Start clomid tomorrow. Just read leaflet and I'm scared

[summermagic]

Hello

This is my first post on Mumsnet although I've been reading the conception threads avidly.

I'm due to start Clomid tomorrow and I've just been reading the lengthy side effects and now I've gone from excited to really scared.

Are they really that bad? I'm having visions of myself in a darkened room with pencils up my nose!

Any reasurances would be greatly appreciated. Headaches and hot flushes I can cope with. Insanity I can't.

Bloody hell Pinkie. No wonder you're hot!

Ray - I think it's totally natural that you would react like that in relation to your daughter. It's something that frightens me about the prospect of only having one child - that I'll just get obsessed with him and heap all my dreams and expectations on him. Not that I'm saying that you care less when you have two kids but I think when you just have one the focus on them can get unhealthy.

Do you think I should test tomorrow? Think I'll be 13dpo by then. Am absolutely convinced that I'm not so just want to get the dissapointment over with.

Not sure what to do about giving it a rest for a month now either. When I'm feeling depressed I think no way am I taking it in January but for some reason (probably because of it working that way for Jules Oliver, I've got a good vibe about month three. On the other hand,I'm scared of having a good vibe because then the dissapointment when it doesn't work is harder to bear.

Oh fuck, I don't know. Why do we play such mind games with ourselves????

xx

Summermagic

I think we all go through that rollercoaster, the emphasis is sooo strong on what we doing when we are having treatment. Its very normal how you feeling so dont beat yourself up

If you can wait til 15dpo otherwise would test in the am

XX

Ray - I thinks it's natural to be overprotective esp if you've been through some bad times as a kid yourself.

Summer - hope you get a BFP when you do decide to test.

I'm out . BFN yesterday at 11dpo (87% accurate) and big temp drop this morning so will get AF tomorrow/Wednesday. Really not sure what to do now. IVF and cripple myself financially or give up seem to be my only options, other than waiting for that Prince Charming fella and can't see that one happening.

At the moment feel like giving up, but may come round in a few days. Have my 20-week pregnant friend staying over tomorrow night, which may help me decide.

Hope you all have more success xxx

Hi ladies

Just thought I'd bump this thread to see how you all are.

I've decided to give up on the clomid for a while. Did my third month but have been feeling very very low and have suspicions that it's the drugs are at very least playing a contributory role.

Went to see my consultant just before Christmas and have booked us on an IUI information evening in March. Got everything crossed that the clomid worked for this cycle but then going to stick with the accupuncture and relaxing for a bit before taking the next step.

I really hope you're all doing well and that you had a fun and relaxing Christmas.

xx

Hi Summer - quick one from me as have to leave work in 5 mins. I hear Clomid can cause depression and on another thread someone said it got worse the more cycles she took, so maybe good to have a rest.

This is my first non-Clomid cycle and my cycles have gone mad, though it's nice not to be pumping myself full of drugs. Since mc have been ov around day 12, but this time was yesterday, cd 19. Pre-mc was always day 18-20 so perhaps clomid has reset me or something. Or could have been stress as Grandma died cd 11 so might have delayed it. Trouble is I had a moment with my ex on cd 16 thinking ov would have been and gone and now realise it hadn't. I'm secretly hoping for a happy accident so don't have to go through IVF (have sent forms off to new clinic). At least was honest with ex so no worries there. Unlikely but possible - I think I'm just addicted to the 2ww .

How's everyone doing?

Hi all, very quiet on here. Hope everyone is OK. Got my consultation appointment through for the new clinic today, it's two weeks on Monday. Scared and excited at the same time. Don't know whether any of you are registered on this website, but the thread for my clinic is full of people struggling with injections . It'll all be worth it if I get a baby at the end though. There's been another pregnancy announcement at work and in my office again. Very excited for her but just wish it could be me too.

Good luck everyone xx

HI Issy

How exciting that you've got your appointment in just a few weeks. Have you had your AF after your daliance with your ex yet?

I'm 12dpo with only slightly sore boobs at the mo. Quite unusual for me as they're usually really sore by now but not holding out much hope. Also slightly optimistic as my son was concieved this time four years ago so maybe cosmically it's a good time for me (not that I believe in any of that kind of stuff at all).

Take care and hope the rest of you are ok if you're reading and not posting. Would be good to hear from you Ray.
xx

Hi summermagic and issy,

So sorry i havent been on in a while have been wollowing in self pity, not quite done yet but thought i would check in.
Had my first Af after Mc on the 26th dec which was great timing of course and now i am in the 2ww again, not that we have been trying again not realy but its still there even when your trying not to think about it.

I havent started taking the clomid again yet, toyed with the idea when Af arrived and then just couldnt bring myself to do just dont have the energy at the moment and dont know if i could stand the disappointment.
Feeling very down and bitter at the moment have 2 close friends who are pg and i cant stand to see them and when they do mention pg i want to scream at them, this is realy unhealthy and i am not sure how to change how i am feeling. I feel so very alone at the moment i havent got anyone to talk to an most of the time i want to sit and cry.

Oh God sorry to bring the mood down guys.

Issy i hope the thing with the ex means you have a bean that would be so great for you, if not good luck with the sppointment let us know how you get on.

Summer, keep us updated i have my fingers crossed for you, you know what they say about clomid kick starting the system you never know it may ahve worked that way for you and then it being cosmically your time ( i dont belive that too but secretly hope it is the case) hopefully the chances are in your favour.

Baby dust to you good luck guys

Pinkie? you about ? how are you ?

Ray - you poor thing. Is your consultant based in a fertility clinic and if so do you know whether they have a counsellor attached to them who you could go and see to just get things off your chest? I know mine does and it may well be worth a go.

I think it's perfectly understandable that you should feel grief over the mc and upset to see other people who so seem to be able to have what you desperately want so easily.

You're not alone though. You've got your lovely DH and DD and your friends and family and if all else fails you've got us at the other end of some cyber wave or whatever it is.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi both,

No AF yet, due Sat/Sun, but don't feel pg. Coming down with cold which is making me feel a bit sick so keep trying to convince myself is pg symptom but don't really think so. Got a BFN this morning too.

Hope the cosmos is working for you summermagic.

Don't worry about not being on Ray, it's understandable that you would want a break both from MN and actively ttc.

It's so hard to be around pg people. One woman in my office went on maternity in December only for another to announce she's 17 weeks last week, so feels like I have a permanent bump in my face. I'm still doing the excited for them act but deep down I feel like it's just not fair, esp as one was an accidental third not wanted by dh and the other only started trying because she thought it would take a while and caught first time - she won't even get SMP cos she only started the job in Sept.

Summermagic's right though, your clinic should have a counsellor and it may be good to see them. I have counselling every week anyway for other stuff but all I've talked about for the past two years is ttc and my ex. Even if it's just to rant it helps get things off my chest.

Pinkie has been on the assisted conception thread. I've been reading it but haven't joined yet. Partly because it moves too fast so waiting until after my first appointment but also because they are scaring the s**t out of me about what I'm about to put myself through .

Take care everyone and good luck!

God it really annoys me that when you talk to cosultants about the whole assisted conception thing that they make it sound like a breeze when the reality for so many women is that it can make you feel terrible. Mine looked at me like I was insnane when I said that I thought the clomid was making me a bit mad.

No period here yet but only on day 29 and my last clomid cycle was 29 days and the one before that was 33 so may well come on any time. Definately feeling pre-menstrual now though didn't until very late this cycle which is unusual for me. Think I'll just test tomorrow to get it over with.

Could still be too early Issy so you can hold out a tiny bit of hope that you don't have to go on the assisted conception threads yet. My sister in law has had two cycles of IVF now and although they made her feel a bit ill, she wasn't too bad at all really.

Hope you're ok Ray.

xxx

Thanks for the reassurance summermagic. My temp started to drop this morning so AF probably coming Saturday. I def have a cold now too, so should be higher if anything. I'll see what it is tomorrow and test if goes back up, but my CM is wrong for pg so not really any point.

Don't give up yet, pre-menstrual and pg symptoms very similar. Good luck with the test tomorrow. Fingers crossed for you.

How did test go summermagic?

My temp dropped again today and spotting started last night, so sure AF will arrive properly at any moment. IVF it is then . Knew it was a long shot though. Getting all my bloods redone for the new clinic on Monday so feels like I'm still on the merry-go-round.

Take care everyone,
Is xx

Fucking bastarding, horrible, annoying, bloody motherfucking period arrived before I even got round to testing this morning.

Feel like shit. This is never going to happen.

Sorry your AF on its way too Issy.

Off to wallow in some self pity.

xxxxxxx

summermagic. Mine properly here today too. Sending you a virtual bar of chocolate - not that it's anywhere near enough, I know.

When I told ex he said he felt 'indifferent' about it, thought he'd be relieved. Actually he was very sweet and more concerned that I'd be disappointed. Maybe it's worth asking him if he'll try whilst I'm waiting for IVF, but can't imagine he'd say yes. Having a couple of months without even trying just seems really bleak.

Hope you're feeling a little better today. You too Ray.

Hi Issy,

Sorry af caught you. I have been for my first bloods and scan and DH had another sample done and his bloods.

The scan showed lots of little follicles and one dominant one. She was really sweet said i would ov tues/wed but obviously couldnt guarantee there was viable egg in follicle as thought all the little ones showed slight PCOS HAve still gone for it all week cd7, cd11, 12,13,14, 15 so guess now in 2ww.

Blood results and consultant appt is a week on monday so am focused on that.

Hi Pinkie - nice to see you again. Saw you'd posted on the AC thread and was going to reply to say that Ray was asking after you on here. They're really lovely on there, feel really bad for saying I was a bit scared by their stories - just a combination of reading that and clinic thread on fertility friends, it's all too easy to panic about the little things and practicalities, but they've reassured me. Good luck for this cycle. Is it IVF otherwise? Sorry about the PCOS, but good that they're looking at it now.

I'm going for bloods tomorrow at my doctors - glad they're doing them for me as was £25 for each test at the clinic and every little helps. My consultant appt also a week on Monday. Not sure when I'll be able to start the IVF. Someone on the FF thread who went in Dec originally got told she couldn't start until Feb but then got cancellation for January. If it's the long protocal my next day 20 is 5th Feb, so hoping can start then and not have to wait until March. Guess I'll know more next week - also depends when I can have the antral follicle count scan too, as I don't think they book you in until after that.

How's everyone else today?

Hi Issy,

Yes they do seem friendly on the ac thread. Having the bloods done made me a bit more focused last week and now just feel like we counting down to next monday appt.

We still tried this month cos the sonographer did see a dominant follicle

not sure when we would start treatment as havent even discussed it with consultant

Hope all goes well for you

Hello all _ just thought I'd introduce myself as Issy42 tempted me over with promises of this being a lucky thread! So I am here to probably prove that I can break a lucky charm I am so unlucky! LOL!

I have taken my first round of clomid this month (50mg) and am currently on the 2WW (4dpo) I am taking Clomid for male issue infertility before going for the full on IUI/IVF route (app booked for 27th Jan eek!)

So....hi everyone! Now Issy reckons its either this thread or another she linked to so I am just off to spread myself about a bit (I'm such a harlot!) to try and soak up the luck!

Hi again pinkmook. Well the other thread definitely has had two people popping in briefly and getting a BFP straight away. Can't remember if this one has too because it's been a while since anyone popped in and it's just us clomid stalwarts here now. As you can see, Pinkie and I are just beginning the IVF route too - except Pinkie is of course going to have success with that dominant follicle and not need it - fingers crossed, eh Pinkie ?

How's everyone else?

Hi guys, sorry for being abit distant recently i am still finding it very very hard at the moment. Just want to cry ALL the time and hate everyone that is pg which is so awful but i realy cant help myself.
I have 2 friends that are going for their 20 week scan this week and they are going to find out what they are having which is kind of exciting but i so so wish it was me, my sisters baby is due in 2 weeks and there are people in every programe that i like to watch that are pg so i cant even lose myself in the telly.
Am i realy stupid but was watching eastenders last night and that girl is Pg and she booked a termination and it is for the 5th feb, now i know its all make believe and all that but my appointment at the hos is on the 5th feb and i felt like life was just kicking me in the head yet again. every time someone says they are pg i realy feel like someone up there is looking down and having a good laugh at my expense how stupid is that. Shit i think i need councelling.

It isnt helping that my cycle is all over the place too or seems to be anyway, after Mc AF arrived when it should have but this month i am only on CD25 and have Af aches and pains since CD21 now that is NOT normal for me i am always late never early and i never have af pains this early either so my body is seriously fucking with my head because there is this little bit of hope deep down that it is Pg symptoms but know that it isnt.

Me and hubby arent doing to good at the moment either, he is sulking because i dont want to have sex and i know its my fault because i am being realy distant and pushing him away but i cant help it. we should be happy now i should be 14 weeks pg and over the moon but instead i am depresssed and want to cry all the time and kill anybody that mentions Pgs or babies. Seriously fucked up i feel.

So sorry for the bring down guys any helpful advise would be very welcome.

Ray - at the risk of sounding like a stuck record here is my advice.

1. Get yourself sorted with some counselling. You've got nothing to loose and I really think you need some help processing your feelings.

2)Have a course of accupuncture. It'll help you with your emotions and is also good for stabilising hormones (so will help with your periods) and nourishing your body which is all good for pregnancy.

I think both things would really help you and it could make you feel like your doing something good for yourself and taking a bit of power back.

Hello Pinkmoon.Welcome to the thread. If you find that lucky one let me know. xxxxx

Hi Pinkmoon and welcome to a very friendly thread.

I know we saw that dominant follicle but i keep hearing the sonographer saying 'but i cant tell you if its got a viable egg in it'. we did try that night and all week, phew was tired by the weekend.

would be due on monday aswell as the blood results so am really going to have to sit on hands and try not to test, yeah right

Ray - summer is right acupuncture v.good for balancing body,hormones and also emotions. I have always found it a wonderful part of natural medication,believe me i know how you feel after all my mcs. you dont think anything can help but abit of that counselling coupled with the acupuncture and you'll be back to fighting the world in no time. In the meantime have a bar of choc and lots of hugs.

XX to all

Hi girls. Agree with the others Ray - mc is really hard to deal with and counselling is a good idea. I find that having my weekly hour of being able to just talk to someone about anything without any judgements or interruptions is invaluable. It's normal to still feel upset. I remember tears running down my cheeks at our work away day in June (12 weeks after mc) when one-by-one each member of our senior team mentioned the number of people in our dept on maternity or about to go on maternity.

Pinkie - my new clinic has the following stats on it's page relating to IVF:
80% of follicles have an egg;
80% of eggs will be mature;
60-70% of mature eggs will fertilise;
90-95% of fertilised eggs will form embryos.

Only the first line relevant for you this cycle but thought you might find the others interesting in case you do have to go the IVF route.

Best get to bed now as been in London for work so it's been a long day. Take care everyone xx.

Wow issy those stats are quite high, might even have given me a glimmer of hope that i had 1 of those 80% follicles. We find out on monday what route we take but in the mean time not speaking to dh due to his familys' behaviour towards me and my dd.