MC Avengers - Chocolate cake anyone?

[mistlethrush]

I've started a new thread as the old one was full - hope everyone finds their way here OK.

Mistlethrush: I kid myself there is a chance every month! I try not to, but that's the worst thing about it - can't get the day-counting out of my head! Every month I persuade myself that this month something is different and better - less stress, been on holiday, etc - and am fed up with the whole up and down shenanigans. Bah!

Afternoon ladies, I haven't been around much for a while, but am still lurking, I hope that is ok!

I felt I had to post though, after reading SweetPea99's post - SweetPea I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. We lost our little boy at 17 weeks in April, so I have some idea how it has been for you, although we had abnormal blood results at 12 weeks, so we knew for a while that there may be a problem. It must have been the most devastating shock for you and your DP .
I think from your message this was your first (and hopefully last) mc? Do you have any children or was your little girl your first? The reason I ask is that both those things can make a difference to what (if any) treatment you will be offered now. Sadly, whereabouts you are in the country can also make a difference.
I had a mmc back in November. We weren't offered any tests by the hospital, but my GP referred me for various blood tests as she could see I was in danger of turning into a bit of a head-case if she didn't ()
This time round we chose to go to a different hospital as we weren't very impressed with the care we got 1st time round and now we are fortunate enough to have an amazing consultant. We only met him as we decided to pay for a private nuchal at a BMI hospital (like BUPA) and he did it. Then when the abnormal bloods came back we have been under him ever since, but transferred to the NHS. I have had a lot of tests, including a scan last week, though I am ashamed to say I don't actually know exactly what they are all for.
However, I do know that the main reason he has agreed to do them is because we want them, rather than because he thinks there is a problem - he thinks we have just been very unlucky. We have been incredibly fortunate to find a doctor who believes in treating the whole patient, not just the physical symptoms. Because I trust him, I am now starting to be able to accept that we may just have been unlucky, but for me the thought of going into another pg without the tests I have had and without his support would have been almost unthinkable, so I can totally understand where you are coming from.
If you're not getting anywhere with the NHS and you'd like any further information on which tests might be worthwhile you could check out the website for the charity the Foresight Association here. Alternatively, depending on your financial situation, you can see Lesley Regan or her colleague Dr Raj Rai (who I hear has a much friendlier bedside manner) privately. The appointments are not cheap and get booked up a long way in advance - I booked an appt with Mr Rai in February for 12th June which we subsequently cancelled as our consultant was able to get us all the tests we needed on the NHS. It is a VERY expensive business, but depending on your situation it may be worth it for your peace of mind. They are based at St Mary's Hospital in Paddington and their private patient no. is 020 7886 1050

Sorry for the ridiculously long message, but I really hope some of this helps. Take care, xx

dawn and sweetpea very very sorry to hear your stories. i hope you find some comfort on this thread.

sweetpea - kate's msg above is probably more helpful than anything i can say. we are thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs. please come to rant and offload as much as you want.

kate how are you? havent heard from you in ages! are you ok these days - i know it's not something one "gets over" as i still break down from time to time, but i hope that you are keeping on the positive side of things. are you back at work?

mistle sorry to hear that af got you. it's so frustrating - the body does funny things to trick you when you are ttc. it's quite a torture to interpret every twinge. in the end taking a few mths off ttc for me broke the mental torture of waiting for something every 2 weeks (either to ttc to find out whether pg). but it's never far from your mind. keep sending you baby dust

Hi Bunny, I'm ok thanks, I've been hanging out in Emmsy's waiting room. Think I pretty much feel ready emotionally to try again, but we're waiting to get the all clear from a load of tests, both conventional and naturopathic. I need to wait until then for my own sanity, if I got pg again and mc'd AGAIN without feeling I'd done everything possible... I don't think I'd ever forgive myself. So my self control is pretty good, though we're probably not being quite as careful as we could be.... How are you anyway? Evil ms giving you any gyp? How many weeks are you now? Am so for you after everything you've been through! 3rd time lucky for me too do you think...?!?! [begging/desperate emoticon!]

Hi Kate, glad you are getting things sorted. Its all very well deciding you'll have some time off - my problem is that my time's running out and ds is already 3.4 - we started trying sort of when he was only 18months.

But then, our finances would be in a mess if we had another dc right now...

Its a real quandry isn't it...

thesqiz - yes, had persuaded myself that twinges weren't normal this time too. And cycle was 28 days which is a couple longer than recently (one thing that's going a bit better at least ) so was starting to get a bit twitchy. I knew really that there wasn't really any chance so I don't know what I was doing kidding myself. GRRRR!

Sorry, Hi Bunny! how's it going?

Hi everyone
Not sure if i'm in the right place but here goes (I'm new to mumsnet and just starting reading some of the lists for some alternative comfort to cake and ice cream!)
I have 1 daughter aged 2 and 8 months and have been trying to conceive again since the end of last year (can't really remember exactly when) I got pregnant in january and again in april but miscarried both times at between 5 and 6 weeks.
Have spent every month since inventing imaginary symptoms, buying boots out of pregnancy test kits, eating my bodyweight in cake, ice cream, in fact anything sweet (on the basis that at least it's marginally better than drinking alcohol)
Did a test today as I was absolutely convinced that this was the month and got a BFN
Struggling now with keeping positive and trying not to watch dates and notice every pregnant woman on the planet
Sorry to be so miserable - i can see from reading some of your posts that some of you have had some really really hard stuff to deal with so i feel like a bit of a fraud but just need to get it all off my chest.
Any words of wisdom to stop me reaching for my daughters milky ways??

Hi cakesandicecream First of all you are not a fraud - absolutely no way. Even 1 m/c is a horrible experience as you will have seen on here. Sorry you have had to join us but glad you have ifykwim
I don't really have words of wisdom as such but have you considered not ttc for a little while (just a little while)It might be that you need to grieve for your lost babies. When I had my m/c I was convinced that the only thing that would ease the pain was a baby and it just got too much in the end so I got some help and took some time off work and concentrated on coming to terms with the past rather than getting pg and it has become much much easier. I feel much more positive for the future. April is not that long ago so it's no wonder you are still feeling down
MN really helped me, particularly this thread so keep posting however you feel - we've all been there so don't feel as if you are miserable. Everyone is different though, some can start ttc straight away and others don't.

hi again
thanks to everyone for being so understanding it is really a nice place to be here given our situations
i am due to test in 4 days time and im starting to get twitchy i have all these symptoms which are making me wonder and i am starting to feel really scared thatn it might actually be my month but also it is 2 months since my last CP/MC and there was 2 months between my 2 recent MCs aswell so i think history repeating itself whilst being super cruel could actually happen
cakeandicecream hi sounds like you are in pretty much the same situation as me. i have a DD who is 2.8yo we started TTC in october last year and have had 2 early MC (april and june) and im waiting for my BFP impatiently i hope you are ok and you get your BFP soon
i hope everyone else is doing well
xx ei xx

Thankyou both for your kind words, to be honest it feels great just to have got it off my chest and I had a good cry after I did it so it was very therapeutic!
Teeheelaydee I did have a bit of time off ttc in may and june, more because I didn't have the time, energy, inclination or opportunity to BD more than any conscious decision to stop ttc but it was good to not be watching dates for a while and we planted a tree in the garden for the little ones that weren't to be. It definately helped and generally now I'm kind of ok about the whole situation but that week leading up to AF just gets me every time and I'm impatient and stroppy partly through pmt I guess but also through the stress of hoping and not knowing and my brain playing tricks on me all the time (I'm sure I actually make myself feel sick!)
I wish I could just forget about dates!!!

cake hello - welcome to the thread - you don't sound like a fraud to me, just someone who has had to deal with a lot too. We're in this one together.

queeny if you want to hold my hand as you wait for your BFP feel free - I'm waiting with hope this month too (due at the weekend) and am soooooo nervous as I want it but am scared at the same time...

Hi to everyone else!

cakes I know exactly what you mean about dates. When we stopped ttc I was off work as well so completely lost track of dates and even days and weeks really and it was such a relief, but it didn't take long to get back into it. You'll get there and MN is great for sharing the disappointment of yet another AF or BFN.

Queeny (whispers) When are you testing?

Hello,

I am still having strange cycles. This time AF came at my normal but had a painful
(.)(.) and thought I could feel a lump so I went to the doctor and they have put me on a high dose of evening primrose oil for a month. Not ttc this month because of this but still tracking ovulation on my Persona gadget. I normally ov early around day 10, it is now day 14 and still haven't ov. Do you think high doses of evening primrose oil can alter your cycle?

Hope everyone else is ok.

I did a trial when pregnant with ds which put some people on vits and evening primrose oil and some people on placebo - so evening primrose can't be too bad... Although they wrote back to tell me that there was no apparent link between taking it and anything... Also did one on caffine... I think that was to do with birth weights.

Hi Cakes, you're not a fraud - and lots of us have exactly the same feelings. I had convinced myself this month that I had symptoms, but Monday put paid to that. However, last time I did get pregnant (last autumn) I did have to go and look dates up on MN to double check that the dates I had in my mind were correct... I'll obviously have to try to stop thinking about the whole thing. Still don't want to get rid of any baby things though

ontheup thanks i will take you up on the hand holding as i may need it to stop myself from testing early i am due AF on fri/sat and i have ordered some 10mui tests from babymad last night so i hope they dont come before friday or i will be doing a mass test whlst bein g totally unable to control myself good luck for you aswell
teehee i will try not to test until saturday but dont hold me to that
im in 2 minds about whether to test or wait until i am really late like past cd35/36 (that was how far i got with my last 2 pregs) i really dont want to know if i have another CP/MC but at the same time i have an appointment in the recurrent MC clinic on 28th august and that kind of information would be useful if i have another one. does anyone know where i am coming from? am i just being silly? i know we are all meant to keep a positive mental attitude to each pregnancy opportunity but when it is thrown back in your face over and over again it becomes a little bit harder to be positive.
FWIW i know im over thinking it but i cant stop that just yet i just feel better getting it out here
dustin taking EPO lengthens the time between your AF and ovulation. this might be why you havent oved yet. also if you are taking them for this purpose then you are meant to stop when you do ov. i also think they help increase production of EWCM i know thats not why you are taking it but its useful to knw its other uses i think
i hope everyone else is doing well
xx ei xx

Hi everyone, finally found you! I had a MMC at almost 12 weeks in April which was hideous, and so been trying again for 2 months. Just tested 3 days early - b/c I felt so preg... you already know the outcome to this story... Course its a BFN. Shoulda known!

Don't eeel toooo gutted this time - maybe b/c I haven't seen AF yet.. Cakesandincecream* - i am with you those feelings.

I never imagined ttc would be such a roller-coaster. All those years i took the Pill trying NOT to get pregnant seem incredibly ironic now!

I also wish I could stop thinking about it mistlethrush. So instead of doing some work right now I'm here having a whinge!

I don't know your situation but I also bought and have kept baby things which are placed firmly out of my sight by my dh these days.

We have decided to take a rest for a few months - which basically means I'm not temping and pretending not to care or to notice and do extra BD-ing around ovulation etc etc.. but I know the pressure will increase as time goes on. Pressure I'm putting on myself that is.

Ladies - does anyone have any top tips for trying to distract yourself from thinking about not being pregnant yet?

Just read some of the posts - good luck with testing this weekend everyone!

I just etsed and the flippin' test didnt work!! Am even more frustrated now

nauseous I just try to count my blessings - a bit mary Poppins I know but it makes yuo realise that there's normally a silver lining somewhere, you just have to go looking, sometimes admittedly for a loooooong time.

Others on this thread are into acupuncture which they say is v good. I have got into knitting in a big way - sounds daft but it keeps you busy and stops me eating too much as I could comfort eat for Britain. Any other ideas ladies??

I think that probably doing something like going to the gym/going swimming is quite good - gets you a bit fitter (which doesn't hurt anyway) and when you're there it stops you thinking too - then you're knackered when you get home so sleep a bit better etc... However, chance of getting to the gym would be good!

Nauseous - sorry you've had to join us. My first mc was at 10 wks - and went horribly - ended up with being diagnosed with mp three months later, so had 2 erpcs for that one - followed by 4 month's treatment for the mp, then a year of not being allowed to ttc... so I know where you're coming from, except I've now got a wonderful ds who is a real handful and sometimes makes me think that I shouldn't really be worrying about wanting another - just concentrating on him (which is what I have to do really anyway - its just all his clothes get packed away just in case.... )

ontheup sorry the test didnt work what type was it?
nauseous sorry about your MC im not sure about how to distract yourself from TTC as i try in vain every cycle to distract myself and i end my cycle with a nail biting rant as i did earlier today i have 2 days left of this cycle before i get answers and it is AAALLLLLLLL i can think about you would never guess i am usually an (?)intelligent rational woman would you... best ask other less obsessed TTC focussed individuals...
xx ei xx

The thing with testing is that the first one is guaranteed not to work (ie it doesn't say what you want it too) - so you have to do another one, preferably a different make - then that one doesn't either, but you still feel +ve so that you go and get a clearblue one and that one's still -ve.....

Hello, I posted a couple of weeks ago as I was going through a miscarriage at 4ish weeks. My boyfriend and I are ttc our first baby.

Well, the mc ended around 2.5 weeks ago now. This morning I had my final HCG test at the hospital, and it came back as 7, ie negative. This was as expected, and a "textbook" drop- but if the truth be known, I was secretly hoping I'd be pregnant again, as we haven't used any protection since the mc. Twas not to be. Except now I've just thought- what if I AM pregnant again and it's just very early, hence the low HCG level??? Someone slap me please.... Or least talk some sense into me.

Now I'm waiting to get my period but have no clue when it will arrive. Anyone else in the same boat, waiting for AF?

I just feel that once I know what my cycle is I'll feel much calmer about this whole thing. I conceived straight after coming off pill, seemingly before I'd had my period. What I thought was my first period turned out (I think) to be my mc
So basically I have not had a normal cycle for more than 8 years, gah!

How long did it take for others' periods to arrive after a mc?

Mistlethrush queeny thanks for the info.

ontheup sorry about the test- how frustrating!

nauseous the things I do to try and take my mind off ttc is to keep busy. I have been on a course and learnt Reiki which I do on myself to help me relax. I have now started to make jewellery- anything to keep my mind off ovulation sticks, dates and BDing by appointment.

thanks guys - it was a clear blue and the 'control' line didnt show up so it just didnt work at all....it's God telling me to wait for a couple of days . Joy you're v welcome to come qand hold hands too for the 2ww....

Hi Joy27 sorry to hear about your m/c, I've had 2 early m/c's this year and both times my next AF came a week later than my normal period would (I normally have a 28/29 day clycle adn they both came on day 35 which of course led me to think on both ocassions that I was pregnant again!) I think it's different for everyone though but common for it to be different to 'normal'
Hope that helps

Re previous messages re taking your mind off dates etc - the only things that I've found to work for me other than the dreaded cake and ice cream is creative stuff that you have to concentrate on like knitting, sewing, pottery etc

I'm going shopping today - that'll do the trick!!