Thread for those fed up of pregnant friends... actually pregnant women everywhere... while they themselves have been TTC for ages or keep having miscarriages.

[GordonTheGopher]

I know it's not very PC. But I can't help but be really jealous. Just this morning I got an email off another friend telling me she's pregnant - first month of trying.

That makes 6 friends who are pregnant. I have been TTC no 2 for two years. I had a MMC last May and an early MC last week.

I do try and be happy for them. But in reality I'm not.

Am I normal? Anyone care to join me?

Hi amberflower sorry to here you've had a hard time ttc. Feel free to vent.

I think I've blown it with my pg friend. She'd obviously noticed I'd been a bit funny with her... we had a conversation over text messages this morning - she was questioning why I'd been a bit distant. I told her and she got upset and doesn't want to see me until next week.

GtG - sorry that this has happened. However, if she cannot understand what you are going through and why you're having problems dealing with the whole thing emotionally, I'm not sure that you should want her as a friend - at the moment at least.

However, I would question whether texts are the best way of having this sort of conversation - its really easy to misinterpret due to txt spk and the fact that you tend to truncate things - whcih makes them a lot 'balder' that you would normally say or write.

Do you think that you could hold a reasonable telephone conversation with her - or, if you feel up to it, a face-to-fact conversation would be better. If she's a real friend she will be able to see what you're going through and hopefully be a bit more understanding and give you the space that you need at the moment.

GTG I think you should take comfort from the fact that you have now been honest with your friend, I'm sure she will, with time, come to understand your point of view. Bare in mind her pregnancy hormones are at play as well and all she wants is for people to be happy for her.

I had this experience with a friend earlier in the year, it took her time but she fully understands why I had to back off. She's v good now, only talks pregnancy when I ask her, only tells me the good stuff and never moans. But it was me being honest with her that has got us to that stage.

You have to look after number one at the end of the day. Big hugs to you x

Thanks guys. I've been a bit taken aback with how she's been tbh - giving me the wine, asking me to feel her tummy etc, esp since she's had 2 mcs herself. She's making out that I'm the bad guy in this. I know I shouldn't have had a text conversation - it's the worst kind, and there's now some pretty thick ice for us to break. Hopefully we'll be fine.

Have you mentioned the whole belly/wine thing to her?? If you haven't, sounds to me like you've come this far with her, maybe you should just be 100% honest and say to her about her insensitivity re belly/wine etc. You've got little to lose if she's already being unrealistic and unsympathetic.

I'm a little that a friend would do this to you given that she has also experienced the heart ache of a miscarriage.

I had an 'interesting' conversation with my SIL the other night (she of the 3 children under three). She offered (I'm sure with the best of intentions) to "buy us an IVF baby" or "have a baby for us" (her words not mine). Right, so not only is she flaunting her immaculate baby making ability at me, she is now also rubbing in the fact that her disposable income would put us through private infertility treatment. How do you respond to that? I managed the 'laugh and smile, laugh and smile' thing and then wailed at DH (its his sister) after I hung up.

DH had his sperm test this morning - took 10 weeks for the NHS to get us an appointment [grr] (crap PCT) and it will take another 14 days for the results so may be I should take my SIL up on her offer....

Bloody hell picknmix that's shocking!!!

Puts my belly/wine issue into perspective.

Good luck for your dh's results - am surprised it will take so long for the results - maybe you should ring and pester in a few days - usually they can hurry things up if they're being annoyed!

Hi, can I crash in!! At last people who understand! If my DH says one more time "but you should be happy for them" .....aarrgh. I have one beautiful daughter, concieved the smug fast way but then lost a beautiful little boy at 22 weeks. A year since then and I have had one early miscarriage and that's it. All my friends are onto their second and thinking about third.
The slightly mad way I justify it to myself is that if I had a terrible car crash would people expect me to be happy if others rushed up to me to tell they hadn't been in a car crash. Is that mad? .

Hi MillyH and welcome. I'm so sorry about your little boy, I can't even begin to imagine what you went through.

I'm liking your car crash analogy - might use that when I talk to my friend next.

PM I would, if you are going to have to go down that route, bite SiL's hand off re money for IVF - it would be one less thing for you to worry about - and if she is 'rolling in it', or at least, pretty well-off, go for it. Lets hope that you don't have to get that far, but it is expensve.

Mind you, the whole children thing is horrendously expensive - which is, I think, one of the things putting dh off from trying hard for another.

Hello Millie - I am surprised that your dh is like that - mine is actually very good on that front... Do like the car crash analogy...

Hello all,

we have been ttc since we got married and all my friends are onto their third pregnancies one even on her fourth. no one knows we going through such a tough time as DH doesnt like to discuss it with anyone making it harder for me.

Hi pinkie that must be really hard - I guess you've had all the tests etc? Are your friends sensitive to your situation?

picknmix It must be a bit insulting for them to offer you IVF but like mistlethrush says its money that hard to come by and as much as it would feel insulted i would have to bite the hand off of my SIL if she offered to pay for IVF for me as its looking like our only option and I really dont know how we will get the money.

pinkie08 Its hard isnt it? but heres a place to vent so grab a glass of bitter lemon and vent with us!

BTW its pinkmook here, am just trying out a hslloweeny nickname!

hi
gordon the gopher
not many of them know it just seems so hard to talk to people who look at their husbands and get pg. they dont miscarry they dont even try they just get. ahh sorry just fed up with it all.

they put me on clomid to see if that gets the ovulation going am waiting for the blood results today/tomorrow.

pinkmook great new name made me smile
how long you been at ttc game? feels like each month is a year at the mo.

baby dust to you all

pinkie08 We have been trying 16 months but we know there are issues with DH's sperm and there may be issues with me so it all feels like an impossibility ATM

Have changed from ghostlywhitemook to pinkspook!

Welcome Pinkie & Milly H - this is the place to vent all that pent energy while we smile sweetly at all those extremely fertile 'he just has to look at me and I'm pg' people!

I sometimes think that the only people who are ttc are us and everyone else is just populating away without a thought!

I have been ttc for three years (1 mc 2 years ago) nothing since.

But this month I have had Acu and also took agnus castus and for the first time in over two years ovulated about day 15 (not 17) and therefore had a normalish luteal phase!!! So quite excited It's the little things in life heh!

Picknmix that must have been really wierd! I guess she was trying to be nice, but put you in a very crazy position. Perhaps you could get DH to speak to her!

Amberflower So sorry to hear your story, loosing a baby is so hard especially when you are so far gone. Car crash is a great example, might have to use that one

AF arrived today so no luck this month but I'm pleased that something seems to be changing!

Pinkspook completely agree I have one friend who had to have IVF so I tend to call her when I'm feeling low as everyone else loves to give the 'just relax and it'll happen!' Don't they realise that we've tried that!!!

Morning all. Hope everyone is well. I had a big heart to heart with my pg friend and we sorted it out.

She had no idea that she'd upset me with the wine and asking me to touch her bump etc. Since then things have been ok but I've noticed she's not mentioned her pg at all - which is just fine by me!

I'm still waiting for af to arrive after my mc so in a way it's good having a break from ttc.

Think I may stop going to toddler groups for a bit - they are just full of pregnant women who will have the perfect two year age gap. I'm now looking at 3 and a half years. Grr.

Gordontheghoul (loving the name btw!) I am so pleased for you that you managed to speak to her and sort it out. Its amazing how people dont think about what they say and how it may affect others but I guess as someone else said earlier, pg women end to be in a little bubble of their own and find it hard to consider others.

I am due on fri but have had (TMI) brown spotting since yesterday so thats another thing I need to ask the consultant about

Really fed up this month

GtG really glad that you've got it sorted out.

Feeling a bit too - friend at work expecting 2nd with just over 2 yr age gap - trying to agree names with her dh - effectively invited to contribute suggestions. Nice to get involved, but would have been nice to have 2nd. Don't think its going to happen now, but still can't get rid of all the nice things that we've had for ds - can get rid of the crappy stuff but not the rest ifyswim

mistlethrush am sorry you are feeling sad too. Hey you know small age gaps aren't always so great (or so Im told) My DS is 7 so any age gap I have (if i ever get another DC) will be huge! My cousin had an 10 yr age gap between her DC's and it was really great to see the older one with the baby

I know, but time is running out ifyswim...

Ds would make such a great older brother too... although any younger sibling wouldn't half have to learn to stand up for themselves too!

Hi pinkspook
with DH results have a look at fertilcare and proxeed plus. they have both been proven scientifically to work even referenced in a book that i read they are meant to make a difference to counts and motility and all the other bits.

to all the others - why do all those who arent even trying, dont really want and do all the things that we dont do get pregnant
and we have to smile wish them well and feel like a knife is going in us.

my most recent story was my 37 yr old friend had a baby in march and is now 5 months pg with her next AHHH.

really sorry just sick of bring on this train would like a BFP but then wouldnt we all.

lots of baby dust to you all

Pinkie08 - We did buy proxeed but it was SO expensive! We have now got DH taking the supplements, zinc, l carnitine, magnesium vit c, selenium, and some other stuff I cant quite remember??! As it worked out cheaper.

hi pinkspook - tell me about it. the box for proxeed said it takes 3 months to get the numbers up so next month am swopping over to the individual ones from health shops.

think AF def on its way as getting brownish staining (sorry TMI).

feeling very down about it all is there ever light at the end of the tunnel.

How do you all cope with the "you really must relax speech" from parents etc i find it annoying and it winds me up.

Those that have gotten pregnant soooo easily dont have a clue.

Sorry for venting must be the PMT and the thought of next cycle of clomid. YUCK

need to find some energy and inspiration to go swimming maybe that will keep me sane.

Love and baby dust to all

I sometimes get used to the "relax" speech and think I'm doing OK, letting it go over my head but then I get really miffed off on other occaisions. It's very up and down.

How long have you been trying Pinkie08?