BFP after first failed IVF? What the actual F

[GoldenRetriever1]

Helloo - husband (38) and I (31) TTC for 2+ years with not a single positive. Laparoscopy diagnosed twisted tubes, stage II Endo and low AMH (8). Both always been healthy, fit, no illnesses etc. So, obviously been feeling very angry with the situation.
Last cycle was our first round of IVF and a fresh transfer (22 eggs, 14 fertilised, 1 grade A embryo put in, with 5 in the freezer)- it failed with no answers. Now, the first cycle after the IVF, I find myself with faint lines at 15DPO, which seems rather late. Ovulated CD19/20 (definitely). I usually have 10/11 day luteal phases and no AF has shown, just spotting. Could these be evap lines?
I’m obviously in total denial because we were told it just probably won’t happen naturally for us. Scared of ectopic as well. Absolutely mind blown. Any words of advice? I don’t know what to think.

Hard to do, easy for me to say - please stay off the internet!
Just try to distract yourself today and keep busy. Come on this thread if it gives you support and help.

Hi.
Just read this thread with my heart in my mouth as I have very much Been There: £25k of IVF, four lost IVF pregnancies, two ectopics of which one put me in intensive care, and one MIRACLE (naturally conceived between all that) 4yo.

I wish there was something useful to say but you know it all and words won't help.

I'm crossing everything that this is your time, but IF it isn't then look after yourself, whatever form that takes. Watch lots of comedies. Take time off work if it helps. Get counselling if you're not already having it. The journey to my baby was the most stressful thing, and i've been through some stressful things. I was terrified the whole pregnancy and still find it hard to relax now.

But stay sane and stay talking. No matter what.

@LividAA Thank you for your words. So pleased to hear that you got your miracle baby.
We were saying all weekend what a miracle this has been.. ignorance is definitely bliss.
I can’t imagine my HCG will be a promising result tomorrow. I’ve got to stay realistic. I think being hopeful at this point will just bring me crashing down even more.

Thanks again. X

@Maireas It’s such an addiction. Constantly hunting to find women in the same position as me. Ironic how I’d be still blissfully happy if the internet didn’t exist. I’d never know that my level would be so bad.

@maisiedaisy64 that is reassuring, although I’m still not getting my hopes up. To be fair, this cycle has been very irregular due to the fact the last cycle was IVF drug induced. However, we only DTD twice (not since) on CDs 16 and 18, with ovulation on CD19 or 20 (OPKs). Yesterday my first blood draw was on CD 36/17DPO (6 days AF late). Faint lines starting on Sunday.

Sorry not sure why I’m writing all this out again 😂 constantly hunting for reassurance!

@NoWordForFluffy Thank you for sharing. I’ve seen quite a few charts like this online. Unfortunately, vast majorly of cases I’ve read similar to this (late DPO with low reading) has ended in a chemical or ectopic. Praying for a miraculous turn around.

It’s hard - because I’m also stuck in the middle. A part of me just wants to bleed, so I can move forward. Another part is worried that if I pray for it to stay and persist, it could be an unhealthy pregnancy/baby later on. Damned if I do damned if I don’t. Perhaps just need to be happy with the fact my body finally implanted an embryo.

@maisiedaisy64 P.S. Implantation spotting happened 11/12DPO.. and I’m still spotting a bit.

Something I have considered is, as I reckon I implanted late (12DPO last Friday).. could this explain my low level of 31 at 6 days after implantation.

Oh shut up, Golden Retriever!

My fertility journey was a very painful and distressing 6 years. At times I couldn't bear another pregnancy announcement. I feel for you.
However, this was so long ago that there was no internet, so I couldn't be tempted!
Also, pregnancy tests only gave a result when you'd missed a period, so there wasn't all this early testing, which I would have been tempted to do! So I understand how difficult it is. 🙏

@Maireas I’m so sorry that you had a difficult experience with your fertility. It’s such a terrible thing to go through - especially when you’re the only one in the circle. (Not that I’d wish this on anyone else - it’s just very unfair and lonely). Pregnancy announcements are terrible.

The internet is 100% why I’m in a frenzy.

I can understand that. I also think that it's addictive. You're in the worst kind of limbo.
So often I see women on this section testing so early and I do think it's a bad idea, although I completely understand it. Sometimes advances in technology haven't been a good thing!

That's not totally unreasonable, the OPKs aren't 100% accurate and I'd have thought especially coming straight off a cycle your hormones might be "interesting " if you DTD day 18, you could have not actually fallen pregnant until a bit later maybe ovulation on 21/22? Which would put the spotting and implantation back a couple of days, would still fit with timing for a BFP I think?

I have continued to keep fingers and toes crossed for tomorrow so you don't need to. Take care of yourself today.

@VerityUnreasonble Yes, I’ve considered this.. but I think I’m just scraping the barrel of hope to be honest! 😂
I do find it bizarre how my progesterone is 46 though. That’s rather high for a “weak” pregnancy development. Who knows what’s going on in there.

Thank you so much for your love and kindness. It means a lot. What will be will be.

@GoldenRetriever1, I think all things fertility and pregnancy related are just meant to be total head fucks, tbh.

I really hope your bloods show improvement tomorrow.

@NoWordForFluffy In total agreement there.
I lost my Dad 8 years ago, which was a huge tragedy in our family. And however much I love my Dad and want him back, this grief and sadness cuts so much deeper. Death is all about acceptance. This, I cannot accept.

Thank you - I really hope so.

It's like an ongoing bereavement and you think there will never be closure..

@Maireas Yep. And yet everyone else around you is continuing their life happy, easily, normally. I hardly leave the house any longer, stopped my hobbies, skin is terrible. Lost my identity.

At one point I just went to work and came home. Basic chores, bed.
Then my husband planned something different for each weekend - a different walk, lunch out, an art gallery, an overnight in a nice hotel - something. It helped me through the doldrums.

@Maireas yes, distraction seems to be the only thing I can do. But I feel like I’m wasting my life. I’m also self employed and run my own creative business.. which isn’t ideal at the moment (in some ways). Having a “normal 9-5” would at least keep me busy. I have zero creativity and motivation, so my business is in the ground. Everyday has felt the same for over 2 years. The positive test miracle at the weekend really made me think my life was finally going to change.

I’m doing CBT to try and work through these negative patterns.

We just said to each other, if it never happens, we can still be happy together.
It did happen, and we're still happy 37 years on!

@Maireas I’m so pleased your miracle happened. Right now, I can’t begin to imagine a life with it not working.

It'll work 🍀

It's the most awful feeling in the world, @GoldenRetriever1 I've been there. I distracted myself with holidays, travelling. Far away from it all. But the everyday still hurt like hell when I was back. I'll never forget the horrible feeling of attending a friend's son's christening and being the ONLY couple there without small children. It was as you say a type of grief.

Still keeping everything crossed for you tomorrow

@RedMark I hear you. Grief has enveloped my life for so long now (continuing on from losing my Dad). I’m just done. It’s my time now. That’s what I keep saying to myself, but it never quite seems to be true.

Thank you for your best wishes 🥺

@GoldenRetriever1 thinking of you and continuing crossing my fingers and toes for you tomorrow. I know it is harder said then done, and I have been there myself, but please stop googling if you can. Whatever you find will not change the outcome and will only make you more stressed. Sending you much love and hope you can manage to can find a distraction while you wait for the results 💕