Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic hic>

[extremesitting]

OOOh - Hope this'll do! Emergency!

Stupid croissant/ maternity lady!

Where's the gin from honey?

Just driven from Lahndahn to Oxford. Now my eyes hurt from peering at a dark road. Where's the gin? The correct response to this q is "it does, doesn't it?"

Cheers for the boozes, lovely honey.

I have a cold and DH keeps topping up my 'medicine'.

Morning Kiddos!

Its Saturday morning and I am sat in front or the darn computer again. I'll explain why in a minute, but I have another couple of head fugs to share with you before I whine about that bit! I'm warning you! This is a long one!

Firstly, although you all (along with a glass of wine) managed to jolly me out of daft depression yesterday, things soon spiraled back into the depths of despair by the evening.

I was secretly waiting to hear the outcome of a string of interviews for a company I have loved for a good while. I was told the results would be in yesterday. I was papping it all day. In the end I called the agency to find out if there was any news. Turns out I won't hear back until Wednesday at the earliest now

Then, after that disappointment (and several calls from family and neighbours to find out the result) my friend who had a little baby only last week skyped me for a chat. I haven't seen her or the baby as they live so far away, aside from FB pics. She was proudly holding him up to the camera, was staring at him the whole time we were talking and she said it was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

I am really happy for them but it did feel like someone was plucking the arteries to my heart out one by one. Of course at all times I had to be "WOOHOO" because I could never let on that her extreme happiness was causing me even a morsel of heart pain. She asked if I had any news, I told her about the interview scenario and she said I was not to get my hopes up, that her OH had been for amazing interviews and had even been shown his seat. Then they didn't give him the job.

Needless to say the compounding of no job for long time now and no baby despite ages of trying hit me with the force of a very fast train. Managed to get safely off the line before I went into dramatic meltdown (literally wailing for approx. 2hrs straight) I ended up settling myself with "Girls just wanna have fun" on DVD and OH ran to the offy for some choccy provisions (alcohol avoided).

Weirdly, another lovely friend who I haven't seen for ages called me up this morning to say that she had dreamt of me last night. She dreamt that I had had a little girl called Niamh (Neve if you are american). She said she thought it was Niamh because she read the announcement card and she couldn't make it out because it was in irish, so she decided it MUST be Niamh

Niamh was born prematurely but was fine and we had a HUGE catholic christening with incense and everything. Having typed this I'm guessing it reads like the most boring story in the world, but its freaked me out totally.

Have since done a due date test and it turns out that the conception date would have been around the time we went at it hammer and tongs. (You may recall OH was banned from sex for SIAC at precisely the time we were supposed to be desperately humping).

Having had a joyous no SWI month I am now completely freaked out that we might have done it by NOT trying. Of course I have no symptoms apart from the wailing yesterday. It appears I will now be putting myself through the TWOOFLIng just in case

I now have to prepare a report to present at interview to another company on Tuesday. Was hoping to avoid said report by bagging the other job that I really really want. Gotta keep trying I guess.

Anyhoo, I'm about today if anyone fancies a BESH chat! x

extremesitting We all have weird dreams - I wonder of the sanity of telling those we dream about - I told a friend earlier in the month I'd dreamt she'd had a little boy - didn't know her hubby was "blocking" her attempts to conceive as it were. As far as conception goes - we're always getting told "it only takes once" - and there are plenty of women all over these boards who've had miserable once-a-month sex and still managed it - maybe you can. I dreamt about a month ago that I "met" the baby from my mc when he was an adult - odd, but I'll on this instance, choose to believe it.

Your hubby has been wonderful by giving you a good DVD and running off to fetch chocolate. As for the job, I don't know what to say - I'm not in that position yet, but in '92 when I finished my A-levels I wanted to take some time out before uni - the arse fell out of the market and I had ONE interview at a "proper" place (British Horseracing Board) and then spent 2 years working in Tesco just to eat. So yes, I understand the frustrations and fears.

I'm off to the stables soon but I'll be back later if you fancy a chat. You could always give your Dumbo dog a good cuddle - she's GORGEOUS!

PS raving bitch mode: I caught EE for the first time this week in about 6 years. After the episode there was an "ad" for Sam Mitchell to come back. Holy cow - how old does she look? Given she's our age!

Ta ski. Am actually feeling rather chipper today. Think it was the build up of pressure about the job that lined me up for a downfall!

Sorry to have moaned at you all again! ME ME ME ME ME!!!!

Dumbo dog sadly is not mine. If she was I would never want for a child or a job again

Crikey! Just watched the trailer over on the EE site. Goddam coke has aged her no end. Glad I could never really afford it now! Ruff!

Quick, lemme give you a proper hug whilst there's no-one else around to bitchslap us for being soppy bints!

Poor you. If you were already feeling down, it would've seemed like she was being a bit thoughtless (she can be forgiven, seeing as has just had baby) - 'Here's a baby - which you haven't got - and you probably won't get a job either!'. Neither was meant like that, of course, but some things just send you over the edge, don't they? But you should bear in mind that TTC and trying to get a job at the same time are really incompatible so by the laws of BESHdom, this clearly means both will happen. Hopefully.

I've been freaking out for over a week now - convinced self was pg, then that I'm not and never will be (wailing melodramatically about suicide like a proper psycho, etc.), now have had OPK test say I'm OVing 2 days running, and am confused as to whether I really have OVed or might already be pg and the test is flagging that, but when I should've been Oving last week, the OPK showed negative, but I was doing them with my first wee of the day, which you're not meant to do, so did I get a false negative and I DID ov then and am pg, but if I didn't and am OVing/have just OVed, will I get pg? ARRRRRRRRGH!

And they say women are the weaker sex? Try seeing how a man would cope with 2WOOFL!

If I was you, I'd now be convincing myself I am updiffed, with a little girl I should call Niamh. Are you already doing this? Or are you less insane than me (hardly a push)?

It would be fab if you had updiffed without trying, but annoying in a strange way that all effort has been for naught, wouldn't it? Hope you have, anyway And as for the report - BUMMER

extreme I know I've only just joined and don't know you very well but I just wanted lend some support and offer my listening ear if you need it. Don't worry about the ME ME ME stuff - we all need to do that sometimes. I have been through depression, spent years helping my sister when she was going through suicidal depression and self image issues following rape and pregnancy, and have been through a lot of crap myself over the last two years which I won't bore you with. As a result I have a lot of time for others in times of despair!

One thing I would say is, I have heard of several situations recently where agencies have been crap over making promises about when candidates will hear back about a job - even after having multiple intensive interviews over weeks and weeks. It is a horrible thing to do when people think 'at least by X day I will know one way or the other' then they don't even give you the courtesy of letting you know they haven't made a decision yet! So all I can say is, good luck, you are still in the running, and you're not alone!

re: suicide - when I started bleeding and had the mc - I ran out of the office and drove home contemplating suicide. Glad I'm not the only nutter here Scorps.

Oooos, there's others around now. Me? Hug someone? Fuck off!

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm the soppiest twat around. I get upset for cuddly toys if I see them squashed together on a shop shelf!

Ski, am also glad am not the only nutter. My heart goes out to those who suffer MCs - I genuinely think I would need sectioning if it happened to me . It's not so much that I am/get suicidal, just that I don't want to be alive if can't be a mum and can't see the point of it, either. I'd become a bitter, damaged recluse who does fuck-all with her life and just overeats all day (erm, so just like my Aunt who couldn't have kids). I'm super well-balanced and positive, me.

My reason for feeling bummed today (which I know is not on the same scale) is that the post did not bring the book I ordered about fertility. Then I realised that the earliest it will now arrive is Tuesday because of the Bank Holiday. I am not at all clued up about the inner workings of ttc and was hoping that if I read this book I might begin to understand the 50% of the conversation on this thread which is currently gobledegook to me.

But I did get the cheapie ovulation and pg tests which I also ordered from the internet. Can't believe how cheap they are compared to the supermarket! Do they work? Brand is Home Health. AF is 'due'() mid next week, so maybe I'll try one on Wednesday if it hasn't arrived by then - or are there rules here about what day you can do that?

scorpette so are you really a cuddly wuddly huggly wuggly type? Is your bed covered in soft toys with hearts embroidered on their tummies saying 'Cuddle Me', etc?

Ponymum - nah, I'm not that type of soppy, I'm just very tactile and hate to see anyone the slightest bit upset. I really have turned into my mum

Awe thanks Ponymum

As for scorp I'm sure its obvious by now, but I too am cuddly wuddly and over sensitive. I kiss my (extremely old and smelly) "vintage" stuffed animals when I move them to dust.

Am clearly proper mental because I also talk to my plants and kiss their leaves. At least they are a bit more responsive.... the stuffed items are terribly aloof. And don't get me started on the cutlery.....

gah! Methinks I have revealed too much!

Have just realised that I have 3 cuddly toys in front of me in the living room . But they are purely decorative, in a groovy vintage, retro way.... oh, who am I kidding?!

I don't dust (TYF's job) so no kissing... then.

I see it's not taken us (well, me and extreme at least) long to admit we're teddy-smooching depressive-prone loons. Do you also sob at adverts, extreme? I have to turn over screeching 'noooo!' when that current Cancer Research one comes on!

God yes, I know what you mean... the lady with the bald head who's voice cracks when she says the dreaded words....

Groovy vintage.. yes... that would have been a kinder way to describe my stuffed items... not dusty/dirty/old as previously expressed.

I would just like to point out that I don't have satin heart holding bears in a row across our bed. I seriously don't... but I do have a 1950's miniature steiff bambi next to my dressing table mirror. It all starts getting a bit shabby chic by the time you get to our bedroom!

Oh dear, soft toy confessions. Um I have a piglet on my chest of drawers, a monkey on my headboard and a teddy bear pilot (from a do in aid of Yorkshire Air Ambulance) on my landing windowsill. Oh and I spend far far far too much time referring to my cats as my babies and me and TGO as mummy and daddy.

Soppy, me? Fuck off. bitchslaps everyone with sov encrusted fingers.

I collect soft toys (well used to, haven't had any new ones in years) and they currently occupy a vast amount of loft space at parents house. I fear they will be extradited when any nursery preparations begin. And, yes, I do refer to myself as the dog's mummy, and kiss her, and sniff her head (LOVE that smell). I suppose there's definitely some sort of transferred, or whatever they call it, emotions going on, seeing as I have as many FB pics of the dog as other people have of their babies...

Now piss off if you think that's woosy, or I'll set the terrifying hard stupid mutt on you...

Sorry to change the subject back to ttc, but one thing I forgot to say was that my doc the other day said that the current advice from fertility experts is not to try to time sex with ovulation as it's so easy to miss it, but just to keep having sex 3 times a week as you're more likely to catch ovulation that way.

We SWI daily from CD6 to around CD 16 (I ovulate around CD12) to try and make sure I'm a walking spunk bucket. My worry is that at our advanced age our crinkly little eggs probably only last 45 minutes as opposed to 12 hours.

aaaaarrrrhhhh some people! Fucking bastards. Sorry, I have to vent. Just off the phone my poor mum has been having a horrific week, mainly at the hands of a psycho bitch, and that's just one of the "bad things happen in threes" things. Can't share details but I'm sooooo angry at what has been done to my poor mother, she's so upset and I'm alone with the dog and the internet. It's a good job I'm not violent in RL and also that I live hundreds of miles away.

vent aside. I've read that you should shag every two days and once at ov for good luck. we've been doing it every day we've been able to. Stuff the rules, I want a baby!!!!