MC Avengers - Chocolate cake anyone?

[mistlethrush]

I've started a new thread as the old one was full - hope everyone finds their way here OK.

Kate - been there... I remember finding some hpt and noticed that they were out of date - and thinking, for at least 60 seconds, that I must have made a mistake and wasn't pregnant after all - and this was at 6mo. My mw didn't help - despite having taken all of my notes of previous problems she managed twice to really scare me to the extent that I couldn't sleep and it was only because a good friend was a consultant that I managed to get a better perspective on things - already know that if we do manage to have a 2nd dc I won't be going to her for my mw checks.

I had a scan at 6wks due to mp previously. It was scheduled for 9.30am. By 10.10 I still hadn't been seen - I had to go and ask how much longer as I did't have any nails left. Then there was a terrible wait until 2nd scan at 9wks - then there was a huge gap between mw appointment at 10wks and the next time - you will feel that you are living from one appointment to the next on tenterhooks.

The good news is that by about 18wks I was able to start taking things a little bit more in my stride most of the time with only occasional mad panics. So it does get better, but the first weeks are hard.

I think that you're doing really well sending text etc - they don't know what you're feeling like when you get the text. Although, to some extent, if you appear to be 'coping well', people think that you are and that you're not actually needing a shoulder to cry on. Any really good friend would be happy to offer you a shoulder to cry on - and don't stop seeing people if you're worried that this might happen - they will understand, and I hope, will help.

Hi everyone - just catching up after a few days away by the sea - sorry to hear you are down kate but I agree with mistle you sound like you are being strong and sane. Grief makes you have a wierd perspective sometimes but its not necessarily the wrong view, just that you are looking at everything from a different place so there are always going to be times when you feel out of step with the rest of the world. When Mum died I remember watching other people and being amazed that they could just carry on when my world had altered so profoundly. I hoep you are having a better day to day though, i really do.

I agree re lack of joy and that makes me too.

Holiday was however, a great tonic. Loads of pg ladies and I didnt get sad (Down t ochange of scenery and lack of stress I think) I got home and realised that I had been happy for the first time in aagges what with the PD diagnosis and then mc - DS didnt want to go to nursery today though he had such a lovely time paddling and building castles.

Sorry to hear you've been having such a crap time of it Kate, I doubt you're feeling much better now, but hope you have better days, here and there. I learnt after my mother died 16yrs yrs ago, that western society has no idea how to handle grief, so it's generally ignored and people are expected to get back to 'normal'. Only thing is that 'normal' has changed forever so it can take so long to adjust to the impact the loss has had on your life. Took me a good 3yrs to get a handle on my losing my mother, can't imagine what it is like to lose a child
Good to hear you had a nice break Quarkee, shame about ds not wanting to go back to nursery
Hi to everyone, hope you're having a good week so far.

God I feel such a heel - one of my NCT friends has just sent an email to say that she is 10 and a half weeks pg and although I am happy for her as I know how much she wants another dc it still feels like a kick in the teeth - the timing is pretty much the same as me give or take a couple of weeks - I'm sitting here waiting for AF (have all pm symtoms but no AF as yet) and getting upset all over again - it was so good to be away from all of this for a while and now it feels like its back w a vengeance - wish i could be more gracious but its v hard. We're going out for dinner on Friday which i guess is why she had announced it now as we would have guessed when she didnt drink...was looking fwd to it but am v slightly dreading it now.

Quarkee I can totally understand you slightly dreading it, I think we all can. Does she know about your mc? I really admire how strong you've been with everything you've had to cope with, the PD diagnosis must have been devastating enough without everything else. It would be nice if things were easy for a change though wouldn't it? At least for a while...

Mistle you're so right about people thinking you don't need any help if you seem to be coping too well. I sent the girl who had her 12wk scan today a text to see how it went (glutton for punishment!) & she replied that it was great, and that she hope's we're both well!!! So I sent one back and said that I was pleased to hear the scan was good but that actually we're not really doing very well at all, that our 1st baby would have been due this week, and that we're just finding things very hard at the moment. I took a conscious decision to be honest with her, we're meant to be close friends and I don't see why we should say we're fine if we're not. I made a point of saying that we're happy for them though (almost true......) I just figure if you're really friends with someone you ought to be there for them during the bad times as well as the good. But she hasn't replied. So maybe not! Ah well, at least you find out who your real friends are. And we were thinking of them as possible god-parents !

Hi scully thank you for your message. I can't imagine what it will be like when one of my parents dies... such an awful thought.

It's very quiet on here, have I scared everyone away with my negative posts? Really sorry if I have... xx

Kate - don't discount them. Just think how hard it is to get the right words sometimes - and I think it can be worse in text or email - she might not be able to find words that she feels comfortable with - see what happens when you meet her, it might be very different. I hope so

Can I join in?

I have other threads, but thought that I may be better joining others like me.

I am now ttc no.3. I have 2 dds. I suffered a mc before Christmas and a second in March. One was due to poor development fo the brian and the other was not established. Both resulted in D&C's in hospital.

I am all up-side-down at the moment with my cycle. I was always regular with my cycles, but now I have stopped. I do not know where I am. No sore chest, no cramps only a dull ache and no real signs of OV'ing. Stress is high for me and DH and this has had an effect on everything. I feel I have lost the loving feeling and gained the feeling of entering a production line with deadlines to meet. IYKWIM.

Sorry for my moaning. Just wanted to share it with anyone listening.

Good luck everyone anyway.

Hi singing - welcome but sorry you've had to join us. I'm sure several of the ladies on this thread will reassure you that they went through something similar with their cycles after mcs.

Kate - I'm sorry that you've been so down.I second what mistle said about your friend and the texting - I really hope your friend can put aside her own awkwardness and support you.

I've had my first acupuncture appt. Mainly did all the back ground stuff. She only put a few needles in (where she would've put them in if I was pg) as I'm on the 2ww. Have booked another appt for a couple of weeks time as she said it is most effective in the first 2 weeks of the cycle.

2ww is driving me mad - am symptom spotting like you wouldn't believe. I'm trying to ignore the packet of cheapie tests in the cupboard!

morning everyone and welcome singing.

haven't been on for a few days as have been busy in my building site of a house. we're back in the living room now the floor is finished, but still no kitchen, hopefully most will be done by the weekend.

i did the moonwalk on saturday night - it was so cold, i was wearing gloves but never got warm! really glad i did it though.

AF arrived last friday (6.5 weeks after ERPC) definately worse than usual but fortunately disappeared for the night of the walk (didn't fancy dealing with AF in portaloo's!!), but has gone for now so just waiting to see what this cycle does. Have decided not to temp but may contemplate OPK's when I think I should OV based on previous cycles.

Sorry to hear you've had a rubbish time of it at the moment kate, I'm sure fluctuating hormones don't help!

hope everyine else is ok

kate I think sending that text was v brave and so the right thing to do - I hope your friend will get back to you - sometimes people need time. This is quarkee btw, ive decided to change my name as it is a bit recognisable and also i fancied a more positive note!

You've inspired me to be honest on Friday too - if I get asked I'll say I'm v happy for my friend but still getting over our mc - that's not too much of a downer is it? What do you think girls?

still no Af btw but neg on hpt

OTU No, I think that is a good way to put it. You might even want to get a comment like that sent/spoken before the evening - hopefully this will make things a bit less 'ohh, isn't it exciting that I'm pregnant and whoops forgot again about your situation' type thing and more on the things that you would normally talk about?

good idea mistle but sadly i setn her a 'happy' email already - missed opp there, darn it

I still think that you have the oportunity to send an explanatory text - I don't know your relationship with her, but perhaps something along the lines of 'I know that you are really happy to be pregant, and I am happy for you. However, before we meet next x, I just needed to tell you that I unfortunatly suffered a mc - I would have been due x weeks before you had this not occured. I am sure you will understand that I am therefore likely to find it very difficult to take part in extended conversations about pregnancy and babies at the moment. I hope that you don't mind me bringing this up - I wanted to tell you so that there are no uncomfortable pauses on ... which might impact upon our friendship in the longer term. I want to stress that I'm very happy for you, but would have loved if I was still pregant and we could have shared our pregancy progress together. Looking forward to seeing you on....'

If they are good friends, better to get it out in the open - otherwise you'll be finding it really difficult. Don't know whether the above helps, or if you can use any of it to base something on that is appropriate to you. Just thought that I might find it a bit easier getting something down and hope that it wouldn't be too difficult for you to amend as appropriate... ???

I haven't been around for a couple of weeks and I'm sorry for a completely selfish me me me post but I have to say I'm so pissed off now with ttc post mc. It happened in September. It's now May. I'm starting to feel what is the point with trying anymore and I think DP is too.

Sorry - just had to let the frustration out.

me me me post ends

Thanks mistle but she already knows re mc so will probably go with trying to be as honest as poss on the night without cramping anyone's style - it did occurr to me though that she might have been more worried about mc'ing herself because she knew someone close who had just mc'd (iykwm, makes it more real as it were) - I hope not, I'd hate that for her. Oh God, I dont know anymore tbh...just want to feel happy again quite frankly - I wonder whether this feeling will ever be quite over? Probably not

On a lighter note just watched The Appentice while joinig in on MN - highly recommended for a laugh (I am in a hotel room staying on business so nothing else to do)

Claire spooky simultaneous posts - does that mean its (gulp) normal to be totally and utterly po with this entire process??? God I hope so - I've only been in this boat since Easter so can iimagine your fingernails are worn to the quick with your clawing at the sides of this box....have one of these marshmallows and a (((hug)))

mistle I love your suggested text - your text messages must be even longer than mine I wonder how many characters that was - mine routinely go into 3 messages . Bet you're all really surprised to hear that, what with me normally being so succint on here and all

Welcome singing, glad you found us, but of course sorry you needed to. Try not to worry too much about what your cycle is doing right now (easier said than done I know). From most of the ladies on here it seems that pretty much anything is normal. Our little boy was born at 17 weeks a month ago today and I have a feeling af may turn up during the next 2 weeks or so - probably cos we are going on holiday on monday, TEW... Know what you mean re feeling like you're on a production line. Not sure what the answer is to that one, but if you find out please would you let me know . Have you tried accupuncture?

Still no word from my 'friend'... Not expecting to hear from them now tbh. Have decided just to focus on the support we do have, & to try not to worry about them when we have more than enough to worry about already.

Hello to napa, eli and ontheup - great name! xx

battery running out - got to go - night everyone

I'm sure you won't be around so long ontheup and I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry - not being around for a while means that I'm a bit crap on where everyone is on their ttc after mc journey. Read back on a few of your posts though. Just be honest about your feelings with your friends. Don't be ashamed about feeling pissed off/sad/angry whatever. You've lost something very precious and any good friend would understand and act accordingly. Hope things go OK. And re wanting to feel happy again that is just how I felt so I totally understand. Take care.

ClairePO crossed posts. So sorry you're feeling shit. It is frustrating, upsetting, uncertain and rubbish. For me the uncertainty is almost the worst. At least if I KNEW what we still had to go through I could feel like we were making progress and that the end was in sight - however distantly. But it doesn't work like that does it?
Have you found anything you can do for yourself to make yourself feel better and like you are 'doing something' iykwim? Am a great believer in complementary therapies, though will soon be bankrupt if I continue much further along this road
Really hope you're ok xx

Anyway - am trying not to think of ttc (ha ha ha ha) so I'm orf again. Good luck to you all and you're in my thoughts.

quick b4 bat runs out completely - take care too clare and everyone else too we'll all get there eventually....

Hi everyone.

Time to let todays emotions out I am afriad. Fed up, fustrated and low sum it up for the moment, I suppose like many finding themselves here do.

New unexplained symptom of today is constantly visiting bathroom soon after taking any liquids and I am very bloated to look at around the tummy.

I look at my last miscarriage where my af returned immediately after 27 days as normal as ever with normal OV etc, as though I had never been pregnant. This time it took 35 days, no sign of OV for last cycle and nothing for this one.

We took the opportunity to have an early night, but the pressure was too great on my DH, so things were not very good and I ended up in bathroom straight after, so no time to relax and give nature time. (sorry if too much info).

So therefore, today I have low tummy ache, keep going to bathroom, bloated, contantly hungry, tired, fed up. No sign of AF at cd26 and no OV symptoms really to speak of, no sore chest.

Sorry to keep moaning, but just typing it out helps me get me head around it.

I'm still at a loss to know whether dh would like another but doesn't want 'to put me through it' again (which bit - mc, mp or actual birth I don't know) or whether he thinks we can't afford it (good point) or whether he is going to play ball this month or not. I can tell you that its REALLY difficult ttc if your other half is not cooperating - particularly if they have worked out the 'rhythm' method - dh seems to be quite good at counting So I'd love to be in the position to be on a 2ww again...