CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #3

[Ladyinpink1]

I went to reply and you were right, the thread was full so I couldnt post a link to a new thread, also, because it's a new thread it wont give me a prediction to tag when I type a name, so I have just copied and paste the names off of everyone who posted on the very last page of the thread, I hope anyone else can find it OK. Sorry, maybe there is an easier better way... if anyone else can remember extra names and spellings, please tag 🙂

@samilicious

@Wise0wl

@ThelastRolo20

@13lucy

@Bugdem123

@HerbaceousPerennial

@Ladyinpink1 I am not convinced that the results will be back by Thursday! I think the nurse was very optimistic. I’ll ring anyway but it seems very quick. If they are then a big gold star for NHS Scotland 😂 I am surprised yours aren’t back yet though, that seems absolutely ages, even accounting for possibly complicated tests.

It’s 6 weeks since my MMC and in theory I think I should be due AF this weekend if my cycles are vaguely behaving themselves but aware they might be messed up still. I mean more so than usual even! It’s coming up to my birthday which usually I absolutely love but for the first time ever I am dreading it. It’s so depressing the thought of being another year older in the context of TTC. Got the day off work though and DH has some plans I think so trying to focus on that

@13lucy oh I'm so sorry - it's horrible 😞 hope you're doing as well as can be expected.

I'm not sure about trying before my period comes back, last time I didn't ovulate until I had a period so I'm not expecting anything but am ovulation testing so guess we will play it by ear! No other plans for anything different. I've been referred to the reproductive immunology specialist so waiting on that referral and the results of the genetic testing but might as well keep TTC in the meantime as you know how long these things take sometimes!

@moosey89 it really is isn't it, one is bad enough, two is horrendous and can't imagine how hard it's been for you going through three. Feels like such an impossibility when you don't have any living children. Spoke to a consultant today who was very calming and said that our chances are still good even after two or three, so onwards we go.

@13lucy that's good you had a good consultation - I know statistically after 2 losses there not been shown to be any less chance of a successful pregnancy next time around. Unfortunately after 3 it does get a little worse but not horrifically. I think my main issue currently is that we don't get pregnant quickly - if I wasn't expecting to now have to try again for another 9 odd months and thought I could get pregnant within say the next 3, I'd feel a little more hopeful. I'm just waiting on all my scan, test and clinic appointments to come through the post now! At least that feels like something is happening, you know? Amongst all the waiting.

Oh no @13lucy I'm so sorry to read this, it's completely devestating for you. I do hope you can get some help now because of having multiple losses. Sending love, and a huge hug and some understanding. We are all here for you x

@HerbaceousPerennial well I hope you can give lovely Scotland that gold star and you hear back this week. Yeah it's a long time, I was able to access the basics of it online and it was a bit complicated lots of numbers but looks to me like everything is normal and my Google searches agree... when I eventually receive the letter it should clarify and explain everything. Aw I'm sorry, I understand what you mean, hitting an age milestone and not being where you should is really tough. Hoping af arrives for you when it's meant to so that you can start a nice fresh cycle and know where you are with everything x

Having all those tests will be good and I hope it gives you some clarity
I hope you don't have long too wait for this though @moosey89 x

@moosey89 just statistically seems so unlucky to have two in a row. Also even less likely for seeing a heartbeat and getting later on through the trimester. It's so unfair.

I know what you mean about it taking a while to conceive which means you already start looking so far ahead and time just passes even quicker. Need to try and stay positive though. How long do you think you'll be waiting for the referrals?

@Ladyinpink1 thank you. Going through the period of lots of tears. Finally told my parents today which feels like a weight off my shoulders. Just going to be really open about everything from now on. Apparently no help or tests until you have 3 miscarriages in a row, although I might still ask my GP if there is anything she recommends. Just can't believe I'm here all over again.

@13lucy completely agree with you - I've had heartbeats in all 3 of mine, confirmed miscarriages at 11, 10 and 8 weeks respectively followed by surgical management a few days later. It's so hard feeling that you're in this tiny minority (1-2%). If the risks for e.g an operation were 1-2% you'd assume you'd be ok!

I expect they'll take a few months to be honest - the fertility clinic one is reliant on quite a few tests first (and one of those I have to phone on day 1 of my cycle and see if there's space, if not phone back the next month and so on which sucks!). The reproductive immunology one I reckon will be 2-3 months for a letter, that's what my recurrent miscarriage one was. All takes so long 🙈 But we can't afford to pay for it all privately as my other half lost his job so money is tight.

You can ask your GP for some basic tests after 2 miscarriages, like thyroid function. See if you can get them on board with that as at least you can hopefully tick some causes off. Really hope it is just bad luck and third time is the charm for you - and that you don't have to wait too many cycles for that bfp!

@13lucy I just wanted to (gently) jump in to say that it’s so area dependent, but after my second MMC (like you, when I’d seen a good heartbeat - for me at 6&8 weeks but not at 10), EPU told me to ask my GP if they would do a basic round of blood tests, which they did. Guidelines for testing aren’t as clear cut as lots of people think. This page is useful, when you feel ready: https://www.tommys.org/baby-loss-support/miscarriage-information-and-support/tests-and-treatments-after-miscarriage/your-care-after-1-or-2-miscarriages

Lastly, consider also asking about mental health support which has been so helpful for me. Always here to chat if you want x

@moosey89 really hard to deal with and I'm also worried my irregular cycles could be an issue. Both times I concieved was with late ovulation and ended in MMC. Luckily my GP was great last time round so I had a few blood tests and an ultrasound. We are lucky that we could pay for some private investigations and planning to ask the consultant today (a different one) about this as a second opinion. Feel much better this time for telling my family and being open about it. I hope we both get BFP soon! Feels like my life is flashing before my eyes.

@Wise0wl thank you, I appreciate the information! Just so hard to think it's bad luck when it's consecutive. Did you have two in a row before this pregnancy? I think I will need to speak to someone but need someone who is specialised in that area.

@13lucy I did, I had a MMC identified in July last year, and then a second one in December (I was under EPU for the second one and had had good scans etc). My EPU referred me to PETALs which has been brilliant, and I think in some areas you can self refer there too. I know what you mean, one feels like bad luck but a second feels like there must be a reason - we did genetic testing and it came back clear. The only thing I did differently in the cycle before my most recent positive (now coming up to 16 weeks) was to exercise more again throughout the whole cycle, and after my December MMC I started taking CoQ10, I know it’s probably not helpful but I also spent hours scouring the internet for ideas for what I could do to feel more in control x

@Wise0wl interestingly I also exercised more the month I concieved, so I'm keen to keep it up after once I recover from surgery. What helped you feel more in control? I felt more positive this time with more noticeable symptoms and seeing a heartbeat, so it just doesn't make any sense.

@13lucy seeing the heartbeat and then it not working out is especially hard. I had a plan that was:

• start CoQ10 (me and DH) directly after my MVA
• move more
• not stop living ‘just in case’ (I’ve had to pay to move an expensive holiday now - but before I wasn’t able to plan my life ‘in case’ I was pregnant, which then was even harder when I wasn’t and I’d missed out on other things too)
• explore options for blood tests at the GP (or privately if not)
• If I wasn’t pregnant in two cycles then I was going to start acupuncture
• Consider a possible timeline for private fertility consultation
• when I got my positive test, I didn’t stop doing things (other than following pregnancy guidelines), and kept telling myself the fate of that baby was already mapped out and very little I did could impact it. So I kept exercising, kept seeing friends and living life really.

I don’t have any proper answers because the situation you’re in is totally unfair, completely heartbreaking and you don’t deserve it to have happened once, let alone twice. I rage about the lack of research and lack of support available to women experiencing pregnancy loss, it’s just not fair.

@Wise0wl thank you for sharing that, really insightful! Totally true that maybe we shouldn't give everything up and only focus solely on conceiving/pregnancy. Definitely need more balance in life than I've had recently. The MVA went well but camping a lot now and nearly threw up on the way home! Now time to focus on recovery. The consultant said to wait two cycles before TTC but I'm going to ignore than advice this time!

@13lucy second everything @Wise0wl has said. I’m waiting on results back from the GP for all the tests Tommy’s recommend plus one for insulin resistance due to my PCOS. Like you I’ve had two MMC in a row now, heartbeat for the second but first one was anembryonic. My GP was excellent and very sympathetic. I’ve also written a full plan (nerd alert) for how to cope this time round and interestingly a lot of the same points Owl mentioned. I can’t live like I did last time, I need to be ok regardless of what happens next, so I’m putting plans in place to try and cope. Honestly I’m still having bad days and good right now. Today is a good day, at least partly I think because AF is in the process of arriving so I can just stop thinking about TTC for a bit! Hope you are doing ok, glad the MVA is over and done with

Also as a general recommendation I found Dr Regan’s book ‘Miscarriage: what every woman needs to know’ quite helpful. It’s quite medical but I like that. Lots of useful information and generally very reassuring. Also a bit of anecdata: I know several women in real life who have had two miscarriages back to back then a healthy baby (or two!). I know the official stat is 2.3% then 1% for three or more miscarriages but certainly in my circles it seems to be more common than that. The odds are still good for a healthy baby for us all and I am desperately holding on to that right now!

Hi ladies, I’ve been MIA for a few months since my MMC in April at 11w. I hope you’re all doing ok considering the rubbish circumstances. After my MMC I was meant to be having the surgical option but I passed the foetus at home. Bang on 30 days after the passing of the baby, I got my period which lasted longer than normal (about 10 days). I’ve had a full cycle with an ovulation on day 16 (normal for me) and started my period again yesterday.

I’m feeling deflated. For some idiotic reason I’d convinced myself I’d be pregnant again quickly. I had a string of 3 MC before I got pregnant with DS 7 years ago with my ex partner. Always got pregnant again within the first full cycle.

Im 36 now and I guess about 1.5 stone heavier. I’ve bought It Starts With The Egg and will switch to a Mediterranean diet immediately. I’m taking metformin, myo-inositol and aspirin for my PCOS which worked last time and dr says to stay on it. I’m also on 50mg of thyroxine for a higher than normal TSH.

I’m now blaming my weight for not getting pregnant straight away. I’m a size 12, not big but also could do with losing a stone or two. Has anyone had success with TTC and weight loss?

Sorry forgot to tag you @13lucy That's rubbish no help after 2! I'm sorry you were having some upset days, but good as well to let it out rather than build up Telling your parents must have been tough but hopefully easier now that they know.
How are you feeling now physically? I also agree with what others said, I went to GP while waiting for ither tests and requested bloods, they can do quite a few things... thyroid, full blood count, iron, antibodies, b12 and maybe something else I couldn't remember. Anyway having this gave me the confidence to ttc in the meantime while waiting on the full tests. x

It's so tough having multiple losses, especially 3 for you 💜 @moosey89 and having the heartbeat confirmed you start to get a tiny feeling of hope. How are you doing now? I'm glad they are going to give you tests and I hope you get some clarity from them. Sorry about the job, that's a really tough time for you both. I read lots about statistics etc but I believe they are skewed, I mean even look on this site, the amount of people who have had multiple losses and it's meant to be rare. I have noticed that all of us are trying to be better by eating better and healthier with vitamins etc so my "ladyinpink" statistics are that we all have a great chance for next time 🙂🌈 x

@Wise0wl lovely to see you are almost 16 weeks, this gives me some hope. Also some motivation to exercise more lol x

@HerbaceousPerennial How are you doing? Glad af arriving is making you feel a little better, it really does take the pressure off a bit, doesn't it. I think your plan sounds like a good idea and like it's really safeguarding your mental health. I like to hear things like that, it is encouraging that women you know have had 2 losses then a healthy baby.
I hope you have more good days as time passes x

@Jellybelly888 Passing at home is awful, I experienced this too, sending love. I know what you mean, I think a few of us on here have been waiting alot longer than anticipated.. it's that whole "you are more fertile the 3 months after" myth that gets your hopes up.
Mediterranean diet is so good for your overall health, I hope it brings you success! Also trying to loose some weight, during my obsessing, I looked at the last times I concieved and I was lighter, so I have been trying to be good, and earing healthy... I have a little more to go but I keep being very bad at the weekend (Dominoes last night and leftovers today lol) x

@samilicious how are you doing? Where are you now in cycle, I think you might be in the tww? Hoping cycle 11 is the one for us! How have you been feeling this cycle? I am on cd9, so I'm in the "relaxed stage" before the craziness atm. I ordered the NAC from Amazon we were talking about, so have been taking that along with the millions of other vits... does yours smell really weird? lol x

@Ladyinpink1 I'm so glad I've told them as it's like a weight off my shoulders. I'm feeling ok, just very tired and occasional cramping. The bleeding has pretty much stopped. I was in so much pain about an hour after the MVA though, unreal cramps and threw up. The only way I could deal with it was to be in the bath! Not sure if that's normal or not but wasn't my experience last time round. It's worried me a bit as I felt a sharp pain on the right side during the procedure and it lasted until that evening. Hoping it's nothing bad! It was the same consultant who did my last MVA for retained tissue so I felt confident about her doing it as I didn't have any issues last time. I've got a call with the GP this week so hopefully get things moving and consider private testing.

@Jellybelly888 it's really hard isn't it. I saw a time to conception calculator online (same website that does the miscarriage calculator) and that gave me more realistic expectations about timeframes for conceiving. Think it was 67% would conceive at 6 months for my age which turned out about right for us. Hoping it isn't that long next time. I'm so frustrated to be back to BBT/OPKs again!

@Ladyinpink1 I like the cut of your jib! Agreed, surely we must have better stats given the amount of healthy eating, exercise, and vitamin taking we’re all doing. Hopefully the maca helps you this time round 🤞 I’m currently trying not to think about the fact it’ll probably be nearly a month until I ovulate - but I can’t rely on it being as long as that either. I’m weird as I’ve had so few periods really in my life I always feel slightly proud of my body when I manage one, for me it’s a nice sign this has come when I expected it as well, my cycles being slightly more predictable makes a bit difference to me. Smashed a tube of Pringles last night and had three almond croissants today but we’ve got to have some treats too, living by the 80/20 rule on healthy eating (my mental health needs carbs so basically healthy if you look at it that way right?)

@Jellybelly888 hello fellow PCOSer! Our paths have crossed before and you’ve given me some helpful advice, I’m sorry you find yourself here. I’ve heard very positive things for conception by dropping 5% of your body weight for PCOS but that only holds for folk who are overweight and whose cycles are irregular and it sounds like that doesn’t apply to you? I think it helps the insulin regulate basically and the metformin and inositol are obviously already doing that. I’ve found I fall pregnant quickest when I am at the heavier end of healthy weight, so BMI about 23. I have (touch wood) fallen pregnant relatively quickly for both miscarriages too, but my pregnancy with my son it took a while longer (6 months, which was actually only cycle 2 in that case, so I suppose fast depending on how you look at it!). I am trying to not get my hopes up that I’ll fall quickly again, I keep telling myself I’m looking for quality not speed. But it’s very, very hard, especially as I feel I get fewer shots than others so missing one feels like a big deal (ovulate roughly every 6 weeks but can be longer).

@13lucy I’m glad you are feeling ok, hope you are taking good care of yourself and having a chilled weekend. Makes a massive difference being able to trust the medical team. Thinking of you

Hello! How is everyone doing?

I’ve been catching up on the thread and I’m so so sorry to hear about your second loss @13lucy. I really hope you’re doing as okay as you can be just now. You’re in the right place for support 💜

I’m at 7dpo in my first proper cycle after my MMC back in April. We were great with timing this month so I’m really keeping my fingers crossed but equally realise how lucky it would be if I fell again so quickly, so trying to stay level headed.

I have quite strong shooting pains in my nipples this evening 😅 Anyone else experienced that in a pregnant or non-pregnant cycle? It’s a first for me I think!

@purplecolouroffunk thank you. Finding it quite difficult at the moment. Lots of what if's on my mind and blaming myself - should have started a family sooner, should have taken aspirin, did I overdo it the weekend before the miscarriage, will I be able to carry to term etc etc. Still can't comprehend having two losses in a row, especially with seeing a strong heartbeat and that supposedly dropping the risk to less than 10%. Worried about the future too and how long it will take to get pregnant and whether the op could cause any issues. Feeling very broken and in limbo until we can try again. Sorry for the intense message but need to get how I'm feeling out there as although I'm trying to stay positive, my mind is a mess and I'm hurting deep inside.

@13lucy as I've not had a successful pregnancy I can't give any specific advice on what to do next time, all I can say is you're not alone in how you feel. I get those thoughts on and off all the time.

The limbo and waiting is one of the worst parts for me - there's nothing you can do to control it or speed things up, and that feels really cruel that you have to spend so much time just waiting and waiting and not knowing what the future will hold.

Please don't blame yourself though - with the exception of heavy drug and alcohol use, there's basically nothing you can do to cause a miscarriage (which is also why they can't do anything to stop miscarriages when they happen). It's just a horrible cruel part of nature. When you think about how complicated the whole process of growing a new human from scratch is, it's a miracle it goes right as much as it does!

Sending you the biggest hugs - hang in there, time really does help to allow you to enjoy the good bits of life again whilst living in all this uncertainty xx

@moosey89 yeh so many complex emotions and it makes each day feel difficult to bear at the moment so trying to soldier on through. Just crazy that it seems to work out for so many people and it doesn't make sense why it can happen so many times to others. I feel so much anger and pain at the moment. Thank you for your supportive message and for reminding me that I will get through this. I think you're doing an amazing job with staying positive.

@13lucy If it helps, I was the opposite of positive after my second. I managed to rationalise away my first loss - wasn't the right time etc but the second one I was furious, everything was "right", why couldn't I have my baby, why was it taken away from me as (like you said) so many others get theirs? This third loss has hit different and it's more anger about having to start again, again.

And somehow we're meant to keep going with every day life because "nothing has changed" for anyone except us - there's no visible reason for us to not get on with life. It's not like the loss of someone who has lived where you share that experience and grief with others, which makes it more 'real' to the outside world.

We're definitely in it together in this thread - we understand and have each others' backs. I'm keeping everything crossed that next time comes soon and is better news for all of us xx