Mid 30s TTC - Simply The BESH... BESHer than all the rest!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, ladies. I've had a widescreen telly installed and there's a big cupboard full of 80s teen movies if anyone's interested. New and more secure cages for our prey are being delivered soon. There's a big picture of a desert over the bar, a loudly ticking clock in the corner and bowls of raisins, currants and sultanas on every table; everything the discerning BESH could ask for...

laurie We'll meeeeeeeeeeeeees you while you lurk. Come back soon.

vag Horrid, horrid, horrid - esp the having to go to the maternity unit. Poor you.

ski You are evil. No two ways about it. And scorp is right, telly beats horsebox any day in my book.

kayscorpetta (I suddenly realised I had this kick-arse and yet terrifying image of you in fighting serial killer mode, too much Patricia Cornwall in the past) I had one cycle of brown bits and no bleeding from cd19 to cd25, then R2D2 appeared. The bastard kept torturing me by appearing to stop, too. It's utterly distressing and made me google "implantation bleed" and "short luteal phase" until I realised that both of these things were made up by the interweb to sell you wild yam pessaries.

lol @ wild yam pessaries!

'VAGEE we love youuu,
VAGEE we do,
so have another pint of gin
while we BUNDLE on yoooooou'

Gawd I love you guys so much

Will report back tomorrow, am off to walk in the shadow of the valley of BESH.... Feeling a bit less of a jealous cow already.

What's the website where you can buy these pessaries, Camel?

LOVE being Kayscorpetta! I'd like to see myself as a cool and controlled catcher of killers, but when it comes to crime-fighting, I'm probably more Scrappy-Doo than anything.

Ski, that ovarian cancer joke is not actually funny. Go stand in the corner with your back turned to us.
No, don't look at me like it, it won't work. I'm looking at your new FB pics right now. You're a proper grown-up with hobbies and shiz. Scares me.

We will be with you in spirit on your arduous undertaking, Sister VAG. Be strong - the power of the BESH flows powerfully within you.

hugs to all who need them.

And (from the reborn link) WTF is baby fat in this context?

Q) What do you weight your babies with?

A) I weight my babies with baby fat and small glass beads. My babies contain no sand to comply with customs regulations.

Scorpette I'm sorry. Our bodies fuck with us when TTC it's true.

As for the "hobby" - that was "work" and I got paid for it!

Hmmmph. I shall forgive you, Ski... just this once!

You spawny get, being paid to waterski! When will I be able to make millions from sitting round surfing the net with Jeremy Kyle repeats on in the background?

Yes, Medee - WTF is 'baby fat'??? Does she have a sideline in lipo for new mums? The mind boggles. I had to go to Skegness and there was a tatty shop with a whole bunch of 're-born baby' dolls' in the window. It turned my stomach - they look just like tiny corpses. So wrong. DCI* Cameltoe - my genius analytical brain sees that we've been having v similar droids; I shall name this phenomena 'Bookworms' Bleed', as we both 'do' book stuff*.

*This is a redundant adjective, as it goes without saying that all shops in Skeg are tatty.
** Ask me for my opinion on them in 10 yrs time, if, Gawd forbid, the worst comes to the worse and there's no hoomin baybee in the works

• **In my case, jump the gun and get loads of books on boosting fertility and updiff, etc., out of the library

ewwww, cheeesypeeeas scorps! what's this about me imagining making peanut cookies with some future sprog? I niva said that. I can't imagine anything past next Tuesday.
I eat em currently and I could've sworn you told me not to! Mind you, weren't you taking monks' anti-libido tablets last month?

Find a teenager and offer them a packet of Benson & Hedges and a crate of Stella in exchange for the baybee.

I want a baybee so I can have one of these: www.inhabitots.com/2009/10/01/doing-it-for-the-kids-design-exhibition-placenta-teddy-bear/ 1000 types of wrong!

I've just thrown up.

What interests me is how you happened upon that, ski. Actually, was it also you who posted that acne-popping film? Double vom on toast.

OMFG ski. How do you find these things and more importantly why???

VAG Come on woman. We all begrudgingly love the bones of ya. Who needs babies hmmm? There there.

The acne film was nothing to do with me. The baybeeee was from www.jezebel.com - they search the net for this stuff so we don't have to.

Solid BOAK at the placenta teddy. Am now getting so fleeeeurgh with my cold that TYF keeps semi-joking about Swine Flu. It's not. I had proper flu - Northern Flu; Cunty knows what I'm talking about - last December and lost half a stone in 5 days. I was also hallucinating and went 48 hours without sleep. This time, I want to Eat. The. World. At least I'll have a food baby at the end of it.

David Mitchell in a thong does not tempt me to do anything except run out of the room screaming 'My eyes! MY EYES!'.

Soz, Kim, thought you said summat about cooking cookies with future sprog and I was pretending to be up in arms re: nut allergies. If you like peanut cookies (bleurgh), you get 'em down ya! Blame my mistake on my TWOOFL.

And leave my horny monkey tablets alone!

BTW, no braaaaahn bits or anything now. I give up. Oh god, I'm so ill. I want my mummy, my blankie and a big bottle of lucozade

PS Whoever thought up the placenta teddy has to be a serial killer - what even slightly sane person would dream up such a thing? Hannibal Lecter would say 'you've gone a bit far for me, there, mate. Scale it back'.

Possibly.

PPS I think it was extreme who posted the bacne vid (I still have flashbacks). Where's she got to? I miss her

Now I'm rethinking my carved buffaloes with wings out of blocks of tofu, in flourescent orange from the lovely spicy sauce that I put on everything, including breakfast...

ski you are sick, but I kinda like that

Oy! Mitchell! Get your kit on! You're a very amusing chap but you are hurting my eyes.

ski well that is a proper lovely piece of art innit. I'm sure mr satchi has one.

scorp our bodies are stupid. Honestly I really believe that. Mine would still be convinced it was pg now if it hadn't been for intervention. Yours is on a mission to mess with your lovely control freaky mind.

I also would like to know where the fuck extreme has fucked off to. And I want to hear more fromdon'ttry! am going to lure her from the preisthole with Jaffa cakes.

VAGtastic how are you my lovely? Fancy a mud wrestle and a bottle of bolly?

Also kimduffed have you stoppped vomiting? Try gargling this tequila,sure that will combat the nausea

incidentally I have the random midcycle blues...now there's a name for a song... Actually I could feel so thoroughly crap as I was up half the night with my nearly 21month old son who still never ever sleeps through - you guys are all sure you want to do this yeah?

Aaand while I'm talking to myself...

Just gone to check on the little fella who is happily snoozing to a live version of 'disarm'... do ya think he'll rebel by getting into boybands/girls aloud and becoming a solicitor or something all proper like that?

Why oh why oh why have I got the fucking bluuuuues?

And question 3- if my last r2d2 was 22nd sept that makes me on day 14 now,not 13 yes? As we count 22nd as day 2? Not that it actually matters just would somehow be reassured to know am counting right.

As day 1 I mean. Would explain my All New Reason for crap typing but a) can't be arsed and b) nor can you

Morning ladies! Well the evil jealous pixie got off my shoulder as soona s we got the the hospital yesterday, everyone's ok and as well as can be expected, and therefore all is well with VAG.

Thank you all for being so kind.

Placenta Teddy? Really? noooo. Must be a wind-up.

Ooh - missed ginny's kind invitation of mud wrestling and bolly