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Conception

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Original poster

calling old duffers or old up the duffers

363 replies

marinda · 15/01/2005 21:05

By popular request (2 votes actually!) this is a thread for old duffers like me who are over the hill and TTC and for anyone who is old and up the duff ! I didn't suggest these terms so please don't get offended if you don't see yourself as a duffer but would like moral support , chat etc...
I am 38 years younh, have ds - 3.8 and have been TTC for 7 months ---aaaarggg!!!

OP posts:
Mum2girls · 20/01/2005 13:37

alwaysaythankyou - I'm a VBAC (vag birth after c-sect). 1DD at 38, 2nd at 40 and I was fine.

Portree · 20/01/2005 14:06

BL, there was no wait for the NHS SA, at least not in our area. IIRC, the hosp accepted SAs on certain days and DH just had to fit into that timeframe. I'm considering a name change too for similar reasons. Just a bit of paranoia kicking in.

romilly · 20/01/2005 15:20

We were all gunning for you so much Teatime - that is just so sad to hear. You sound like you are being amazingly strong - i do know from bitter experience how heartbreaking a loss like this can be, as do sadly, many others on this thread. Good for you for wanting to try again - we'll all be rooting for you.

welshmum · 20/01/2005 15:32

Portree. It is the same UCH. The Reproductive Medical Unit is round the corner in the Elizabeth Garrett Anderson Hospital. They only go as far as IUI there and you are referred on for IVF. I think ACU is mostly private. We may have shared the same consultants - I know they work at both. They both have a really good success rate too

bubble99 · 20/01/2005 15:33

So sorry to hear your news teatime. For some (non Cherie Blair) stories to cheer you up google 'mothers over 40' - wish I knew how to do links. Some very inspiring stories there. Thinking of you. XX

Sliminside · 20/01/2005 16:20

Hi all ive just decided to try for another baby im 39 and ill be 40 in a few months time, i have a son aged nearly 4 and i woke up a week ago and had a really strong urge to have another baby, i know it sounds daft but i cant explain it i dont want my son to be an only child so does anyone have any advice for me do you think im to old? look forward to hearing from you

Mirage · 20/01/2005 16:21

Teatime-I am sorry to hear your news.

My friend had IVF twins when she was 39/40.Then she concieved naturally & had a little girl in October this year.She had her 43rd birthday just after the birth.

MINNIE1 · 20/01/2005 16:22

TeaTime, Sending ((((hugs))))) so sorry to hear your news my thoughs are with you..

LittleMissShy · 20/01/2005 17:04

Hi all, this thread is amazing. I am 39 (40 Sept) dh is 32, ds is 4 in May. I was pregnant last year went for 20 weeks scan and sadly the baby had died.

I know dh would love another but I am not too sure, thought I was too old until I looked at this thread and seeing other wonderful women have been through the same experiences but I am scared that the same thing would happen

Will keep reading with interest, you never know I might just start trying for another.

Lots of baby dust to everybody ttc.

Merlin · 20/01/2005 17:11

Sliminside (love the name!) you're only a baby, I'm 42 and expecting no2 early April. If it's what you and your partner want then go for it. The only bit I'm dreading is coping with a very lively 4yr old and a baby!!!! Anyone got any tips???

aloha · 20/01/2005 17:16

Well, of course I don't think 39 is too old! I'm 41 and my baby (2nd) is due on the 7 Feb. Conceived with no problems at all at 40.

DecafArabica · 20/01/2005 18:15

Merlin, I can totally relate to fears of coping with 4 year-old and baby, as my DS will be 4yrs 4 months when no. 2 arrives. I keep panicking and thinking their needs are going to be totally incompatible. It'll be OK when he's doing his indoor activities but when we are out, all DS wants to do is tear round on his bike--which is fine at the moment cos I can bike along with him, but I can't do that with a newborn clamped to my boob. Mind you I don't think that's any easier when you're 33 as opposed to 43 (like me) though!

bonym · 20/01/2005 20:49

Teatime - so sorry to hear your news - sending you hugs {{{{}}}}
Sliminside - yes, go for it if you want another. Not wanting dd to be an only child was the main factor for us deciding to have another. As you can see from this thread there are LOTS of older mums here and I certain none of them have any regrets. Good luck!

Original poster
marinda · 20/01/2005 21:39

Oh littleweed me and you both - I get so low with it at times, I feel like just giving up - but I gues it's most of us too who are TTC - we have hope tho with those who are pg and keeping us informed ! I reckon AF will come tomorrow as I had this massive headache today - I shall try to be out ! (as you suggested!)

Thanks Merlin for your info - I feel more informed now ! I guess what you read is pretty scary and as you say 1 in 109 is quite low !

Thanks Porttree for the info on how to gwt semen analysis - I think my DH will be persuaded ! He had visions of men in white coates etc...

Welcome Sliminside- You are never too old. The reason I am trying to conceive is also because I do not want DS to be an only child- Good luck and keep us posted !

Welcome LittlemissShy - how rotton for you loosing a baby so late- hugs!

Decaf - have similar worries to you - my DS will be closer to 5 I reckon if and when I do conceive - not the best of age gaps !

OP posts:
TeaTime · 21/01/2005 00:51

I feel so amazed at all the lovely messages of support - thanks everyone for thinking of me. It's lovely to feel among friends and those who understand EXACTLY what it's like to want a baby when the rest of the world has written you off. Even my mum asked 'Are you sure you want to keep trying?" I suppose she was just worried about me but it doesn't help.

Our biggest reason is also for ds not to be an only child (I'm one of a big family and always thought I'd have at least 4!) - especially as we're both older - I want to think of him having a close relative to confide in and share with when we're gone. That assumes they get on of course . However I teach a lot of young Chinese students who are all only children and I must say they don't seem any the worse for it!! We recently read an article in class on only children called 'Singular Successes' (Independent on Sunday magazine a couple of weeks ago) which thoroughly advocates the idea and I suppose I'm coming round to it as a possibility if necessary. There are a lot of positives to being an 'only' but probably not so much if your parents feel sorry for you!!

M/c still not started - just taking a day at a time.

BellaLasagne · 21/01/2005 07:43

Thanks for keeping in touch Teatime - you take great care of yourself (((hugs))).

Sliminside (great name BTW), my broodiness kicked in big time when I turned 39. I think it has something to do with the rapid approach of big four-oh and the realisation that the clock is definitely ticking. I turn four-oh (in total denial, as you can see) in 2 weeks and we've been ttc for 7 months. Decided long ago that it's not too late and that biggish age gaps don't matter at all (ds is 9 and dd 5). What does your dh/dp think?

littleweed · 21/01/2005 08:32

Teatime hadn't realised what was going on - so sorry - ain't life a bitch sometimes. you hang on in there.
my 'goalposts' keep changing - first I was going to have 2 kids by 40 (but the mc put paid to that)then to be pg by Xmas, now I want to be pg before teh big 4-0 - which gives me 3 months....... might be possible but for a DH who is away every other week for that time!
fingers crossed that there's a BFP for someone this weekend!

DecafArabica · 21/01/2005 10:10

I'm now 43 and a quarter and I don't think turning 40 was a particularly big deal. I was much more stressed about hitting 30. At 40 I felt much happier, less stressed and far more settled (albeit still living on the breadline). At 30 I was full of angst and certainly way too immature to start a family. I think I enjoy sex more in my 40s too cos I am less hung up about my body. So enjoy your 40th birthdays and celebrate how full of youth and vigour you still are!

romilly · 21/01/2005 10:37

well said decaf!

BellaLasagne · 21/01/2005 11:43

Thanks Decaf, am trying to be positive but have felt for a long time that 40 is a brick wall. I'm sure I'll get over it...

welshmum · 21/01/2005 12:24

When I get caught up in thinking about being over 40 I try to imagine about how attractive 40 will seem when I'm 50!

aloha · 21/01/2005 12:29

I was also more stressed by 30 than 40, because by 40 I had a lovely husband, a nice home, a beautiful stepdaughter and a gorgeous son - and I was on holiday in France, my stepdaughter had made me cards and decorated the house, and my husband and stepdaughter took me for a surprise picnic in the country with champagne and cake. I'm very pleased to be having another baby, but life would have been good with my family as it was, too. I don't feel old and I don't think people think of me as old either.

aloha · 21/01/2005 12:29

I don't even mind the idea of being 50!

romilly · 21/01/2005 14:01

well said aloha!

DecafArabica · 21/01/2005 14:32

Or even 60! So long as you've still got your health--who cares what biological age you are. Even though I'm a journalist and therefore part of the evil media, I've never held with the view that only young skinny people are interesting or attractive.

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