TTC for the cautious!!!

[Bonkerz]

OK well not sure my title is good enough really and feel honoured you let me start the thread. So heres to a new month and new start on my cycle! TTC is going to be a very nervous and aprehensive time for me but i know oyu are all in the same boat and with your support im sure i can do it. So im on day 1 of my cycle. Should ov on day 10 although am not certain if D&C has mucked up my ovulation but will guess that. Am almost thinking that im ttc just to lose another baby and i know thats wrong but cant help it. With 2 mc already its hard to believe it will ever happen for me and DH and im almost convinced i will never see a healthy happy 12 week bean. Ok enough doom and gloom.

HERES TO ALL OF US WHO ARE NERVOUSLY TTC AND MAY LUCK AND FAIRY DUST SHOWER OVER US IN THESE COMING MONTHS!

Thanks ladies, I am the kind of person who needs to kind of just really give myself a good old talking to in order to snap out of the black hole you end up slipping down. It really helps to have you guys behind me, thanks.
DQ - ooh literally nothing better than having your hair done. No matter what mood you are in, its always great to have that "just stepped out of a salon" feeling!
George - will let you know how I get on with persona. If it shows me the magic "O" this month then I shall be literally dancing for joy and will be singing its praises highly! Great news that your cycles seem to have returned to normality, small consolation I know but at least it shows that things are working as they should.
ARH Dyz - am sure that if there are 80 people there it won't be a "stand up and introduce yourself" type of thing.

Sorry meant to add that I am now on cd 3

Good morning ladies - dropping back in and my goodness this is a busy thread! Sorry to hear about the rough weekend Bella, hope things look brighter soon. Dyzzi your comment to your DH about the shirt made me laugh, I can totally relate! Amazing how important these things seem and I guess mentally and emotionally they really are, aren't they? Hope it goes well tonight.

Yep Romilly I am 38 - you too, yellowbear? welcome!

DramaQueen, sit on your hands a couple more days ...I know if I'd had a normal cycle I'd be going out of my mind waiting too! I am also theoretically testing this weekend though feeling it's quite unlikely to be my month. Cycle completely messed up, now on day 37 and apparently ovulated on day 27 or 28. I guess I should be expecting AF around Friday or Sat. And nary a symptom of pg, so I think I'm going to wait and not give in to the early test temptation. if no AF comes by Sat, will test then.

Anyone else have this experience of very messed up cycles that persisted after MC? I had 35 days from the miscarriage (which was at 6 weeks pg) till 1rst AF, and now looks like 42 days for this cycle - this after 28 day regular AFs for the past 3 years. Of course am getting paranoid that I am going into some kind of pre-menopausal phase, but maybe just being too impatient .

Dyzz - meant to say that there is a series just starting (not sure what channel - will look out for it) which is following 8 couples through IVF. Might be interesting for you to follow to see about the procedure etc

Thanks Bella i think its on tomorrow at 9pm on ITV I will be watching it. I have watched that testtube babie on discovery health a few time but this ITV looks more indepth

mizzan, according to the immense about of reading i have been doing on 'after m/c' most people DONT ovulate for at least first cycle after m/c, sometimes first two. so poss your body is just slowly getting back into the swing of ovulating cycles.? hope it all levels out for you soon.
I dont know how long i can sit on my hands, frankly. its almost unbearable, tho i can distract myself by keeping busy. suspect as week goes along i will get worse! arent i a sad case!

cycle day 3 bella? aw, well dont be so hard on yourself. af ALWAYS kicks in the crying hormones, and youre still getting over the 'not this month' feeling too. hang in there, now you worship at the temple of persona you should get clear instructions! bet you o early or late or something 'not expected' and thats why the opks were no use. i ahve everything crossed for you anyhow.
so we have testers this weekend (tho i might 'cheat' and test fifty times before weekend too) whos doing that then ? me and mizzan? anyone else?

DQ - with 20 test then you can go test crazy - ye ha!!
Have high hopes for persona - if nothing else I just like having a gadget telling me things. Its so silly but just it telling me what cd I am on is facinating even though there is no chance I will not know seeing as it occupies my thoughts most of the day !!

glad to see a few of you back on here today - yesterday was unnervingly silent!

sounds like a lot of us had crap weekends. poor bella, cheer up lass you are going to have so much fun with persona. i read on an old persona thread that someone's d/h called the "0" day on her persona the "uh-oh" day i think my poor d/h finds it weird - but i can't contain myself and keep him informed of all my persona morning goings on! george - i think you should get one - i think it takes a lot of the stress and working out when to do tests away. and lets face it, any lessening of stress we could all use at the moment

DQ - how are you honey? i'm worried about you - PLEASE dont test too early, i know its hard not to, but its just miserable getting a BFN (which it is far more likely to be if you dont wait) and take it from me, the not knowing is better than the humungous disappointment. i know its putting off the invevitable but wait a little.

Bella, Sorry that you are down. Give yourself some extra down-time. You have every reason to feel sad so be patient with yourself. Keep posting.

DQ Would love to chat with you about your possibly-pregnant-signs... Am making myself crazy wondering what every little twinge might be. (Didn't I promise myself that I would NOT do this?) I wish that I could relate to the 20 tests plan; I am usually WAY too afraid to test so I only buy 1 and then keep putting it off until it is obvious to everyone around me that I have fallen.
My mum is having her open heart op today 3000 miles away and I am going crazy trying to think of something (anything) else. I just cannot imagine how she must be feeling today. We did have a really long video chat this morning but it was not great watching her try not to cry.
MizZan, It takes my body ages to get back to a normal cycle following a miscarriage. I convince myself that this is necessary in order for healing to take place.

I'm another convert to, as DQ puts it, the "temple of Persona".
I am now the proud owner of a spangly new persona monitor. Very excited about pressing the "m" button tomorrow morning!!

Oh god Cadmum, sorry, I didn't see your post before. How awful for you to be so far away from her today. I do hope all goes OK for your mum. xx

George - ye ha for your Persona. Its funny how quickly we have all succumed to buying one!!
Rom - my DH is very like that, when I tell him when the deed needs to be he sort of gulps. When he is feeling tired I always say "On your feet soldier, there's work to be done".......God did I just admit that??? How embarrassing!!
Cadmum - will be keeping your Mum in my thoughts today and wishing her well. Poor you, hope you are managing to hold it together, must be so hard xxx

Cadmum - best wishes to you and your mum. must be awful for you being so far away from her. really hope all goes well.

george - welcome to the persona club. there is another story on here about someone walking into her bathroom to find her beloved persona being used as a boat by her ds in his bath - can you imagine! another person said dont keep it on the loo cistern because hers fell down the loo !!!

okay, so i tested this morning. -yes i KNOW -WHAT today? waaaaaaaaay too early, but you know, and i'm not too crushed at the bfn. cause its too early! so that was a waste of time!!! but thought i ought to confess to you all. am NOT going to test until.....oooo...thursday? friday? honest. and youre right Rom, made me abit sad. even tho i knew the answer before i did it....
cadmum, I'm so sorry about your Mum, is she here in uk? i really really hope she does well in her op. lots of positive vibes flying around for her.

dont start me on 'possible pg signs' i'm trying so hard not to read them. but i did have sharp pain once or twice today. and according to conceptionstore.com's ovulation calendar, today would be implantation if all that bd-ing paid off. so i cant help thinking and wondering..........
of course as its been said many times before every pg sign is a af sign too. BUT just for you cadmum- my bbs are heavy, and i'm concious of them, (not normally) i have no pre-af spots, i feel tired and abit sicky/blah-y. i have lost most of my interest with chocolate bars (so NOT me!) my cm has gone yellow tinged ( & i think it did that last time i was pg, cant remember!!!!!aaaaagggggggghhh!).....and if all this means i'm not pg than i still need to write it down so i can compare it next cycle!
cannot worship at the temple of persona, as do not hav right lifestyle for it...so very not fair! will have to do it thro you guys instead.....

DQ: Sorry about the BFN. WAY too early but you already know that so at least you were prepared for it! I love the symptom list. I really hope that you are pregnant.

Thank you all for wishing my mum well. She lives on the west coast of Canada and I am currently living in Ontario. (2996.3 miles from her door according to a webpage that calculates distances for road trips.) She does not have her op until 1pm in her time zone and that will be 4 pm here. I really don't know how I am going to make it through this LONG day wondering what is going on there. The strange thing is that I really wish that I could be there for her but I really want to be here with my children. (Hence the reason I chose to go there on Thursday to help her make the transition from hospital to home.) Now I just really hope that everything goes well so I don't have to regret the decision not the spend time with her before the big op... (sorry rambling as usual)

Cadmum - keeping both you and your mum in my thoughts. It is so difficult to make the decision over when to travel to your mums, but in reality when the operation is over is when she will really need you to help her make a full recovery. The phrase cutting yourself in two comes to mind.

Bella - sorry you have had such an awful weekend. It really is swings and roundabouts where our emotions are concerned. I still find myself crying and not really being sure what started me off in the first place.

Dyzzidi - guess we will all be watching that special babies programme tomorrow night, although after the last series in the neo natal ward my DH has banned me from watching this as he thinks I will read too much into every ache and pain when our turn comes for IVF. I will have to sneak into the kitchen and watch it while pretending to be very busy.

DQ - only 19 more to go!

George - good to see you back. The transition from mc to ttc has many ups and downs but I know for me, talking about it on here has really helped and lifted the feeling of isolation that I experienced in RL.

Thank you Wendy. I know that it is always possible to second guess every little decision until I turn myself outside-in. Silly little habit of mine! I appreciate the positive feedback and positive thoughts.

Just popped in to say to DQ - sorry about BFN but its waaaaaaay too early you trigger tester you!!! You need to bake like a demon this week to keep you away from testing again

cadmum and dq, thanks for reassuring messages re post-mc cycles. hopefully it is just the healing process etc., but still really frustrating. cadmum really hope all goes well with your mum. what a stressful time for you. so sorry.

dq - can you hold out another couple of days with those 19 remaining ones burning a hole in your dresser drawer! we are all rooting for you (to have a bfp I mean, not to hold out on testing, though that would probably be a good plan)! does sound like some serious distraction baking is in order.

Hi Mizan, it was nearly 90 days post m/c before I ov'd again, I was just getting desparate & booked a docs appt when af finally arrived.

Hope your mom is okay Cadmum.

Know what you mean DQ about symptoms, I am convinced I can feel things going on in my tummy when I guess it's just all in my mind. Need to wait 2 weeks before I can test & i want to do it NOW!

hi mizz and yellowbear - mizz, it sounds more likely that you are pg than pre-menopausal - did you bd around your OV time? think you are doing very well not testing yet...

Dqueen - hope the silence tonight means you are busy baking for d/h

thanks ladies, feel better for having confessed!! actually, i still have 20 to go, as this was a 'freebie' put in with my opks. so 1 down 20 to go!!!! its all v funny, and i'm sure you all think i'm mad, but i desperately neeeed to test and see the bfp.....its like an addiction! sorry it sounds silly.
got abit sad, as said to someone in a totally innocent conversation about what i had done 'five pregnancies, three children.......' and it sounded very sad, i'd never heard it like that before. silly isnt it? what set you thinking.
cadmum, hope you heard how your mum is soon. i had never thought about canda being so large, i'm glad you get ot see her soon. must be awful sat waiting. i'm hoping we distract you!

mizzan, yes poss should all route for me to not test. sounds better plan!
anyhow have a good evening girlies

forgot to say yellowbear i am on the 2 week wait too, well just under if fertility friend is correct. the AF that i never want to see is around the 23rd. so we'll be holding out on that dreaded testing at the same time.

argh! there you are Dqueen. we won't egg you on (scuse the pun!) anymore, promise

I am just like DQ, i have two tests in my bedside drawer & I wanted to do one this morning - silly I know, but it is like an addiction. I'm glad I've not got 20 (nothing a trip to boots won't solve though) as even though I knew I would get a bfn I'm sure I would stillkeep testing.