To all those who tried and tried and tried and tried...and then gave up...and then got pregnant...

[katierocket]

I've heard this so often "stop trying and you'll get pregnant", "relax and you'll get pregnant" but obviously it's a bit of a contradiction since the longer you try the more you want it (I'm currently at nearly 12 months). SO the question is.... just HOW do you "stop trying", when you want it so bad?

katierocket, we tried for nearly 3 years. Then booked an appt to see someone about IVF which was 2 months away so decided to just forget about it til then

And of course I found out I was pg the day before the appt!

I'd been with dp for 6 years we'd been trying for a baby for three of those years. I finally got the courage to go to my gp, got a referral to a gaenecologist, and promptly fell pregnant a month before the actual appointment....the day of my gaenecologist appointment became the day of my dating scan instead....

Both times DH and I decided getting pg might not be so great an idea after all and both times this was the point when I became pg, 6 months and 9 months (I realise not a long time to try but it still fits the theory).

After trying for 2 years we went down the IVF route which took a while to get started, 1st IVF failed, started to take drugs for 2nd lot of IVF and found out I was pregnant, which sadly turned out to be eptopic, lots of scaring so IVF suggested again which worked. Was just so grateful that we had one gorgeous little girl and never thought we would have any more kids. Went to the GP for my 6 week check and just laughed at him when he mentioned contracetion..... 17 months later my 2nd daughter was born.

I think what worked for me was forgetting about trying to conceive, when I got pregnant with the eptopic there was no pressure on us to conceive that way, as we were undergoing IVF, and the 2nd time I was more than happy with my family.

We tried for a year, spent two years being investigated until the conclusion was made that I was infertile due to not ovulating, also have PCOS and no 'female hormone'...that was 9 years ago now. Went in to see about a hysterectomy and doctor said to try 'one last time'...spent 3 hours in hospital organising tests and getting Metformin to come home and do a test to find I was already pregnant, naturally. Also the sunday before my best friend finally confirmed she would be my surrogate!

I agree if you take your mind off it, it may help, I also agree this is pretty impossible as even if you go on holiday you are still aware 'this could be it'. I moved house and had a near breakdown and really didn't once think about it due to the extreme stress...and that was the month I fell Don't know how I'm going to manage it next time though as I'd like to stay in this house!

I dont wish to make you feel any worse than you may do right now but,after 12 months of trying I started playing football,had put it off as wanted to do the best for concieving,that was in jan, 4 months later I am now pregnant,but it is still early days....
It is SO hard TO TRY to relax,and it breaks your heart to pretend that you are fine,everytime A.f makes its apparance,but I always believe that if you want something bad enough it will happen,For me personnely the timing of this little one was so wrong but also spot on[if that makes sense}...Please dont give up and try to remember that it will happen but just dont put your life on hold in the meantime,you only have one crack at it....thoughts are with you xxxx

thanks so much everyone. THink I might get a dog to take my mind off it. DP says he's worried he'll come back to find it dressed in nappies and a bonnet...

Don't know if I can add anything to this. We tried for two and a half years, every period every month after the first six was devastating,
I had high follicle stimulation hormone and my consultant drew a horrible graph of my declining fertility, I was beside myself. Its all so hard, your mind can't get free of it. I don't think its a matter of 'relaxing,' that's impossible - its just a point of having to let it go because there's no way to control it. The month after we decided that ivf wasn't for us and kinda gave up, I conceived my lovely ds. Now I'm two days off baby number two. I truly believe that my ds was the one who was meant to be here, he just took his time. I remember how much my heart hurt. Hang on in there. Tell your mind to shut up bugging you about it, I know its so hard but somehow if you can wrench your mind off it you start to begin to feel like yourself again and that seems a good place to start. Thinking about you. One day hopefully this will all be another life.

I'm sorry I haven't read all the threads. But a friend of mine was TTC for many years, eventually they were told she couldn't have her own children, then she tried accupuncture and fell pregnant naturally that month. Worth a go IMO!

I'm having acupuncture at the mo Flossam. Not holding breath though!

after two years of trying, a hosp appt came through, and while waiting for that date to come around fell pregnant with ds2. I really think it is a lot do do with relaxing and losing stress. ds1 was born after a time when we thought 'if we don't catch this month, we'll book a really lovely exotic holiday' - caught next month!

Well, I agree, that no amount of hearing anyone saying to you "just forget about it" is going to help, but getting PG is IMO 90% state of mind, and 10% everything else!

but you asked so...

One couple I know tried for 8 years. Had a LONG talk about alternatives. Decided they would rather just decide they were going to be "that couple who don't have kids" and felt OK about that decision. The next month, i-kid-you-not, fell PG.

Another friend of mine has IVF twins. 2 years later fell for unexpected baby naturally.

Alight aside, but to echo others' experiences of "odd" ovulation; another friend of mine, recently dv and resigned to life without children at 39 fell PG because they made love unprotected literally just a couple of days past her period and hey presto. She took 7 tests because she just couldn't believe it. m/w says some women ovulate way outside the usual "guidelines".

Good luck.

I tried for a good year and couldn't stand it any longer so I told my GP I had been trying 2 years and my husband had a sperm test - all ok and I waited months for a laporoscopy where they insert a camera through the tummy button and it turned out that I have blocked tubes and have a 1% chance of conceiving naturally. Have gone on to have a baby boy at my first IVF attempt. I am NOT suggesting that you have issues but wouldn't it put your mind at rest and then you can book that fantastic holiday or whatever else you fancy to focus on. My sister tried for 3 years to have her second baby and when she stopped trying and went on a holiday with hubby for 4 days alone, she came home pregnant as she had focussed on the holiday and not a baby! Good Luck.

Hi everyone, I'm new here

Just wanted to add my two penneth... to those who say if you do this, do that, relax... PAH!!! LOL.

We have tried EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING... ttc 8 years, 1 IVF, 1 FET, now considering adoption. Nothing wrong with either of us, in fact, gobsmacked consultants... hub with high sperm count, me with 2-3 days EWCM, 28 day cycle, ov on CD13/14. 8 flippin years!!!

I gave up work to become a Holistic Therapist... having had reflexology and all the therapies under the sun for 7 years... threw IVF money away on £4k holiday in Maldives... and then later had to find more for IVF .... gave up work... bought house to refurbish.. bought a bunny rabbit... sometimes DID give up (college course etc.) and we've never had so much as a sniff of a +ve in nearly 8 years.

As I said, adoption is a consideration, but by no means in the bag... am 37 this year, so time is running out. Our prep course starts on 3rd June, so I suppose this is my one last hope of achieving that BFP that everyone tells me comes before an important event like this....!! Wish me luck!!

duranfan, i wish you all the luck in the world, and hope you see that much hoped for BFP

good luck, i know how hard it is when you desperately want a child, we tried for 4 years before we had our little boy, so my heart goes out to you and hope you really have some good news soon

Had this happen 3 times. First one took 18 months & it was only after we'd started down the route of hospitals & tests that I got pg. It is impossible to relax because it's always on your mind.. I think you have to effectively "give up". With us we decided to move house (instead) & started looking into getting a puppy...

The next time we got to the stage where we thought "no, this isn't a good idea" & there he was!

Thanks very much Bubbly, for my first response on Mumsnet!! Much appreciated....

kind of happened to us...we were trying for nearly two years and i was very wound up.taking folic acid, not drinking, eating healthily making dh take vit supppleemnts etc.then one month we were going to awedding and i just thought f* it.
i binned the folic acid went out and got really really drunk. sure enough that was the month i concieved!

Amazing!
We TTC for almost 3 years or more, can't really say TTC as had ENDO for some of that time and months before and after lap aren't really counted i suppose, anyhow...had my 2nd lap late last year, TTC for one month and along came AF, really had enough and decided to continue with my studies and take up some hobbies. Started Uni again, started classes, forgot about TTC just had fun instead of trying so hard and lo and behold, BFP! Now, we were so shocked we wouldn't believe it until a scan. There was just no way...Funny old life!

when you are really trying , you get stressed..well i did anyway( in fact i was abit bonkers about it all i was so tense)and your body
doesn't want to concieve a child in stressful circumstances.it doesn't want the mother to have to look after the baby in a dangerous enviroment. I'm sure that's what it is.

these are really interesting stories. Ho hum, maybe soon. DUranfan - I reallyhope you get that BFP soon

Thanks Katierocket

Hi all,

I was going to start another thread but then realised that this one was so worthy of resurrection. I wanted to ask also, how on earth do you 'relax and enjoy life' when all you can think about is this all-consuming desire to get pregnant?

We've had the tests, I'm OK but dh is subfertile. Because we've 2 children already we don't believe it's right to go down the assisted route (which would have to be private and we couldn't afford it). Our GP has been lovely, but has told us the best thing we can do is relax and enjoy ourselves (bd lots and listen to my body i.e. don't use OPKs or chart).

I'm finding it difficult not to be obsessed about this. Every month I feel so positive, we bd regularly and yet every month (#11 so far) I'm totally devastated when AF shows. We are blessed with 2 beautiful children and I feel I'm not appreciating them by constantly thinking about ttc. I really, really can't take my mind off it and then I feel so guilty because I know so many are trying for their first child and I think I'm being so selfish having these feelings when I should be grateful for what I've got.

I tried applying for a different job, that didn't work, and I didn't get the job. I keep myself busy at work and at home, I garden, I go to the gym, I take the children out. We've booked a lovely 2 week holiday for the summer. What else can I do?

Tell me I'm being selfish and to pull myself together, or help me find a way to sort out how I feel.....please!

BL

first of all you have every right to go down the fertility treatment route... 2 kids does not deny you the right to number of children you want...

no advice except to say I know how you feel... I would consider treatment - worked for me! -- I swore by acupuncture and giving up coffee and making sure I focused on my kids and did not wish away their childhood wanting another... SO much easier said than done!!

Good luck!

bella - believe me I know how you feel! some good advice/stories on this thread so have a read. I don't have the answer unfortunately (if I did I'd be pregnant) but agree that if you really want another child it's impossible to just ignore that urge. I think you have to try and 'let go' but I haven't personally found a way to do that yet.
mancmum - how long did you have acupuncture for? I've had about 4 sessions now but nothing yet.