concieve given by sites aimed at flogging me something, I'm a bit wary of it, too.

The comment about not getting rid of everything during a period is making me a bit ick. Why isn't my womb cleaning itself out properly? Is it as much of a lazy housekeeper as I am? Fuck. If the ultrasound today comes back saying that no foetus will want to take up residence in that messy uterus, I won't be at all surprised.

conceive not concieve. Sheesh.

Idealcamel - that is a VERY good point. I had better try to tidy my womb up before TTC again.

Scorpette - go on, blow &8 on one of those tests.

ideal - I think as part of my new tv series 'GIMME A BAYBEE' (or whatever its called), we're going to shrink Kim & Aggie in a tiny spaceship (like in that 80s film 'Inner Space') and send them up us via dildocam so they can do a full clean-up of our slovenly wombs. We'll prolly have to douche with Toilet Duck or something. I can see a new advert now 'HI! I'M BARRY SCOTT! NEW CILLIT BANG PESSARIES - BANG AND THE WOMB DEBRIS IS GONE!'

The luteal phase defect might be , but on the other hand it's clearly bollocks to insist that every single woman, ever, has exactly 14 days between ov and droid [cat's bum mouth]

When is dildocam? Good luck for it - it can't be the most comfortable and dignified procedure ever. If it helps, just imagine us all stood there staring right upya

Right, am going to attempt to leave the house now. Bleeeeurgh.

Bessie, I'll splash out on one (if you pardon the pun) when my I get my money from winning the Nigerian Lottery.

Toilet Duck? Ow. Although I am hugely amused by shouting Barry Scott and Cillit Bang pessaries.

It is very much clearly bollocks to insist that every woman has the same cycle.

Right, am off to examine my own woman-parts on a small screen. It will obviously help to imagine a pack of curious BESH in the room...

Good luck. I'll be bringing popcorn and 3-D glasses

Nah, I'm only joking - I hate popcorn.

Hope you are going to FB them cameltoe Am a bit bored with Homme's porn stash and the deeveedee man hasn't been round to his work recently...

scorps am going to puh you out of the upstairs window with sympathy. What a hoo-er that GP sounds .

Can understand your fret re menopause - my eldest sis early-paused at 35 (oh! My age! How about that!) and the other one early-paused after chemo so who knows what would have happened... Which is why I'm SWODCA rather than SWI and keeping a stern eye on things.

ski should I book to go Boarding this winter? Where do you fancy?

Erm, SWODCA? PS Glad to know someone else who says hoo-er

Oh shagging without due care and attention... laissez-faire

cunty I think we're going for my old favourite - Alberta/Interior BC in January.

Tsk I can't afford that unless I sell something. And I sold everything to buy this house. Gah