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TTC after loss part 6

742 replies

Figtree11 · 24/10/2024 20:14

Previous thread created is nearly full so starting a new one. Will try and tag names

OP posts:
Thread gallery
28
Melusina123 · 04/03/2025 17:00

@Ncl31 saw you posted on the Due Sept thread as well. Really so sorry for your news, they do get harder each time. 💔Hopefully at least you’ll get some answers from the cytogenetic testing and will you have any other testing done? Thyroid, Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, sticky blood, etc? The GP may be able to order a lot of them if the hospital won’t.

DonnaWhat · 05/03/2025 13:46

@Ncl31 so sorry to see you are back here again xxxxx

Ncl31 · 05/03/2025 14:03

Melusina123 · 04/03/2025 17:00

@Ncl31 saw you posted on the Due Sept thread as well. Really so sorry for your news, they do get harder each time. 💔Hopefully at least you’ll get some answers from the cytogenetic testing and will you have any other testing done? Thyroid, Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, sticky blood, etc? The GP may be able to order a lot of them if the hospital won’t.

Edited

I’ve had lots of tests done already but as this is now classed as recurrent miscarriage they’ve referred me back to fertility centre and into the recurrent miscarriage clinic

Ella31 · 05/03/2025 21:42

Ncl31 · 04/03/2025 06:34

morning ladies, it’s great to see so many positives. Sorry to those who haven’t yet had theirs.
I’m back here after an 11 week pregnancy. Unfortunately we were told yesterday that we’ve had a missed miscarriage.
i go in tomorrow for an evacuation and to have baby sent for cytogenetic testing as this is a recurrent miscarriage. It gets more and more difficult each time I think.

@Ncl31 I'm so sorry. I only saw this now and messaging is turned off. I don't know what to say other than I'm heartbroken for you xxx

AmazeB · 06/03/2025 07:55

May I join even though I'm not TTC currently? I conceived in January, was due in September and two days ago we found out I had a missed miscarriage 💔

Matthew54 · 06/03/2025 08:28

I’ve only had one MMC and am really struggling. With my cultural and faith background it feels like a much “bigger deal” to me than other people I’ve spoken to.

I want to try again but feel silly for even asking if I should see a fertility doctor first.

Ncl31 · 06/03/2025 10:16

AmazeB · 06/03/2025 07:55

May I join even though I'm not TTC currently? I conceived in January, was due in September and two days ago we found out I had a missed miscarriage 💔

I’m so sorry, I am living the nightmare myself too.
we found out on Monday that we had a missed miscarriage. I went to theatre yesterday for surgical management and to have cytogenetic testing done as this is now our third consecutive miscarriage.
if you need to chat just let me know

AmazeB · 06/03/2025 19:24

Ncl31 · 06/03/2025 10:16

I’m so sorry, I am living the nightmare myself too.
we found out on Monday that we had a missed miscarriage. I went to theatre yesterday for surgical management and to have cytogenetic testing done as this is now our third consecutive miscarriage.
if you need to chat just let me know

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story sounds exactly like mine. I was supposed to be 10+2 on Monday and went in for some spotting, found out that there was no heartbeat and baby had stopped growing a few days after my 8 week appointment. We had even heard the heartbeat at that appointment. I went the medication route and just trying to heal. My PMs are open x hugs to you

AmazeB · 06/03/2025 19:25

Matthew54 · 06/03/2025 08:28

I’ve only had one MMC and am really struggling. With my cultural and faith background it feels like a much “bigger deal” to me than other people I’ve spoken to.

I want to try again but feel silly for even asking if I should see a fertility doctor first.

I can relate as this was my first pregnancy and MMC and in my culture it's more of a "deal with it and move on" attitude. I'm not in a position to just deal with it, I need to grieve.

Melusina123 · 07/03/2025 08:42

@Ncl31 i hope everything went as well as it could with the procedure.

@AmazeB @Matthew54 welcome to the club nobody wants to be part of. I’m so sorry to hear about your losses. Sharing with others does make it all a bit easier to bear.

SnakebitesandSambucas · 07/03/2025 09:19

Hi all Its good you have found a place to talk about it. I know that Mumsnet has been a great source of help to me through my recurrent misscarriges. Even though I didn't post a lot just reading the threads helps to know you aren't alone. The pain and cruelty overshadows even the sunniest of days. Your heart feels like it's stopped beating even know you know you are still alive. I would always push for testing even know mine all came back with "no reason found". Dont think you need to give yourself a time frame on the grief and loss. Can't promise you the pain gets easier over time. It changes you always x

Matthew54 · 07/03/2025 11:55

It was pretty clear that there was something wrong with the chromosomes - I was measuring over a week behind and things didn’t look right. Anatomically I look normal, which is of slight comfort right now.

Fullofconfusion · 07/03/2025 19:29

sorry to hear of the recent losses on the thread. I had a TFMR last year and unfortunately had some short lived joy last month that turned out to be a chemical pregnancy.

it does help having somewhere to talk where people have an understanding of what you’ve gone through. I don’t always comment (it took me a long time after my TFMR to join the thread) but even reading helps you know that you’re not alone. It’s an awful club to be in but we’re all in it together.

I have a little boy too and tonight he mentioned our lost baby and how excited he’d been when I was pregnant. I cried and he said we should stop talking about it as we were both getting sad. I find moments like that the hardest to deal with. Grief just sweeps you up all of a sudden out of the blue.

I think I’m due to ovulate soon in this cycle so will be back to crossing everything and hoping again shortly

KT199 · 10/03/2025 09:46

Oh ladies, I’m so sorry to come back and find out bad news and we have gained members 😔. @AmazeB @Matthew54

@Ncl31 im so sorry your going through this again. Life can feel so cruel.

I was just popping by to say my first period post MMC looks to have arrived this morning. It’s been a long road with finding out Dec, first surgery early Jan followed by surgery for RPOC late Jan. TTC will be back on the cards either this cycle or next, we haven’t fully decided but most likely will resume in April rather than this time around as we get married on 4th April in America and I wouldn’t want to spend the last few days of our trip wondering if I was and wether I should be avoiding drinking even though AF wouldn’t be due until the day after we land!

Matthew54 · 10/03/2025 09:53

Is anyone else worried about falling down wellness rabbit holes? I clearly have messed up my search algorithms because I’m being recommended some extreme things.

I had orthorexia when I was younger and I think following things like “it’s start with the egg” is likely to make things significantly worse for me mentally.

Melusina123 · 10/03/2025 14:16

Oh @Matthew54 I really feel for you on this, I've been there. I had 2 MCs, then a successful pregnancy, then another MC, and now pregnant (14 weeks so still holding my breath...).

The thing is that by changing your behaviour you are implicitly saying that you did something wrong last time, which you almost certainly did not. Most miscarriages, particularly first MCs (but actually, probably all three of mine) are due to genetic anomalies and no amount of eating right or supplements can prevent a MC in that case. So you're trying to assert control over something that is (a) not controllable and (b) not your fault.

That said, some first MCs will be followed by others with the same underlying and solvable cause so I think it is worth seeing if your doctor will run any blood tests (e.g. thyroid function, iron, Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, antiphospholipid antibodies (primary care often can't do this one alas)) or refer you for a pelvic ultrasound just to check things out. But if they won't do it, then remember the reason for that is that in the majority of cases no underlying cause is found.

I did make some changes between my MCs and successful pregnancies, and I tried to take a balanced approach to making changes I thought would help me vs. not. I added in ubiquinol to my supplements because to the extent there's any evidence about improving egg quality it seems to say ubiquinol (Co-Q10) might help, but that evidence is weak so meh, marginally worth it. Other than that I didn't go down the ISWTE rabbit hole for exactly the reasons you've described and because i thought there was a bit of risk with putting a bunch of dubious supplements into my body so wanted to limit that.

I also cut out alcohol and caffeine completely, but that was mostly because I thought it would help me manage my anxiety a bit better. I'm not a big drinker, but certainly can sometimes use an aperol spritz as a crutch... and I had a coffee a day which is well below the guidelines for early pregnancy (and I'm not at all convinced caffeine causes MCs anyway) but again was more for the sake of my anxiety.

So I guess my suggestion is (a) let go of the idea that you could have done something differently to prevent your MC; sadly, this is almost certainly not the case, (b) try and get whatever testing your GP will do to rule out systemic causes, (c) come up with 1-3 things you can do that you think will make you feel like you're doing something and like you can let yourself off the hook a bit;; oh and (d) be ruthless with the keyword blocking on social media - the algo feeds off stressing you out, so block early and often. And lastly, managing your mental health after MC is incredibly difficult. Be kind to yourself.

Long message but I hope a bit helpful!

AmazeB · 11/03/2025 19:34

Matthew54 · 10/03/2025 09:53

Is anyone else worried about falling down wellness rabbit holes? I clearly have messed up my search algorithms because I’m being recommended some extreme things.

I had orthorexia when I was younger and I think following things like “it’s start with the egg” is likely to make things significantly worse for me mentally.

I did, for a few days, then realized that nothing that I did or did not do is going to prevent a genetic or chromosomal anomaly. I'm just going to focus on healing and recovering right now.

EmilyF88 · 15/03/2025 16:25

Hello, I’m currently having my second miscarriage. I’ve had a full blood count & thyroid function test… can anyone recommend anything else before ttc again?

Melusina123 · 15/03/2025 18:32

Hey @EmilyF88 , so sorry to hear that. 💔

In terms of investigations I made some suggestions in my post above --

"I think it is worth seeing if your doctor will run any blood tests (e.g. thyroid function, iron, Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, antiphospholipid antibodies (primary care often can't do this one alas)) or refer you for a pelvic ultrasound just to check things out."

Ncl31 · 15/03/2025 19:34

EmilyF88 · 15/03/2025 16:25

Hello, I’m currently having my second miscarriage. I’ve had a full blood count & thyroid function test… can anyone recommend anything else before ttc again?

I’m so sorry to hear your news. I know only too well how devastating it is. I hope you’re managing okay x

Peanutbutterjelly123 · 15/03/2025 22:00

Hey, I have been tentatively following this threat and finally feel able to comment and join :)
we are not trying not preventing after our boy was stillborn on the 5th January.
so sorry we’re all in this boat 🩷

Ncl31 · 16/03/2025 07:04

Peanutbutterjelly123 · 15/03/2025 22:00

Hey, I have been tentatively following this threat and finally feel able to comment and join :)
we are not trying not preventing after our boy was stillborn on the 5th January.
so sorry we’re all in this boat 🩷

So so sorry you find yourself here too. Seen being you lots of strength

EmilyF88 · 16/03/2025 10:07

@Melusina123Thank you! I have an ultrasound tomorrow so hopefully any issues will be picked up on that & awaiting blood tests from my GP ❤️

Blueskies4 · 16/03/2025 22:23

Hey to all of the new members, I'm so sorry to read about your losses, but glad you’ve found this thread as I’ve found it helps so much to be surrounded by people who have been through similar storms.

@Superscientist I’m sorry to read of your job, but congratulations on the positive, hope you are feeling well x

@Ncl31 I’m so sorry to read of your missed miscarriage, recurrent miscarriage is unbelievably hard and as you say, only gets more difficult. Sending love x

Ella31 · 17/03/2025 23:18

Peanutbutterjelly123 · 15/03/2025 22:00

Hey, I have been tentatively following this threat and finally feel able to comment and join :)
we are not trying not preventing after our boy was stillborn on the 5th January.
so sorry we’re all in this boat 🩷

@Peanutbutterjelly123 I havent been on here much lately but i was on the original thread 1 up until the last one. I wabted to let you know, you arent alone. my twin son was born sleeping a year and 3 months ago and his twin brother died in my arms 4 days later in the NICU. I'm here to talk if you need any reassurance. IIts a life long journey that loss but it does get more bearable. I've also struggled with the trying again journey but happiy I'm actually due our rainbow very soon so if you need to ever chat, im happy to. Trying again after losing my sons was the hardest thing I've ever encountered. So sorry for your loss.