I’m 48 and want to have a baby

[mum2boys123]

Hello all,

I am 48 and mum to 2 boys , 22 and 14 years old. I know I have left it really late but desperate for another child. I know 48 is not an ideal age and pregnancy can involve lots of complications etc. but really want to hear any success stories. Im generally of good health but do have hypothyroidism and acid reflux. Do you think it would be wise to go ahead getting pregnant? Please be honest but kind
Thank you 🙏

Honest but kind.🤔
I think it's a crazy idea, if you had a baby now, any other problem omitted, you would be 70 when child starts their own life.
Where would be yours?
😳
(Remark as honest as possible from a very happy child free 45 yo with a long term stable marriage).
You see, in my opinion, most happy long term marriages are without children.

It's not harsh, it's realistic.

OP has come back to thank everyone for their comments so she doesn't appear to be hurt or offended.

I think it's irresponsible to pretend everything will be fine and that it's totally normal for a 48 year old to get pregnant naturally and have a successful pregnancy and birth. Or that there are not further considerations as she ages and the child is still young.

As PPs have said, it's just the hormones talking.

Do you think it would be wise to go ahead getting pregnant?

No, I think it would be the silliest thing you could possibly do, even if it turned out to be physically possible. There is a reason menopause happens around this age and pregnancies carry much higher risks and that’s simply because we are too old.

I think that this is less a genuine desire for another child, and more a surge of hormones as your child bearing days are packing up and getting ready to switch off the lights.

I also think that it wouldn’t be the best thing for any child born to a mother this age (I’m a year older than you, I’m not suggesting that you are only fit for the knacker’s yard). Not only would they be at higher risk of serious health conditions, but do you remember your nan being able to run around after you in the same way that your mum could, when you were a kid?

My mum had my sister when she was 48. My sister gets upset knowing that she doesn’t have that long left with her parents. It’s not impossible but I also don’t think it’s fair.

But if that's the way you look at parenting, surely we'd all be better off getting are tubes tied at 18.

How do you two lovely boys feel about you having a new baby given their ages. I would spend money on therapy instead, see what’s lacking in your life that makes you want a baby at 50.

How possible it is would depend heavily on your personal fertility and that of your DP/DH.

There is a branch of DH family that has later fertility -but I don't think it is common.

Even with IVF they'd want to use donor eggs.- increase chance of success and reduce risks associated with older eggs.

It may be hormonal change affecting thinking which is worth considering if you actually do want to do it all again.

Impossible? No. Wise? No. You already have two children, be thankful and accept that you left it too late to have a third.

What 10 year old would choose a 58 year old mother? Don’t do it! It’s just selfish.

Why? get some help.

Could you cope with a teenager in your 60s - if you feel you can - then good luck, but please think of the life of the child should you want to go ahead. GL OP

This. It’s realistic. OPs post kind of comes across like you can just ‘decide’ to have another baby at 48, start trying and it will happen. But statistically this is so highly unlikely! I don’t understand the issue with pointing this out to OP, I’d want to know sooner rather than later that it’s probably not even a choice without significant help.

I am your age. I have 2 boys. 1 younger than your two, 1 in between. I don't have your health issues. It would not be wise for me to try and get pregnant.

Why do you think you are desperate for another child now and not, say 12 years ago, or even 5 years ago?

In your shoes I'd be working through why this has come up now, at a time when it's unlikely I would conceive or carry pregnancy to term let alone concerns around additional needs or the regular issues of caring for a newborn and toddler.

What does your partner think? What impact would this have on your other children?

THIS
100%

It's the doing it again once you've already raised two

Do you really want to go through sleepless nights, a boisterous toddler in your late 40/ early 50s. I say this as some who had a child at 44. It’s exhausting. You are at a perfect age to have freedom and enjoy what life has to offer. Is it your hormones making this decision or you?!

I know an older mum (49) who gave birth to twins with cerebral palsy, one of whom is severely autistic. The numbers of autistic kids are going up and scientists have suggested a likely reason may be the rising age of women giving birth. I think you'd have to be prepared to care for a SEND child if you have a successful pregnancy, just because the odds of that are so much greater at your age. There is no right or wrong decision to my mind, it just needs lots of careful thought. Good luck with your decision.

This.

The biological urge is very strong, but this is a decision that should be made with your head. This feeling is likely down to hormonal changes, spending months in a fruitless attempt to become pregnant at your age could be very depressing and could distract you from other priorities in your life, like your 14 year old.

Talk yourself out of this as soon as you can and concentrate on enjoying the prime of your life as mother of two offspring.

I think your last sentence is bollocks and honestly you don't really know what you're talking about.

I feel the same. I’m 48 and my kids are 24 and 13.
I have an almost 12 year gap between my two and pregnancy at 23 was a doddle compared to 35. I can’t imagine how challenging pregnancy at 48 might be.

I’d love a third, but it’s really not feasible. it’s
not worth risking our health for, our existing kids need their mums and IVF for an older mum could quickly burn through our family financial stability.

I suspect the longing for a new baby is actually hormonal and related to the approaching menopause.

I had a scan a couple of years ago (my mum died of ovarian cancer in her early 50s so I get extra screening) everything looked healthy but the radiographer said I had ‘very few remaining follicles’ so I reckon my ovaries are desperately telling my brain to procreate because everything is about to shut up shop!

So I’m waving a sad goodbye to the ‘Mother’ and looking forward to embracing the ‘Crone’

Don't do it. I'm 48 and have a toddler grandson, when I've looked after him for a weekend I feel like I need to sleep for a week to recover. Love him to bits but it's nice to hand him back.

Most of the advice will be from the adviser's perspective. Only you know if you can cope.

I think some women on here are being super harsh and quite frankly rude. If you are still having periods then of course it’s still possible- have fun trying, if it happens then good on you, if it doesn’t then it wasn’t meant to be. When I was 18 my best friends mum had an affair (she was 52) with an 18 year old and got herself pregnant, the lad is a healthy 20 year old now and had much more relaxed upbringing than my friend - my friends mum ran off with and married the 18 year old - I don’t recommend that, he was a waster. But you be you.

Suppose you have a child with complex needs or twins?
Do you really want to be dealing with s teen in your 60’s?
This is your hormones talking. 100% a bad idea.

I think 45+ is too old to get pregnant tbh OP.