Mid 30's TTC--Gin Palace Two: Spawn of the BESH

[SarahAbroad]

Hey all...

Hope this thread name is okay...just moved the Gin Palace around the corner before we ran out of space!

See you soon. The bar's open!

Happy wedding anniversary extreme. I've been made redundant twice before and being broke sucks. I'm sure your ship will come in.

My house is covered in cat hair. We do have a cleaner who comes once a week for 2 hours... Don't judge me! I give her holiday pay and everything. It saves a lot of arguments.

donttrythis DH is in the snivel service too.

Rather than a list, we need some sort of Venn diagram to illustrate our relevant info - cats/dogs/cleaner/works in civil service/redundant/effing effed off with TCC/bring it on/don't even talk to me about it/toyboy/sugar daddy etc

The woman who cleans my house because I'm too damn lazy to do it myself has just told me that she has breast cancer. And she's probably younger than me. I rang her agency and they don't do sick pay - which is stinky and grey market-ish but I suppose she's seen as self-employed. The thing is, I can't afford to give her sick pay and pay for someone else to clean my shit up.

So, opinions, please. Is giving her a one-off payment before she goes for her op and starts treatment a bit weird/insulting? Or should I stop being worried about etiquette? Maybe just some flowers?

Aargh, I sound like a wanker, but I'd really appreciate any thorts.

She might feel a bit weird about money, might seem a bit like taking charity handouts? Shitty she doesn't get sick pay though.

Interview's been moved to 4pm, so positive thinking vibes then please.

pmsl, someone in the office above me has just done a really parpy fart!

I'd agonise over it for days before doing completely the wrong thing and leaving everyone feeling desperately uncomfortable about the whole episode....but maybe that's just me.

Could you phrase it as a "performance related bonus" to encourage her to come back to you once she feels well enough? Imagine she would prefer the cash even if it's a bit awkward. Especially as you have to pay to park at hospitals these days (insanely for people who already have the worry of long-term sickness imho).

Break an ankle at 4pm, cosmic!

All positive stuff cominatcha Cosmo! Knock 'em dead!!!

Can you put some money in an envelope and give it to her on her last day - and say something like, 'I wanted to give you a pampering present to boost your spirits after your operation but didn't know whether you're a bath oil or a blowdry gal'. Then you can give her as much as you want, even if it's a bit more than a blow dry would be, and she won't have the awkward charity moment of counting it? if she wants to spend the money on hospital parking or stick it in her emergency fund she can always pretend she had a pedicure.

I think it's a really thoughtful thing to do - and as a self-employed person, can assure you that I wouldn't be embarrassed about my clients wanted me to have something tucked under the mattress for a rainy day. And my god, how much rainier could that day be?! flowers are lovely, but I tend to think of them as being either celebrational or for cheering up at the bedside.

Agree with VAG about saying something upbeat and positive about hoping she'll come back when she's fit enough to deal with your filth (not that you're filthy, obv...). Depending on how she's dealing with it though; I'm forever tying myself in knots trying not to make light of people's serious illnesses while worrying that I should really be gushing positivity instead. This is what Mums are for, surely - to tell you what to say...

Thanks, people! I really like the idea of offering envelopes as a gift. Have already told her that her job is safe. It's proper horrible for her though. And her English isn't brilliant - much better than my Polish, but she's not very confident about speaking...I can't imagine how impossible it would be to ask questions about treatment etc in those circumstances.

Hope the interview is going brilliantly, cosmo!

Hellos! Have been on hols, now am back! Couldn't get wifi or mobile reception in our holiday lurve palace, so have been catching up on everyone's bidniz . Hope you are all well - I need one of those massages after 5 hours of travelling

Might be too late now, but GOOD LUCK Cosmic

I am scared by people who have cleaners - that makes you a proper grown-up and everything. Am sooo lucky that my jailbait happily does @60-70% of the house work and only occasionally nags me to help (I do all the cooking, mind). The fact that I am allergic to dust and only work p-t, whereas he works 35+ hours a week and is not allergic to anything, yet still does more than me doesn't make me a total bastard, does it? Weeeell, he should do more, seeing as he has the honour of going out with me (neurotic, bad-tempered, OCD-ish, saggy old fat-tummed midget with wonky teeth and appalling flatulence).

Well, I hope I better be pg after the shagathon that was Brighton (there was definite egg-white after all, woohoo!). I'm bored of sex now; it's like the classic thing where a parent catches their kid smoking a fag and makes them smoke a whole pack till they're sick and never want to smoke again. Have found new anxieties to focus on, like: will my lugging round a suitcase full of at least 80% crap I just didn't need, stop a fertilised egg from implanting? I also had a weird twinge in me downstairs which I convinced myself was a sperm entering my egg... until I realised I had appalling trapped wind from the curry blow-out we'd just had.

Hey, that could be a new list: what are the daft things that you've convinced yourself meant you were preg (or what are the daft ways in which you've convinced yourself)?

Welcome back Scorps - can you just open a window for me whilst you're stood up? Thanks . Good luck on the up-diffed front. I suspected I was pregnant when I got really itchy feet, then I realsied I just wanted to run screaming away from any thought or reality of pregnancy. Just as well really, as it turned out! When/if we ever try again (no earlier than December) I am ignoring every symptom and will only find out when I am 6 months gone.

Uterus update: still 'pregnant'. Had another blood test yesterday, get results today. No RTOD which was due on Tues, so presumably still choked with hormones. Honestly, this accidental pregnancy has been singularly the most disasterous thing that has ever happened to me. I'm appalled by the lack of straightforwardness of it, and it's allegedly the 'Most Natural Thing In The World'. Pah.

COSMO where are you and how did it go?!

Morning all,

cosmo how did it go?

scorps welcome back, fingers crossed for the up-diffed status.

trig what a nightmare! I've always maintained there ain't nothing natural about this baby mallarkey.

I'm away for the weekend, RTOD still here, though to be fair its more a trickle than a tide. All very strange.

Still taking temps - they have no resemblance to last month's chart already. They do recommend an average of 3 months, but my body doesn't really comply to averages. BAH!

Exhausted & bored of the whole process now. Think I'm going to get my tubes tied once & for all.

Morning lovelies. Well I think it went well, I came out feeling positive. We had an amusing moment at the end where he asked if I had children. At which point I thought shit, this is where it all goes pear shaped. So I fixed him with a Hard Stare and said "No". And he said, "I'm not allowed to ask you any more". So I carried on with the Hard Stare and said "I know". Still with the stare. So then he started talking about his year old twins and how wonderful they are etc etc and then finished up with "So I really do recommend you have children, it's fabulous". Which I think possibly was an "it's ok to get up-diffed, I know that will be on the mind of a BESH of advancing years such as yourself" type of message.

As for suspecting you're pg, I did last week when I suddenly got heartburn, which I never get. And then I realised that I haven't actually ov'd yet this month and the reason for the heartburn was just rather a lot of curry and then lying down on the sofa too soon after

Welcome back Scorps fingers grossed the old dirty weekend venue of Brighton did the trick on the up-diffed front!

Camel yes to the cash in the envelope for a "treat" that's a great idea.

good mooning all. Still no internet at home so still catching up illicitly at work

And still no sign of RTOD - that makes it 6 days late... Am going to grasp the nettle at lunchtime and go to the pharmacy to see if home pregnancy tests exist in this land...

but seriously.... FUCK..!!!! [shock[

Oooh longwee

Oooh longwee exciting!!

OOOOHHHHHHHhhhhhhh!!!! Longwee... is there no chemist near your place of work?! Pop out for "a packet of mints" woman! I don't think I can wait til lunchtime! 6 days aye? You have the patience of a saint, 24hrs would be about my limit..... [actually feel sick with nerves for you now]

Cosmo I am loving that guy who interviewed you. That sounds like the right place to be! How brave of you. I probably would have done a little poo in my pants and looked all guilty and stuff. I would have also probably hugged him instead of shaking his hand when leaving. I am know for being altogether too tactile with people I don't know well enough. It's a curse.

scorp I am completely with you on the shagging/fagging analogy. OH and I haven't gone near each other since SWI. We are not interested and we are saying it loud and proud to each other. Preggers friends keep telling to "get shagging" every time they speak to me. I have moved on from wanting to tell them to "f*ck right off" to realising that they haven't shagged in about 6 months, probably won't for another 6 months, so they are slightly obsessed with anyone who can.

And on the PG (non) symptoms:

1. monitoring every cramp and movement and looking it up online. (Most recently Wednesday when I was sure I had implantation cramps. Apparently you can't get them that soon past OV, but I'm ignoring that fact)

2. Poking breasts til they really hurt and then deciding they really hurt therefore...

3. Feeling nauseous (actually just a hangover)

4. Assessing knicker contents (more or less CM than usual?) Deciding that there is more and ignoring the fact that I have been taking Evening Primrose Oil tablets to aid production.

5. Deciding my belly has grown (actually just wind)

6. staring at my boobs for HOURS (practically with a magnifying glass) to assess nipple colour and/ or blue veins

7. Frequent urination (excessive tea loving)

extreme I have had interviews before which all went tits up around that topic and my only thought really is that if you have a bad attitude about it then I don't want to work there. I am also v lucky in that it's for another division of a company I used to work for so am kind of familiar with the people & company anyway (it's on the same site where I worked) so that made me feel a lot more comfortable than I would have done otherwise.

Cosmo Glad it went well. When will you hear?

longwee I think the correct form of words is man up and POAS already. Enquiring minds need to know.

laurie But temping! There are graphs and everything! It's so satisfying.

trig That really, really sucks. Do the doctors have any idea what's going on?

Am also symptom spotting in the usual insane and hysterical beginning of the 2WW. Husband and I have agreed that this is the last cycle for a bit of SWI as it's making me crazy and difficult to live with and him upset for me. Am, of course, immediately panicking about all my precious eggs dropping out into limbo. But given that I've managed to convince myself that I'm feeling sick and it's 3DPO tops, I really need to get a grip.

longwee - yay! Soooooo hope you get the BFP!

Cosmo - sounds good. A BESH-sympathetic boss would be fab.

Fingers crossed for both of you

Incidentally, is there a better tern than BFP? It makes me think of the BFG: wonder if I'll be thinking 'hmmm, the rtod is late this month' and a big-eared giant will come up to me, touch my stomach and say 'Arrr, ye be preggernant, Miss Scorpy', or similar.

To which I'd say 'It's MS Scorpy, old-timer. Now get your hands off me you freak, before I kick you in your snozzcumber!'.

Anyway, back to my insanity: for the last few days now my nips have been like coathooks and are really tender and itchy. Have not got new bra, changed washing powder (well, liquid) or body lotion, etc., and is not like my usual mastalgia which I only get a few days before RTOD, so have been thinking WTF? And then I saw a thing on here last night where someone with quite a lot of kids (5 or 6) said they always knew when they were up-diffed because they got giant itchy nips as soon as they conceived!

Do I have permission to delude convince myself it could really have happened? I also keep needing the loo all the time, which is unlike me, and I keep getting these weird fluttery feelings in me female workings (like gentle period cramps with no pain). Sorry to have become self-obsessed, it's the baby-craziness speaking, honestly . It's probably all mastalgia and trapped wind

Am glad sitting is as bad as me. Didn't know Evening Primrose helped with CM, will give that a bash next month if no joy. Just hope I don't need to

Come on longwee, don't keep us in suspenders (hurhur. I'll get me coat).

Anyone seen ginhag lately? There seems to be a lack of mani-related amusement around this place.

Trig So sorry darlin. If I were in the same room as you you would would definitely be the recipient of one of my bear hugs.

Cosmo you are quite right. During my applications I have been terrified of the Age, Married, Dependents questions on the equal opps forms. I'm sure its the way they weed potential breeders out. In future I will ignore my paranoia. None of their bloody business anyways...

ideal I'm glad I'm not the only one who starts the insanity of the two week wait the minute it begins.

Good news! I met up with the remaining female non-breeder in my group of friends last night. She wasn't up-diffed after all, she just has a good social life. Very relieved that there is one woman left in RL. She has also been trying for a while, so I was even more thrilled that she nearly punched me when she saw I was drinking a diet coke. At least I'm not the only one who suspects that woman kind is conspiring against them!

PS Another bear hug for Trig