CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #3

[Ladyinpink1]

I went to reply and you were right, the thread was full so I couldnt post a link to a new thread, also, because it's a new thread it wont give me a prediction to tag when I type a name, so I have just copied and paste the names off of everyone who posted on the very last page of the thread, I hope anyone else can find it OK. Sorry, maybe there is an easier better way... if anyone else can remember extra names and spellings, please tag 🙂

@samilicious

@Wise0wl

@ThelastRolo20

@13lucy

@Bugdem123

@HerbaceousPerennial

@Ladyinpink1 it's at a private place, EPU would only scan if I've got symptoms or had 2 miscarriages. About £70 for a scan which feels worth it right now!

I'm so sorry about your bfn, it's just the worst feeling especially after your hormones giving you all of those hopeful symptoms, I hope it's just too early with you being on cd24.
Mood swings are the worst, I suffer terribly with my hormones too and it really knocks your whole day off doesn't it, I hope one way or another you get clarity very soon.
I'm ok, Just feeling totally normal now and have been checking my cm which is the same as every other cycle which has me feeling a little deflated. x

Definitely worth it, @13lucy hope to hear back with an update after your scan x

@13lucy deffo worth it for the private scan to set your mind at ease! My EPU are the same

@Ladyinpink1 yes I feel like I'm being very slowly crushed by a giant rock at the moment. Very likely I'm going to lose my job / company will go bump in the next week or two as well after getting some insider info. I'm still rooting for you this cycle! Especially with our new CM doesn't mean much knowledge xxx

I'm so sorry @samilicious , that's alot you have going on. I really hope the insider info is wrong about your job.
Do you have anything planned for this weekend? If not, could you plan something nice to have something to look forward to?
Sending a hug and lots of understanding xxxx

Oh @samilicious I’m sorry, that sucks, both about the BFN and about your job. Not what you need right now. Are there good opportunities out there for your role at the moment? Life is so bloody wearing sometimes. The hormones are horrendous. If it’s any comfort I was sniffing like a bloodhound on the bus this morning because I could smell SOMETHING I didn’t like and I didn’t know what. So my hormones are in overdrive as well. No AF and 99% sure I’m not pregnant but going to do a test tomorrow anyway just to be sure. Have to keep reminding myself it’s only been 4 weeks since I miscarried, feels like a lifetime ago.

@13lucy good luck for the scan, definitely worth the £70

@Ladyinpink1 I always associate pineapple with you now! Deeply proud of the salad 😁 I didn’t know about the dark chocolate, adding that to the online shopping order… I feel you with the desperation, it’s just brutal waiting and waiting. I had a rage about someone’s accidental pregnancy yesterday, not to them obviously, I don’t really know them anyway but it just feels so unfair. Still keeping everything crossed for you though

@HerbaceousPerennial it's awful waiting on af and not being 100% when it will turn up. Yes I feel anoyed about things like that too... it really is unfair. And with my first dc, I was that person, it happened right away and I swaned my way through pregnancy with my head in the clouds, dc2 was 5 months but head still in the clouds . Little did I know lol. And with now ttc this baby, I actually waited to ttc for the right time for the "perfect age gap" kicking myself for that now.
Thank you, I am so hopeful, but at the same time, at this point I actually can't imagine it happening and seeing those 2 lines ifkwim. If this cycle isn't a success I will try angus castus again.
Do you have any plans or changes in mind? x

Hope you are ok @samilicious x

@HerbaceousPerennial / @Ladyinpink1 have you had any pregnancy loss counselling? I was referred through my EPU to Petals and it’s been so helpful. Today I was saying that I thought being pregnant would make some of the negative feelings go away but they’ve just morphed into feeling angry that other people fall pregnant easily, have those blissful pregnancies and have no reason not to believe a positive test won’t end with a healthy baby. It was so helpful to normalise those feelings and get reassurance that it’s ok to feel like this, that life isn’t fair and some of us got dealt a shitty hand. Sending lots of love to you both and you too @samilicious - I can’t imagine how tough your juggle is at the mo x

@Wise0wl that sounds like a good way to process your thoughts. It's turned me into such a jealous and angry person, especially as my first pregnancy was a miscarriage. I've had counselling but the counsellor doesn't really get it if you know what I mean - said in the past you would think an early miscarriage was a period! That wasn't my experience! I think speaking to someone who specialises in it would be really helpful and agree that being pregnant again doesn't resolve it.

@13lucy I can’t believe they said that to you!! I got real reassurance that people who suffer pregnancy loss start with negative feelings, then move to being productive (eg advocating for pregnancy loss charities, raising awareness etc) and then eventually move to being even more empathetic than they were before. I’m quite far from being at the empathy point still!

@Ladyinpink1 I solemnly swear to moan less next cycle 😂 trying to not do much this weekend, just chill at home and pray for sunshine. AF due tomorrow, haven't tested since 10DPO but not fancying my chances. How about you?

@HerbaceousPerennial it's pretty dire out there tbh for part time stuff and childcare is going to be tricky to sort last minute but I'm sure I'll find something / figure it out. Trying not to panic too much, until the hormones hit 😂 your bloodhound sniffing is very interesting, do you usually get that around af? I've only ever had that as a pregnancy symptom. Did you test today?

@Wise0wl your experiences of therapy sound so good. I'm tempted to go back again. Can't afford private but BPAS offered it to me after my procedure and said I could have it any time after. Last time I went to counselling few years back, I felt fine but work kind of made me because I was off sick, but it worked wonders and I conceived not long after (after months of trying). Hopefully helping you be more relaxed by getting stuff of your chest this time

@13lucy your counsellor sounds rubbish! Not what you want to hear. On the Counsellors Directory you can pick someone who specialises in miscarriage, if you were looking outside a charity

@Wise0wl I know! I don't think it was meant in a bad way, but she definitely didn't understand. The counselling still helped generally but I think more specialised support would been best. You're not alone in being far from the empathy point! I do find I'm more open about it all now which is a big step for me.

@samilicious it was on the NHS so didn't get a choice at the time but something I'd specifically ask for in hindsight. Sorry that you're going through a tough time - a chilled weekend sounds nice!

@Wise0wl no I haven't spoke to anyone, I was given info for a bereavement midwife to speak from the epu but I never phoned, literally the only people I talk to about it all are you guys. Technically you could all be sending me a bill for your time spent counselling 😆
I'm really glad you found it so helpful, as you said things get even more complicated once pregnant x

@samilicious Don't worry about any sort of complaining, we all do it and that's why this thread is so good, we all understand each stage and how we feel. I think af was due yesterday for you? How are you today? Hope you got the sunshine you were hoping for where you live, it's turned lovely and sunny here. I'm ok, my cm did get less than normal the last few days and I have sone light cramps but I have had light cramps at this stage on many non preg cycles and I could attribute the maca to the dif cm I promised myself i would wait and not test but I tested today, 8dpo, bfn. Feel sick at the thought of testing tomorrow and seeing that bfn again, so might try to wait to closer to af so it's easier to deal with x

@Wise0wl yeah I had specialist PCOS fertility counselling privately last time, it was really beneficial and I think possibly the reason I’m doing ok after this one. DH thinks I should set up some more sessions but I just really don’t feel like it, I’m not sure why. Maybe too soon still or maybe she did too good a job last time! I too thought being pregnant would fix how I felt and of course it really didn’t. Hope you are doing ok.

@samilicious oh gosh, that sounds really stressful work wise and especially with your MIL out of action. Please moan away, that is what we are here for! No the smell thing is usually a pregnancy symptom for me too, I think it’s just miscarriage symptoms settling down still, my boobs are sore too which ironically I don’t normally have with pregnancy! No AF but I have been testing LH and that’s been rising. Last time I fell pregnant it ‘peaked’ about two weeks before ovulation so not a reliable sign for me anyway plus I am now worrying about my eggs ‘over maturing’ if my LH levels are consistently high for a while (no scientific evidence but I read it online so thanks internet). How are you feeling today, AF turned up? I’m currently enjoying the sun, unusual for Scotland!

@Ladyinpink1 I actually went to the GP on Friday and she was fantastic. Really sympathetic and I’m having blood tests for antiphospholipid, thyroid, vitamins and crucially for insulin resistance, which is the one I’m worried about for the PCOS. Just knowing I’ll rule out (or in!) a lot of the treatable causes for miscarriage is so reassuring. Then if I have another miscarriage I’ll know I’ve done what I can. Just feel really well supported which really helps. I also ordered some osmanthus tea, just because I like it and it remind me of mine and DH’s trip to china, but apparently it’s recommended for fertility problems in Chinese medicine so bonus! I’ll cancel your counselling bill if you’ll cancel my bill for vitamin recommendations and research 😂 8dpo is still really early to test. Did you test today?

@HerbaceousPerennial That's great you are getting all of those tests done, yes I agree it is more reasurring knowing that all tests are good and you have done everything to prepare for best chances. Sorry things aren't clear yet for you with your cycle, hopefully very soon.
Ooh the tea sounds interesting, I will need to go research this. China sounds amazing, did you go for long?

Ha ha, ok deal, that's us even then. Yes I'm 8dpo today, I have had a bfp at 8dpo previously, it was very light, but still there x

@13lucy rubbish :( so hard to try counselling then to have a crap experience is extra off putting

@Ladyinpink1 how you doing? Yeah AF came yesterday on time, thankful to her for that! Rubbish you got a BFN. 8DPO still early and got some good signs, if not maybe the maca will just take a few cycles to work its magic 😊

@HerbaceousPerennial what was china like?! Definitely something in eastern medicine! Rubbish that your MC symptoms are still going - that and PCOS must be exhausting. With you on all the vitamin spending 😅 supposed to take 3-6 months to do their thing as well so going to rack up over time

Next cycle: I ordered an older refurb Apple Watch that tracks temp for you for ovulation on a pay monthly thing, but still not going to test or anything from now on or track my cycle days too much. This time was too much 😅 killed me off again. Also signed up for slimming world online for a month of hardcore healthy eating, and the Tommy's 60 miles for June challenge. Trying not trying we go again 😅 also got a call with gp again a week in Monday, got all tests back from me and DH and they're clear. Going to request a hysteroscopy as well to check for Ashermans as I had a later stage removal of stuff so it's more common.

@samilicious I'm glad af arrived on time for you, I hope mine comes right on time, everything feels better once it starts. Ooh the watch sounds good, how nice to have it temp for you, and slimming world for the month too, sounds like you are all set up with good plans for this month and giving yourself a great chance. What cd are you on now? That's great news about you and dh tests, I hope ypu get good news from the next one too x

bfn for me this morning so I'm out for this cycle. I am ok but a little deflated feeling because I felt symptoms with my cm changing and the light cramps and because now i'm going onto cycle 11. Going to try mapa again this next cycle but try to remember to not overthink every twinge (impossible I think lol)

Hope everyone else is ok and had a good weekend x

Is it possible to get a positive after 14dpo? Af was due today and I got negative but not fmu and diluted urine. I got sore boobs, on and off nausea and occasional mild cramps past few days.

@emmatcc1 I’m not sure to be honest, I think it can happen but that can sometimes be because you’ve actually ovulated later than originally thought. So definitely not a no, but in my experience it is unusual I’m afraid, a pregnancy would normally show up by that stage. Hope you are doing ok.

@Ladyinpink1 oh I’m so sorry, I really felt hopeful for this month for you. Glad you are doing ok if a bit disappointed. It’s so difficult not to symptom spot and get a little bit hopeful. I hope AF turns up on time. Fingers crossed for Mac’s next month. I think the osmanthus tea is only worth trying if you actually enjoy it, I love it and it brings back lots of happy memories for me. It’s got a sort of peachy flavour, you can get green or oolong and the tea is dried with the osmanthus flowers which gives the flavour. You can buy just the dried flowers for cooking with too I think.

@samilicious wow this sounds a hardcore month! That’s great you’re doing an event for Tommy’s, how does it work? Good news about your tests too albeit frustrating. A hysteroscopy sounds a good plan, hoping it comes back clear too. I think there’s a lot of value in getting your mind put at rest. I’m trying really hard to not try, what a contradiction in terms! I’m finding it ok at the moment, GP gently said to me it’s what they recommend so I’m trying to bear that in mind. It makes sense from a mental health point of view.

DH and I went to china about ten years ago and it was incredible, all these contrasts between stunning beauty and really ugly, old and new. DH did the Great Wall of china marathon and we stayed in a really bizarre hotel which was built just as china was opening up but was now falling into rack and ruin, it had an entire concrete indoor jungle complete with streams. We were in just ordinary town for that bit then took ourselves off travelling around to some of the big cities. We only got scammed twice so we did quite well 😂

Yes I had felt very hopeful too @HerbaceousPerennial , I have never tested so much before as I have these past days lol. I love iced peach tea so I bet I will enjoy it, happy to try anything at this point lol. How are you feeling?
Only being scammed twice is good lol. Wow that sounds so amazing, the holiday of a lifetime I bet. Will you be going away anywhere this year? x

I still feel cramps and less cm so I took a first response last night and it had a line on it, although the line is light, i took the test apart and it definitely has a pink colour in it (I don't want to post a picture as i know how triggering it can be) ... but all my cheap tests are 100% negative and i have used the same cheap ones with every pregnancy and always had a bfp from 8 or 9 dpo so I just know that I'm not pregnant.
I think it's a false positive on the first response or else from my research it's going to be a chemical because the hcg only rises a tiny bit then stops because it's not fully successfully implanted, either way, I just want my af to hurry up and arrive now. The other thing is the first response was use by Feb 2024 (had it for ages waiting for a bfp lol) so maybe it can read positive after expiring. Sorry for the essay guys, I don't talk about this to anyone else. x

@Ladyinpink1 might be just my experience but don't think I'd get FR again after I got that evap line. It had pink in it too. Absolutely devastated me. I used to use them religiously. Sorry you saved it then had this result - they're so annoying.
Also rubbish you're (maybe) out this cycle. I think after being more relaxed for a bit we thought our efforts would come good this cycle, proper deflating to try stuff and then it not work. Sounds like you're staying pretty positive with it though. My goal for next AF is to not have a total meltdown 😂 I have improved by limiting my meltdown to one day, but it was a very bad day. In that book it says that any vitamins / lifestyle changes etc can take 3-6 months to come into affect. I feel like I just want to do stuff to keep the momentum up with these different things. So good to keep on with the maca. I'm not tracking my cd now but I'm coming to the end of AF. Really want to step away from TTC in my head this cycle - my hobby social account is full of ads for TTC stuff, everyone I know if pregnant. Just want to enjoy the summer, think about it as little as possible but still do stuff to improve my chances which I wasn't doing before. See how this goes 🤪

@emmatcc1 I'm not sure - mine have always been at least a squinter around 12DPO. Have you tested since?

@HerbaceousPerennial I'm glad the GP was helpful and gentle in their suggestions. They're under so much pressure, not always the most gentle. Haha only got scammed twice?! How did they scam you? The Tommy's thing is just through their website / socials, you sign up and there's a link to create a just giving page that goes straight to them. I'm matching some of the money for a Gaza fund too.

@samilicious Well I took my temp early at 5am and it was 36.4, then when I woke up again couple hours late I measured again at the usual time and it was 37. My skin still feels too hot for af but I have brown cm. Boobs are still sore and nausea still here.

@emmatcc1 have you tested? Maybe buy a more sensitive test? Could ovulation have been later than you thought?

@samilicious No I’m 100% sure on ovulation. The tests I have are supposed to be 10miu, I’m gonna wait as I’m sure this is just another odd period.

@emmatcc1 hope you get answers soon either way lovely! The waiting game is the worst