Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic>

[triggerhappybaby]

We've taken delivery of a fine new sofa. Come and rest here

Skater I has sent a friend request Eeeh bah gum, we're a ridiculously gorgeous lot!

Trig I think my Mum used a time machine in the late 70s to go forward into the future and write that post you linked to about my brother. Rather a waste of a good time machine, but he was a heinous brat. I say was, but...

Ski I hope you get the TFFT, despite this morning's POAS disappointment. Body cavity searches or, carrying stuff anally, at the very least, should be required for all men to make them appreciate what their partners go through with smear tests, updiffedness, birth, etc.

There are currently four, count 'em, FOUR pregnant teenagers sat outside at the bus stop smoking and swigging WKD. They are mocking me with their size 6 jeans and hyper-fertility. Am searching eBay for an affordable flamethrower.

I really do live in an area with one of the highest number of teen pregnancies in the county (and pretty high nationwide). Wish I'd known that before we moved here

Gah. Babyfail .

Oh ski. am so sorry mate. I don't even really feel like punching the crap out of you, I'll make you the wirld's biggest cocktail instead.

ginhag that'll do lovely thanks! It does mean that a ski trip is more likely this season and I'll be able to concentrate on moving house next month. We're actually off to look at a place this afternoon - just to find out exactly how minging it is from the outside and/or how bad the neighbourhood is. Then I'm off up the stables later for a gallop, always cheers me up. Stoopid RTOD.

(have just found a vase to mix it in)

Godverdomme! Poor ski

I admire your ability to look on the bright side of things. I couldn't go to sleep last night because I realised that DURR, I am 37 at the end of Oct and not only am I the eldest BESH here, it just means my chances are plummeting even further.

I'm so vain about how young I look (always being asked for ID, people presume I'm a student, bus drivers presume I want half-fare if I'm not made-up, etc.) but what's the point if my ovaries are wearing a tartan knee blanket and and dribbling whilst planning the details of their funeral?

Sorry, I seem to have hijacked your disappointment Am just a bit low (and self-obsessed - even more than usual!) today.

Incidentally, if I am the 'Elder Stateswoman' around here, you are all royally fucked

It's utter shite Scorpette. I had spotting Monday, Friday and yesterday morning - and there's a hint of madness/desperation whereby you keep telling yourself "it's implantation, it must be implantation" -- but deep down you know it's the impending RTOD. I'm beginning to wonder if it's another one of those pissing "chemical pregnancies" because the cramps have been quite violent again (like the last time). At least this is the one fucking day a month where you can neck ibuprofen without fear. I want more than 1 child and I'm not quite sure when I'll have the time to do any of this. jailbait is disappointed too and says he hates seeing me upset and has offered to restrict his diet further - although I don't think it's his diet. It's my zimmer frame. I'm going to try and buy a cream cake to cheer myself up.

morning ladies, skihorse suggested I pop my head in. I'm 32 going on 33 and TTC#1. I like gin (especially Hendricks with Fever tree tonic and some cucumber) but have sworn off the drink, at least until me period turns up, in case I am already pregnant.

Welcome Medee - as a long term lurker you know the rules - we need your stats:

i) alcoholic beverage of choice
ii) colour of walls
iii) number of cats
iv) partner - dirty old man or yoof?
v) secret shag of shame
vi) dirty lezzy fantasy (skatergirl obviously!)
vii) celebrity rolemodel mother or person most likely to play you in a sitcom/harrowing drama set on a sink estate
viii) size and verocity of "judgey pants" when regaled with tales of pregnant teenagers exclaiming "ewww condoms is minging innit? you can't ask a random to wear a johnny"

If I've missed anything the others will be along shortly to interrogate you.

mm, I'll need to think about my answers:

(i) wine, or gin
(ii) mainly neutrals
(iii) None
(iv) 9 months younger, so I guess he is in the yoof category
(v) real one, or crush of shame?
(viii) Huge!

Medee you pass muster. But if you could get a manky hairy breathing thing, then all the better. And I don't mean extremesitting in her dressing gown.

ski what a balls. What would you have said to the mother of "Damien" (trig's link)?

Welcome Medee! Join me over here in Giant Judgey Pants Corner and we can slag off teen mums!

Aw Ski. There's nothing anyone can say to make you feel better, is there? I mean, if it has been a chemical pg then that at least means you can get pg, but it's hardly a help if that's all they're coming to Jailbait sounds such a sweetie

I want more than 1 child, too - in fact, I want at least 3. I'm one of those sad bastards whose only real ambition in life has been to be a mum of a bustling family and I must confess that I am slipping quite alarmingly into a quite bad depression at the panicky thought I might not have children I realise I am being a twat as it's only been month 2 of TTC and I think we missed the right time last month, but it's not like I have all the time in the world for it to happen. TYF is really worried about me and as his family don't do emotion (they've a bit sniffy about 'thank you', they're that repressed) he doesn't know what to do with a hysterical freak lying on the bed wailing 'I don't want to live if I can't have children'
Also, he's insanely laidback and can only say 'stop worrying, it'll all be cool'. But we could be stood blindfolded in front of a firing squad and he'd be saying 'don't worry - they're just messing about, it'll be fine'. His method is to bury his head in the sand, mine is to stress my way into a straightjacket by worrying about every potential negative possibility of a situation.

I realise the irony of stress affecting fertility, but I just don't have the type of personality that can deal with having to wait patiently and stay optimistic. Also, I do fuck all with my life so have nothing to do but fret all day.

Sorry, I really am a whining bitch today. See, this is what you turn out like if you don't like drinking! Someone neck a half-litre bottle of vodka for me, please?

PS I've stalked seen extreme's wedding pics and she scrubs up darn well when she can be bothered to get out of that dressing gown

Medee I did actually mean crush rather than shag... but if you have accidentally shagged Shane McGowan you are more than welcome to garnish us with all the gory details.

Scorpette We too worry about different things. I worry about money, fertility and education. Jailbait worries about asteroids hitting the earth, the LHC sucking us all in to a black hole and aliens taking over the planet. You know, regular things like that. We didn't worry too much either at the start of our journey in to TTC - I think I was too shocked and . I mean how dare I not be pregnant having deliberately had unprotected sex?

extremesitting does indeed look lovely in her wedding pics - not a fag in sight!

oh ski mate what a pisser. i had high hopes for you too this month.

well, my extreme TTC update: i am now feeling fucked beyond belief. the football belly turned into a medicine ball belly and i've ended up in the hossy where i now have various tubes sticking out of me. i am in masses of pain and haven't had a decent kip in over a week.

i am a little bit pregnant though

scorpette don't fret pet. this weird reaction i'm having is only normally expected in the sprightly ovaries of women under 30 so being 37 does not yet mean that you are fucked!

ski i love your jailbaits life worries my lover doesn't worry about those things as such, but rather looks forward to apocalyptic scenarios. he thinks they'll be "interesting".

i swear if we manage to actually have some real live children they will be trained up John Conner style before i get a look in

oh and i can't bare being out of the facebook gang any longer. you around ski to do a who's who?

strict honour code of general shtummness though right girls?

and welcome to Medee!!!

you new to this malarky? or has your TTC madness reached the levels of us lot yet?

Cheggers for real??? like wiv emryos and everyfink? Congratulations! How many are you having?

Crapping 'ell - cheggers is another gorgeous lady!

fuckin hell ski! not the kidneys lol they're what most of the tubes are for.

would you mind awfully just chinning me instead?

but yeah for real. although we didn't even get to piss on a stick after all that. doc kind of guessed coz my belly was going ballistic, so did a test when i was sparko and out of it first day in the hossy. she just breezed in and said oh congrats.

am trying not to get over excited as is still early and vunerable. (plus i'm feeling shit which kinda dominates things)

although i must admit i looked up the star sign it would be this morning ...

and i think that is a load of rubbish!!!!

(sorry to the many believers )

sorry if the timing of my news sucks for your baby fail ski hope you're not feeling too rubbish.

Don't worry about the timing cheggers, I'm absolutely chuffed for you. Thank god another one of us managed it this month and I'm DOUBLY proud of you that you managed it first go! Bloody excellent news although I am sorry that you're in hospital - that isn't so great. I don't suppose they've found out how many there are yet have they?

Congrats, Cheggers. This is the first month of TTC for me.

YAAAAAYYYY! You really are chEGGS fo' realz!

Sorry you feel like shit, but I bet you're thinking it's worth it, eh?! I keep thinking about star signs of future sprogs and despite being called Scorpette, I know it's all crap (apart from me being ubercool and sexy like all Scorpios, ahem). Everyone in my family gives birth at 8 months, so if I updiff this month, I run the risk of future kiddiwink sharing Hitler's birthday (20th April), so...
Oh, I am SO chuffed for you! I know babydust is strictly banned in the Gin Palace (impossible to get out of the rugs) but send us all some of your good luck!

Ski, hook me up with ChEGGS on FB as soon as poss, I need to stalk her badly. And I mean that in all senses of the word

Oh, and Medee: welcome to the madness. And it really is MADNESS.

PS You do realise that when you give birth, I shall never tire of saying 'Cheggers goes POP', don't you? NEVER.

LOL@Scorpette

If I had been pg this month it would've been due on the birthday of a significant ex. It's bad enough that jailbait and the one before him were born just 4 days apart (yes, yes, same year - I have a history of fiddling with young ones) and I've got those mixed up before.