Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic hic>

[extremesitting]

OOOh - Hope this'll do! Emergency!

GAH. Epic fail. Quite literally hoisted by own petard - woke up this morning and left nip is really hurty: mastalgia. One hurty nip (usually left one) is usual sign of impending R2D2. Have decided to maintain air of chilledness and only panic that I'm eggless, instead of all the other panics I could have at the same time

I've been reading loads of pg books from the library, to see which I would buy when updiffing occurs. I'm always reading 3 books at once; trashy crap like teen vampire rubbish, proppah liturachur, and non-fiction.
The girl who played with fire kicks arse - and the 2nd one is even better!

Cosmo - stay the fuck away from my 3-wheeler
Nah, it's not that type of disability and I don't drive anyway. Told you - am not a proper grown-up yet

Boohoo, no updiff (probably). Poor me

Scorp - you don't know that yet - stop stressing until you can find out either way. In fact you are henceforth not to allowed to flap, panic or turn crazylady without a special pass signed in triplicate by all BESHes in the coven - then you are allowed five minutes of mentalism

Can I join? I'm quite nice.

Ooh fresh blood!

Have you completed the questionnaire?

Blast - cannot find questionnaire. Will have to make it up

We need to know;

• the colour of your walls
• number of cats (other pets acceptible, even if imaginary)
• secret lesbian crush
• secret crush of shame
• how big your judgeypants are
• favourite gin (other drinks acceptible and there is a teetotal loon member here too)

Here's a chewed bic.

OOh VAG you beat me to it!

I'm an over-sensitive flower and someone on Chat has made me cry.

ponymum
Is your partner/donor getting his GCSE results today or collecting his pension?

Nice? hmmm, not sure you'll fit in that well actually.

Hmm... deep breath.

Walls: cream/bone white
Cats: None, but have the ashes of previous beloved of 13 years
Lezzer crush: Cameron Diaz
Crush of Shame: Please explain
Judgeypants: M or L (but XXXL reserved for incorrect apostrophe usage)
Gin: Sorry, no. It's wine, vodka (Bloody Mary/vodkatini), or lately sharing the odd late night Whisky with DH (only to help my sore throat of course)

Do I pass?

Skihorse DH is somewhere in the middle. He does frighteningly intelligent things for his day job, and at weekends he does truly sexy mountain rescue hero stuff.

cosmosis I only said quite nice. Not very nice.

Oooh I like those outdoorsey men. I'm working with one this week who talks to me about "clever stuff" and has his background pic on his laptop of him at Everest base camp. I used to date solely special-forces men.

Are you a real horsey person ponymum? You would be our third.

Bloody stroll on, I go to bed, treat myself to a full body massage (where I woke myself up snoring) & you all move!!! Well I found you, my pretties!

Eh, buggar all to report really. Am dog-sitting for my gran, & have found myself telling said dog to "come to mummy". Oh, so, so wrong.

Still no RTOD.

Am still laughing at rainbow - hope it was your comment about where we're going wrong & should make fellas spunk in a pot. My memory is shocking - ski doesn't your fella make you pee in a pot for him to test? I think pot-spunk & turkey basters are the way to go, ladies.

ginline - WTF?? Any more lines or helpful comments from mr gin?

skihorse Yes I am horsey. I think we may have met before in the Tack Room. Did you recently sell a horse? So who is the other one on here?

pony my boyf claims to have another cure for my sore throats................

But that definitely comes under the category of the wrong hole

laurielou he does - although I POAS all by myself last week.

ponymum I was going to sell her - she went away on trial - and was sent back after 10 days for making a funny noise when she ate. They later contacted me to say they knew someone who would "take her off my hands for a very low price... " So I decided to keep her and am instead changing yards this weekend and shaving 50% off my monthly bill.

skihorse Some people are crap, aren't they? No wonder so many sellers refuse trials when that sort of thing constantly happens. Well done on the new yard.

ponymum it was only afterwards they mentioned that they'd been searching for 18 months and alarm bells started ringing... and the fact they didn't like that she didn't poo in the same place every time... It was all very odd - they claimed they'd had her vetted and that the vet had said these noises would cause colic. Which I thought was utter tosh - had she been vetted she'd have failed the flexion test - NOT the "noisy eating" one!

ski don't let that nutter get to you, she's well known for being a total loon.

Blimey ski's fight is nutty! What a loon that other one is. Though her POV sounds like my mum's (nb mother not on mn since she's not hot on the "world wide web"). Really, my Mum is lovely except for the hideous refrain of 'only women can look after babies/mothers who work are irreparably damaging their children and are utterly selfish' (except for my sister who she childminds for). It's like arguing with a creationist.

Here, ski, have an apple and lychee martini.

haha Cosmosis - I hadn't realised she had a reputation for that.

Surely I can't be the only one though who's thinking "please, please, please bring on the ML so that jailbait can look after the baby and I can go running every single day at 10am". Fuck it - I've worked since I was 15 - I want my time to sit on my arse/run up hills.

damn those spd cleats, sorry ski had forgotten about them ;)

You lot have been nattering all morning - just used half my lunch break to catch up.

So:
Books - Jody Picoult's Second Glance, Everyone that Matters (or whatever it's called) by Laura Wiesenberger (or what ever her name is - she wrote Devil Wear's Prada) and Pregnancy, Conception and Birth. Plus a couple of dirty novels perhaps I'm not supposed to admit the latter...

Welcome Pony, you had me sold on the apostrophes thing. I have a special pair of wonder-judgeypants for that. But I was a sub-editor until last year. And I love that you also have an outdoors hero type fella. I've got a fireman who throws himself down steep rapids in a bit of plastic on his days off. They call it kayaking, I call it stupid.

Shall we cyber kick those who made ski cry?

Casper, Cosmosis is already beating her whilst wearing her judgey pants. Basically this woman has indicated that I am not "emotionally viable" to be a mother... (she's using another thread about child abuse to beat me with) - but that aside, she's suggesting that you should not use your maternity leave for anything but lying on a chaise lounge breast-feeding. Woe betide any of you who wear lycra for sport!

I'm absolutely bricking it now! I put a'pos'troph'es all over the shop! And I spell badly! And I am addicted to exclamation marks and commas!,

I have also developed a love of using emoticons, even though they irritate me when other people use them

Please don't pull me up on any of it though. I have managed to get dressed everyday for about a week now. We don't want me back on the downward spiral!

I like emoticons extremedressingown - otherwise people might think I'm totally serious about everything. We need an exasperated sigh emoticon though.

Will you be wearing your clothes on holiday or are you going to be nude? Where are you off to anyway? Will we get a postcard? Are you going to EuroJizzney?