Just MC'd. Starting it all again.. Come and join me for the long haul.

[MumOfBaby]

Hi all.

Needing some extra support this time round as have just had a MC. We are trying again straight away. But I've a feeling it's going to take ages. Got pregnant first month trying last 2 times. I have 1 DC- 11 months.

I want some people to join this thread who are ready to hold hands and help each other through the TTC.

Good luck to all.

wasnt picking you up on your grammar cheepz, was just amused at how close you and your friend might be if you really were having dinner in the bath
i reckon steer clear of tampons too, tbh.
how you doing today amy?

Hi all, just reading back through the posts for the last few days and the dinner in bath with a friend did make me smile too!!

amy - woo hoo!! I'm so pleased for you and will keep my fingers crossed all continues to go well.

hi to all the new people, this thread has suddenly picked up with loads of messages again.

Still on the 2ww for me and becoming a bit obsessed about symptoms as last time I was so sure I was pg before testing and was right so looking for the same things - I think it could drive you loopy Had a good go a BD this month so fingers crossed - AF due on 6th August assuming cycle has gone back to normal after mc as was like clockwork before and was exactly 28 days from when the mc bleeding stopped.

Been a bit of a rubbish couple of weeks as both gran and an old family friend passed away - they both had a good innings but still sad. I'm hoping maybe I can be part of the circle of life thing but I'm not sure if families work on a one out, one in basis...

Hope you all have a good week and those of you waiting for tests/AF/scan's get good news soon - I am losing track of where everyone is up to!

has anyone ever had dinner in the bath?? seems like it might present some challenges, and suffice to say if i was eating dinner in the bath with a friend I would have some serious issues!

i was pretty obsessed with 2ww before and had managed to get abit more laid back by cycle 3 when we concieved, but can imagine cycle 1 after the mc is going to be a long long wait while get back into ttc mode, all laced with some additional anxiety this time

i have been wondering whether i was too complacent, still picking up son and shopping bags and drinking my morning coffee and not taking my foot off the gas at all at work eve when i knew I was pg. I guess, as everyone says, you do everything right by the book first time and it all goes out the window the second - am wondering if I wasn't taking good enough care.

I am certainly going to cut out the coffee between now and next time as I have read caffeine can influence mc's

its hard not to wonder what happened and blame yourself, guess its normal to think that way once the initial shock has worn off

i am feeling abit nauseous and light headed some times - bleeding is still moderately heavy so assuming its that but anyone else have those side effects of the actual mc?

I truly believe that (within reason - ie as long as you're not doing drugs or something) that there is nothing you can do to stop an mc. I honestly don't think that being stressed, picking up heavy things etc would make a difference so please don't think that way cheepz. It's just REALLY bad luck and probably down to some genetic reason specific to that pg that mother nature decided it wasn't to be.

The way I figure it is look at women in places like Africa who do really physical work, don't always have the same comforts we do or the medical care but have lots of DCs. I'm not saying they don't have mcs but I take great comfort in reassuring myself that it's just one of those things (awful as it is).

I'm on cycle 1 post mc and really trying to be less fretful about it. Would love a BFP this time but just trying to be happy with what I have for the mo (one gorgeous DS and a lovely DH) and try to to get hopes up. Then, if it does happen it'll be a great bonus.

Please quote me on that when I'm in 2ww mode and f-ing and blinding if / when AF comes next month !!!

Sorry cheepz meant to add that I hope you feel less sick etc v soon. Everyone said to me not to expect too much of myself and it's true so do try not to overdo it if you're usually one of those who doesn't let themselves have a bit of "me" time. xx

Thanks stressy, helps to get a balanced perspective, I did have a virus last week which might have had an imapct as they say a viral infection can cause mc, but as you say most likely just not viable and thats the way life goes.

Like you have gorgeous ds and dh at home and am already blessed so have blessings to count.

My bleeding has slowed right down now so am feeling like I can move into next stage of the process, am not planning to wait for AF before BD, but am keen not to focus too much on TTC pre AF either - have read that fertility is increased so if it happens great, but if not so be it will at least have more regular cycle post AF. In some ways I am looking forward to the uncertainty of the next month or so as normally I am counting the days and planning when and where and thinking it all through but what with having no idea where I will be in a cycle its abit of a freeforall - no 2ww as won't know when the 2w period is!

Once you are in 2ww ranting will be sure to highlight your laid back attitude

when you say cycle 1 I am assuming post first AF post mc.

I really do think that trying (even if you're not successful!) to be laid back helps. I was so stressed and focussed on getting pregnant in June. But in July, partly cos we were away in Italy during ovulation days, I was much more laid back about it all... Of course that all went out the window when I was o the 2ww

clearly "on" not "o the 2ww"... Really should preview before posting!

Thanks for that amyboo i am going to try for a laid back August and see what the weather brings

I am finding it very hard to focus at work (as evidenced by my numerous posts) its actually really hard because you don't tell people but you really want to talk about it!

cheepz - same problem here re concentrating on work. I guess all my thoughts/emotional energy went into the pregnancy, then the m/c came along and now I'm obsessed with TTC. Not much energy left for work at the moment!

All the things you did sound like normal life. Like stressy says, there has been tonnes and tonnes of research done and nothing has identified the sort of things you were doing. I guess we're all so desperate to avoid it happening again, that we want to pinpoint some tangible factor within our control so we can prevent it in the future (wishful face).

becky78 - hope we haven't hijacked the thread! Sorry for your two losses - I do like your belief in the circle of life - whatever month it happens for you. Fingers crossed for 6 Aug.

Stressy - I'm sure one of us will remember that quote at some point! But it's a great attitude to have - I've read so many times that a watched pot never boils!

amy - hope you're feeling well?

Looking out of the window, if we're relying on the weather I think we all need to follow amyboo's example and book tickets to Italy asap!

am abit annoyed with a friend who knows about the mc who called tonight to see how i was and putting my game face on I said not bad, recovering, looking forward, feeling thankful for what I have, feeling lucky that it was so early because I said 'I feel sorry for the women who lose thier babies at 8, 12, 15 weeks as the later it is the harder it must be' and she said 'well of course it wasn't really a baby was it....'

gobsmaked

i think she was trying to just down play it in the same way that maybe I was in order to be supportive and make me feel better but it made me really cross, I basically contained it and said well no, no heartbeat but emotionally it was the idea of the baby that was growing I have to let go of' she said 'of course of course' and so I am trying to let it go. but its amazing how your perception changes when it has happened to you - I can imagine that might have been the sort of numpty insensitive comment I might have made trying to be helpful before, not anymore.

OMG - I'm amazed you managed to stay so polite with your "friend" cheepz I may have sworn at her. I had loads of that too - the whole "well, at least it was early" (was 9 weeks) or the "at least you can get pg". I found it tended to come the types who breeze thru life, get what they want when they want and don't really need to work for it (rant, rant, rant)

Right, off me soapbox now....

I read somewhere that the more exciting and spontaneous BD is the better as DH / DP tends to go further IYKWIM which helps his mini men get to where they're s'posed to be.

Question is - when you've been ttc for ages and married/together for yonks how on earth do you make every other day / several times per week exciting and spontaneous?? or maybe I'm just doing it wrong !!

Answers on a postcard please

I hear you, since ds 1 we went for about 9 months with nowt - he was bad sleeer - I was too tired and he kept waking up, by then I felt like a born again virgin and we were kind of like stangers so it took a long time to build up frequency (and even that meant monthly - rather than th couple of times a week pre baby) and intimacy. We then had another dry spell when ds went through bad sleep period again and then when ttc had to build it up again

what has worked for me is moving it out of the bedroom, wine, and lingerie

on the most embarassing note - i was discussing hoe you get it spicy with my hairdresser - as you do - and reading a cosmo which had an article about dirty talk - we were joking about how grim that is but it was all about how complacent marrieds could use it to spice things up. being a complacent married I tried a little the next time it was time - surprisingly sucessful

I just feel sorry for my poor dh as it's so obvious that I'm only after one thing and that's hardly sexy!!

I wonder if the stories you hear of teenyboppers (people really don't use that word anymore - shows my age!) getting pg by just getting it on their hands etc (sorry, bit gross) are really true? It would be so much easier if DHs/DPs could just leave a little sample for us each day and leave us to sort the rest out!!

Oh dear, think it's time to go to sleep now.

Does thinking about ttc all the time count as obessing? I really am trying to be cool and haven't done my whole staring at the calendar thing working out when my due date would be if i were to fall etc etc like I used to but find ttc creeping into my thoughts ALL the time.

my god i've never heard those stories!!!! surely that's just what they tell their mums to try to make it seem they've not had sex?!?!?!
i'm with you cheepz on moving it out of the bedroom and also changing positions more.
really should go to bed - have just got back from dinner at a friend's and popped in to say hi!
hope you're all doing okay x

morning all - am off to Bath this morning - back tomorrow night, taking laptop so if there is wifi will drop by later

stressy i think that is as trixel says what girls say to try and explain away a pregnancy they shouldn't have, but would make things easier sometimes! less date pressure - i think even when you haven't had an mc most women obsess about everything when ttc - i think its biological - the desire to have a baby once you have mentally decided takes over, i am constantly wondering - will it be 2 r 3 weeks before i ovulate after this mc, will i know, should i just try and go for 2 -3 times a week every week until next AF on the chance we might hit the jackpot - its nature

bleeding only requires liner this morning so am feeling better - its like the bleeding is a daily reminder of how its jsut happened and I am wanting to move on

since i am away for 2 days and dh is away for the weekend next week will be our first opportunity to bd - no chance of ttc but am thinking it would be good to get back into the swing of things asap so he is oblivious to dates and times - one thnig worrying me - after mc did anyone find 'it' painful? and is there a greater risk of getting an infection? just wondering about other peoples views and experiences

hi guys.

i'm back from a pretty grim few days of being totally gutted about AF. i am down....but definitely not out....took a bit longer to getg my head around the disappontment this month and i really cried which is very unusual for me....i'm usually very optimistic Going to try and relax this month. I noticed last month that i definitely ovulated on CD16 as it was only day i POAS and it was definite. am going to aim for two days either side this month. I have bought the preseed too...

i explained to DH how isolated i feel with the TTC and he has decided to play a bigger part in it by telling me days this month to get jiggy on. I totally hear you lot about the spontenaity lark....hate to trump you all but mine is even less spontaneous as DH has to take a prescribed tablet to assist in that area when he get really stressed....and of course what is more stressful than 'you must get it up RIGHT NOW as i am ovulating....'. the usual seduction tricks are just a no brainer and completely inappropriate....never normally a problem of course as never usually any stress actually attached to the bedroom....ah the joys of TTC. going to try and just CCCHHHHHIIIILLLLLL OOOOUUUTTTT.

so come on....whos going to explain a bit more about this preseed i have just bought off ebay....

what the hell is preseed?!!

all i know about preseed is that it's a lubricant that is sperm-friendly and matches the natural ewcm we produce as closely as possible. i think it really assists with creating a "welcome environment" for the little soldiers - they can swim like billio in there apparently. in fact, why on earth havent i bought any?!?!
boodle - so glad you're back. hope you're feeling a bit better again. it's a whole new month, and there's every chance this could be the one! especially with an enhanced "environment"!!

cheapz - I hope you managed not to thump your friend when they said that to you? I had a variety of interesting comments like that when I had my mmc. One friend's fiancé said to me, "well, I guess it was just a collection of cells" - at 12 f*cking weeks!! Yeah right. Thanks for that. A couple of other friends both starting discussing (right in front of me) the fact that basically they thought it was because I went straight off Mycrogynon before ttc with no break!!! Honestly.

I'm a little concerned about my lack of symptoms, but then I guess I'm only 4w6d. I don't feel sick at all - just absolutely knackered, masses of discharge , and boobs that are bursting out of every bra I own! I also didn't have an implantation bleed like last time - does this sound normal?

Glad you're feeling a bit more upbeat boodle. I'm going to cross every digit I have for you this month!

fatlady not hijacking the thread at all, the more the merrier!

sounds like you do still have symptons amy so try and stay positive.

Good to have you back boodle and sounds like you have turned a bit of a corner emotionally and ready to try again so fingers and toes crossed for this month - I'm intrigued by the preseed, if it hasn't worked for us this month I'll be making a purchase, did you get it off the internet?

Hope you have a good time in Bath cheepz and manage to have a bit of relaxation time.

trixel any symptoms for you yet? When will you test? My instinct is that it's not going to be positive for me this month - not sure why but I will keep my fingers crossed anyway as you never know.

I seem to spend most of my life with 'fingers crossed' and 'waiting and seeing' for things - must live for the moment a bit more

Hope you all have lovely weekends!

Right then - off to bulk buy some preseed. Hadn't heard of it before but with that, grapefruit juice and brazil nuts how can I possibly go wrong!
Nice to see you back boodle. Sorry you've been feeling rubbish. I wish I could say something really wise to make you feel heaps better but I know that the reality is (as it is for all of us) that we just want it NOW!! And it's so hard when it doesn't happen. Hope some big virtual hugs will help.
I've got a do at the weekend surrounded by pg women and newborns - fake smiles here we come! (well, maybe not that bad but it'll be tough.
Cracked on my "let's be laid back" attitude today and did ov test - got really excited when got really strong surge line then v later when fished it out of bin (oh yes, I'm that sad) to double check only to find I'd mistaken the surge line for the reference line. Jesus, there's just no helping some people...!!!!!!
Cheepz It didn't hurt for me - was much same as always. Think risk of infection is greatly reduced once you've stopped bleeding. Have great time in Bath.
amy - huge boobs, mucus, knackered-ness sound like symptoms to me. With my DS proper sickness etc didn't really kick in 'till 6 weeks so pls don't stress yet.

stressyheady we have met before on the horrible wait for our MCs.

I had to wait over 6 weeks to get my periods back and am on my first 2ww.

I have for the record turned into an absolute calendar wielding MANIAC! AF is circling overhead and i am going to remove every preg test from the house and not allow myself to test til i'm due the next time!

Its such a shame that a MC turns trying into such a difficult and obsessive thing.

good luck everyone..

Hi lee lovely to "see" you. Even though I wish we weren't here . Come join us on this thread!! There's a lovely bunch of supportive ladies.

Big fat fingers crossed for 2ww. Good idea to remove pts from house.

I'm really trying to be laid back but others have promised to quote me on that when I go into obsessive 2ww mode!

I've decided that I'm probably just a control freak, obsessive maniac by nature and ttc just enhances all those good qualities in me

Do you think if we all clubbed together and managed to put the same amount of energy, organisation, research and attention to detail into a business as we do into ttc we would all be millionaires??? I can't remember the last time I was this focused on something!