Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic hic>

[extremesitting]

OOOh - Hope this'll do! Emergency!

Congratulations Casper, you're officially a fucking 2WOOFL nutter.

Medee Without us mid30s judgers society would be on its knees. Judge away.

Scorps I'm so sorry to hear you're proper metal dogging - how is TYF handling the hormone "fluctuations"?

I'm just back from a visit to the dietician where upon I told her I followed her diet plan and have managed to increase my food intake but my weight is stable. I threw my toys out of the pram and told her that the last time I weighed the "appropriate" amount it was because I hadn't eaten for 4 months and my hair was falling out. I said I would be prepared to do this again to prove a point to the fertility clinic but I thought it was madness because i) I would be no healthier ii) my sperm-donor would probably have left me. I also had a complete tantrum about the fact that I could weigh very little, and jailbait be a complete fat twat and sterile and then they would help. I said I refused to go through the next 10 years worrying if I was at fault due to my weight when jailbait could be sterile and they won't test him due to my weight. I think if they refuse to budge we will go over the border and pay for the tests.

Hey ladies! Can someone gove me a brief run-down of happenings since last Friday as have been offline - and who is this Cnutface - a newbie or sneaky namechanger? I'd go back and read up but frankly am now too old and time is slipping between my fingers like so much [insert something rude here].

BoD over weekend: I have never been so depressed over a birthday before, usually I manage to keep it in perspective, but not this time. TSF took me off for a surprise birthday mini-break to the Cotswolds and all I could do was snarl and whimper. I am so fed up with everything - TTC, life, work, the weather, my spots and cellulite, being socially inept (managed to say "good morning" to the waiter bringing my gin at around 7pm on Sunday). Stupid stupid stupid. I loathe myself.

But on the upside I'm apparently a transexual.

ps Scorpy - feck. I had high hopes for you this time. Hope you are drunk right now (on orange juice of course).

Poor VAG! Happy belated birthday - FB didn't alert me to your b-day, otherwise I would've left you a cheery comment on there. I'll be 37 in less than 2 months - the one all the expert books say is the real shitter. Joyjoyjoy. But that's not to belittle your own BOD-mare.

We all have those horrible times when we hate ourselves and everything, but please remember that you are fabulous, definitely NOT a he-she and have a wonderful bloke who whisks you away for surprise romantic breaks, etc. And much more besides

Cunty is very good at TRIGonometry, if you get my drift

ski, TYF deals with my moods the way he deals with every - a silent look of confused consternation. If was a cartoon, he'd have a massive sign saying 'ERM???' above his head. He's always caring and loving. I am v lucky [smug face]
Oh and tell those fuckers to stop obsessing about your weight. I didn't know that was something you were getting hassles about, but like you say, I don't think near-starvation is great for popping out egg after top-quality egg, is it! I'm trying to lose a bit of weight but would rather stay a bit bigger than I like and get updiffed than risk not ovulating or summat bad because I've gone too far restricting things. It's a shitty balancing act. And to not test Jailbait cos of anything to do with you is sexist and ridiculous. Grrrr.

Well, still very mild on the R2D2 front. Just.... dark red bits 'n' pieces coming out. Lovely. Off to work soon, which is usually chockablock with mums and babies/toddlers. That always makes me feel better

I have ovulated every 26-28 days for the last 23.5 years when I have been eye-wateringly overweight and when I've not eaten for 4 months. I don't think I'm having problems ovulating. As I said, the last time I was at their optimum weight my hair fell out and I couldn't go to work because I had no energy and they were running blood works to see how badly I was fucked up, but hey - I could've had IVF! wankers VAG Do you want to compare cocks? I'm sorry you had a crappy birthday - would a smack in the chops cheer you up? cunty is being cunty so the daily mail don't print our rants on their site.

Oh and yes fertility clinic bitch - I am fat but I think my lifestyle is a million years away from bed-ridden, hob-nob eating obesity! fucking fuckety cunty fuck.

Morning all. friendly slaps all round as I feel the violence has been quite toned down of late.

Sorry for the metal monsters appearance, the squeaking bastard.

"Happy" belated BOD vag. You young-un!

scorp 37 is a bitch - take it from me, 2months in.

Uh, buggar all happening here. ski what a crock of shit about the over-weight-ness. Why can't they just ask you questions, see your notes & see that your ovulation hasn't been an issue? I'd cross the border & get jailbait tested.

My boyf has his appointment tomorrow. He's quite looking forward to a mid-day, mid-week wank. He's trying to put in an order for mags "big jugs" & "chunky asses". Guess why he fell for me?

Morning all

Well I'm on my 2 week wait to get shaggin with intent so nowt interesting to report. Am all scabby though after some asshole knocked me off my bike so good job it isn't 'window week' just yet as I'm not quite ready for friction on me oozing scabs.... ooww

Ski - I agree - they are sexist tossers. Surely it's quicker and cheaper to have a quick look at some spunk under a microscope so why the heck don't they do that first?

My BOD is a week on Saturday - but I will be on holiday in France with all my family for it so am very much looking forward. We leave on Friday and I can't wait - so oh yeah better go and pick up all of your orphans this afternoon...

What is wrong with you scabby pussy ancient women? No wonder we're all barren - no bloke in their right minds will go near us and our swollen undercarriages!

Oooh longwee I was going to ask you how the orphan hunting was going - I can't quite stretch to 1.5 mill - but I'm prepared to buy a winter wardrobe by exclusive european child-outfitter "C&A".

Wee, will you be enjoying the French-fayre or torturing yourself with a bottle of volvic and some unbuttered bread?

NB can I just qualify that my scabs aren't in the undercarriage region! (I think that's just cossy ). Knees, elbows, shoulders and hips are tres scabby and pus-ridden so might have to sort out some non-contact nookie if they don't clear up soon

Yes will be thoroughly stuffing my face with oozing brie and muchas vino and I can't frickin wait! If I had stayed diffed the visit back would have co-incided nicely with the 12 week announcement, which would have been all very lovely and made the trip back all the more exciting However as I'm not I get to console myself with the insides of a french deli instead

ladies - as if you weren't torturing yourself enough through the 2WOOFL I present this:
www.countdowntopregnancy.com/

You insert your symptoms per DPO and then can compare them to proper-diffed ladies!

hello all.

I have poas twice now, both negative. I am trying to decide if it is worth doing another one, what do you think?

I have been feeling really tired and nauseaus for a few days and of course, am my usual grumpy and unpleasant self.

In the style of the mumsnet dm poll, I will give you all five minutes to respond to my question about whether I should poas and will then do it anyway.

bessie pee away!!!

Is your RTOD overdue?

no

Bessie Do you have any genuine reason to believe you're diffed or are you almost at the stage where you're prepared to get a biro and draw your own line?

erm, I'm pretty much at the biro stage.

I find felt-tip gives a more natural look.

GoodQueenBess be strong and Resist The Evil Stick! At least for 24 hrs. Then you can get busy with your biro.

I have spent a lot of money on some early result tests. Like I said before, I have been tired (but really, really tired) and grumpy (but that's quite normal). And I have been lactating a bit but I think i might not have dried up properly from last time.

Oi!!! my pussy is not scabby!!!

Well of course you say that Cosmosis.

Right. In the true spirit of the mn poll, I poas anyway.

It actually spelled out to me 'not pregnant'. that is 3 tests, I should probably get the message now. there wasn't even a bit to use felt tip on, it was more like a computerised screen.

[sulk]

Evil CBD - there's one of them, spelling out "not pregnant" lying on the side of my bathtub as we speak, to shame SFF after he persuaded me to POAS. The bastard.

Hope the scabs clear up soon wee (and cos )

Today I would like to unleash some extreme nipple twists/bollock kicks to ski's dieticians and doctors, who clearly don't get an active women when they see one. You hardly sound like a slob my dear, with all that riding action. so i don't see why you're being put in a corner with the Waynettas of this world. The bastards.

They're all bastards. And cunts too, should the DM be watching

Bessie You can use Tippex to scribble out the "not".

Casper Thank you for your support lovely lady. Yes, it'll be a cold day in hell when Waynette is invited to ski with the US Demo team won't it?