Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic hic>

[extremesitting]

OOOh - Hope this'll do! Emergency!

skihorse How's the horse? No riding adventures today?

I am still suffering fertility-related madness. Please maake me stay away from the pg test today. There's no point and it will just keep driving me insane. I now wish the RTOD would hurry up and arrive so I could get on with the next cycle. This is just wasted time, and I'm in a bloody hurry, d'you hear?!

Pinky-brown stuff. On loo roll.

Dunno what's going on now. Have absolutely no period-y feelings, sensations, signs, pains, etc. Still feel sick, need loo every 5 mins and have tender, swollen norks. Have also been having proper weird snotty discharge on and off (sign of mucus plug forming? Am driving self mad as have just Googled 'implantation bleed' and everywhere says it's around 9 days after OV that you'd get one - today is the 9th day after OV, so am holding out hope that it's that and not that bastard little robot R2D2. Or that I'm one of those women who have 'periods' for the first few months of pg (my Gran did, and she was an older mother).

I'm kidding myself, aren't I? But let me keep blindly refusing to see the facts for a few more hours at least

Is also possible that fertilised egg has accidentally travelled to my chin and has implanted itself in the form of a massive red lump!

Yes, am aware acne is sign of R2D2

Can't stop obsessing over one thing - yesterday, me and TYF went to Tesco. We always walk home with the bags, as it's only 5 mins away. He was moaning about carrying stuff as his wrists were hurting from playing computer games for too long (!). I said I wasn't going to carry anything really heavy as was possible I'm pg and am paranoid to carry heavy stuff. In a huff he passed me a bag and started looking in his pocket for something. The bag was far too heavy for me, pg or not and I started to get a really nasty pain in my pelvic region. I couldn't drop it or put it down as there was a skanky chip paper by our feet, so I tried to hoik it back into the trolley. Big mistake - immediately got a searing pain in pelvis which went on for the rest of the day (TYF then carried that bag, with me moaning about the pain and his thoughtlessness all the way home ). And late last night, I started getting a really awful pain around my pelvic bone. So I think that incident fucked things up. I'm probably being a loon, but it feels slightly better to have something to blame (the bag, not TYF).

Sorry to be self-indulgent. I have felt so weird in ways I've never experienced before and was pretty much convinced was updiffed. Have had a cry. At least here everyone else understands the madness and self-delusion!

scorp I feel your pain. It is not self-indulgent.

And I am sure I can give you a run for your money in the deluded and confused stakes.

does implantation bleeding always happen?

No! But let a loon fool herself!

Ponymum Nope, no riding today. She's a little bit lame and swollen - she's been fighting and has had chunks taken out of her bum. It's "new horse in the paddock" syndrome - PLUS she's in season. And, as much as it pains me to admit this - my horse is a sex pest. She backs up to the geldings and tries to make them mount her ... yeh yeh like mother, like daughter. She'll be good to go again in a few days. I was going to pull her mane but she wouldn't stand still for 30 seconds (hormones), so I just put her in the sand paddock and I oiled some leather

"sticky bean"?

Can I lighten the mood by informing you all that the skin tag blister turned into one of the world's most irresistible scabs and now itching away like a good'un BEGGING me to loosen it off. I think the pain of picking a scab off is akin to orgasm.

And I'm NOT bum-obsessed, ski-arse and I have no idea what former world darts champion Ted Hanky has to do with it either... Homme surprised me in the twinkle region but I had just woken up and I do not keep myself in a Permanent State of Readiness. Not like I did in my 20s

I'm sorry trog but I felt she needed a little fluff before I kicked her in the shins.

Unless you post a photo of the aforementioned blister/scab it never happened!

Bum mad. Are you 2WOOFLing or are you pre-ov mad?

Neither - 3 days post R2D2, so no danger of owt and not fussed till December. At some point I will remind Homme about the mega stash of condoms I made him buy but tbh we are both so knackered from packing the house up that anything more than a quick hand job will be a bonus

I'll post the scab on FB - can't uplaod photos on here, it makes me lose the will to live

More fluff, more fluff!

Trog, I don't know which is worse: your anal fixation or your rubbish denial about it. Mt Janky is the Christmas Poo, as any fule kno.

(PLEASE let someone else get my Molesworth ref, please!)

Am worried now have been misjudging my ovulations wrong all my adult life and in fact ovulate late and must have some sort of luteal phase disorder... all because I OVed late this month. Must keep repeating to self: 'Wikipedia is NOT the neurotic's friend'. Still think I was pg and suffered some sort of luteal fail or similar.

TYF has been lovely and we went for a stroll along the canal and then did a bit 'o' leisurely shopping (seeing at least 8000 adorable children didn't help, mind). Nearly blew away like a novelty balloon, however, when wind filled the giant judgeypants I was wearing upon seeing a small girl wearing make-up, short-shorts with 'sexy' written in pink jewels on both arse pockets and high-heeled boots (a proper outfit, not dress-up)...

I eagerly await Trog's scab piccies Can they top extreme's v. extreme pus video? I'm still having to have PTSD counselling after that one!

Scorpette Was this the first month you used the OV sticks? What I mean is, why are you so certain that you ov'd late this month? What was different about this month? I just don't see how otherwise 20 years worth of healthy-ov would all go tits up this week.

Used the sticks last month, but I think I'd already OVed when I started so got negs. And I only tested for about a week before I thought 'fuck this for a game of soldiers'. So perhaps I did Ov late then and didn't realise it, tho'. This month, I was very emotional and stressed around what I believe is my usual OV time - anywhere between D10-15 - and I got negs again: I defo think the stress delayed it. Got 2 very dark, strong positives on D20 AND D21 - I also had no OV signs at usual mid-cycle point, but turned into sexpest and got FFJ on D20, which is why I did an OPK test, which was pos.

FFS, prolly OVed early last month, now late this month. Why do you mock me, ovaries?! Am going to just have to be as chilled as possible and try to not think so much about it this month (HA! Like that will happen). Have just registered with fertility friend and am going to use that and read their guides and stuff. At our advanced decrepitude, however, there's a fine line between reading and doing extra stuff to maximise all possible chances and then getting so worried and obsessed that you mute your fertility or don't trust what your body's saying, etc. Aaaargh!

Are you like properly robotting and stuff then? Or is this panic with reference to some pinky brown spots

Panic... with reference... to some... pinky brown spots, Miss Just a little bit of pinky brown stuff when I wipe. But I do feel quite menstrual now, as well, Miss

pish posh back to your dorm and come back to me when you have something to moan about young lady. I have never been taken away from my medicinal brandy for such a lot of old flim flam before.

And take that toilet paper with you, I don't want it.

Yes Miss. Sorry Miss. Thank you Miss.

Scab has nearly come off now

Mmmm, scab. Lovely....

RTOD arrived tonight with a vengeance. At least I know now. New month, new opportunity.

Sorry ponymum.

ski Thanks, that feels great. Do it again.

Sorry about your mare, btw. But I have to point out that this behaviour does not tie up with your previous description that she is practically a quiet well-mannered cob. The good news is you are going to make a great parent one day as you are clearly blind to the faults of your darling baby. That's compulsory, isn't it?

haha - she is lovely- but like all of us she likes a bit of cock. I've seen her back up on to poor little geldings and it just confuses them. Well... she made the mistake this weekend of backing up on to an 8 year old who was only gelded 2 years ago - he did mount her... and is shod. I hope she's happy now!

Ski's horse loves shagging randoms? Disgraceful!

PS "I've seen her back up on to poor little geldings and it just confuses them" - this was basically your technique in ensnaring jailbait, wasn't it?

Poor Pony . Am mixing you a lethally boozy carrot and sugarlump cocktail

Well, pant-stuff went brownish and I had none since about teatime yesterday till just now. Feel a bit period-y BUT feel a lot more period-y than I would normally do at such an early stage of R2D2; am feeling quite 'grumbly' and sicky in me womb, like if I was getting over the worse cramps day, which is not the case. When I get the rustiness that preceded the full tide, it never goes off for a bit, just gets steadily more 'fulsome', so am confused now. My periods are nothing if not absolutely the same every time. Also still feeling sick when I get up (and it's not seeing my cavewoman appearance in the mirror doing that to me, either). Arrrrgh, will R2D2 just kick in or not! Indecisive metal bastard. Keep hoping against hope that it's an implantation bleed

Just off to have a nice lie down in the in-house padded cell...

Ooo, oww.

Poor scorpie. It's the madness of not knowing one way or the other.

I'm surprised to hear that your periods are metal though. Do you think you should get that checked out?

R2D2, innit?