TTC #1 over 35

[Clara202]

As the title suggests, if you’re over 35 and TTC your first, I’d love to hear from you! Would be nice to hear from a few of us in the same boat 🙂

We can’t change the past 🩷 we can only be positive about the future.

I’ve been with my husband 6 years but to be honest I don’t know how we’d have had a baby in London. Perhaps we could’ve tried. My friend at work is 42 and genuinely accidentally got pregnant (they were in the middle of divorcing).

My main observation is that I genuinely don’t know how there are so many people on the planet when there is such a limited window 😂

AF has just finished for me and hubby has his sperm test tomorrow so we will get onto it later in the week. Also going to try and remember to do my ovulation tests!

ETA just realised today would’ve been my due date had the pregnancy stuck 😱 that is a weird moment

There are positives and negatives to both. My 20s were amazing, I built a great career and travelled the world with it. I still don’t think we need to be having babies in our 20s if we’re not ready but if I were to advise a younger woman now I’d tell them to freeze eggs at 27/28 if finances allow. I also think if you start trying even at 32/33 you still have a great chance rather than being in our shoes trying at 38/39. Some people are lucky in that they meet the one early in life, but I’d also wonder if marrying your hs boyfriend is wise. You’re happy but you also know no different, you don’t know what else is out there. I don’t think we’d consider donor eggs, I don’t know if there’s any issue with mine, but I think I’d feel a bit strange about it.

Och @Toppstileslover thats a (I don’t have the word after searching for it) thing to be conscious of. My second pregnancy would have been due on my 40th birthday, the first was vaguely May this year and I was only roughly aware of it coming and going, but was still aware. You’re definitely right about the attitude. I’m currently waiting for my period and I’m so much more stoic and also rational about my negative tests so I’ve definitely grown through all this. Also learned my resilience is so much stronger than I thought.

@Clara202 if only I’d known about egg freezing! (Actually I’d not have been able to afford it, or wouldn’t have thought it being the thing to spend my meagre savings on still being a student at the time). It’s funny/notfunny, my very first consultation with fertility department (not quite the ivf clinic but not the gp) they talked about donor eggs being a possibility for me. It keeps getting mentioned as something for me (the nhs have offered to fund a DE ivf, but nobody wants to talk about the fact that my embryos can reach day 3 looking too shape (all about the egg at that point) and post-that start to decline. Nobody says donor spern first (though my private clinic conceded after prompting that it would be another possibility.). I guess the assumption is maternal age post 35 the problem is the egg, but I just don’t know.

I haven’t read the full thread as it’s too long at this point. I clicked on and read OP’s posts though and I gather there haven’t been many pregnancies. I just wanted to say I’m sad to hear that and I wish you all the very best of luck.

I had unexplained infertility after failing to conceive for three years (from 34-37). It turned out that I had endometriosis which was only discovered at my ivf egg retrieval. I am currently 27 weeks with a baby boy but this was against the odds since I have very low egg reserve due to the endo. I’ll also be massively unlikely to be able to have more than one child. I’m happy to answer any questions about ivf. I went privately at age 37.

@Nosejug have you considered going abroad? I believe there are clinics in Greece, Czech Republic, Spain etc that are better equipped for when there’s a possible issue with egg quality but I admit I don’t know a lot about it myself.
@Feliciacat congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope everything goes well for you. It’ll be interesting if I get to the egg retrieval stage, how things progress and if anything is spotted.

Thank you! I hope you get some answers but most of all, I hope your ivf is successful.

I feel really relieved I found out about the age of eggs having an impact when I did. I naively thought we could wait till I was in my early forties when we’d be properly, properly ready, and just do IVF if we struggled. But thought it was just thing like implantation or the sperm meeting the egg that were issues because of the age of our eggs and sperm. I feel so stupid now when obviously it would be the quality.

Aw @Feliciacat that’s lovely to hear, it must have been a difficult journey. It’s almost better to find out there’s an issue than to just trundle along for years in the unexplained/age related issues. I’m so glad you’ve managed your pregnancy. Congratulations.

Hello,

New to this thread and I already find it a calm place to be. It's warming to hear so many stories that are similar to my own. I lived in London in my 20s stayed in a relationship that wasn't right for too long. Left London to move home and met the love of my life, we've been TTC for 18months.

I'm 35 and have been under going some tests privately. My scan showed a small polyp (6mm) on uterus so I'm waiting to have it removed. They said it's not a big problem but best to have removed anyway. Everything else seems normal. Partner is waiting to have his tests.

I have found the TTC journey lonely and each month the weight of the disappointment feels a little heavier. Thank you ladies for sharing all of your stories, I have been reading through some and it's brought comfort. xx

welcome @Nay34, whenever I feel disappointed I try to remind myself meeting my husband later in life was better than not at all, so congratulations on meeting the love of your life because that’s not easy! Wishing you well going forward.

Still wishing you all well on here. Still plodding on 💕

Yep! And some people want kids and still haven’t found their partner yet. Have to be grateful for the small things.

Hi everyone, I wanted to pop back in and wish you all the absolute best and so much luck, you all deserve it so much.

I haven't been on in a long, long time as after losing two early pregnancies and then a little boy at 19 weeks, when I fell pregnant again in January, it became too difficult to even acknowledge. We only told about 8 people the whole time.

Our second little boy was born 7 weeks early two weeks ago. We’re still in NICU due to feeding issues, and it’s honestly been hell. I ended up needing a cerclage to prevent another 2nd trimester loss, but my waters went one night at home at 33 weeks. I laboured for five hours with the stitch in as no one was available to remove it, and when they were, it all went down hill so quickly. They tried to remove the stitch with no pain relief three times before moving to theatre where the spinal block failed, my blood pressure shot up and baby’s heart rate plummeted, so ended up with a Cat 1 emergency section under general anaesthetic. My husband had to leave the room in tears, we didn’t know if we’d ever see each other or our baby again. Neither of us were ‘present’ for his birth, and being in NICU is a special kind of hell.

Despite all this, I know how truly blessed we are to even have the chance to bring our baby home, and I think of this thread often. For years we wondered if it would ever happen for us. Nothing has ever been happy or ideal, but we keep going. The pregnancy was horrifically painful throughout, I ended up in bed rest for four months, and his birth will be traumatising forever. It’s a stark reminder that, when we see someone walking down the road pregnant and seemingly perfect, there can be so much going on underneath.

i hope you’re all doing well, and I’ll still always keep an eye here to follow your progress x

@KittyFantastica I remember you and your journey well and have been wondering how you were all doing. I’m glad your boy is here but so sorry for the ordeal you have been through, and are still going through. It sounds so awful. I’ll keep everything crossed for improvements and that you’ll be able to bring him home soon.

I have been off this thread for a while myself / had a chemical earlier in the year and it hit me harder than I was expecting. Have had two clearly positive tests yesterday and today though (11/12 DPO) and I felt the need to share it with someone who might understand why I’m scared to even think it might stick…

@KittyFantastica I thought of you often and hoped you were taking time away from here and enjoying your pregnancy. I’m sorry to hear it wasn’t the experience you deserved but I’m so happy to hear that he’s arrived and I hope it’s only onwards and upwards for the 3 of you from now on.

Oh my @KittyFantastica I’m not sure I can summon the correct words. I’m so glad you’re ok, I hope you’re mending from that trauma physically. I’m so glad you have your son but I can’t imagine how difficult it is processing what you’ve been through at the same time as trying to be joyful at finally meeting your child. I had a different medical trauma (a sudden and massive heamorrhage from a burst artery) 1.5 years ago, and I’m still processing it. Are you being offered any trauma support? I hope that every day you’re getting better.

Och @Screenburn im so sorry you were having a bad time of it. It’s brilliant news that you’re back in with another chance, I want to say congratulations but of course understand that fear. I know that if I ever get pregnant again it will be a different experience reading that first positive. I see women in movies performing pure joy when they get their positives and it feels so inaccurate. Very very best of luck.

Hey guys, how are we all doing? I’ve referred myself to the hospital now to try and get the ball rolling on getting some help conceiving. Has anyone had an appointment before and can tell me what it entails of? Thanks

Hey, 👋

Weight, height checks. Internal scan. Sperm check for partner. Consultation.

That was my experience anyway 😊 hope you're ok, it's a big step.

It can take 1-2 years to get ivf through the NHS. If you get tested privately then you can get a hormone blood test for ovarian reserve (the NHS don’t do this but it’s an important one), semen analysis and a scan for around £600 total. Depending on age, this could be worth doing so you know where you’re at with fertility.

IVF then costs about £6000 per cycle but I’m glad we went down that route. I appreciate it’s so much money but you tend to only get one cycle on the NHS and that will take up to two years to get.

Thank you for your reply. So @HollyGolightly4 should my partner come with me for the initial consultation? I only booked for a referral with my GP so I don’t know how much they’d want to speak to him at the initial first appointment.

@Feliciacat Thanks, we’re not in a position to afford IVF privately at the moment so would just like to get some initial tests done first then go from there. Might look at the private testing options though thank you

My partner did. We had initial consultation in August 25 at the GP.

I went private for tests in September 25 (reassurance), but NHS wouldn't take those, so repeated the NHS tests at the hospital under GP referral which were in Feb 26. Then March 26 consultation in which it was agreed to refer us for IVF.

Currently waiting for my appointment which should be in September 🤞🤞🤞

@HollyGolightly4 Ahh I see. I think I’ll get my partner to go with me just in case. Fingers crossed for you, I’m glad you didn’t have to wait too long.

12 months from initial appointment feels long 🤣 but thank you!

Had my first appointment. They’ve given me a referral to get some blood tests done and my partners been told to book an appointment to get his sperm tested. Starting to get the ball rolling 💪🏾