MC Avengers - Chocolate cake anyone?

[mistlethrush]

I've started a new thread as the old one was full - hope everyone finds their way here OK.

Hi NotSoNewAnymore I am symptom spotting too, ov 5 days ago. Have a nice time while you are away.

NSNA and Dustin I think I O'd 3 days ago so I'm on the 2WW too. Trying to keep busy!

scully - I have my first acupuncture appt next week - will let you know how it goes.

napa good luck for the moon walk - hope the weather improves before then. We need to do our kitchen soon and your post reminded me why I am not rushing to order it! All the chaos will be worth it soon though.

mistle hope you have recovered from your scary reaction.

Good luck to those on 2ww - I'm not expecting (pun? not intentionally) anything this time round as I think I missed the window so off to Lyme Regis for a few days with DS and MIL so ready made babysitting every night = lots of wine for me and then AF due next Wednesday....bit of a treadmill isnt it?

mistle have you got back to normal yet? i hope so...

No, still feeling fairly rough. Swimmy head, slightly nauseous and completely lacking in energy... Not great given that I'm in charge of ds tomorrow, complete with swimming lesson...

Actually haven't watched much nsna, dh watched the rugby tonight which he was happy about
Sure it will come in handy over the weekend though
Have worked out that if things are back to normal than I should ovulate the week that I see the gynae to hopefully get the all clear. So fingers crossed blood tests show that hcg levels are behaving themselves now and dh and I can get busy
Hope you're feeling better soon Mistle
Good luck with the acupuncture Elibumbum, hope you find it helpful.
Hi to everyone else

napa good luck with the moonwalk. I have some friends doing it too, looks like the weather won't be great though..

mistle hope you are feeling better

scully seems the acumpuncture did some good then?

quarkee my af also due next Weds... also have little hope this month. Away with work and no symptoms at all!

mistle eek, that sounds awful, you poor thing. Hope you feel better over the weekend.

scully good news about your hcg levels - it's so reassuring when you're body feels like it's getting back to normal. I have total faith in acupuncture on this score - it's really been working for me.

I'm on complete overdrive at the moment. All the adrenalin that's buzzing around from being so busy at work and sorting things out for the move is turning me into a bit of a nutter, but I suspect without it I'd just be sitting here staring into space and rocking gently.

Last night I meant DH after work and we... went to buy him a suit for a family wedding, walked a mile to John Lewis to buy a washing machine, went to Monsoon to buy my niece an outfit for said wedding, walked back to Soho for dinner and then went to see the Vanity Fair portraits at the National Portrait Gallery. Normally doing that much in a week would kill me, let alone an evening. Am feeling smug, but watch this space for forthcoming total nervous collapse

Happy weekend! And have a great break, NSNA x

mistle hope you feel better soon - that sounds terrible! Were the doctors able to give you anything for the symptoms? Look at the bright side - you'll be the star feature in some medical journal! The things we do for fame

napa good luck for the moonwalk

daisyj Wow - it seems like you need a break after that action packed evening! You definitely earned the right to put your feet up this weekend.

Scully sounds like your Dh has his priorities right...watching rugby! I am an antopidean and Rugby is one of the reasons the world goes round, really (Oh...and babies)

Those of you on the two week wait - good luck. Whilst I am pleased to be going away (and hopefully distracted from my normal obsessive symptom spotting) part of me wonders how I will cope without being able to post on here every time my left big toe itches (Or I get any other random symptoms)

Will chat when I am back in 10 days....

mistlethrush that sounds horrid hoe your ok now

scully glad you've some good news
nothing mush to report here just waiting for signs of ovulation

Sorry to crash in here, and it doesn't look like there is anyone around today, but someone needs some reassurance and to talk here, if anyone has some useful advice.

thanks.

So where are you from nsna? He is rather rugby obsessed, being a saffa, I know what is going on most of the time when I watch it, but I'm not quite so obsessed Saying that though, of course I love it when we win
Saw my acupuncture lady today and she has given me some herbal tablets to take, to make sure m/c is completely finished. She said it's good to take them seeing as af has arrived and my body is returning to normal, hopefully.
Daisyj, I miss Monsoon, they have the most gorgeous girls clothes. & John Lewis too actually. Hope you adrenalin rush continues
We're just back from a trivia night at dd1's school, and our table won We tied with the teachers table and answered the tie break question correctly. Tried very hard not to be smug

really need some support today if there's anyone out there...

DH is currently away on a stag do and he called me this morning and told me that some friends of ours who got married last summer are 12weeks pg... I am totally devastated.

I know I shouldn't feel this way but it is so so hard. EVERYONE seems to be pg or have new babies atm - 1 born Jan, 2 in feb, one due tomorrow (3days before my edd for my 1st mc ) then one in august, one in september (2 weeks before Thomas' edd), one in october (2weeks after Thomas) and now one in November, which if she's 12 weeks this week which is what I'm told, makes her due pretty much on our wedding anniversary.

DH remains resolutely positive. "Next time" etc etc - but we said that last time...

I wouldn't wish for anything bad to happen to any of those babies, but I certainly wish a few of them had never been conceived, and I feel so awful for feeling that way. I just find it so difficult being confronted with how easy it is for everyone else (and it has been for all those ladies).

We have 3 weddings to go to this summer. The first is in July and I last week decided not to go on the hen do as there will be a girl there due a couple of weeks after I was. I know I will have to see her at the wedding, but at least then it won't be all weekend and I will have DH with me. I don't really know any of the other girls who will be on the hen apart from the bride, and I don't want to risk spoiling it for her if i find I just can't cope with it, which is what I suspect.
There will apparently be 3 girls who are due in November at the second wedding in August, including our friend, and then at the third wedding, 2 1/2 weeks before Thomas would have been due, the best man's wife (who also only got married last year FFS) is due about 6 weeks later....

How on earth am I going to do it?

I know I should be happy for them all, but I just can't find the strength. I'm too sad and too exhausted. It feels like every time I start to take a small step forwards something knocks me back and I find myself permanently waiting to find out what the next piece of bad news will be. Am terrified about the consultant's app next month.

Sorry for the long post, will go now, crying too much to see the keys properly.

Kate I only lurk on this thread now, but couldn't not reply to your heartfelt plea I'm sorry to hear about your 2 m/c's. I had my first mm/c in January we had been trying for 2 yrs for our first and I was and still am absolutely devestated. The way that you are feeling is so normal, but if your like me you feel guilty for feeling the way that you do but can' feel any other way. Everyone in the world seems pg when your not, even now when I'm slightly less sensitive I feel like everyone's rubbing it in my face. Your dh is away so you will feel low anyway (typically insensitive bloke shouldn't have told you til he got home!) I think you should invite a close friend over to distract you or support you. If you want to cry, then cry, no-one will think any less of you. You have been through a doubly traumaic experience, you will feel exhausted and drained emotionally and physically. I know it's easy to say but don't be so hard on yourself, we have all been there, and please come back on if you need to rant a little more or cry or need a hug!

Thanks Mollie - I seem to have been around here for so long now I sometimes forget not everyone will know who I am! We first got pg last sept which was a big - but fantastic - surprise. That turned out to be a mmc at a private scan at 8weeks (am very impatient!) but then it dragged on, which was truly terrible, til I had an erpc about 4 weeks later in November. Had never even heard of a mmc until I went for the scan, I thought if you had a mc you knew about it cos you started bleeding... Then fell pg again in Jan. Had a tough time right from the start with spotting and dodgy blood results, but the scans, inc the nuchal, were all fine - strong hb, right size for dates etc etc. Then we got the blood results from the tests they did with the nuchal, the hormone levels were so low they thought the sample must have become contaminated... Then had weekly scans (consultant's idea, not mine, it was horrible) until having an amnio at 15.5 which showed that our little boy had a chromosome disorder which is "incompatible with life" (triploidy). He was born at 17 weeks on 20th April and his funeral was on 1st May. So that's us

PS Am ok that DH told me over the phone, for various reasons it was better that way. What I am quite pissed off with is the f-ing insensitive father-to-be telling my DH last night and thereby ruining DH's night after the poor bugger had driven 4 1/2 hours all the way to f-ing NEWQUAY for one night of the stag do as the others all went on friday and he couldn't get away. The f-to-be was obviously worried about telling him and couldn't wait to get it off his chest, with not a single thought for how it would affect my poor DH, who then went on to have a sh*t night because of it and is now worried about me and currently driving another 4 or so hours back home again

Am also (possibly quite unreasonably) quite pissed off that we saw the couple in question a week after Thomas was born, they asked us out for a pub lunch and a dog walk and DH thought it would do me good... Neither of them so much as mentioned Thomas or asked how I was (and seeing as he's a doctor and she's a nurse you might think they would have had some clue) and now I know why. It was becasue she was 8 weeks pg and they didn't want to tell us. Am so cross. If it was the other way round I would never have suggested seeing them so soon after their baby was born. I feel like they lied to us. Know I may be being very unreasonable, but an SO cross

Maybe it's just because is easier to deal with than ...

Rant over

Kate - I still lurk here, and didn't want to ignore your post.

What you're feeling is so normal, but horrible to go through. I think people (even doctors and nurses) find it difficult to know what to say to people who have been through something traumatic, and often say nothing, or come up with platitudes - it comes across as insensitive, when they probably just feel awkward. And sadly, some people are thinking about things from their own perspective, rather than yours - like the person who spoke to your dh

I remember reading about the despair Jules felt last year after her 3 mcs, but her story is now 1 to give hope to others.

It must be extra hard to have so many people having babies around you, even without that, it always seems as if you can't leave your door without being confronted with pg women and small babies everywhere.

Have you been offered any counselling, or have a mc support group near you? Did you ever contact ARC?

I feel rubbish, because I know there's nothing I can say that's going to change things, or make them easier, but often think of you, and hope things will work out in the future. I hope your consultant appointment goes well. Sending a big virtual hug your way x

Kate,

Sorry you are having a bad time at the moment. I have been there and tbh I have had a revisit of it this week as well. As you say there are pg women or babies everywhere you go. It makes it very hard to even just go shopping to the supermarket doesn't it?

Remember small steps. Try not to worry about things that are months away. concentrate on today and set yourself small steps. Have you had any counselling? I found it quite useful for teaching you ways of dealing with these sort of issues.

I think it is sad when people don't use your child's name - in case they upset you - when in fact that is all you want them to do.

Have you been able to work out how to CAT me?

Use their name I mean! (not upset you!) Really must preview my replies.

Oh Kate, I also still lurk on here and didn't want to ignore your post either. Unfortunately I have little to offer apart from virtual hugs and to say that I've been thinking of you a lot recently and wondering how you're getting on.
As Splish says, you have been through a lot and unfortunately it takes time to come to terms with it. I know it's a cliché and not what you want to hear at the moment Have you spoken to the Miscarriage Association at all? By all accounts their counsellors are very good.
As far as friends are concerned, unfortunately a lot of people don't know how to deal with the emotions surrounding grief. I found that out myself when I lost my dad 4 years ago and then again with my mc last year. Hopefully you can seek out one or two people who do understand and who will be able to support you when things get too tough.
What you're feeling regarding the pg women and babies around you is entirely normal - I couldn't hold my friend's baby when he was born earlier this year because I felt so I hated myself for feeling like that, but reading about other people's reactions on here I realised others felt it too. It didn't help that my friend was particularly insensitive regarding the mc either
As far as the weddings are concerned, don't put too much pressure on yourself. Perhaps go for the ceremony and meal but don't stay for the evening do. Or if it's in a hotel, escape to your room if you need to. People will understand. FWIW, I think you've made the right decision regarding the hen do. I had to go on my sister's hen weekend last October 6 weeks after my mc (I was chief bridesmaid and felt awkward about saying I didn't want to go). One of the other bridesmaids was pg and due two weeks before I should have been. It was so hard, although she was lovely about it. But having all the other girls asking her about the pg and baby constantly nearly did me in . I kept wanting to say "You know, I should be pg too!"
Enough of my ramblings anyway . Hope you get some answers at the consultant's appt and that things are better this evening with DH home. Take care xx

kate, just wanted to add my {{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}} to you lovely. I'm not usually a poster here, but it was on my threads I'm on from my appeal for help for someone yesterday and I couldn't ignore your posts.

I think your friends could have handled the situation with a lot more sensitivity, adn can see why you are so angry about it. People can be unknowingly insensitive about these things, especially when they are wrapped up in their own good news.

You seem to be doing really well otherwise though, so please allow yourself these feelings; they;re all part of the grieving process. It will get better, maybe not quickly, and you'll certainly never forget, but each day will get slowly more bearable. Have you thought about maybe having a little memorial service for Thomas, just with a few family and friends, maybe a tree planting or something, just to show to your family and friends that you want Thomas to be remembered by everyone.

Also, if you fee up to it, you ahould have a look at feedmenow's thread; there are some very lovely thoughtful words on there that might give you some comforrt. The women on there are all so lovely as well, and will understand your pain and anguish.

Take Care lovely

Thank you all so much for your replies. I think I am doing ok most of the time, but I have had a bit of a melt down today...
I think in some ways the hardest thing is not knowing what the future will bring.
Cece you're so right about wanting people to use your child's name, but they never do, do they? I think of you and Hope often, especially as she and Thomas were born at almost the same age.
I haven't looked at the SANDS forum or anything else, if it's ok with all of you I think I get all the support I need right here. Although I am quite shocked that I haven't had so much as a phonecall from my midwife since Thomas was born. Can't believe it will be a month on Tuesday...
Grief is a funny thing. I've probably mentioned to you all that DH and I have bought and are currently renovating my grandma's house, where my sister and I spent a large part of our childhood. I feel very strongly that my grandma is looking after Thomas just as she looked after us. As time goes by I feel more and more determined to still paint what would have been Thomas' room in the way that I'd planned. Not because it's still his room, because he doesn't need it now, but just because it feels like the right thing to do. And duck-egg blue could still be very pretty if we end up with a little girl instead of another boy! (Hark at me with the positive thinking! )
Night ladies, am off to give my DH a big hug. xx

Kate, sorry you're having a bad time of it at the moment. People can be very insensitive. I'm having that at the moment with the secretary at work who is due about 2wks before edd. When I was pregnant at work, everything was very low key and I tried not to mention anything because I knew someone at work had a mc (after I had let everyone know that I was pregnant) so I didn't want to rub it in. Luckily, since then she has had a dd. However, none of that seems to be being applied this time - have just been invited to drinks for her last day. luckily its on a day that I don't normally work, so won't have to make up reasons for not going. Sometimes RL stinks and RL 'friends' can be so thoughtless.

Its still really recently that you lost Thomas - its natural to still feel grief and good friends should be able to offer you a shoulder to cry on - I hope that you have some in RL that can, but I also hope that you find support here helpful. We all have off days. Its a good place to come and have a rant. Lots of hugs - I know its not 'done' on MN, but you still sometimes need them

How are you today kate?

Looks like AF has turned up today. Now getting fed up with ttc - only third month but I will now be 42 before I give birth if I every get pg ever again.

Hi cece and mistle. Was just lurking over on knicker checkers and someone mentioned how mc sucks the joy out of pregnancy. That's exactly it, isn't it? Am not doing so good today really. Probably better than yesterday though. I have just been on the facebook page of a girl I work with to see if she has had her baby - she was due today, 3 days before the edd for my 1st mc . She had a little boy sometime on/before 6th May, so only about 2 weeks after Thomas. Know I should feel happy for her, but I just feel numb.
I 'did the right thing' and sent a 'congratulations, great news' etc text to our friends yesterday and got one back saying how excited they are. Know it's natural for them to feel that way but it really hit me. I will never be 11 weeks pg and excited, best case scenario is 11weeks and terrified, worst case is not making it to 11weeks again... I know I am over-sensitive atm but I felt it was pretty insensitive of her to text me about how excited they are.... Oh well. Off to weight watchers tonight. Week 3 - lost 3lbs the first week, stayed the same last week, fingers crossed for tonight.
Am so sorry to be so negative at the moment. Your support really means a lot though.

mistle I can imagine exactly what it must be like for you at work, and I am so sorry. I wish I could think of a way to see pg ladies and not mind, but so far I haven't come up with anything. Good luck to you. What is the mn hugs thing? Someone mentioned it the other day, I didn't realise hugs weren't the done thing

cece she really is an evil witch isn't she? Fingers crossed for you for next month. You'll get there. Absolutely nothing wrong with being 42 when your baby is born - my aunt was 43 when she had her first. Though don't imagine that will make you feel much better right now. I prescribe cakes and wine, though not necessarily together! Take care of yourself. xx