I’m 48 and want to have a baby

[mum2boys123]

Hello all,

I am 48 and mum to 2 boys , 22 and 14 years old. I know I have left it really late but desperate for another child. I know 48 is not an ideal age and pregnancy can involve lots of complications etc. but really want to hear any success stories. Im generally of good health but do have hypothyroidism and acid reflux. Do you think it would be wise to go ahead getting pregnant? Please be honest but kind
Thank you 🙏

And how’s that going for her?

No, you need to put that idea out of your head, OP. It wouldn't be fair on the new baby or on your other children.

I think those hormonal surges that make us want more children are really common at your age. I had them too. You have to do what's best for your family, though, and I really think having another baby, with all the problems that would probably bring, isn't what's best for you or the baby or the other children.

You may well be a grandmother soon. I'm pretty sure that yearning is the reason why so many mothers try to push their children into have babies.

No love, you don’t want a baby. This is your hormones doing their last hurrah. Sounds like you have two lovely children and have already mothered them for many years. You’ve had that experience and enjoyed it I’m sure and were a great mum. It’s time to gently let go of that now and move into the next stage. Don’t be dragged back.

Except it's not just about her, is it?

It's about her unborn child who is more likely to be born with a disability and who will be at a higher risk of losing their parent before they reach adulthood.

Im afraid I agree with this. Imagine you don't conceive til your 50? It's not fair on the child. Or on your existing children really.

Personally i think you are just panicking. Wait for the Grandchildren.

I think a lot of people have outdated info/views about fertility. Yes, many women would be able to have babies into their late 40's in theory - it's just most aren't trying to!
Also recently there was a metanalysis of many studies done that showed that the odds of older mums having a baby with chromosomal disorder are likely overblown.
I believe that having a thyroid condition is one of the things that can make falling pregnant and staying pregnant harder at any age though, OP, sadly.
Any woman that is healthy enough to fall pregnant naturally in their forties (and carry that pregnancy to term) is likely to be in great health and according to many studies, will have significantly greater chance of longevity.
I think donor egg pregnancies/IVF pregnancies at advanced ages are a very different kettle of fish - but I wouldn't criticise anyone for taking that route.

It is not impossible to get pregnant in your late 40s. I had my last when I was nearly 48 and she has been an absolute delight.

However, I would describe finding myself pregnant as a "lovely surprise" rather than a firm plan- but then you can't absolutely plan these things at any age.

The pregnancy was ok other than me having gestational diabetes (managed with very careful diet) and a tendency to chest infection - so I took maternity leave a bit earlier than planned.

I am retired now and love that I have time to spend with my teen and tween.

I also have only just hit menopause; my mum also was very late to menopause, and I think that is strongly associated with the possibility of pregnancy at a slightly older age, for obvious reasons.

You would be retired before your child reached 18. You'd be in your 50s with a toddler and in your 60s with an adolescent. Get a grip, OP!

I know someone who had her last baby at 47…..he had complex disabilities ……she’s 65 now……she will never know the freedom of retirement that many have…..she is unable to be a hands on granny as her own child demands her attention ……did she regret it ever? I don’t know, I never asked

I think if you can conceive naturally, and you've thought through all the age and non agree related risks and how you plan to manage these (NIPT, termination for medical reason), and thought hard about why you want another baby now (HRT may be a better option than pregnancy!!), then give it a go if it's what you want, but don't be surprised if it doesn't happen.

I had to take on custody of 2 grandchildren at 48. One was 16 months, the other from birth. Dear God it nearly killed me. The broken nights, constant attention etc. even now, they’re 4 and 5 I’m just permanently exhausted.

Do you think it would be wise to go ahead getting pregnant?

No.

It's hormones doing the talking most likely. I really, really don't think it would be wise to do this for many reasons.

Just because some men do it doesn't mean that's one of the things women should aspire to. Those men tend to have much younger wives to actually have the baby and do the looking after of the baby.

How rude. My Aunt (by marriage) is an only child whose mother was late 40s when she had her. No other older siblings in that equation.

This is so important for OP to see,I have my grandchild every weekday while her mum and dad work and that's exhausting enough.I'm the same age as OP.

Completely agree. Some really harsh comments here, a bit of compassion never hurt anyone.

My friend had a baby at 50. She went to Spain for IVF and used donor eggs. It cost £7,000 8 years ago. She had every pregnancy complication you can get and delivered the baby by elective c section. She will be the first to admit that her body has been massively damaged. Her breasts are down by her waist and the skin on her stomach didn't go back so she has a large apron of skin hanging down . Her sex life has died as a result. The child I physically healthy but very odd.

To be fair though I think the body issues are much more to do with dropping oestrogen levels in menopause than the actual pregnancy. I had my DD at 36 then went through early menopause and my body is as your describe your friends, it sucks!

Op, perhaps you should do some soul searching and ask yourself why you’re suddenly so desperate for baby. And then when you’re done with the soul searching, think about all the ways in which it’s incredibly unfair on a child (and that’s if you can even get pregnant. At 48 it’s not impossible, but it’s also highly unlikely) if you fell pregnant right now, you’d be 50 when the poor baby was 1 and 60 before they even got to secondary school.
60
Rescue a dog instead.

At 48 it is possible. But over 90% of pregnancies at this age result in miscarriage. So really there's no point getting pregnant is there. Its not like there will be other chances so if you do fall pregnant, then you will most likely lose it anyway. And that will leave you feeling even worse I should imagine.

I'm not convinced personally by the idea that older parents have a significantly higher rates of children with disabilities - I think this particularly skewed by neurodiverse people having children later these days and most families I have known with kids with significant needs aren't older parents - but I certainly think older parents to be are wise to ensure they have sufficient resources, eg mortgage paid off or nearly paid off, good pensions, able to afford cleaners or even part time nanny just in case they do need support.

@Freddie999 It's not worth replying to such an uneducated assumption.

I think you need to try to understand the gap you think this child might fill. Also what does your partner think.

Just to think of everything you'd have to do in the next two decades if you did this...

Baby years, sleepless nights
Bottles
Weaning
Buggies
Toddler hood
Tantrums
Nursery places
Soft play
Freezing playgrounds
School applications
Packed lunches
Reading record
Homework
Sports days
Childhood illnesses
Extra curricular activities
Friendship dramas
School runs
Playdates
Birthday parties
Secondary school
Teenage attitude
GCSEs
A levels
Learning to drive

Etc etc...who could be bothered to do it all again once you raised two already